perfectly quiet for a long time in his own room, during the "bald
disjointed chat" of some idle visitors, who were gabbling with one
another about the weather, and other topics of as interesting a nature,
he suddenly exclaimed, "_We had pork for dinner to-day_."--"Dear me! Mr.
Fuseli, what an odd remark."--"Why, it is _as good_ as anything you have
been saying for _the last hour_."
MCCCLXXXI.--RATHER FEROCIOUS.
AS Burke was declaiming with great animation against Hastings, he was
interrupted by little Major Scott. "Am I," said he, indignantly, "to be
teased by the barking of this _jackal_ while I am attacking the royal
_tiger_ of Bengal?"
MCCCLXXXII.--ONLY FOR LIFE.
A SPANISH Archbishop having a dispute with an opulent duke, who said
with scorn, "What are you? your title and revenues are only for your
life," answered by asking, "And for how _many lives_ does your Grace
hold yours?"
MCCCLXXXIII.--AN OUTLINE.
WHEN the Duke de Choiseul, who was a remarkably meagre-looking man, came
to London to negotiate a peace, Charles Townshend, being asked whether
the French government had sent the preliminaries of a treaty, answered,
he did not know, but they had sent "the _outline of an ambassador_."
MCCCLXXXIV.--ON SIR WALTER SCOTT'S POEM OF WATERLOO.
ON Waterloo's ensanguined plain,
Full many a gallant man lies slain;
But none, by bullet or by shot,
Fell half so flat as Walter Scott.
MCCCLXXXV.--UGLY TRADES.
THE ugliest of trades have their moments of pleasure. Now, if I were a
grave-digger, or even a hangman, there are some people I could work for
with a great deal of enjoyment.--D.J.
MCCCLXXXVI.--A GOOD CHARACTER.
AN Irish gentleman parting with a lazy servant-woman, was asked, with
respect to her industry, whether she was what is termed _afraid_ of
work. "O, not at all," said he; "not at all; she'll frequently _lie
down_ and fall asleep by the very _side of it_."
MCCCLXXXVII.--SENSIBILITY.
A KEEN sportsman, who kept harriers, was so vexed when any noise was
made while the hounds were at fault, that he rode up to a gentleman who
accidentally coughed at such a time, and said, "I wish, with all my
heart, sir, your _cough_ was better."
MCCCLXXXVIII.--PATIENCE.
WHEN Lord Chesterfield was one day at Newcastle House, the Duke
happening to be very particularly engaged, the Earl was requested to sit
down in an ante-room. "Garnet upon Job," a book dedicated to the Duke,
happened to lie in the window; and his Grace, on entering, found the
Earl so busily engaged in reading, that he asked how he liked the
commentary. "In any other place," replied Chesterfield, "I should not
think much of it; but there is so much _propriety_ in putting a volume
upon _patience_ in the room where every visitor has to wait for your
Grace, that _here_ it must be considered as one of the _best books in
the world_."
MCCCLXXXIX.--WHAT'S MY THOUGHT LIKE?
_Quest._ WHY is a pump like Viscount Castlereagh?
_Ans._ Because it is a slender thing of wood,
That up and down its awkward arm doth sway,
And coolly shout, and spout, and spout away,
In one weak, washy, everlasting flood!
MCCCXC.--NOT GIVING HIMSELF "AIRS."
ARCHDEACON PALEY was in very high spirits when he was presented to his
first preferment in the Church. He attended at a visitation dinner just
after this event, and during the entertainment called out jocosely,
"Waiter, shut down that window at the back of my chair, and open another
behind some _curate_."
MCCCXCI.--A BARBER SHAVED BY A LAWYER.
"SIR," said a barber to an attorney who was passing his door, "will you
tell me if this is a good half-sovereign?" The lawyer, pronouncing the
piece good, deposited it in his pocket, adding, with gravity, "If
you'll send your lad to my office, I'll return the _three and
four-pence_."
MCCCXCII.--A MAN OF METAL.
EDWIN JAMES, examining a witness, asked him what his business was. He
answered, "A dealer in old iron."--"Then," said the counsel, "you must
of course be a thief."--"I don't see," replied the witness, "why a
dealer in _iron_ must necessarily be a thief, more than a dealer in
_brass_."
MCCCXCIII.--SPECIMEN OF THE LACONIC.
