It is very essential, in giving a dinner party, to know precisely how
many guests one is to entertain. It is a serious inconvenience to have
any doubt on this subject. Consequently, it is well to send an
invitation, which may be in the following form:
+--------------------------------------------------------+
| |
| _Mrs. Smith requests the pleasure of Mr. Jones’s |
| company at dinner, on Thursday, January 5th, at |
| seven o’clock._ |
| |
| R. S. V. P. |
| |
| _12 New York Avenue, January 2d, 1875._ |
| |
+--------------------------------------------------------+
The capital letters constitute the initials of four French words,
meaning, “Answer, if you please” (_Répondez s’il vous plait_). The
person thus invited must not fail to reply at once, sending a messenger
to the door with the note. It is considered impolite to send it by post.
If the person invited has any doubt about being able to attend the
dinner at the time stated, he should decline the invitation at once. He
should be positive one way or the other, not delaying the question for
consideration more than a day at the utmost. If Mr. Jones should then
decline, he might reply as follows:
+------------------------------------------------------------+
| |
| _Mr. Jones regrets that he is unable to accept |
| Mrs. Smith’s polite invitation for Thursday evening._ |
| |
| _8 Thirty-seventh Street, January 3d._ |
| |
+------------------------------------------------------------+
Or,
+------------------------------------------------------------+
| |
| _Mr. Jones regrets that a previous engagement |
| prevents his acceptance of Mrs. Smith’s polite invitation |
| for Thursday evening._ |
| |
| _Thirty-seventh Street, January 3d._ |
| |
+------------------------------------------------------------+
A prompt and decided answer of this character enables Mrs. Smith to
supply the place with some other person, thereby preventing that most
disagreeable thing, a vacant chair at table.
If the invitation be accepted, Mr. Jones might say in his note:
+------------------------------------------------------------+
| |
| _Mr. Jones accepts, with pleasure, Mrs. Smith’s |
| invitation for Thursday evening._ |
| |
| _Thirty-seventh Street, January 2d._ |
| |
+------------------------------------------------------------+
The more simple the invitation or reply, the better. Do not attempt any
high-flown or original modes. Originality is most charming on most
occasions; this is not one of them.
In New York, many, I notice, seem to think it elegant to use the French
construction of sentences in formal notes: for instance, they are
particular to say, “the invitation of Mrs. Smith,” instead of “Mrs.
Smith’s invitation;” and “2d January,” instead of “January 2d.” In
writing in the French language, the French construction of sentences
would seem eminently proper. One might be pardoned for laughing at an
English construction, if ignorance were not the cause. So, when one
writes in English, let the sentences be concise, and according to the
rules of the language.
On the appointed day, the guest should endeavor to arrive at the house
not exceeding ten minutes before the time fixed for dinner; and while he
avoids a too early arrival, he should be equally careful about being
tardy.
It is enough to disturb the serenity and good temper of the most amiable
hostess during the whole evening for a guest to delay her dinner,
impairing it, of course, to a great extent. She should not be expected
to wait over fifteen minutes for any one. Perhaps it would be as well
for her to order dinner ten minutes after the appointed hour in her
invitation, to meet the possible contingency of delay on the part of
some guest.
When the guests are assembled in the drawing-room, if the company be
large, the host or hostess can quietly intimate to the gentlemen what
ladies they will respectively accompany to the dining-room. After a few
moments of conversation and introductions, the dinner is to be
announced, when the host should offer his arm to the lady guest of
honor, the hostess taking the arm of the gentleman guest of honor; and
now, the host leading the way, all should follow; the hostess, with her
escort, being the last to leave the drawing-room. They should find their
places at table with as little confusion as possible, not sitting down
until the hostess is seated. After dinner is over, the hostess giving
the signal by moving back her chair, all should leave the dining-room.
The host may then invite the gentlemen to the smoking-room or library.
The ladies should repair to the drawing-room. A short time thereafter
(perhaps in half an hour), the butler should bring to the drawing-room
the tea-service on a salver, with a cake-basket filled with fancy
biscuits, or rather crackers or little cakes.
Placing them on the table, he may then announce to the host that tea is
served. The gentlemen join the ladies; and, after a chat of a few
minutes over the tea, all of the guests may take their departure. If
the attendant is a waiting-maid, and the tea-service rather heavy, she
might bring two or three cups filled with tea, and a small sugar-bowl
and cream-pitcher, also the cake-basket, on a small salver; and when the
cups are passed, return for more.
I do not like the English fashion, which requires the ladies to retire
from the table, leaving the gentlemen to drink more wine, and smoke.
Enough wine is drunk during dinner. English customs are admirable,
generally, and one naturally inclines to adopt them; but in this
instance I do not hesitate to condemn and reject a custom in which I see
no good, but, on the contrary, a temptation to positive evil. The French
reject it; let Americans do the same.