Being thus in melting mood, Mr. G. suddenly turned upon inoffensive
JESSE COLLINGS, who had been saying a few words, and almost literally
rent him into, fragments. Scarcely anything left of him but benevolent
though feeble smile.
_Business Done._--Very little in Committee on Home-Rule Bill.
_Tuesday Night._--AMBROSE, Q.C., roused at last. House known him for
eight years; only to-night learned that it has been cherishing upon
its bosom a sleeping volcano. Following fortunes of Conservative
leaders, AMBROSE has crossed and re-crossed floor, always taking
up seat about centre of Bench immediately behind PRINCE ARTHUR;
has occasionally risen thence and offered a few observations.
Characteristic of him that he was born in a Cathedral town; is a
Bencher of the Middle Temple.
Persuasion tips his tongue whene'er he'll talk,
And he has Chambers near the King's Bench Walk.
These things we knew; but not till to-night came discovery how
persuasive AMBROSE can be.
It was the Tenth Clause of the Home-Rule Bill that roused the
(attorney's) devil in him. Fact that Clause II. was under discussion,
and consequently out of order to debate Clause X., an incident of
no consequence, except that it indirectly supplied incentive to his
passionate eloquence, and led to disclosure of the true AMBROSE. When
he approached Clause X., cries of "Order! Order!" interrupted. The
Chairman recalled him to consideration of Clause II. He came back,
said a few words on amendment, then was off again at Clause X.,
pursued by howls. Had got a start, and kept it through some moments of
thunderous excitement. Waved his arms, thumped his papers; shouted
at top of voice; House still howling; Chairman on feet ineffectually
protesting. "Glad to see the SOLICITOR-GENTLEMAN in his place," he
observed, in one of the temporary pauses, (RIGBY usually alluded to as
the SOLICITOR-GENERAL, but AMBROSE, once started in new character, was
lavish in originality.) "Need I go further?" he asked, a few moments
later. House, with one accord, shouted "No!" "Now Sir," he added,
waving his notes in face of Chairman, "I've done with the Tenth
Clause." But he hadn't; its mastery over him was irresistible, even
uncanny. "I should like to know what the SOLICITOR-GENERAL" (got
it right this time) "if he were at liberty to speak" (this with a
withering glance at Mr. G.), "would say about the Tenth Clause?"
A roar angrier than ever burst forth; shouts of "Name! Name!"
persistently heard above uproar; Chairman on his feet, with hands
outstretched; crisis evidently arrived; AMBROSE will be named to a
dead certainty; suspended, and, perhaps, in addition to his bench
at the Middle Temple, will have one provided for him in Clock Tower.
Would like to have said few more words on Tenth Clause, but numbers
against him overwhelming. So wildly waved his notes in sort of forlorn
despairing farewell, and resumed his seat. Incident created profound
sensation.
"It's all very well CHAMBERLAIN insisting on keeping this
thing going," said PRINCE ARTHUR, anxiously; "but I have my
responsibilities. If Debate at this comparatively early stage thus
affects a man like AMBROSE, where shall we all be in another week?"
_Business done._--Still on Clause II.
_Wednesday._--Pretty to see GORST just now balancing MACARTNEY'S hat
by brim on tip of his nose. Looks easy enough when done by an
expert; those inclined to scoff at the accomplishment should try it
themselves. Opportunity came suddenly, and unexpectedly. No ground for
supposing GORST had been practising the trick in the Cloak-room before
entering House. No collusion; all fair and above-board--or, rather,
above nose. Came about as incident in Committee on Home-Rule Bill.
JOKIM, taking part in game of Chairman-baiting, challenged MELLOR'S
ruling on putting Motion to Report Progress. House being cleared for a
Division, rules of debate require Member to address Chair seated, and
wearing his hat. What would happen to British Constitution if, in
such circumstances, Member rose and addressed SPEAKER or Chairman in
ordinary fashion, Heaven only knows. No mere man bold enough to try
it. Even Mr. G., who has Disestablished a Church, and now tampers with
Unity of the Empire, shrinks before this temptation.
JOKIM, making his complaint, got along all right. Performed task
in due form; MELLOR justified his action; GORST proposed to follow.
Hadn't got his hat with him; but that of no consequence, since JOKIM
was at hand. "Lend me one of your hats," he whispered hurriedly to his
Right Hon. Friend.
"What do you mean?" said JOKIM. "I've only one."
"Oh!" said GORST, raising his eyebrows with polite incredulity.
MACARTNEY, sitting behind, proffered his. GORST planted it on his
head; found it three sizes too small; still, if he held on to it,
he might manage. "Mr. MELLOR," he commenced, but got no further
with projected speech. Attention of House drawn to him his dilemma
discovered: shout of laughter burst forth as hat gradually tilted
forward, and GORST, deftly catching it by brim on tip of his nose,
balanced it for fifteen seconds by Westminster Clock. Chairman seized
opportunity of abstracted attention to put question, and when GORST,
recapturing MACARTNEY'S hat, had fixed it again on summit of his head,
division was called; too late for him to speak.
_Business done._--Second Clause Home Rule Bill added.
[Illustration: Mr. G.'s "Table-Talk."]
_Friday._--Treasury Chest Bill on for Third Reading. Has since
introduction wrought singular effect upon HANBURY. Nobody knows what
Bill is about, least of all HANBURY; but he has opposed it at every
stage. Yesterday divided Committee on First Clause; returns to attack
to-day. "Better let us get away for our hardly-earned holiday," I
said.
"That's very well for you, TOBY," said HANBURY, beating his chest
in default of getting at the Treasury's; "but there's a dark mystery
under this business which I mean to fathom. You remember the case of
another chest and its weird associations?
'Fifteen men on a dead man's chest--
Ho! Ho! Ho! and a bottle of rum.'
HARCOURT may, or may not, have been one of the fifteen. I'm not quite
clear on that point. Indeed I'm somewhat muddled in the main; but I
suspect the SQUIRE is up to some deed of infamy, and I have done my
best to plumb its slimy depths."
Bill passed nevertheless; other business wound up, and so off for
holidays. _Business done._--House adjourned for Whitsun Recess.
* * * * *
THE REAL "REJECTED ADDRESSES."--Those that cannot be deciphered at the
General Post Office.
* * * * *