After the fight with his son, a change came over Cap’n Pawl, a change
which made the missionary uneasy.
Black Pawl said to him next day: “Well, Father, you were a true prophet.
The thing came about as you said. But you see, it is finished, with no
harm done after all.”
“It has come,” said the missionary. “But it is not finished.”
“You’re a persistent prophet, at least,” the Captain answered. “What
more will there be?”
The other replied: “Have you marked the mate’s fashion of whispering
among the crew?”
“Yes; Red was always a whisperer.”
“Is there no harm to be foreseen in that?”
Black Pawl chuckled and waved his hand. “I’m harsh with my men, but they
love me,” he boasted. “They even tell me what Red whispers to them. Not
one would listen to him.”
“Not one?” the missionary asked; and Black Pawl said again:
“Not one.”
He spoke surely. But there was doubt in him; there was a dreadful doubt
which he would not admit, but could not down. He had seen, as well as
any man, the blackness of Red’s heart in the man’s eye after their
conflict. He had seen the evil in the man; and because Red was his son,
and because Red was evil, Black Pawl’s heart was near the
breaking-point.
He hid this, or sought to hide it, as he was accustomed to hide all the
tragedy in his life. He became more boisterous, more bold, more given to
the mockery of his laughter. A devil of recklessness came to life in
him. The native decency of him was drowned in the agony of Red’s
self-betrayal. Red was his son, his only blood in all the world; and if
Red Pawl were worthless, what was there left in life? What use in
righteousness?
Hand in hand with this recklessness of despair, there was another and
uglier impulse stirring in him. There had never been for him but one
woman; there never could be another, he told himself, whom he would not
scorn. And yet--he could not scorn Ruth Lytton.
There was tenderness in him for her; and because he had always told
himself he could never harbor tenderness for any woman, he would not
accept this feeling for what it was. He respected her, yet told himself
that no woman deserved respect, since the one woman had proved lacking.
He liked Ruth; yet he swore that no woman was worth liking, since one
had been false. Yet a tender affection for Ruth grew in him, persisted.
Since it was neither liking nor love, what could it be? He knew, and
laughed, scorning himself, and her, and all the world.
But in the days that followed the fight, his thoughts came back and beat
and beat again along this groove. And he watched her, wondering,
wondering. The thought of her tormented him. That she was fair and clean
and fine was torture to him who believed none fair nor clean nor fine.
Unconsciously, he matched her against Red Pawl, his son; and because she
was good where Red was evil, he thought he hated her.
Yet he had fought for her--yes, and won for her. He laughed unpleasantly
at the thought. He remembered her kiss upon his forehead, and the touch
of her gentle hand upon his hair, and his heart ached at the memory.
When he thought of that other kiss which he had taken from her, he was
revolted. Yet he had taken such kisses before, and never loathed himself
for them. Since she was so fair, why was she not fit for such kisses as
other women gave? Why were her lips softly upon his forehead sweeter
than her lips against his own?
He flung the mystery aside. Forget! Not worth the wondering! But he
could not forget.
Black Pawl was more unhappy in these days than he had ever been before.
For he knew now, more surely than ever, how much he loved Red Pawl. His
son and hers, son of the one woman he had loved. His memories lingered
about the baby that had first come to sea with him; and he contemplated
the manhood to which that baby had come, and his heart ached. Alone, his
head bowed upon his arms. There were times when he longed to go to the
missionary for aid and counsel; but he put the wish away. This was a
load that he alone must bear. Whatever his son was, he, Black Pawl, had
made him so.
He wanted, desperately, at first, to go to the boy and wipe the strife
away; he wanted to make up with his son. His memory went back to the
days of comradeship when Red was still a lad, and he was sick with
longing for their return. He thought of the black chapters of the life
he had led his son; and he lashed his own soul with the whips of memory.
He tried, once, on the second day, to speak to Red as though nothing
were amiss between them; but the mate gave him a level stare from dark
and lowering eyes, and Black Pawl turned away. No words had passed
between them since their battle. Black Pawl knew in his heart that no
words of the old comradely sort would ever pass between them again.
He accepted this, at last, with the old reckless laugh. There was whisky
in a bottle in his cabin. He drank deep of it.
It was not like Black Pawl to surrender to man or God; but in these days
he was near surrender. He drank with a certain regularity, as the days
passed. He was never fuddled; his eye was never clouded. But he was
never quite sober; there was always a reckless bravado, an unreasoning
and unreckoning carelessness about him.
On deck, one day, Black Pawl talked with Ruth Lytton. The girl had
sensed something of the sorrow and misery that enveloped him. She was
drawn to him by a sympathy which was stronger than she knew. She pitied
him profoundly, and would have helped him, and tried, in unostentatious
ways, to cheer and comfort him; and when she knew there was liquor in
him, she was sorry and uneasy.
He asked her this day how she liked the voyage. She told him she was
happy. This was not true. She was too sorry for him to be happy. He
reminded her of the stiff gale they had fought, at the time of his
battle with his son. “Were you frightened?” he asked.
She shook her head. “No,” she said. “I was not afraid.”
He touched her hand suddenly, and held it, chuckling. “You’re a pretty
nervy thing, for a woman, seems to me.”
“I am not often afraid,” she said.
He caught her shoulder and turned her toward him then. “Ever afraid of
me?” he asked.
She smiled. “No.”
“Not even when I grabbed that kiss--in the cabin?”
“No, I could never be afraid of you,” she told him, eyes meeting his
bravely.
Dan Darrin came just then, with a question, and while he and the Captain
spoke together, the girl moved away and went below. Black Pawl, watching
her, scarce heard what Darrin was saying. Damn the girl, so clean and
brave and good! She’d best be afraid of him. He thought he might teach
her that trick, some day.
When Dan was gone, he cursed himself for a black dog because of his
thought. But--the drink was in him, and his heart was sick for Red Pawl,
and there was nothing in the world ahead.