It is related that a Tailor was sitting in his shop facing a tall
house tenanted by a Y�zb�shi, and this man had a wife who was
unique for beauty and loveliness. Now one day of the days as she
looked out at the latticed window the Snip espied her and was
distraught by her comeliness and seemlihead. So he became
engrossed by love of her and remained all day a-gazing at the
casement disturbed and perturbed, and as often as she approached
the window and peered out therefrom, he would stare at her and
say to her, "O my lady and O core of my heart, good morning to
thee; and do thou have mercy upon one sore affected by his
affection to thee; one whose eyes sleep not by night for thy fair
sake." "This pimp be Jinn-mad!" quoth the Captain's wife, "and as
often as I look out at the window he dareth bespeak me: haply the
folk shall say, 'Indeed she must needs be his mistress.'" But the
Tailor persevered in this proceeding for a while of days until
the lady was offended thereby and said in her mind, "Wall�hi,
there is no help but that I devise for him a device which shall
make unlawful to him this his staring and casting sheep's eyes at
my casement; nay more, I will work for ousting him from his
shop." So one day of the days when the Yuzbashi went from home,
his wife arose and adorned and beautified herself, and donning
the bestest of what dresses and decorations she had, despatched
one of her slave-girls to the Tailor instructing her to say to
him, "My lady salameth to thee and biddeth thee come and drink
coffee with her." The handmaiden went to his shop and delivered
the message; and he, when hearing these words,[FN#365] waxed
bewildered of wits and rose up quivering in his clothes;--And
Shahrazad was surprised by the dawn of day and fell silent and
ceased to say her permitted say. Then quoth her sister Dunyazad,
"How sweet is thy story, O sister mine, and how enjoyable and
delectable!" Quoth she, "And where is this compared with that I
would relate to you on the coming night an the King suffer me to
survive?" Now when it was the next night and that was
The Seven Hundred and Forty-third Night,
Dunyazad said to her, "Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be
other than sleepy, finish for us thy tale that we may cut short
the watching of this our latter night!" She replied, "With love
and good will!" It hath reached me, O auspicious King, the
director, the right-guiding, lord of the rede which is benefiting
and of deeds fair-seeming and worthy celebrating, that when the
Tailor heard the girl's words, he quivered in his clothes; but
indeed he recked not aught of the wiles of womankind. So after
padlocking his shop he went with her to the house and walked
upstairs, where he was met by the lady with a face like the
rondure of the moon and she greeted him right merrily, and taking
him by the hand led him to a well-mattressed Divan and bade her
slave-girl serve him with coffee, and as he drank it she sat
facing him. Presently the twain fell to conversing, she and he;
and she soothed him with sweet speech, whilst he went clean out
of his mind for the excess of her beauty and loveliness. This
lasted until near midday, when she bade serve the dinner-trays,
and took seat in front of him, and he began picking up
morsels[FN#366] designed for his lips and teeth, but in lieu
thereof thrust them into his eye. She laughed at him, but hardly
had he swallowed the second mouthful and the third when behold,
the door was knocked, whereupon she looked out from the casement
and cried, "Oh my honour! this is my husband." Hereat the man's
hands and knees began to quake, and he said to her, "Whither
shall I wend?" Said she, "Go into this closet," and forthright
she thrust him into a cabinet and shot the bolt upon him and
taking the key she tare out one of its teeth[FN#367] and put it
in her pocket. After this she went down and opened the door to
her husband who walked upstairs; and finding the dinner trays
bespread, asked her, "What is this?" She answered, "I and my
lover have been dining together." "And what may be thy lover?"
