--------In brief, he is a rogue of six reprieves, four pardons of
course; thrice pilloried, twice sung _Lachrymæ_ to the virginals
of a cat's tail; he has been five times in the galleys, and will
never truly run himself out of breath till he comes to the
gallows.
THE FAIR MAID OF THE INN.
"Now, holy and most Riverend Sir, that my eyes are blessed with seeing
your benevolent visage once more," said Phelim O'Neale, "and that I
behold you in these sad towers, the abode of crime and of guilt, which
indeed never belonged to you, and that we are in private, with your
riverend permission, I will make my confission unto you. Don't your
reverence remember me?"
"Not I, in sooth."
"What! not remember Phelim O'Neale?"
"Not I, in sooth, honest Mr. Phelim O'Neale."
"Oh, baring (excepting) _honest_; that any how for the present we will
pass by. But, holy Father, if you knew but all, you have far too many
reasons not to forget me! Do you not remember that you stood by me
during my last moments, and gave me the holy ritals of the church?"
"What do I hear! Stood by you in your last moments, and gave you the
holy rituals of the church! and here you are!! The poor man is
deranged--quite crazed. You are beside yourself, Mr. Phelim (without
_honest_) O'Neale!"
"Nay, nay, Riverend Father, I am _beside you_, or rather forenent you.
Do you not remember, your Riverence, that some tin years ago (small
blame howsomdever to your Riverence any how, for grate razon you have,
in troth, to remember Phelim O'Neale, if you knew but all!)--well, as I
said, some tin years ago you attended me at the gaol of Tyrconnel in my
last moments; you were present when I was hanged--ay, regularly
hanged!!"
"Hanged! hanged!" ejaculated Doctor M'Kenzie; "and yet you are
here!--You speak, you address me! How is this? It is madness all!"
"Not so neither, craving your excellent Riverence's pardon; I was tried
for high-way robbery at the assizes of Tyrconnel;[18] I then most justly
was found guilty, and condamnified by the circuit-going judge, Justice
Jocum, to be hanged. And sure enough, by my sowl, hanged I fairly
was--no doubt whatever of it! That is to say the hangman did his part,
as the judge and jury had before done theirs; and my friends did the
rest. Och, they did their part, sure enough--long life to them for the
same! At that most memorable 'pocha of my life--or death! as it was by
all supposed, thought, and credited, your worthy and excellent Riverence
attended me in my last sad and awful moments. Thin you saw me mount the
fatal ladder; the hangman gave me a hempen cravat, which, in troth, I
but too well desarved! and the ladder having been suddenly taken away,
I made a spring, and, as all thought, I jumpt into itirnity. But you
remimber, or might remimber, that before I was launched from the fatal
tree, I bouldly kicked off my brogues, and died true game. And och, may
be I didn't kick them off in stylo! as much as to indiccate to my
commeradoes, 'Yeez see, jewels, that I die true game; and moreover, none
shall suffer in the dead man's shoes--not one of yeez! This plainly
tould them all a true tale, that I had not confissed, or betrayed any of
them by a cowardly disacknowledgment."
[18] Now, anno salutis 1822, called Donegal.
"Oh, shame, shame!" rejoined Doctor M'Kenzie, "kicking off your brogues
upon the scaffold, on the confines of eternity, in the sad and solemn
hour of death and suffering for crime! Oh, shame, shame! What
blasphemy--what hardness of heart, and perversity of head! Detestable
and abominable folly and wickedness. Why, I say, man, if you were upon
the stage of a mountebank, performing pantomime tricks, to please and
gull the stupid populace, such a proceeding would be indecent,
indecorous, and irreligious; how much more so then, when parting from
the stage of human life, branded with crime, and condemned by the
voice of justice and the offended laws of your country! I cry shame upon
such indecency, such horrible levity, upon so solemn and so awful an
occasion as the departure of a guilty culprit (and guilty too by his own
confession) from life to eternity, to answer in another world, before an
offended God, for the crimes committed in this!"
"So may it plaze your Riverence, troth it was no livity at all, at all;
but merely a sort of sharp signal or freemason's sign to my comrades
that I had died intripid, and true to them, not having betrayed one of
the gang, or club, as we called it. And now once more I am alive again,
to repint anew of the same, which I most sartinly do."
"Ay, indeed!--Are you sure of that, Mr. Phelim O'Neale? Can I depend
upon your living word, when your dying one was false? A proof, a proof;
give me a proof, and then I shall give credence to you."
