["Mr. PEMBER, Q.C., before the Committee of the County Council
General Powers Bill, put in a claim, on behalf of the New
River and other Companies, that the water of the River Lea is
the absolute property of the Companies!"
_Daily Chronicle._]
_Is_ it, by thunder?
With solemn wonder
I'll often think of
That sounding claim;
And oft remember
How Mister PEMBER
(_He_'s a "hot member"!)
Put in the same.
On this I ponder:
Where'er I wander,
"From here to yonder,"
I'm sure to see,
Whate'er I stand on,
Wealth lays its hand on,
As on the water
Of the River Lea.
I've had _one_ mouthful.
But, though of drouth full,
I trust I'll never
Another swallow.
I've tried the tide
Of Thames, Medway, Clyde,
But unstrained Lea-water,
It licks 'em hollow.
I know that river
Set me a-shiver,
Upset my liver,
And made me ill,
When, on it punting,
Some cads, sport-hunting,
Driving into me,
Gave me a spill.
My memory, dwelling
On that ill-smelling
And muddy throatful
Revolts. Ah me!
That awful vision!
That dread collision
With the rowdy boatful
On the River Lea!
But, goodness gracious!
If river spacious
By Co.'s owdacious,
Can thus be claimed,
I have a notion
The wide blue ocean
As "absolute property"
May soon be named.
Who need be caring
For the Sea of Behring?
We shall have them sharing
The broad Atlantic.
Whilst the Bay of Biscay
(Like a keg of whiskey)
Will be shared and lotted
By financiers frantic!
O sublime monopolist,
You're truly top o' list!
Where _will_ you stop? Oh, list,
One word from me!
_Too_ big claims abandon.
You may lay your hand on
The unpleasant waters
Of the muddy Lea,
But in every quarter
Of Earth, Air, Water,
If _too_ strong you "come it"
(As you seem inclined),
There will be a shindy;
And you'll find it--windy
Upon "Proputty's" summit,
If you do not mind.
On that peak you'd plant 'em,
Your claws, bold Bantam,
But I spy a phantom
Which you may not see,
Which may scare you slightly,
Should you grip _too_ tightly
The unpleasant waters
Of the River Lea!
* * * * *
[Illustration: _James._ "YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, SIR, BUT I WISHED TO HASK
YOU IF YOU COULD SPARE ME FOR A HOUR OR TWO TO-MORRER MORNIN'?"
_Employer._ "WHAT'S IT FOR, JAMES?"
_James._ "WELL, SIR, I WISH TO CONSULT A DENTIS', I 'AVE A 'OLLOW
TOOTH 'ERE, WHICH GIVES ME HAWFUL PAIN; AN' IT'S ONLY WITH GREAT
HEFFORT THAT I CAN MANAGE TO _DOMESTICATE_ MY FOOD!"]
* * * * *