"BE less prolix," says Grill. I like advice.
"Grill, you're an ass!" Now, surely, that's concise.
MCCCXCIV.--A DROP.
DEAN SWIFT was one day in company, when the conversation fell upon the
antiquity of the family. The lady of the house expatiated a little too
freely on her descent, observing that her ancestors' names began with
De, and, of course, of antique French extraction. When she had finished;
"And now," said the Dean, "will you be so kind as to help me to a piece
of that _D--umpling_?"
MCCCXCV.--ERROR IN JUDGMENT.
AN author once praised another writer very heartily to a third person.
"It is very strange," was the reply, "that you speak so well of him, for
he says that you are a charlatan."--"O," replied the other, "I think it
very likely that _both of us_ may be mistaken."
MCCCXCVI.--THE SUPERIORITY OF MACHINERY.
A MECHANIC his labor will often discard,
If the rate of his pay he dislikes:
But a clock--and its case is uncommonly hard--
Will continue to work though it _strikes_!
MCCCXCVII.--THE MONEY-BORROWER DECEIVED.
A YOUTH had borrowed a hundred pounds of a very rich friend, who had
concluded that he should never see them again. He was mistaken, for the
youth returned him the money. Some time after, the youth came again to
borrow, but was refused. "No, sir," said his friend, "you shall not
_deceive_ me twice."
MCCCXCVIII.--A SPEAKING CANVAS.
SOME of the friends of a famous painter, observed to him, that they
never heard him bestow any praises but on his worst paintings. "True,"
answered he; "for the best will always _praise_ themselves."
MCCCXCIX.--INDUSTRY OF THE ENGLISH PEOPLE.
SYDNEY SMITH, writing in the _Edinburgh Review_, says, "If the English
were in a paradise of spontaneous productions, they would continue to
_dig_ and _plough_, though they were never a peach or a pine-apple the
_better for it_."
MCD.--OCULAR.
TAYLOR says, "My best pun was that which I made to Sheridan, who married
a Miss Ogle." We were supping together at the Shakespeare, when, the
conversation turning on Garrick, I asked him which of his performances
he thought the best. "O," said he, "the Lear, the Lear."--"No wonder,"
said I, "you were fond of a _Leer_ when you married an _Ogle_."
MCDI.--ON THE DISAPPOINTMENT OF THE WHIG ASSOCIATES OF THE PRINCE
REGENT AT NOT OBTAINING OFFICE.
YE politicians, tell me, pray,
Why thus with woe and care rent?
This is the worst that you can say,
Some wind has blown the wig away,
And left the _Hair Apparent_.
MCDII.--AN APT REPROOF.
MR. WESLEY, during his voyage to America, hearing an unusual noise in
the cabin of General Oglethorpe (the Governor of Georgia, with whom he
sailed), stepped in to inquire the cause of it, on which the General
immediately addressed him: "Mr. Wesley, you must excuse me. I have met
with a provocation too great for man to bear. You know the only wine I
drink is Cyprus wine, as it agrees with me the best of any; and this
villain Grimaldi (his foreign servant) has drunk up the whole I had on
board. But I will be revenged of him. I have ordered him to be tied hand
and foot, and to be carried to the man-of-war that sails with us. The
rascal should have taken care how he used me, for _I never
forgive_."--"Then I hope, sir," said John Wesley, looking calmly at him,
"_you never sin_." The General was quite confounded at the reproof, and
putting his hand into his pocket took out a bunch of keys, which he
threw at Grimaldi, saying, "There, villain! Take my keys, and behave
better for the future."
MCDIII.--THE LAME BEGGAR.
"I AM unable," yonder beggar cries,
"To _stand or move_." If he says true, he _lies_.
MCDIV.--HOLLAND'S FUNERAL.
HOLLAND, who was a great favorite with Foote, died. While the funeral
ceremony was performing, G. Garrick remarked to Foote: "You see what a
snug family vault we have made here."--"_Family vault_!" said Foote,
with tears trickling down his cheeks, "I thought it had been a family
_oven_."
MCDV.--PRETTY.
HOPE is the dream of those who are awake.
MCDVI.--NOT IMPROBABLE.
