The summer had just begun, when notice was given that a Confirmation
would take place in the autumn; and Lucy’s name was one of the first
sent in to Mr. Dusautoy. His plan was to collect his candidates in
weekly classes of a few at a time, and likewise to see as much as he
could of them in private.
‘Oh! mamma!’ exclaimed Lucy, returning from her first class, ‘Mr.
Dusautoy has given us each a paper, where we are to set down our
christening days, and our godfathers and godmothers. And only think, I
had not the least notion when I was christened. I could tell nothing but
that Mr. Wenlock was my godfather! It made me feel quite foolish not to
know my godmothers.’
‘We were in no situation to have things done in order,’ said Mr. Kendal,
gravely. ‘If I recollect rightly, one of your godmothers was Captain
Lee’s pretty young wife, who died a few weeks after.’
‘And the other?’ said Lucy.
‘Your mother, I believe,’ he said.
Lucy employed herself in filling up her paper, and exclaimed, ‘Now I do
not know the date! Can you tell me that, papa?’
‘It was the Christmas-day next after your birth,’ he said. ‘I remember
that, for we took you to spend Christmas at the nearest station of
troops, and the chaplain christened you.’
Lucy wrote down the particulars, and exclaimed, ‘What an old baby I must
have been! Six months old! And I wonder when Sophy was christened.
I never knew who any of her godfathers and godmothers were. Did you,
Sophy?’
‘No--’ she was looking up at her father.
A sudden flush of colour came over his face, and he left the room in
haste.
‘Why, Sophy!’ exclaimed Lucy, ‘one would think you had not been
christened at all!’
Even the light Lucy was alarmed at the sound of her own words. The same
idea had thrilled across Albinia; but on turning her eyes on Sophy, she
saw a countenance flushed, anxious, but full rather of trembling hope
than of dismay.
In a few seconds Mr. Kendal came back with a thick red pocket-book in
his hand, and produced the certificate of the private baptism of Sophia,
daughter of Edmund and Lucy Kendal, at Talloon, March 17th, 1838.
Sophy’s face had more disappointment in it than satisfaction.
‘I can explain the circumstances to you now,’ said her father. ‘At
Talloon we were almost out of reach of any chaplains, and, as you know,
were almost the only English. We always intended to take you to the
nearest station, as had been done with Lucy, but your dear mother was
never well enough to bear the journey; and when our next little one was
born, it was so plain that he could not live, that I sent in haste to
beg that the chaplain would come to us. It was then that you were both
baptized, and before the week was over, he buried little Henry. It was
the first of our troubles. We never again had health or spirits for any
festive occasion while we continued in India, and thus the ceremony was
never completed. In fact, I take shame to myself for having entirely
forgotten that you had never been received into the congregation.’
‘Then I have told a falsehood whenever I said the Catechism!’ burst
out Sophy. Lucy would have laughed, and Albinia could almost have been
amused at the turn her displeasure had taken.
‘It was not your fault,’ said Mr. Kendal, quietly.
He evidently wished the subject to be at an end, excepting that in
silence he laid before Albinia’s eyes the certificate of the baptism of
the twin-brothers, not long after the first arrival in India. He then
put the book in his pocket, and began, as usual, to read aloud.
‘Oh, don’t go, mamma,’ said Sophy, when she had been carried to her own
room at bed-time, and made ready for the night.
Albinia was only too glad to linger, in the hope to be admitted into
some of the recesses of that untransparent nature, and by way of
assistance, said, ‘I was not at all prepared for this discovery.’
Sophy drew a long sigh, and said, ‘If I had never been christened, I
should have thought there was some hope for me.’
‘That would have been too dreadful. How could you imagine your papa
capable--?’
‘I thought I had found out why I am so horrid! exclaimed Sophy. ‘Oh,
if I could only make a fresh beginning! Mamma, do pray give me a Prayer
Book.’
Albinia gave it to her, and she hastily turned the pages to the Order
for Private Baptism.
