(_Imaginary Sketch of impossible Incident._)
SCENE--_Editor's Room._ TIME--_Within measurable distance of
publication._ Editor _discovered in consultation with his_
Chief Sub.
_Editor._ We can't find room for everything.
_Chief Sub._ Quite so, Sir; still it seems a pity to slaughter this
telegram from the front.
_Editor._ Does it make very much?
_Chief Sub._ No, Sir. If you will allow me, I will run through it.
(_Reads._) "Yesterday the Loamshire Regiment, headed by its Commander,
Colonel SNOOKS, made one of the gallantest charges on record."
_Editor._ Sure it was SNOOKS?
_Chief Sub._ Oh yes. We verified it in the _Army List_. SNOOKS went
out with the Second Battalion when they were ordered to the front.
(_Continues reading._) "The soldiers dashed forward over the Tam-Tam
river, and up the steep sides of the Yah-Yah mountains, carrying all
before them."
_Editor._ Sure of those names?
_Chief Sub._ Yes, Sir; verified them on the map. (_Resumes reading._)
"Nothing could withstand the rain of lead and the row of steel. The
Chutnese attempted to use their 'pungarees'--a rude sort of pruning
knife--but without the slightest effect. Uttering their weird yells of
'Tomata, tomata,' and beating their drum-like vessels known over here
as 'bang-wangs,' they faltered, floundered and fled."
_Editor._ Sure that those names are correct?
_Chief Sub._ Quite, Sir. We verified the local colouring with MOKE'S
_Six Months in Chutney on the top of a Camel_.
_Editor._ Very good. Is there much more?
_Chief Sub._ About a third of a column, describing the taking of
the native village, the storming of the stockade, and the bivouac by
moonlight after the victory at Pennavilla.
_Editor_ (_after consideration_). Well, it might give us an effective
line for the bill. (_A whistle is heard:_ Editor _listens at a
speaking-tube._) Afraid we must sacrifice it. Manager tells me there
is another rush of advertisements, so space is more precious than
ever. You had better boil it down into a three-line paragraph.
_Chief Sub._ No need to do that, Sir. If there's a scarcity of room we
had better give the original telegram.
_Editor._ The original telegram?
_Chief Sub._ Yes, Sir; from which we have worked up the extended
account. Here it is. (_Reads._) "Loamshire, after a skirmish, has
reached Pennavilla." That, with a suitable heading, will just complete
the column.
_Editor._ Quite so.
[_Scene closes in upon the arrangement._
* * * * *
[Illustration: "WAS HE VERY MUCH CAST DOWN AFTER HE'D SPOKEN TO PAPA?"
"YES. THREE FLIGHTS OF STAIRS!"]
* * * * *