A CERTAIN young clergyman, modest almost to bashfulness, was once asked
by a country apothecary, of a contrary character, in a public and
crowded assembly, and in a tone of voice sufficient to catch the
attention of the whole company, "How it happened that the patriarchs
lived to such extreme old age?" To which question the clergyman replied,
"_Perhaps they took no physic_."
MCDVII.--SOUGHT AND FOUND.
THREE conceited young wits, as they thought themselves, passing along
the road near Oxford, met a grave old gentleman, with whom they had a
mind to be rudely merry. "Good-morrow, father Abraham," said one;
"Good-morrow, father Isaac," said the next; "Good-morrow, father Jacob,"
cried the last. "I am neither Abraham, Isaac, nor Jacob," replied the
old gentleman, "but Saul, the son of Kish, who went out to seek his
father's _asses_, and lo! here I have found them."
MCDVIII.--NO REDEEMING VIRTUE.
"PRAY, does it always rain in this hanged place,
Enough to drive one mad, heaven knows?"
"No, please your grace,"
Cried Boniface,
With some grimace,
"_Sometimes it snows_."
MCDIX.--A REMARKABLE ECHO.
A CERTAIN Chief Justice, on hearing an ass bray, interrupted the late
Mr. Curran, in his speech to the jury, by saying, "One at a time, Mr.
Curran, if you please." The speech being finished, the judge began his
charge, and during its progress the ass sent forth the full force of its
lungs; whereupon the advocate said, "Does not your lordship hear a
remarkable _echo in the court_?"
MCDX.--A DUTIFUL DAUGHTER.
THE father of Mrs. Siddons had always forbidden her to marry an actor,
and of course she chose a member of the old gentleman's company, whom she
secretly wedded. When Roger Kemble heard of it he was furious. "Have I
not," he exclaimed, "dared you to marry a player?" The lady replied, with
downcast eyes, that she had not disobeyed. "What, madam! have you not
allied yourself to about the worst performer in my company?"--"Exactly
so," murmured the timid bride; "nobody can call _him_ an actor."
MCDXI.--A PERTINENT QUESTION.
FRANKLIN was once asked, "What is the use of your discovery of
atmospheric electricity?" The philosopher answered the question by
another, "What is the _use_ of a new-born infant?"
MCDXII.--A SOPORIFIC.
A PROSY orator reproved Lord North for going to sleep during one of his
speeches. "Pooh, pooh!" said the drowsy Premier; "the physician should
never quarrel with _the effect_ of his own medicine."
MCDXIII.--THE AMENDE HONORABLE.
QUOTH Will, "On that young servant-maid
My heart its life-string stakes."
"Quite safe!" cries Dick, "don't be afraid,
She pays for _all she breaks_."
MCDXIV.--ALLEGORICAL REPRESENTATION.
A PAINTER, who was well acquainted with the dire effects of law, had to
represent two men,--one who had gained a law-suit, and another who had
lost one. He painted the former with a _shirt on_, and the latter
_naked_.
MCDXV.--MILITARY ELOQUENCE.
AN officer who commanded a regiment very ill-clothed, seeing a party of
the enemy advancing, who appeared newly equipped, he said to his
soldiers, in order to rally them on to glory, "There, my brave fellows,
go and _clothe_ yourselves."
MCDXVI.--CUTTING OFF THE SUPPLIES.
THE late Duke of York is reported to have once consulted Abernethy.
During the time his highness was in the room, the doctor stood before
him with his hands in his pockets, waiting to be addressed, and
whistling with great coolness. The Duke, naturally astonished at his
conduct, said, "I suppose you know who I am?"--"Suppose I do; what of
that? If your Highness of York wishes to be well, let me tell you,"
added the surgeon, "you must do as the Duke of Wellington often did in
his campaigns, _cut off the supplies_, and the enemy will quickly leave
the citadel."
MCDXVII.--EPIGRAM.
THE proverb says, and no one e'er disputes,
"Nature the shoulder to the burden suits";
Then nature gave to Saucemore with his head,
Shoulders to carry half a ton of lead.
MCDXVIII.--A FOWL JOKE.
A CITY policeman before Judge Maule said he was in the _hens_ (_N_)
division. "Do you mean in the _Poultry_?" asked the Judge.
MCDXIX.--AN EXPENSIVE TRIP.
