OH, YOU MEN!
The Paris _Presse_ had asked its male readers to mention which virtue
they most admire in women. Here is the result, with the number of votes
obtained by each virtue, and truly it is not an edifying result:
1. Faithfulness 8,278
2. Economy 7,496
3. Kindness 6,736
4. Order 5,052
5. Modesty 4,975
6. Devotion 4,782
7. Charity 4,575
8. Sweetness 4,565
9. Cleanliness 3,594
10. Patience 2,750
11. Maternal love 2,703
12. Industry 2,125
13. Courage 1,758
14. Discretion 1,687
15. Simplicity 1,580
16. Wisdom 1,417
17. Honesty 1,389
18. Amiability 1,273
19. Chastity 1,230
20. Propriety 969
21. Self-abnegation 868
Surely, here is food for reflections and comments. Economy, order, and
devotion head the list; chastity and self-abnegation figure at the
bottom. I should have imagined the last two virtues would have obtained
the maximum of votes.
And is it not wonderful that the most beautiful trait in a woman's
character--I mean Loyalty--should be altogether omitted from this list
of twenty-one most characteristic virtues in women? Are we to conclude
that loyalty is a virtue for men alone, such as willpower, magnanimity,
energy, bravery, and straightforwardness?
And Sincerity, that most indispensable and precious virtue, which is
supposed to make the friendship of men so valuable, is it not also a
virtue that we should value in women?
Do men mean to say that loyalty and sincerity should not be or could not
be expected to be found in women? Woman must be sweet, of course, and be
economical. She must charm men and keep their house on the principles of
the strictest order. Lovely!
I know men who allow their wives L1 a day to keep their houses in
plenty, and who spend L2 every day at their club. Whatever the husband
does, however, the wife must be faithful, and possess patience and
self-abnegation. She must be resigned, and, mind you, always amiable and
cheerful.
Poor dear fellow! the truth is, that when a man has spent a jolly
evening at his club with the 'boys,' it is devilishly hard on him to
come home at one or two in the morning and to find his wife not amiable,
not cheerful, but suffering from the dumps, and, maybe, not even patient
enough to have waited for him. Sometimes she does worse than this, the
wretch! She suffers from toothache or neuralgia. What of that? She
should be patient, resigned, amiable, and cheerful; _c'est son metier_.
Yes, on the threshold of the twentieth century we find man still
considering woman as a pet animal or a nice little beast of burden;
sometimes as both. I really should feel prouder of my sex if they would
only be kind enough to assert that men are not beings inferior to
monkeys and birds.
For monkeys have but one rule of morality for the manners of both sexes,
and birds share with their mates the duties of nest-building and feeding
the little ones. The latter even go further. When the female bird does
her little house duties in the nursery, the male entertains her with a
song in order to keep her cheerful.
Marriage will be a failure as long as men are of opinion that fidelity,
patience, devotion, amiability, cheerfulness, and self-abnegation are
virtues expected of women only; marriage will be a failure as long as it
is a firm, the two partners of which do not bring about the same capital
of qualities, as long as what is bad in the goose is not bad in the
gander.
Certainly I like to see in a man a more powerful will than in a woman; I
like to see more sweetness in a woman than in a man. In other words, I
like to see certain virtues or qualities more accentuated in a man,
others more accentuated in a woman; but, so far as fidelity, kindness,
order, patience, industry, discretion, courage, devotion,
self-abnegation, wisdom, honesty, sincerity, amiability, and loyalty are
concerned, I absolutely deny that they should be womanly virtues only.
They are virtues that a man should expect to find in a woman as well as
a woman in a man.
* * * * *
Oh, you men, most illogical creatures in the world! You call woman a
weak being, but, although you make laws to protect children, you make
none to protect women. Nay, on that woman whom you call weak you impose
infallibility. When you strong, bearded men get out of the path of duty
you say: 'The flesh is weak'; but when it is a woman who does there is
no indulgence, no mercy, no pity. No extenuating circumstances are
admitted.
What you most admire in women is chastity. If so, how dare you leave
unpunished the man who takes it away from them? How is it that you
receive him in your club, welcome him in your house, and not uncommonly
congratulate him on his good fortune?
I hear you constantly complain that women are too fond of dress, too
careless of the money that you make by the sweat of your brow, too
frivolous, too fond of pleasure, and that matrimony becomes, on that
account, more and more impossible.
Let me assure you that there are many young girls, brought up by
thoughtful mothers to be cheerful, devoted, and careful wives; but, as a
rule, you despise them. You are attracted by the best dressed ones, and
you go and offer your heart to the bird with fine feathers. You take the
rose, and disdain to look at the violet. How illogical of you to make
complaints! You only get what you want, and, later on, what you
deserve.
The law, made by man, and the customs exact virtue incarnate in woman.
She is to have neither weaknesses, senses, nor passions. Whatever her
husband does, she must be patient and resigned.
The laws and customs would be much wiser if, instead of demanding
infallibility of women, they were to make women's duties and virtues
easier by showing less indulgence for men, and by declaring that, in
matrimony, the same conjugal virtues are expected alike of men as of
women.