‘At least I have not made the promises and vows!’ she said, as if her
stern conscientiousness obtained some relief.
‘Not formally made them,’ said Albinia; ‘but you cannot have a right to
the baptismal blessings, except on those conditions.’
‘Mamma, then I never had the sign of the cross on my forehead! It does
not feel blest!’ And then, hastily and low, she muttered,’ Oh! is that
why I never could bear the cross in all my life!’
‘Nay, my poor Sophy, you must not think of it like a spell. Many bear
the cross no better, who have had it marked on their brows.’
‘Can it be done now?’ cried Sophy, eagerly.
‘Certainly; I think it ought to be done. We will see what your father
says.’
‘Oh, mamma, beg him, pray him!’ exclaimed Sophy. ‘I know it will make me
begin to be good! I can’t bear not to be one of those marked and sealed.
Oh! and, mamma, you will be my godmother? Can’t you? If the gleams of
goodness and brightness do find me out, they are always from you.’
‘I think I might be, dear child,’ said Albinia, ‘but Mr. Dusautoy must
tell us whether I may. But, indeed, I am afraid to see you reckon too
much on this. The essential, the regenerating grace, is yours already,
and can save you from yourself, and Confirmation adds the rest--but you
must not think of any of these like a charm, which will save you all
further trouble with yourself. They do not kill the faults, but they
enable you to deal with them. Even baptism itself, you know, has
destroyed the guilt of past sin, but does not hinder subsequent
temptation.’
Albinia hardly knew how far Sophy attended to this caution, for all she
said was to reiterate the entreaty that the omitted ceremony might be
supplied.
Mr. Kendal gave a ready consent, as soon as he was told that Sophy so
ardently wished for it--so willing, indeed, that Albinia was surprised,
until he went on to say, ‘No one need be aware of the matter beyond
ourselves. Your brother and sister would, I have no doubt, act as
sponsors. Nay, if Ferrars would officiate, we need hardly mention it
even to Dusautoy. It could take place in your sitting-room.’
‘But, Edmund!’ began Albinia, aghast, ‘would that be the right thing? I
hardly think Maurice would consent.’
‘You are not imagining anything so preposterous or inexpedient as to
wish to bring Sophia forward in church,’ said Mr. Kendal; ‘even if she
were physically capable of it, I should not choose to expose her to
anything so painful or undesirable.’
‘I am afraid, then,’ said Albinia, ‘that it will not be done at all.
It is not receiving her into the congregation to have this service read
before half-a-dozen people in my sitting-room.’
‘Better not have it done at all, then,’ said Mr. Kendal. ‘It is not
essential. I will not have her made a spectacle.’
‘Will you only consult Mr. Dusautoy?’
‘I do not wish Mr. Dusautoy to interfere in my family regulations. I
mean, that I have a great respect for him, but as a clergyman, and one
wedded to form, he would not take into account the great evil of
making a public display, and attracting attention to a girl of her age,
station, and disposition. And, in fact,’ added Mr. Kendal, with the same
scrupulous candour as his daughter always showed, ‘for the sake of
my own position, and the effect of example, I should not wish this
unfortunate omission to be known.’
‘I suspect,’ said Albinia, ‘that the example of repairing it would speak
volumes of good.’
‘It is mere absurdity to speak of it!’ said Mr. Kendal. ‘The poor child
is not to leave her couch yet for weeks.’
Sophy was told in the morning that the question was under consideration,
and Lucy was strictly forbidden to mention the subject.
When next Mr. Kendal came to read with Sophy, she said imploringly,
‘Papa, have you thought?’
‘Yes,’ he said, ‘I have done so; but your mamma thinks, and, on
examination of the subject, I perceive she is right, that the service
has no meaning unless it take place in the church.’
‘Yes,’ said Sophy; ‘but you know I am to be allowed to go about in
July.’
‘You will hardly be equal to any fatigue even then, I fear, my dear; and
you would find this publicity extremely trying and unpleasant.’
