A STEP IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION
The women's-righters are so often accused, and justly, too, of trying to
disturb the equilibrium of happiness in family life, that they should
immediately be praised when they do something likely to establish it on
a firmer basis.
In Paris they have just succeeded in starting, under the best and
happiest auspices, schools where girls will be taught how to bring up
babies and how to keep house. When it is considered that, out of about a
million children which are born annually, over 260,000 die before the
age of five, it calls for the utmost care in the watchfulness and habits
of parents with regard to young children.
Of all European countries, it is perhaps in France that mortality among
babies is largest. France is being depopulated, or at least is not
increasing her population. Enough children are born, but not enough are
brought to grown-up age. This problem, over the solution of which our
legislators are very anxious, is vital to France. It will not be solved
by laws enacted, congresses held, and leagues founded. It will be
solved by a reform in the manners and habits of the people, by making
marriage easier, by marrying for love more often, and by teaching French
women that the first duty of a mother is to raise her children herself,
and the second to know how to do it. This new school, just established
in France, will help in the right direction.
The teaching of household duties will also tend to make marriages
happier by enabling wives to be more clever and economical. If we
consider that in England and France, which each has a population of
about 40,000,000, only about 100,000 men in each country have an income
of more than L500 a year, it will soon be clear that the great problem
of happiness can only be solved by the good management of wives.
Girls will be taught family hygiene, domestic economy, and the art of
cooking, including that of utilizing the remnants of a previous meal.
They will be taught how to 'shop' intelligently; that is to say, to
distinguish good material from shoddy, and thus obtain the worth of
their money. They will, I hope, also be taught how to make a bargain, a
talent which I must say is practically inborn in every French woman of
the middle and lower classes. No woman in the world knows as she does
how to bring down the price of things to what she wants it to be, in
Paris especially.
Perhaps they will advise her to do what I would advise every visitor to
Italy. I take it that you do not speak Italian. Never mind that; three
words will serve your purpose perfectly. When you are in an Italian
shop and you ask the price of an article you wish to buy, say to the man
'_Quanto_?' (how much?); as soon as he has named it, say '_Troppo_' (too
much). Then he will say something else. Just remark '_Mezzo_' (half
that), and then pay, and you will find that the shopkeeper has still 40
or 50 per cent. profit.
When I consider that women's-righters, as a rule, complain bitterly of
men for being of opinion that the only thing which young girls should
think about is to prepare to become one day good wives and mothers, I
believe that great credit should be given to them for having had the
idea of starting schools where young girls will be taught all the duties
of attentive mothers and economical wives.
* * *
I had the privilege of being present at one lecture on the training of
children, and among all the good things which I heard on the occasion I
will quote the following, which may be of great use, even to my English
readers.
1. Never threaten children with punishments you may not be able or feel
inclined to carry out. Don't let your 'yea' mean 'nay,' nor your 'nay'
'yea.' You must never be fickle or wavering in your dealing with them,
but always firm, just, and reliable, though kind and indulgent. Don't
punish them, and then regret it, and afterwards fondle them as if to ask
for their pardon. If you do, you will run the risk of having your child
say to you: 'Ah, you see, mamma, you are sorry for what you have done.
Instead of scolding me, I think you ought to thank God for giving me to
you!'
2. Don't make mountains of molehills, or be constantly down upon
children for little breaches of every-day discipline; don't be fidgety
and fussy. Never offer them a piece of candy, a bun, or an orange as a
reward for virtues, or as a bribe to cease being naughty.
Then came a few pieces of advice of a higher order, and which I thought
were sound in their philosophy. Among these I cull the following:
1. Do not expect your children to become a joy to you in your old age if
you have failed to be a joy to them in their early life and training. Do
not expect them to support you when you are old. You had a fair start of
them in life, and you should be able to provide for yourselves. They
will very likely have families of their own. Children are often sadly
thrown back through having to look after parents who, had they taken
time by the forelock, would have been able to look after themselves, and
to have given their children a nudge onward into the bargain. For that
matter, never have to be grateful to your children, except for the
happiness they may procure you by their affection and the successes
which they meet with in life, thanks to the education, money, advice,
and what not which you may have given to them.
2. Don't let your vanity cheat you into the belief that your children
are wonders and exceptional phenomena, and that Nature's ordinary rules
are not applicable to them.
In the nursery lecture on baby culture I retained two or three pieces of
advice which seemed to me remarkably good, although my ignorance would
not have enabled me to give them. Young mothers, please listen:
1. Don't squeeze your baby's head.
2. Never allow your child to go to bed in a bad temper.
3. Never encourage it to gaze into the fire, and never tell it
ghost stories, at night especially.
4. Do not allow a rocking-horse before the age of five.
5. Never startle a child by sudden shrieks or any other noises.
6. In fact, quiet and diet will be the making of a child strong
in mind and body.
I could fill several pages of this book with all the good things I heard
on the occasion of my visit to that useful school.
Maybe, one day such schools will be started in other countries. I
recommend this to the women's-righters of the United States.