Phelim slowly drawing forth a watch from his fob: "It is here, holy
Father! this is my proof. This watch was yours, became mine by the
chance of war, or rapine, and now I restore it--it is yours again! Your
Riverence will examine it: the maker's name, your chain, your seals--you
cannot forget them any how?"
"Yes, yes, I must confess that is, or was my watch; the identity of that
I cannot possibly gainsay. And if you can make out that it was you who
deprived me of it, and that now again restore it, why assuredly I shall
then confess that you are _certes_ the honestest man in your calling
that I have ever met with. But, Mr. Phelim O'Neale, I have a question to
propose, and upon your answer to it will depend my credence of what now
you say. Pray, _if_ (I say _if_) hanged, how were you restored to life.
A watch may be found, and a watch can be wound--may be stolen, and may
be restored, but the vital spring of life is not so easily
renovated.--Come, to the point."
"Your Riverence must then know, that I was cut down by my friends, and
through their means restored to life, after having, to all appearance,
fallen a forfeit to the law."
"As how--as how? Mr. Phelim O'Neale! explain."
"By means of hemlock juice infused by well intentioned friends into my
throat and lungs. Oh, but too well I remember that, and but too well
they succeeded; for after the means they used for sussicitation I
recovered; but the pains which I endured were beyond those upon the
fatal tree, the punishment I had endured, and the shame I had borne, for
my family were indeed respectable. Upon my restoration to life, my
friends disguised me in female attire, and hurried me off in a merchant
vessel then in the bay, ready to slip her cables, and bound for
Virginia. So away I went in the same vessel. Och, may be it was not
without a sad and sorrowing heart that I left my mountain shores; for,
sweet Ireland, still, with all thy faults, art thou dear to me; and with
all my own too, with filial love yet do I adore thee, _mavourneen_, my
early loved, my dear natal isle!"
Phelim O'Neale continued: "Your Riverence knows the rest of my story. A
cannon shot of Marshal Rantzau's squadron soon compelled the vessel in
which I was bound for Virginia[19] immediately to strike her flag; and
the result of the Marshal's attack upon Ostind you are in full
possession of already. Here then my story ends, but not my gratitude to
you, of which, before we part, I shall endeavour to convince you of with
sincerity, marked by more than mere words."
[19] Virginia is noticed in "_The Noble Gentleman_" of Fletcher:--
"CLERIMONT.--Sir, I had rather send her to Virginia, to help to
propagate the English nation."--_Weber's Edition of the Works of
Beaumont and Fletcher_, v. VII. p. 442.
Mention is likewise made of it in Massinger's "_City Madam_":--
----------------------"How! Virginia!
High heaven forbid! Remember, Sir, I beseech you,
What creatures are shipp'd thither----
--------------Condemned wretches,
Forfeited to the law."
_Gifford's Edit. of Massinger_, vol. IV. p. 103.
"Why, Mr. Phelim O'Neale, you have really become eloquent, and have
astonished me quite by your display of words."
"No, no, Riverend Sir, they only burst forth from the heart with a full
tide of over-flowing gratitude to you, and with deep contrition to
myself, for all the past!"
"This my friend, my _honest_ friend, (for such I now must call you,
Phelim, for the restitution which you have made by words as well as in
deeds, and I needs now must prize thee,) yes, this promises good; and
sooth to say, I am pleased withal right well. There, take my hand, and
along with it my best benison on you, your wife, and children."
Phelim knelt down, kissed his hand, and prayed that heaven might shower
down its choicest blessings upon his reverend head.
Three entire days subsequent to this confession soon passed over, and
were occupied only at intervals, in order to obviate detection, in
sawing _per diem_ a bar. Each bar was cut slanting, or diagonally, so as
to be readily re-adjusted as if it had not been severed; and then the
entire bar, when replaced, was covered over by means of paper, which
was neatly pasted thereon, as if no undermining operations had been
sapping the grated barriers of their prison-house.--Meanwhile the
Reverend Chaplain was on the alert, scraping his old Cremona, and the
colonel's servant thundering forth the bass tones of his clarionet, to
serve as masqued batteries to drown the more subtle operations of the
saw and file of the son of Mars.
Upon the evening of the third day Phelim O'Neale came into their cell
just as the last bar to their enlargement was severed in twain. Suddenly
then all filing and fiddling, and piping and papering, at once ceased.