‘It would not last ten minutes,’ said Sophy, ‘and I am sure I should
not care! I should have something else to think about. Oh! papa, when my
forehead aches with surliness, it does feel so unblest, so uncrossed!’
and she put her hand over it, ‘and all the books and hymns seem not to
belong to me. I think I shall be able to keep off the tempers when I
have a right in the cross.’
‘Ah! my child, I am afraid the tempers are a part of your physical
constitution,’ he returned, mournfully.
‘You mean that I am like you, papa,’ said Sophy. ‘I think I might at
least learn to be really like you, and if I must feel miserable, not to
be unkind and sulky! And then I should leave off even the being unhappy
about nothing.’
Her eyes brightened, but her father shook his head sadly, and said, ‘You
would not be like me, my dear, if depression never made you selfish.
But,’ he added, with an effort, ‘you will not suffer so much from low
spirits when you are in better health, and able to move about.’
‘Oh, no!’ exclaimed Sophy; ‘I often feel so sick of lying here, that
I feel as if I never could be sulky if only I might walk about, and go
from one room to another when I please! But papa, you will let me be
admitted into the Church when I am able, will you not?’
‘It shall be well weighed, Sophy.’
Sophy knew her father too well, and had too much reticence to say any
more. He was certainly meditating deeply, and reading too, indeed he
would almost have appeared to have a fit of the study, but for little
Maurice, a tyrannical little gentleman, who domineered over the entire
household, and would have been grievously spoilt, if his mother had
not taken all the crossing the stout little will upon herself. He had a
gallant pair of legs, and the disposition of a young Centaur, he seemed
to divide the world into things that could be ridden on, and that could
not; and when he bounced at the study door, with ‘Papa! gee! gee!’ and
lifted up his round, rosy face, and despotic blue eyes, Mr. Kendal’s
foot was at his service, and the study was brown no longer.
The result of Mr. Kendal’s meditations was an invitation to his wife to
drive with him to Fairmead.
That was a most enjoyable drive, the weather too hot and sunny, perhaps,
for Albinia’s preferences, but thoroughly penetrating, and giving energy
to, her East-Indian husband, and making the whole country radiant with
sunny beauty--the waving hay-fields falling before the mower’s scythe,
the ranks of hay-makers tossing the fragrant grass, the growing corn
softly waving in the summer breeze, the river blue with reflected sky,
the hedges glowing with stately fox-gloves, or with blushing wreaths
of eglantine. And how cool, fresh, and fair was the beech-avenue at
Fairmead.
Yet though Albinia came to it with the fond tenderness of old
association, it was not with the regretful clinging of the first
visit, when it seemed to her the natural home to which she still really
belonged. Nor had she the least thought about producing an impression of
her own happiness, and scarcely any whether ‘Edmund’ would be amused and
at ease, though knowing he had a stranger to encounter in the person of
Winifred’s sister, Mary Reid.
That was not a long day. It was only too short, though Mr. and Mrs.
Kendal stayed three hours longer than on the last occasion. Mr. Kendal
faced Mary Reid without flinching, and she, having been previously
informed that Albinia’s husband was the most silent and shy man in
existence, began to doubt her sister’s veracity. And Albinia, instead
of dealing out a shower of fireworks, to hide what, if not gloom, was at
least twilight, was now ‘temperately bright,’ talking naturally of
what most concerned her with the sprightliness of her happy temper, but
without effort; and gratifying Winifred by a great deal more notice of
the new niece and namesake than she had ever bestowed on either of her
predecessors in their infant days. Moreover, Lucy’s two long visits had
made Mrs. Ferrars feel a strong interest in her, and, with a sort of
maternal affection, she inquired after the cuttings of the myrtle which
she had given her.
‘Ah!’ said Albinia, ‘I never honoured gardening so much.’
‘I know you would never respect it in me.’
‘As you know, I love a walk with an object, and never could abide
breaking my back, pottering over a pink with a stem that wont support
it, and a calyx that wont hold it.’
‘And Lucy converted you when I could not!’
