"And then we were on the road, marching toward that inferno. By
imperceptible degrees the pounding grew louder. I moved mechanically
because I was in the ranks, with a man on each side of me and one
in front and one behind. I had to go on. My will could not control
my movements. I was part of a machine. The machine went toward the
pounding and I went with it. That was all, except that once I vomited.
"Mind you, I had never really heard a shell, only the distant sound of
the explosions. We had been marching nearly two hours, when I heard my
first shell. There was a long, thin whine some place in the air. It was
a new sound, and it was so strange to me that I raised my head for the
first time since we started on the march. The man next to me laughed.
"'A shell,' he said.
"I looked all around me. I tried to stop to see the path of that queer
whine, but the man behind me prodded me on. Several of them laughed.
"'You will hear plenty more,' they said.
"They thought I was eager for them.
"The shells began to come at regular intervals, all following the same
path with the same peculiar whine. I tried every time to see them.
"'The Boches are hunting for a battery over on our left,' the veterans
said. There was no change in the pace. I was saying to myself, 'I have
really heard a shell, and I did not run.'
"It was very queer to me; I tried to think it out. I was afraid. I knew
I was afraid. But I had not run. I began to wonder just how afraid I
was, and I wanted to know. I had heard the shell and my curiosity was
aroused. I wanted to go on and see how far I would go before my fear
overcame me. With every one of their long whines I studied myself to
see if I would run, then when I continued marching with the regiment I
would say:
"'Not yet; perhaps the next time. Certainly, there is a limit beyond
which I will not go.'
"It was as though I were studying some other man. There was the me who
was afraid and knew it, and the me who watched to see how afraid I was.
"Eleven o'clock came and we stopped for luncheon. We stacked our
arms beside the road and eased off our equipment. I felt wonderfully
relieved that I had got that far. I was not really hungry, because I
was afraid, but I was enough master of myself to know that I must eat,
and to force myself to do so.
"While we waited there shells began to fall close to us--close enough
so that we could hear the explosion after the whine. Before we had only
heard the whine. The first one made me jump. The whine was loud and
strong and the explosion came quick and sharp. With the second I was
strong enough to turn and look at the cloud of earth, smoke and rocks.
I was doing pretty well. A shell fell short of us. Some of the men
looked up and saw an aeroplane sailing around over our heads.
"'Better get out of here,' they said. 'That is a Boche. He is giving
our range to his battery.' A shell dropped up near the head of the
line, almost in the road. I heard no orders, but we all gathered up our
rifles and equipment and marched off at quick step.
"I had looked straight in the face of the shell that fell in the
field beside us. It was another triumph for me. I had looked at it,
shivering, to be sure, wondering if I would run. But I had not run.
There was still a little further to go to pursue my investigation and
find out how much I could stand before I ran."
My curiosity got the better of me.
"Have you found out yet?" I asked.
"I am coming to that," he replied. "We went on up that road at the
quick step until we came to the entrance of a _boyau_ leading to the
supporting trenches. Shells fell around us all the time. The Boche
aeroplane was still trying to regulate the fire of its battery, and
there was a maddening wait at the mouth of the _boyau_ until it came
time for us to go in. We had been marching in the road four abreast,
but we had to go into the _boyau_ single file. My platoon was well
toward the rear, and that made us wait. We had nothing to do but stand
in the road and watch the shells and wait our turn."