"All is right," exclaimed he, "and all is well. Before two days more
shall dawn you must away from this. I shall manage matters thus: I have
got disguises for yeez three; you, Riverend Sir, are (in the time of
travel) to be a midwife, going on a job to the town of Nieuport, three
leagues from this, where I have a friend, to whom I will address a
letter in behalf of all. In the furtherance of this my deep design, you
shall have a silk gown, cap, rich gilt ear-rings, necklace, with a
large cross--all, moreover, right tawdry enough; and a Flemish hood
thrown over all, to protect Madam Needful from being sun-burnt. And, sir
soldier, there shall be a lackey's dress for you; and, to boot, I have
likewise got a horse, which your worship is to bestride, and which is to
be mounted withal with saddle and pillion, upon which latter my
lady-in-need is to ride.--And as for you, sir lackey, you shall be
caparisoned in a blue check frock of true Flanders make and hue; for
thou art to be a Flemish peasant riding withal in such brave company.
But mind, my youth, I warn thee, that with all meet, becoming respect,
thou shalt demean thyself, and ride in the rere of these gallant
personages. Three horses and a guide, when we shall fix the day and
hour, shall be found waiting at the _porte de Nièuport_."
Many hearty thanks were returned for the ingenious stratagem of Mr.
Phelim O'Neale, which met with the cordial concurrence and approbation
of the prisoners.
Here Mr. Phelim O'Neale resumed his speech: "It must appear that yeez
all have broken prison at the time that yeez depart, so down with all
the bars when yeez go, that it may fully and fidentively appear that it
was any how without my will, knowledge, aid, abettance, or assistance,
whatsomdever, any thing at all to the contrairy notwithstanding, that
yeez fled from prison, in order that I may not suffer pains,
punishments, and penalties, from these Bellawagians, who, after all, to
do them justice, are fond of the English nation; and I verily and
fidentially believe that the craturs would sooner again fight with
Spinola Rantzau, or the d--l, nor with John Bull!"
"Yes," rejoined Doctor M'Kenzie, "that I believe to be an undoubted
fact, inasmuch that the united states of Flanders ever have wished, if
possible, to preserve peace and amity with England, and ever sorely have
they rued the day whenever they have been forced into a war against
England."
"That is most true," added Colonel Davidson, "for, Reverend Sir, you
recollect the favourite saying, or apothegm, of the Emperor Charles
V.:--
'_Con todo el mundo guerra,
Y puz con Ingalat jerra!_'
'With all the world have war,
But with England do not jar!'
And while speaking of Charles, who had the magnanimity to relinquish a
throne and to retire into the monastery of Saint Jüst, it must not be
forgotten the memorable declaration which he then made. While in the
monastery he employed his leisure time in works of mechanism, such as
clock-work, &c.; he then exclaimed, "_Oh, what a fool I have
been!--during my whole reign I have endeavoured to make all my subjects
think alike in religious matters_, AND YET I CANNOT CAUSE TWO WATCHES TO
KEEP TIME TOGETHER!"
"Yes, noble colonel, there is my hand for that remark, and with it is
accompanied my heart! You are a Protestant and I am a Catholic, yet do I
regard you and revere you, although we differ in tenets."
"And there is my hand and heart in return," said the valiant
colonel; and would to God that this could be a lesson to all the bigots
of the wide world, who, however, appear, I must needs confess, alas!
more zealous to frame sectarian systems, or incontinently to wage
doctrinal disputes and controversies, than meekly to disseminate _peace
and good will upon earth_! and inculcate the mild, forbearing doctrines
of Christianity, the two principal virtues of which are _charity_ and
_humility_."
The evening of the day which succeeded that of the developement of the
projected plan of escaping from prison had arrived, when, as soon as it
had become dark, Mr. Phelim O'Neale commenced his operations by bringing
in the different dresses in which his captives were to be disguised to
facilitate their elopement; this he did gradually and cautiously,
bringing sundry articles of attire at different times, so as to escape
suspicion. Mr. Phelim recommended that when all were duly clad in their
costume of disguise, that their own clothes and changes of linen, &c.
should be carefully packed up in two valises, one of which was to be
carried by the colonel's servant, and the other to be borne by the
guide. "And then," he added, yeez can throw off your disguises at my
friend Malone's house, in the suburbs of Nieuport, and to whom yeez bear
a letter from me."
This arrangement was assented to and resolved to be acted upon _nemine
con_.
The trio felt exceedingly grateful to Mr. Phelim O'Neale for all the
kindness which they had received, and especially for this last very
strong proof of his great generosity. Dr. M'Kenzie especially felt
obliged to him, as he was fully sensible that it was on his account
expressly that freedom was likewise given to his fellow-sufferers.
"Many, very many thanks, kind-hearted Mr. Phelim, for all the favours
which you have bestowed upon us, and most particularly for this last
evincing proof. But, in sooth, we must remunerate thee for all the
expense which thou hast put thyself to upon our account."