‘If you had known my longing for some wholesome occupation for her,
such as could hurt neither herself nor any one else, and the pleasure of
seeing her engrossed by anything innocent, making it so easy to gratify
her. Why, a new geranium is a constant fund of ecstasy, and I do not
believe she was ever so grateful to her father in her life as when
he gave her a forcing-frame. Anything is a blessing that makes people
contented at home, and takes them out of themselves.’
‘Lucy is a very nice, pleasant inmate; her ready obligingness and
facility of adapting herself make her very agreeable.’
‘Yes,’ said Albinia, ‘she is the “very woman,” taking her complexion
from things around, and so she will go smoothly through the world, and
be always preferred to my poor turbid, deep-souled Sophy.’
‘Are you going to be very angry with me?’
‘Ah! you do not know Sophy! Poor, dear child! I do so long that she
could have--if it were but one day, one hour, of real, free, glowing
happiness! I think it would sweeten and open her heart wonderfully just
to have known it! If I could but see any chance of it, but I am afraid
her health will always be against her, and oh! that dreadful sense of
depression! Do you know, Winifred, I do think love would be the best
chance. Now, don’t laugh; I do assure you there is no reason Sophy
should not be very handsome.’
‘Quite as handsome as the owl’s children, my dear.’
‘Well, the owls are the only young birds fit to be seen. But I tell you,
Sophy’s profile is as regular as her father’s, and animation makes her
eyes beautiful, and she has grown immensely since she has been lying
down, so that she will come out without that disproportioned look. If
her eyebrows were rather less marked, and her complexion--but that will
clear.’
‘Yes, we will make her a beauty when we are about it.’
‘And, after all, affection is the great charm, and if she were attached,
it would, be so intensely--and happiness would develop so much that is
glorious, only hidden down so deep.’
‘I hope you may find her a male Albinia,’ said Winifred, a little
wickedly, ‘but take care. It might be kill or cure, and I fancy when
sunshine is attracted by shadow, it is more often as it was in your case
than vice versa.’
‘Take care!’ repeated Albinia, affronted. ‘You don’t fancy I am going
beyond a vague wish, do you?’
‘And rather a premature one. How old is Sophy?’
‘Towards fourteen, but years older in thought and in suffering.’
Albinia did not hear the result of the conference with her brother till
she had resumed her seat in the carriage, after having been surprised by
Mr. Kendal handing in three tall theological tomes. They both had much
to think over as they drove home in the lengthening shadows. Albinia was
greatly concerned that Winifred’s health had become affected, and that
her ordinary home duties were beyond her strength. Albinia had formerly
thought Fairmead parsonage did not give her enough to do, but now she
saw the gap that she had left; and she had fallen into a maze of musings
over schemes for helping Winifred, before Mr. Kendal spoke, telling her
that he had resolved that Sophia’s admission into the Church should take
place as soon as she was equal to the exertion.
Albinia asked if she should speak to Mr. Dusautoy, but the manliness of
Mr. Kendal’s character revolted from putting off a confession upon
his wife; so he went to church the next morning, and saw the vicar
afterwards.
Mr. Dusautoy’s first thought was gratitude for the effort that the
resolution must have cost both Mr. Kendal and his daughter; his next,
how to make the occasion as little trying to their feelings as was
consistent with his duty and theirs. He saw Sophy, and tried to draw her
out, but, though far from sullen, she did not reply freely. However, he
was satisfied, and he wished her, likewise, to consider herself under
preparation for Confirmation in the autumn. She did all that he wished
quietly and earnestly, but without much remark, her confidence only came
forth when her feelings were strongly stirred, and it was remarkable
that throughout this time of preparation there was not the remotest
shadow of ill-temper.
Mr. Kendal insisted that her London doctor should come to see her at the
year’s end. The improvement had not been all that had been hoped, but it
was decided that though several hours of each day must still be spent
on her back, she might move about, join the meals, and do whatever she
could without over-fatigue. It seemed a great release, but it was a
shock to find how very little she could do at first, now that she had
lost the habit of exertion, and of disregard of her discomforts. She
had quite shot up to more than the ordinary woman’s height, and was much
taller than her sister--but this hardly gave the advantage Albinia had
hoped, for she had a weak, overgrown look, and could not help stooping.
