LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT
We all of us have heard of people falling madly in love at first sight,
men especially. No doubt there are men who are exceedingly susceptible,
passionate, artistic, and ardent natures, who may take a violent fancy
for a woman on seeing her for the first time; but I decline to call such
a fancy love, and woe to the woman who marries such a man, for there is
no guarantee for her that he will not many times again take such violent
fancies for other women; indeed, there is every probability that he
will.
I would always advise a woman, or at all events always wish her, to
marry a lover and admirer of her sex, but a man who madly falls in love
with women at first sight, never. There is no steadiness in that man, no
solidity, no reliability, no possible fidelity in him. He is erratic and
unmanly. He may be a good poet, a talented artist, a very good actor,
but certainly he will never be a good husband, not even a decent one.
There are women who are proud to say that they inspired ardent love at
first sight. They should not be proud of it, for it is only the love of
a reflecting, lofty man that should make a woman proud. Men may feel
immediate admiration for a woman.
In the presence of certain beautiful women I have felt ready to fall
into ecstasies of admiration, as I have in the presence of Niagara
Falls, Vesuvius in eruption, the Venus of Milo, or any other grand
masterpiece of nature and art; but I have never felt that I could, or
must, right away implore them to marry me or let me die at their feet.
To fall in love at first sight is a great proof of weakness of mind, of
utter absence of self-control, and of wretched unmanliness. I believe I
may affirm, without the fear of contradiction, that love at first sight
has never proved to be love of long duration.
How can we imagine that a solid affection can be the result of a caprice
felt for a person whom you had never seen before, and of whose character
you are absolutely ignorant? In certain cases affection may follow a
first impression, but only when she can inspire as much affection by her
merit as she could produce a good impression by her charms. Only in this
case can love become sincere and profound. To form at once a charming
impression of a woman is not to fall madly in love with her.
How much preferable is that love gradually increasing through the better
knowledge of the beloved one! It is no longer an ephemeral fancy, but a
solid affection. In order to love well and truly, you must know well and
thoroughly. There must be between people in love that blind confidence,
that complete _abandon_, which can only be born of the sweet habit to
constantly see each other and to understand each other better and better
every day. With such love you can brave all obstacles, but with a
caprice it vanishes at the first violent storm.
Sincere, serious love is never love at first sight. When one look--and
the first one, too--binds a man and a woman, you may be sure that one
single word will soon be sufficient to unbind them. Lasting love comes
slowly, progressively. Heart alone has never been particularly
successful unless in partnership with that sober and wise counsellor
that is called Reason. No love is placed on a solid basis which is not
governed by reason as well as by the heart.