Here Phelim O'Neale whispered the Reverend chaplain: "Holy Father,
I tell thee nay; for always remember that once upon a time I robbed your
Riverence upon the high-way of tin times the value of which I now
poorly endeavour to repay you, so that I must beg to hear no more at
least upon this score. I am your debtor still! Silence, firmness, and
obedience to my commands, (who am, by the powers placed in me,
commandant and generalissimo of these dark towers,) are all the
conditions that I now require or impose at your hands, and those of your
fellow-sufferers."
"Well, well, Phelim, I suppose it all must be so as you have advised,
and I do not gainsay it. But, I must indeed acknowledge that you are,
beyond all doubt, hesitation, or even comparison, the most honest man
whom I have ever yet met in your calling."
The prisoners now anxiously lay down to take some repose upon their
beds, the sheets of which had been purposely broken up, and formed into
ropes, to facilitate their descent from the gaol window, and permit
their _exeunt_ to liberty.
On the following morning the prisoners were called up at a very early
hour by this kind-hearted gaoler, when they found themselves duly
invigorated and refreshed by a night's sound repose. And now they
hastened to put on the disguises in which they were to pursue their
journey, in the adjustment of which no great time was lost. They then
proceeded to dismantle the bars of the prison window, while the door and
outer door, upon the retirement of the gaoler, were to remain doubly
locked.
"Come, pray come, my gentle masters;" said Phelim O'Neale, "is all
ready?"
Being answered in the affirmative, he said: "Well then, any how, small
blame to me, I must give precedence to the church, then shall the sword
support the cross, and the servant attend on his master. Come, Riverend
Sir, we must now despatch--so we now proceed to business; thus before
you can patter two _Credos_ or an _Ave_ I will have you dangling at the
rope's end. Och, then, may be, any how, that wont be turning the tables
upon your Riverence!--ha, ha, ha! But sure, any how, nothing can be
more true nor one good turn desarves another."
Mr. Phelim O'Neale now proceeded to lower the Reverend Chaplain by means
of the rope. Having duly adjusted all, he observed, "I say, your
Riverence, I am now paying you off in kind."
"Marry, Phelim, a truce now to your joke-cracking, for which, by my
halidam, I have neither will nor leisure at present to mind. So I say,
prithee, a truce to the explosion of thy witticisms, which are,
methinks, immeasurably ill-timed and chosen; so I pray reserve them for
some meeter occasion of merriment."
"Your Riverence, in troth, only speaks in razon; but you know, your
Riverence, that Pat can no more forego his joke at all, at all, let bide
what may, than can Justice Jokum his pun, which he cracks while the rope
is fairly cracking the neck of the victim to the laws."
"Well, well, Mr. Phelim, having cracked your joke, pray spare my neck
from the same, and likewise my ribs from carte and tierce, for at this
present moment I see before me, with terror in my mind's eye, the
retrospect of the Nieuport-gate of Ostend, and all that you have told me
thereof. So have pity upon our nerves and necks while pending in air,
and _depending_ upon _you_!"
The Reverend Doctor was now safely landed upon _terra firma_, and he in
a subdued tone gave his hearty thanks and farewell to Mr. Phelim
O'Neale, who prayed that the blessings of the poor and distressed might
ever be showered upon, and protect the Reverend Chaplain.
Colonel Davidson's turn now came of being manumitted from the prison
window, and while adjusting the linen cord to the lower fragment of the
window bar--"Oh, Sir Soldier! how much you remind me of a print which I
have seen at Tyrconnel Castle of the famous Hungry Kat, [Henri Quatrè,]
the famous king of France; and, och, long life to you, may you have,
like him, an angel Gabriel [meaning Gabriella d'Estrees] for a wife;
och, and your worthy honour, may she be as kind, and good, and true, as
my own humble Justinè; and moreover, besides, may you have a whole house
full of childer!"
Colonel Davidson, laughing, good humouredly protested against this part
of the benison, as he smilingly observed, that if a soldier could manage
his military baggage, he had enough to do, without being encumbered with
live stock.