A number of people in a room, or even the sitting upright during a
morning call, seemed quite to overcome and exhaust her: but still the
return to ordinary life was such great enjoyment, that she endured all
with good temper.
But now the church-going was possible, a fit of exceeding dread came
upon her. Albinia found her with the tears silently rolling down her
cheeks, almost as if she were unconscious of them.
‘Oh, mamma, I can never do it! I know what I am. I can’t let them say I
will keep all the commandments always! It will not be true!’
‘It will be true that you have the steadfast purpose, my dear.’
‘How can it be steadfast when I know I can’t?’
It was the old story, and all had to be argued through again how the
obligation was already incurred at her baptism, and how it was needful
that she should be sworn to her own side of the great covenant--how
the power would be given, and the grace supplied, but that the will and
purpose to obey was required--and then Sophy recurred to that blessing
of the cross for which she longed so earnestly, and which again Albinia
feared she was regarding in the light of a talisman.
Mr. Ferrars was to be her godfather. Mr. Kendal had wished Aunt
Winifred, as Lucy called her, to be the godmother, but Sophy had begged
earnestly for Mrs. Dusautoy, whose kindness had made a great impression.
There was not much liking between Mrs. Ferrars and Sophy. Perhaps Sophy
had been fretted and angered by her quick, decided ways, and rather
disgusted by the enthusiasm of her brother and sister about Fairmead;
and she was not gratified by hearing that Winifred was to accompany her
husband in order to try the experiment of a short absence from cares and
children.
Albinia, on the contrary, was highly pleased to have Winifred to nurse,
and desirous of showing off Sophy’s reformation. Winifred arrived late
in the day, with an invalid look, and a great inclination to pine for
her baby. She was so much tired, that Albinia took her upstairs very
soon, and put her to bed, sitting with her almost all the evening,
hoping that downstairs all was going on well.
The next morning, too, went off very well. Mr. Ferrars sought a private
talk with his old godchild, and though Sophy scarcely answered, she
liked his kind, frank, affectionate manner, and showed such feeling as
he wished, so that he fully credited all that his sister thought of her.
Otherwise, Sophy was kept quiet, to gave her strength and collect her
thoughts.
At seven o’clock in the evening, there was not a formidable
congregation. Miss Meadows, who had been informed as late as could
save offence, had treated it as a freak of Mrs. Kendal, resented the
injunction of secrecy, and would neither be present herself, nor let her
mother come out. Genevieve, three old men, and a child or two, were the
whole number present. The daily service at Bayford was an offering made
in faith by the vicar, for as yet there was very little attendance.
‘But,’ said Mr. Dusautoy, ‘it is the worship of God, not an
entertainment to please man--it is all nonsense to talk of its answering
or not answering.’
Mr. Kendal was in a state of far greater suffering from shame than
his daughter, as indeed he deserved, but he endured it with a gallant,
almost touching resignation. He was the only witness of her baptism, and
it seemed like a confession, when he had to reply to the questions, by
whom, and with what words this child had been baptized, when she
stood beside him overtopping her little godmother. She stood with
tightly-locked hands, and ebbing colour, which came back in a flood when
Mr. Dusautoy took her by the hand, and said, ‘We receive this child into
the congregation,’ and when he traced the cross on her brow, she stood
tremblingly, her lips squeezed close together, and after she returned to
her place no one saw her face.
Albinia, with her brother and Lucy, were at home by the short cut before
the carriage could return. She met Sophy at the hall-door, kissed her,
and said, ‘Now, my dear, you had better lie down, and be quite quiet;’
then followed Winifred into the drawing-room, and took her shawl and
bonnet from her, lingering for a happy twilight conversation. Lucy came
down, and went to water her flowers, and by-and-by tea was brought, the
gentlemen came in from their walk, and Mr. Kendal asked whether Sophy
was tired. Albinia went up to see. She found her on her couch in the
morning room, and told her that tea was ready. There was something not
promising in the voice that replied; and she said,
‘No, don’t move, my dear, I will bring it to you; you are tired.’
