"May the fifth, take up golf. What's an Amateur Championship?"
"It is the annual competition to decide which is the best player among
the amateurs. There is also a Professional Championship, and an Open
event."
"Oh, there are golf professionals, are there? What do they do?"
"They teach golf."
"Which is the best of them?"
"Sandy McHoots won both British and American Open events last year."
"Wire him to come here at once."
"But McHoots is in Inverlochty, in Scotland."
"Never mind. Get him; tell him to name his own terms. When is the
Amateur Championship?"
"I think it is on September the twelfth this year."
"All right, take dictation. September twelfth win Amateur
Championship."