“This is the way you are going to do it. I have got you an engagement at
the Piazza-Vecchia, where you will certainly make a great success.”
Dismayed by these words, I blushed, I trembled, and, concealing some of
my trouble, I exclaimed—
“But the thing would be impossible. Don’t you know, father, that the
presence of two or three lookers-on is enough to confuse me when I am
taking my lessons?”
Vain subterfuge.
“Make a beginning,” he said harshly; “after you’ve done it a few times
you’ll find all the courage you need.”
There was one last expedient left me. I flew to my mother and, with
tears, begged her to remember how often she had told me that actresses
deserved the most profound contempt. You may judge of my astonishment
when I heard her answer thus—
“It was so formerly, my daughter; nowadays all that is changed; on
the contrary, those ladies are admired and loved by everybody, and if
they sing well they gain great wealth, and even sometimes marry great
noblemen.”
After that I saw there was nothing more to hope for; my doom was fixed
and my misfortune inevitable.
I was made to study my part, which my unwillingness made a very slow
business, and when the day for acting it arrived, my parents themselves
came to introduce me.
When my turn came I found it impossible to open my mouth. My youth and
my simplicity stirred the pity of the whole audience, while my father
endeavoured to express his displeasure and anger to me by frightful
grimaces, which at last forced me to stammer out a few notes.
The spectators made the building echo with their loud cries of _brava!
brava! coraggio!_ and at the end of the play several ladies of quality
asked to see me, praising me repeatedly and lavishing all sorts of
endearments upon me.
All the time the carnival lasted I was compelled to carry out the painful
task imposed on me. One day, having tried to play the invalid, my father
discovered the trick, and made me pay for it so dear that I did not again
think of making that sort of excuse.
God alone knows how delighted I was when my engagement came to an end;
but, alas! the relief was a short one. After a few months’ rest, my
father announced to me that I was about to have the honour of appearing
on a larger stage, adding that everything was arranged and settled and
there was nothing left for me but to obey his orders.
The news came upon me like a clap of thunder. Putting aside my
nervousness, I felt myself degraded and debased.
More especially did I feel ashamed when I heard the actresses saying to
one another: “It is disparaging to us to have the daughter of a constable
put amongst us.”
At this period I had two brothers and one sister, three little tyrants
all of whose whims I had to humour; for if I made the smallest objection
my mother encouraged them to abuse me and beat me, and throw stones at
me. Fed and brought up delicately, nothing was good enough for them;
but I had no difficulty, nevertheless, in realizing that they were being
prepared for no better fate than mine, and they, too, were destined for
my degrading profession.
Too unfortunate already in that I belonged to such a family, I was far
from expecting fresh troubles, when my father read aloud to us the
following letter, which he had just received, addressed to me—
“I have seen you, you beautiful star, and listened to the melodious tones
of your angelic voice; they have intoxicated my heart. I implore you, my
angel, to come at ten o’clock to the least frequented walls of the town;
there you will receive the faithful promises of your unknown adorer.”
This letter sent us into fits of laughter; my father alone was angry,
and declared that if he could discover the impertinent author of such an
anonymous letter he would severely punish him for his temerity.
The next day a messenger asked for me at the door. My father went in my
stead, had a long talk with him, and I heard nothing further about it,
till one day, having dressed me up like a goddess and given me all my
mother’s rings—carefully reduced in size with wax—to wear, I was told
of the coming visit of an illustrious personage whom I was ordered to
welcome.
At his arrival my parents bent themselves nearly double to show their
respect, and motioned me to do the same.
I was inclined to mockery and could hardly contain myself, when I saw
enter an old greybeard, from behind whose few and discoloured teeth came
forth an offensive breath.
He was dressed in a blue coat braided with red, and wore a little white
cloak with gold fringe, over which hung a thin queue, an ell long.
This gentleman, who, moreover, was stout, and might have been a
fine-enough-looking man in his earlier years, introduced himself as Lord
Newborough, an English nobleman, and, as he entered, told me he had come
solely for the pleasure of hearing me sing.
How great was my reluctance to do as he asked! With what bad grace I sang!
My _bravura_ ended, I made some excuse and retired.
A few days later milord appeared again; his visits became more and more
frequent; soon they were daily.
Each time he talked to me of his wealth; boasted of his immense
possessions; gave me the most magnificent descriptions of England; and
was constantly repeating that he was a widower with only one son.
His Italian was so bad that I should never have understood his jargon
without my father’s help.
I understood no better why I was always so well got-up, so adorned with
jewels and diamonds. When I asked the reason, I was told that all this
finery would induce the great lord to increase the value of the presents
he could not fail to make me.
In vain I did my utmost to convince my parents that I hated the very
idea of receiving the least thing from him. They overwhelmed me with
reproaches, asking me if this was the way I meant to repay them;
representing to me that they had to provide for the education of three
other children; and at last saying plainly—
“How would it be if you had to marry this man whom you had no right to
look for, and who is so much above you?”
Unhesitatingly I cried, “O Dio! Dio! I would rather die!”
Then my father bade me remember that his power over me was absolute and
that I was bound to obey his commands; my mother joined in and declared,
with an oath, that, willing or not, I should be the wife _del signore
inglese_.
Realizing that it was not a joke, I implored them to let me become a nun,
or to do with me what they pleased so long as I was not forced to make
such a detestable match; but my words, my tears, my sighs, resulted only
in making them more angry and eliciting more hateful oaths.
Then I ran to my grandmother and my aunt, begging them to take my part.
They did as I asked, but without success; they were only forbidden to
mention the subject again.
Wounded to the very depths of my heart, I gave myself up wholly to my
grief, scarcely alive or able to breathe.
Milord himself came to rouse me from my stupor.
At the sight of him I gave a wild cry, and, falling at his knees,
with sobs implored him not to exact such a sacrifice from me; to think
of my youth; to see that I could not reasonably give my hand to a man
old enough to be my grandfather and for whom I felt an insurmountable
aversion.
He did nothing but laugh at my pitiful simplicity; and, raising me from
my lowly attitude, he said to me that if I did not love him yet, I would
later on; that his rank, his estates, his wealth, and all the fine things
I should enjoy, would oblige me to love him dearly.
At these words my whole being was possessed by fury; I violently thrust
back my insupportable persecutor, looking at him with blazing eyes; I
abused him, passionately declaring that I would rather endure any plague
than the union he offered me; that I would rather face all the miseries
in the world; that death itself would be nothing to dread; that, besides,
my hatred of him had come to its height; that it was so deeply rooted in
my heart that nothing could tear it up, and that my greatest happiness
would be to be rid of his presence for ever.