‘No--I’ll go down, thank you.’ It was the gruff voice!
‘Indeed you had much better not, my dear. It is only an hour to
bed-time, and you would only tire yourself for nothing.’
‘I’ll go.’
‘You are tired, Sophy,’ said her father. ‘You had better lie down while
you have your tea.’
‘No, thank you,’ growled Sophy, as though hurt by being told to lie down
before company.
Her father put a sofa-cushion behind her, but though she mumbled
some acknowledgment, it was so surly, that Mrs. Ferrars looked up
in surprise, and she would not lean back till fatigue gained the
ascendancy. Mr. Kendal asking her, got little in reply but such a
grunt, that Mrs. Ferrars longed to shake her, but her father fetched a
footstool, and put it under her feet, and grew a little abstracted
in his talk, as if watching her, and his eye had something of the old
habitual melancholy.
So it went on. The night’s rest did not carry off the temper. Sophy was
monosyllabic, displeased if not attended to, but receiving attention
like an affront, wanting nothing, but offended if it were not offered.
Albinia was exceedingly grieved. She had some suspicion that Sophy might
have been hurt by her going to Mrs. Ferrars instead of to her on their
return from church, and made an attempt at an apology, but this was
snubbed like an additional affront, and she could only bide the time,
and be greatly disappointed at such an exhibition before the guests.
Winifred looked on, forbearing to hurt Albinia’s feelings by remarks,
but in private compensating by little outbreaks with her husband,
teasing him about his hopeful goddaughter, laughing at Albinia’s
infatuation, and railing at Mr. Kendal’s endurance of the ill-humour,
which she declared he promoted.
Maurice, as usual, was provoking. He had no notion of giving up his
godchild, he said, and he had no doubt that Edmund Kendal could manage
his own child his own way.
‘Because of his great success in that line.’
‘He is not what he was. He uses his sense and principle now, and
when they are fairly brought to bear, I know no one whom I would more
entirely trust.’
‘Well! it will be great good luck if I do not fall foul of Miss Sophy
one of these days, if no one else will!’
Winifred was slightly irritable herself from weakness, and on the last
morning of her stay she could bear the sight no longer. Sophy had
twice been surly to Lucy’s good offices, had given Albinia a look like
thunder, and answered her father with a sulky displeasure that made Mrs.
Ferrars exclaim, as soon as he had left the room, ‘I should never allow
a child of mine to peak to her father in that manner!’
Sophy swelled. She did not think Mrs. Ferrars had any right to interfere
between her and her father. Her silence provoked Winifred to continue,
‘I wonder if you have any compunction for having spoilt all your--all
Mrs. Kendal’s enjoyment of our visit.’
‘I am not of consequence enough to spoil any one’s pleasure.’
That was the last effort. Albinia came into the room, with little
Maurice holding her hand, and flourishing a whip. He trotted up to the
sofa, and began instantly to ‘whip sister Sophy;’ serve her right, if I
had but the whip, thought Mrs. Ferrars, as his mother hurried to snatch
him off. Leaning over Sophy’s averted face, she saw a tear under her
eyelashes, but took no notice.
Three seconds after, Sophy reared herself up, and with a rigid face and
slow step walked out of the room.
‘Have you said anything to her?’ asked Albinia.
‘I could not help it,’ said Winifred, narrating what had past. ‘Have I
done wrong?’
‘Edmund cannot bear to have anything harsh said to her in these moods,
especially about her behaviour to himself. He thinks she cannot help
it--but it may be well that she should know how it appears to other
people, for I cannot bear to see his patient kindness spurned. Only, you
know, she values it in her heart. I am afraid we shall have a terrible
agony now.’
Albinia was right. It was the worst agony poor Sophy had ever undergone.