"Here he is."[FN#368] "Where may he be?" to which she replied,
"He is inside this closet." Now as soon as the Tailor heard her
say this say, he piddled in his bag-breeches and befouled himself
and he was in a filthy state with skite and piss.[FN#369]
Hereupon the Captain asked, "And where's the key?" and she
answered, "Here it is with me."[FN#370] "Bring it out," said he,
so she pulled it from her pocket and handed it to him. The
Captain took the key from his spouse and applying it to the
wooden bolt of the cabinet rattled it to and fro[FN#371] but it
would not open; so the wife came up to him and cried, "Allah upon
thee, O my lord, what wilt thou do with my playmate?" Said he, "I
will slay him!" and said she, "No, 'tis my opinion that thou
hadst better pinion him and bind him as if crucified to the
pillar in the court floor and then smite him with thy sword upon
the neck and cut off his head; for I, during my born days, never
saw a criminal put to death and now 'tis my desire to sight one
done to die." "Sooth is thy speech," quoth he: so he took the key
and fitting it into the wooden bolt would have drawn it back, but
it could not move because a tooth had been drawn therefrom and
the while he was rattling at the bolt his wife said to him, "O my
lord,'tis my desire that thou lop off his hands and his feet
until he shall become marked by his maims;[FN#372] and after do
thou smite his neck." "A sensible speech," cried the husband and
during the whole time her mate was striving to pull the bolt she
kept saying to him, "Do this and do that with the fellow," and he
ceased not saying to her, "'Tis well." All this and the Tailor
sat hearkening to their words and melting in his skin; but at
last the wife burst out laughing until she fell upon her back and
her husband asked her, "Whereat this merriment?" Answered she, "I
make mock of thee for that thou art wanting in wits and wisdom."
Quoth he, "Wherefore?" and quoth she, "O my lord, had I a lover
and had he been with me should I have told aught of him to thee?
Nay; I said in my mind, 'Do such and such with the Captain and
let's see whether he will believe or disbelieve.' Now when I
spake thou didst credit me and it became apparent to me that thou
art wanting in wits." Cried he to her, "Allah disappoint thee!
Dost thou make jibe and jape of me? I also said in my thoughts,
'How can a man be with her and she speak of him in the face of
me?'" So he arose and took seat with her, the twain close
together, at the dinner-tray and she fell to morselling him and
he to morselling her, and they laughed and ate until they had
their sufficiency and were filled; then they washed their hands
and drank coffee. After this they were cheered and they toyed
together and played the two-backed beast until their pleasure was
fulfilled and this was about mid-afternoon--And Shahrazad was
surprised by the dawn of day and fell silent and ceased saying
her permitted say. Then quoth her sister Dunyazad, "How sweet and
tasteful is thy tale, O sister mine, and how enjoyable and
delectable!" Quoth she, "And where is this compared with that I
would relate to you on the coming night an the Sovran suffer me
to survive?" Now when it was the next night, and that was
The Seven Hundred and Forty-fifth Night,
Dunyazad said to her, "Allah upon thee, O my sister, an thou be
other than sleepy, finish for us thy tale, that we may cut short
the watching of this our latter night!" She replied, "With love
and good will!" It hath reached me, O auspicious King, the
director, the right-guiding, lord of the rede which is benefiting
and of deeds fair-seeming and worthy celebrating, that the
Yuzbashi fell to toying with his wife, and thrusting and foining
at her cleft,[FN#373] her solution of continuity, and she
wriggled to and fro to him, and bucked up and down, after which
he tumbled her and both were in gloria.[FN#374] This lasted until
near mid-afternoon when he arose and went forth to the Hammam.
But as soon as he left the house she opened the cabinet and
brought out the Tailor, saying, "Hast thou seen what awaiteth
thee, O pander, O impure? Now by Allah, an thou continue staring
at the windows or durst bespeak me with one single word it shall
be the death of thee. This time I have set thee free, but a
second time I will work to the wasting of thy heart's blood."
Cried he, "I will do so no more; no, never!" Thereupon said she
to her slave-girl, "O handmaid, open to him the door;" and she
did so, and he fared forth (and he foully bewrayed as to his
nether garments) until he had returned to his shop. Now when the
Emir heard the tale of the Kazi, he rejoiced thereat and said to
him, "Up and gang thy gait!" so the judge went off garbed in his
gaberdine and bonnet. Then said the house-master to his wife,
"This be one of the four, where's Number Two?" Hereat she arose
and opened the closet in which was the Gentleman and led him out
by the hand till he stood before her husband, who looked hard at
him and was certified of him and recognised him as the
Sh�hbandar; so he said to him, "O Khaw�jah, when didst thou make
thee a droll?"[FN#375] but the other returned to him neither
answer nor address and only bowed his brow groundwards. Quoth the
house-master to him, "Dance for us a wee and when thou shalt have
danced do thou tell us a tale." So he fell perforce to clapping
his hands and skipping about until he fell down of fatigue when
he said, "O my lord, there is with me a rare story, and an
exceeding strange if thou of thy grace accord attention to my
words." "Tell on and I will listen to thee," quoth the other,
whereupon said the Gentleman, "'Tis concerning the wiles of
womankind," and fell to relating the adventures of