Our adventurers having all most kindly bade adieu to Mr. Phelim O'Neale,
proceeded onwards, attended by their guide; and in about a quarter of an
hour, or so, they came up with the attendant, who was in due waiting
with the horses. Colonel Davidson most respectfully lifted up the
Reverend Chaplain, now appropriately dressed in the assumed disguise,
and who looked withal most right, grave, and matron-like, duly seated
upon the pillion destined for the journey; and fully equipped as a
livery servant the colonel mounted the saddle, and was followed by his
attending servant disguised as a Flemish peasant, who most respectfully
kept his distance in the rere, while the guide led on the van. And at a
gentle and sober trot they proceeded for the Nieuport gate, where having
arrived, and being challenged by the sentinel, and the guide giving the
countersign, they were allowed to proceed; the draw-bridge was let down,
and onward they wended their peaceful way. Mr. Phelim O'Neale, with his
usual dexterity, had caused their horses to be shod with the shoes
turned the contrary way, with the intent thereby to prevent pursuit; by
thus puzzling the pursuers, if such should follow, that thus deceived by
the shoe-track, they should be like hounds at fault, and thus in despair
give over the pursuit.
Nieuport had been formerly only a hamlet, called Sandeshove, but upon
the destruction of the neighbouring port of Lombarsyde, being choked up
by the sands, a new port was constructed at Sandeshove, which caused the
town to assume the name of Nieuport, (in Latin, _Novus-portus_, or
_Neoportum_.) Lombarsyde, in consequence, was changed from a town into a
village, and Nieuport from a village into a town. It is regularly
fortified, distant about two leagues from _Furnes_,[20] three from
Ostend, four from Dunkirk, and seven from Bruges and Ypres. The air of
this town is so unhealthy that the garrison do not long remain without
being relieved. It is remarkable that Nieuport is the only place
throughout Flanders that has never been taken or retaken.--"_Urbs
intacta manet._"
[20] This city is called in the Flemish tongue _Veuren_.
The weather proved somewhat unpropitious to our travellers, as several
very heavy showers of rain fell during their route from Ostend to
Nieuport, the weather in Flanders being generally moist. Doctor M'Kenzie
fortunately recollected, during their progress on the road, that there
was a convent of English Carthusians established at Nieuport. This body
had been instituted in 1415, at Sheen, in England, by King Henry V.; but
in consequence of the persecutions of Queen Elizabeth, they were
compelled to depart their country; and having remained some time at
Malines and at Bruges, they finally established themselves, _anno
salutis 1626_, at Nieuport. The monastery was situated at the western
extremity of the main street of the town, called _Rue de Porte
l'Orient_. Dr. M'Kenzie had heard much praise bestowed upon the present
learned and worthy abbot, Father Philip de Comines, he resolved
therefore to make his way to the abbey, and consult with him upon the
best mode of returning to his native land. Pursuant to this
determination the wearied travellers now approached Nieuport, severely
drenched by the showers which fell during their journey. The Reverend
Gentleman threw off his female attire, and resumed his own, which was
done at a house where they halted, and situated in the suburbs of the
town, belonging to Malone, the friend of Mr. Phelim O'Neale, (to whom it
may be recollected that the latter had addressed a few lines;) at the
same time the colonel and his servant having also resumed their proper
costume, forthwith attended Doctor M'Kenzie, who proceeded to the abbey,
--------------------"where the Reverend Abbot
With all his convent honourably received him."
And not only the Reverend Clerk, but Colonel Davidson and his servant
likewise were hospitably received, and kindly entertained by the
good-natured monks.
The next day Doctor M'Kenzie was so severely indisposed from the wetting
which he received during his journey, that it was found necessary to
call in medical aid. A slight fever seized him, which confined him for
two weeks to his bed; and when he arose he found himself so weak and
debilitated, that the physician strenuously recommended him to try the
waters of Pyrmont so soon as he should be sufficiently recovered to
undertake the journey. Finding his fellow-voyager and sufferer now
somewhat recovered, Colonel Davidson prepared to take his departure, and
having affectionately embraced the Rev. Gentleman, and cordially shaken
hands with the good abbot and his hospitable brethren, the colonel,
accompanied by his servant, proceeded to Dunkirk, where he safely
arrived after a few hours travel, and from thence it was his intention
to proceed for Holland by way of Rotterdam.
After a few weeks' sojourn at the Carthusian convent, where the Reverend
Chaplain received every hospitality, kindness, and attention, that it
was in the power of the reverend brotherhood to bestow, with many a kind
_valete et benedicite_ he departed, finding himself sufficiently strong
to endure the fatigues of a land journey. The doctor set out for
Westphalia to benefit his health by using the mineral waters of Pyrmont,
and after several days, having travelled by slow stages, he safely
reached his destination.
But it is now full time, indeed, that we should return to the Duchess of
Tyrconnel, and accompany that amiable lady and her highly gifted
daughter, the lovely Adelaide, in their voyage and journey; from whom
the occurrences of important political events and the fatal scenes of
war, have too long detained us, but of whom an account may be found in
the succeeding chapter.