IRISH Johnstone, the comedian, was known to be rather parsimonious. On
one of his professional visits to Dublin, he billeted himself (as was
his wont) upon all his acquaintances in town. Meeting Curran afterwards
in London, and talking of his _great expenses_, he asked the ex-Master
of the Rolls what he supposed he spent in the Irish capital during his
last trip. "I don't know," replied Curran; "but probably a _fortnight_."
MCDXX.--OLD FRIENDS.
COLEMAN, the dramatist, was asked if he knew Theodore Hook. "Yes,"
replied the wit; "_Hook_ and _eye_ are old associates."
MCDXXI.--A REASON.
"I WISH you at the devil!" said somebody to Wilkes. "I don't wish you
there," was the answer. "Why?"--"Because I never wish _to see you
again_!"
MCDXXII.--HONOR.
DURING a siege the officer in command proposed to the grenadiers a large
sum of money as a reward to him who should first drive a fascine into a
ditch which was exposed to the enemy's fire. None of the grenadiers
offered. The general, astonished, began to reproach them for it. "_We
should have all offered_," said one of these brave soldiers, "if money
_had not been set as the price of this action_."
MCDXXIII.--JUST AS WONDERFUL.
A GENTLEMAN asked a friend, in a very knowing manner, "Pray, did you
ever see a _cat-fish_?"--"No," was the response, "but I've seen a
_rope-walk_."
MCDXXIV.--CHARITY BEGINS AT HOME.
"WELL, neighbor, what's the news this morning?" said a gentleman to a
friend. "I have just bought a sack of flour for a poor woman."--"Just
like you! Whom have you made so happy by your charity this time?"--"_My
wife_."
MCDXXV.--QUESTION ANSWERED.
THAT idiot W---- coming out of the Opera one night, called out, "Where
is my fellow?"--"_Not in England_, I'll swear," said a bystander.
MCDXXVI.--VERY LIKELY.
AN officer of the navy being asked what Burke meant by the "_Cheap_
defence of nations," replied, "A midshipman's _half-pay_,--nothing a-day
and find yourself."
MCDXXVII.--INQUEST EXTRAORDINARY.
DIED suddenly,--surprised at such a rarity!
Verdict,--Saw Eldon do a little bit of charity.
MCDXXVIII.--A GRUNT.
"DOCTOR, when we have sat together some time, you'll find my brother
very entertaining."--"Sir," said Johnson, "_I can wait_."
MCDXXIX.--ONE FAULT.
"SHE is insupportable," said a wit with marked emphasis, of one well
known; but, as if he had gone too far, he added, "It is her _only_
defect."
MCDXXX.--TO THE "COMING" MAN.
SMART waiter, be contented with thy state,
The world is his who best knows how to wait.
MCDXXXI.--NOTHING TO BOAST OF.
"THE British empire, sir," exclaimed an orator, "is one on which the sun
never sets."--"And one," replied an auditor, "in which the
_tax-gatherer_ never goes to bed."
MCDXXXII.--COLONIAL BREWERIES.
WHAT two ideas are more inseparable than Beer and Britannia? what event
more awfully important to an English colony, than the erection of its
_first brewhouse?_--S.S.
MCDXXXIII.--A CLOSER.
SOME person caused the following inscription to be placed over the door
of a house, "Let _nothing_ enter here but what is _good_."--"Then where
will _the master_ go in?" asked a cynic.
MCDXXXIV.--THE FOOL OR KNAVE.
THY praise or dispraise is to me alike;
One doth not _stroke_ me, nor the other _strike_.
MCDXXXV.--KNOWING HIS MAN.
AN attorney, not celebrated for his probity, was robbed one night on his
way from Wicklow to Dublin. His father meeting Baron O'Grady next day,
said, "My lord, have you heard of my son's robbery?"--"No," replied the
baron; "whom did _he rob_?"
MCDXXXVI.--A GOOD REASON FOR A BAD CAUSE.
AN eminent counsellor asked another why he so often undertook bad
causes. "Sir," answered the lawyer, "I have lost so many _good_ ones,
that I am quite at a loss which to take."
MCDXXXVII.--SELF-APPLAUSE.
SOME persons can neither stir hand nor foot without making it clear they
are thinking of themselves, and laying little traps for
approbation.--S.S.
MCDXXXVIII.--A WOODEN JOKE.
BURKE said of Lord Thurlow, "He was a sturdy _oak_ at Westminster, and a
_willow_ at St James's."