She had been all this time ignorant that it was a cross fit, only
imagining herself cruelly neglected and cast aside for the sake of Mrs.
Ferrars; but the wakening time had either arrived, or had been brought
by that reproach, and she beheld her conduct in the most abhorrent
light. After having desired to be pledged to her share of the covenant,
and earnestly longed to bear the cross, to be sworn in as soldier and
servant, to have put her neck under the yoke of her old master ere the
cross had dried upon her brow, to have been meanly jealous, ungrateful,
disrespectful, vindictive!! oh! misery, misery! hopeless misery! She
would take no word of comfort when Albinia tried to persuade her that
it had been partly the reaction of a mind wrought up to an occasion very
simple in its externals, and of a body fatigued by exertion; and then in
warm-hearted candour professed that she herself had been thoughtless in
neglecting Sophy for Winifred. Still less comfort would she take in her
father’s free forgiveness, and his sad entreaties that she would not
treat these fits of low spirits as a crime, for they were not her fault,
but that of her constitution.
‘Then one can’t help being hateful and wicked! Nothing is of any use! I
had rather you had told me I was mad!’ said poor Sophy.
She was so spent and exhausted with weeping, that she could not come
down--indeed, between grief and nervousness she would not eat; and
Albinia found Mr. Kendal mournfully persuading her, when a stern command
would have done more good. Albinia spoke it: ‘Sophy, you have put your
father to a great deal of pain already; if you are really grieving over
it, you will not hurt him more by making yourself ill.’
The strong will came into action on the right side, and Sophy sat up,
took what was offered, but what was she that they should care for her,
when she had spoilt mamma’s pleasure? Better go and be happy with Mrs.
Ferrars.
Sophy’s next visitor came up with a manly tread, and she almost feared
that she had made herself ill enough for the doctor; but it was Mr.
Ferrars, with a kind face of pitying sympathy.
‘May I come to wish my godchild good-bye?’ he said.
Sophy did not speak, and he looked compassionately at the prone
dejection of the whole figure, and the pale, sallow face, so piteously
mournful. He took her hand, and began to tell her of the godfather’s
present, that he had brought her--a little book of devotions intended
for the time when she should be confirmed. Sophy uttered a feeble ‘thank
you,’ but a hopeless one.
‘Ah! you are feeling as if nothing would do you any good,’ said Mr.
Ferrars.
‘Papa says so!’ she answered.
‘Not quite,’ said Mr. Ferrars. ‘He knows that your low spirits are the
effect of temperament and health, and that you are not able to prevent
yourself from feeling unhappy and aggrieved. And perhaps you reckoned
on too much sensible effect from Church ordinances. Now joy, help,
all these blessings are seldom revealed to our consciousness, but are
matters of faith; and you must be content to work on in faith in the
dark, before you feel comfort. I cannot but hope that if you will
struggle, even when you are hurt and annoyed, to avoid the expression of
vexation, the morbid temper will wear out, and you will both be
tempted and suffer less, as you grow older. And, Sophy--forgive me for
asking--do you pray in this unhappy state?’
‘I cannot. It is not true.’
‘Make it true. Take some verse of a Psalm. Shall I mark you some? Repeat
them, even if you seem to yourself not to feel them. There is a holy
power that will work on you at last; and when you can truly pray, the
dark hour will pass.’
‘Mark them,’ said Sophy.
There was some space, while she gave him the book, and he showed her the
verses. Then he rose to go.
‘I wish I had not spoilt the visit,’ she said, wistfully, at last.
‘We shall see you again, and we shall know each other better,’ he
said, kindly. ‘You are my godchild now, Sophy, and you know that I must
remember you constantly in prayer.’
‘Yes,’ she faintly said.
‘And will you promise me to try my remedy? I think it will soften your
heart to the graces of the Blessed Comforter. And even if all seems
gloom within, look out, see others happy, try to rejoice with them, and
peace will come in! Now, goodbye, my dear godchild, and the God of Peace
bless you, and give you rest.