"Angry?"
"About the Council decision."
"Oh--oh, I was. I'm all mixed up now. I've been doing some thinking."
She looked at him intently, then nodded slowly. "Do you know why you
were sent here?" she asked.
"I'm just beginning to get a glimmering of it."
"Did you know we are the only planet yet discovered whose people have
never known war?"
"No, I didn't know."
"Ross came to Nemar when the Galactic Union first discovered it. He
didn't find any of the things he was looking for, but he did discover
something else, a way of life." She paused. "Have you ever gone over
his record?"
"No."
"You should, sometime. He's done a great deal of good." She looked at
him steadily, her eyes clear and soft. "He keeps sending the very best
of the Institute graduates here, hoping they'll study our society and
work out some theories about what makes us the way we are. He hopes
some of the happiness here can be transplanted.
"We don't know why we're the way we are. We don't even know how it's
possible to be any other way, and we don't understand why anyone should
be willing to fight wars, or why they should lie or hit their children
or make long speeches that don't say anything."
Kirk was silent.
"We're inside the problem," she said. "We can't see ourselves from the
outside."
Kirk spoke very slowly, thinking it out. "You mean, Ross sent me here
to study you, to try to find out what factors are involved in--"
"Yes. He sent you here to learn."
He was quiet, digesting that.
"One day you'll be in Ross's place," she said.
He accepted the words quietly, knowing it was true.
Yesterday, that would have seemed like the most desirable thing in the
universe, the height of happiness.
It seemed like a long time ago.
It meant nothing now but a heavy burden.
He sat thinking of Nanae after she had gone, of how he had longed to
put his arms around her and draw her to him, kiss the soft mouth, run
his hands through the long, glowing strands of hair.
He'd have to work first, work at changing himself, becoming the kind of
person she could love. She would love differently and more deeply than
the girls he had known. She would love with a passion and tenderness
they'd never be capable of. That kind of love would have to be earned.
He wondered whether she'd be willing to go to Terra with him.
He got up and moved toward the bedroom. Tomorrow was going to be a
busy day--changing things, making apologies. Feasting. Dancing. Going
midnight swimming.
He realized suddenly that he was very happy.