MCDXXXIX.--AN OLD ADAGE REFUTED.
A SCHOLAR having fallen into the hands of robbers was fastened to a
tree, and left so nearly a whole day, till one came and unloosed him.
"Now," says he, "the old adage must be false, which saith that the
_tide_ tarrieth for no man."
MCDXL.--THEATRICAL PURGATIONS.
A DRAMATIC author once observed that he knew nothing so terrible as
reading his piece before a critical audience. "I know but one more
terrible," said Compton, the actor, "to be obliged to sit and _hear
it_."
MCDXLI.--ALL THE SAME.
IN Edinburgh resided a gentleman, who is as huge, though not so witty,
as Falstaff. It is his custom when he travels to book two places, and
thus secure half the inside to himself. He once sent his servant to book
him to Glasgow. The man returned with the following pleasing
intelligence: "I've booked you, sir; there weren't two inside places
left, so I booked you _one in_ and _one out_."
MCDXLII.--THE PRINCIPLE OF GOVERNMENTS.
I SHALL not easily forget the sarcasm of Swift's simile as he told us of
the Prince of Orange's harangue to the mob of Portsmouth. "We are come,"
said he, "for your good--_for all your goods_."--"A universal
principle," added Swift, "of all governments; but, like most other
truths, only _told by mistake_."
MCDXLIII.--DR. WALCOT'S APPLICATION FOR SHIELD'S IVORY OPERA PASS.
SHIELD, while the supplicating poor
Ask thee for _meat_ with piteous moans;
More humble I approach thy door,
And beg for nothing but thy _bones_.
MCDXLIV.--COOKING HIS GOOSE.
THE performers rallying Cooke one morning, in the green room, on the
awkward cut of a new coat, he apologized, by saying, "It was his
tailor's _fault_."--"Yes, poor man," said Munden, "and his _misfortune_
too!"
MCDXLV.--TAKE WARNING!
A BARRISTER who had retired from practice, said: "If any man was to
claim the _coat_ upon my back, and threaten my refusal with a lawsuit,
he should certainly have it; lest, in defending my _coat_, I should, too
late, find that I was deprived of my _waistcoat_ also."
MCDXLVI.--"THE WIDE, WIDE SEA."
HOOD says that, "A Quaker loves the ocean for its _broad brim_."
MCDXLVII.--CONDITIONAL AGREEMENT.
DR. A----, when dangerously ill at an hotel, was applied to by the
landlord to pass his bill. The doctor, observing that all the charges
were very high, wrote at the bottom of the account, "If I die, I _pass_
this account; if I live, I'll _examine it_."
MCDXLVIII.--ON A SQUINTING POETESS.
TO no _one_ muse does she her glance confine,
But has an eye, at once, to _all the nine_.
MCDXLIX.--A NEAT SUGGESTION.
A WELSH judge, celebrated as a suitor for all sorts of places and his
neglect of personal cleanliness, was thus addressed by Mr. Jekyll: "As
you have asked the Ministry for everything else, ask them for a piece
of _soap_ and a _nailbrush_."
MCDL.--SCOTCH "WUT."
IT requires (says Sydney Smith) a surgical operation to get a joke well
into a Scotch understanding. Their only idea of wit, or rather that
inferior variety of the electric talent which prevails occasionally in
the North, and which, under the name of _Wut_, is so infinitely
distressing to people of good taste, is laughing immoderately at stated
intervals. They are so imbued with metaphysics that they even make love
metaphysically. I overheard a young lady of my acquaintance, at a dance
in Edinburgh, exclaim, in a sudden pause of the music, "What you say, my
lord, is very true of love in the _aibstract_, but----" Here the
fiddlers began fiddling furiously, and the rest was lost.
MCDLI.--WHERE IT CAME FROM.
A LADY, whose fondness for generous living had given her a flushed face
and rubicund nose, consulted Dr. Cheyne. Upon surveying herself in the
glass, she exclaimed, "Where in the name of wonder, doctor, did I get
_such a nose_ as this?"--"Out of the _decanter, madam_," replied the
doctor.
MCDLII.--QUIN AND CHARLES I.
QUIN sometimes said a wise thing. Disputing concerning the execution of
Charles I.,--"By what laws," said his opponent, "was he put to death?"
Quin replied, "By all the _laws_ that he had _left them_."
MCDLIII.--TIMELY FLATTERY.
A GENTLEMAN was asked by Mrs. Woffington, what difference there was
between her and her watch; to which he instantly replied, "Your watch,
madam, makes us _remember_ the hours, and you make us _forget_ them."
MCDLIV.--EPIGRAM ON TWO CONTRACTORS.
TO gull the public two contractors come,
One pilfers corn,--the other cheats in rum.
Which is the greater knave, ye wits explain,
A rogue in _spirit_, or a rogue in _grain_?
MCDLV.--TRAVELLERS SEE STRANGE THINGS.
A TRAVELLER, when asked whether, in his youth, he had gone _through
Euclid_, was not quite sure, but he thought it was a _small village_
between Wigan and Preston.
MCDLVI.--AN UNCONSCIOUS INSULT.
A FRENCHMAN, who had learned English, wished to lose no opportunity of
saying something pretty. One evening he observed to Lady R., whose dress
was fawn color, and that of her daughter pink, "Milady, your daughter is
de _pink_ of beauty."--"Ah, monsieur, you Frenchmen always
flatter."--"No, madam, I only do speak the truth, and what all de world
will allow, that your daughter is de pink, and you are de _drab_ of
fashion."
MCDLVII.--A CLOSE TRANSLATION.
A COUNTRY gentleman, wishing to be civil to Dr. B----, a translator of
Juvenal, said, "What particularly convinces me of the faithfulness of
your translation is, that _in places where I do not understand Juvenal,
I likewise do not understand you_."
MCDLVIII.--NEW RELATIONSHIP.
A STRANGER to law courts hearing a judge call a sergeant "brother,"
expressed his surprise. "O," said one present, "they are
brothers,--_brothers-in-law_."
MCDLIX.--ONLY A NINEPIN.
THE Earl of Lonsdale was so extensive a proprietor, and patron of
boroughs, that he returned nine members to Parliament, who were
facetiously called Lord Lonsdale's ninepins. One of the members thus
designated, having made a very extravagant speech in the House of
Commons, was answered by Mr. Burke in a vein of the happiest sarcasm,
which elicited from the House loud and continued cheers. Mr. Fox,
entering the House just as Mr. Burke was sitting down, inquired of
Sheridan what the House was cheering. "O, nothing of consequence,"
replied Sheridan, "only Burke has knocked down one of _Lord Lonsdale's
ninepins_."
MCDLX.--DR. WALCOT'S REQUEST FOR IVORY TICKETS, SENT TO SHIELD, THE
COMPOSER.
SON of the string (I do not mean Jack Ketch,
Though Jack, like thee, produceth dying tones),
Oh, yield thy pity to a starving wretch,
And for to-morrow's _treat_ pray send thy _bones_!
MCDLXI.--DIFFICULTIES IN EITHER CASE.
ONE evening, at a private party at Oxford, at which Dr. Johnson was
present, a recently published essay on the future life of brutes was
referred to, and a gentleman, disposed to support the author's opinion
that the lower animals have an "immortal part," familiarly remarked to
the doctor, "Really, sir, when we see a very sensible dog, we don't know
what to think of him." Johnson, turning quickly round, replied, "True,
sir; and when we see a very foolish _fellow_, we don't know what to
think of _him_."
MCDLXII.--A PROFESSIONAL AIM.
IN a duel between two attorneys, one of them shot away the skirt of the
other's coat. His second, observing the truth of his aim, declared that
had his friend been engaged with a _client_ he would very probably have
_hit his pocket_.
MCDLXIII.--FLYING COLORS.
SIR GODFREY KNELLER latterly painted more for profit than for praise,
and is said to have used some whimsical preparations in his colors,
which made them work fair and smoothly off, but not endure. A friend,
noticing it to him, said, "What do you think posterity will say, Sir
Godfrey Kneller, when they see these pictures some years hence?"--"Say!"
replied the artist: "why, they'll say Sir Godfrey Kneller _never_
painted them!"
MCDLXIV.--AN ENTERTAINING PROPOSITION.
A POMPOUS fellow made a very inadequate offer for a valuable property;
and, calling the next day for an answer, inquired of the gentleman if he
had _entertained his proposition_. "No," replied the other, "your
proposition _entertained me_."
MCDLXV.--UNION OF OPPOSITES.