[Illustration: Lord Elcho.]
_House of Commons, Monday, February 29._--Mr. G. looked in to-night
from the Riviera; greeted with rousing cheer from Opposition; didn't
expect to see him to-day; just arrived from Mediterranean _viâ_ Paris;
most men in such circumstances would have gone straight home, read
their letters, had quiet dinner, "and so to bed," as the late Mr.
PEPYS occasionally remarked.
"That's all very well for you elderly fellows, TOBY," said Mr.
G., beaming with health and smiles. "ARMITSTEAD, for example, went
straight off home. I was careful to see about that; he's a fine
fellow, and I humoured him by letting him suppose he was looking after
me as far as Biarritz, and on to Pau. In no other way could I have
got him to make a holiday. Think I rather wore him out at St. Raphael.
When a man gets over sixty he doesn't care about his ten or fifteen
mile walk before luncheon. However, I brought ARMITSTEAD back all
right, and, packing him off home at Charing Cross, just popped in here
to see how you are getting on."
In respect of business, not getting on at all. Things going awry.
Ministerialists won't come up to scratch in Division Lobby; Majority
that used to flash forth a hundred-candlelight strong, now flickered
down to a score. Opposition growing jubilant and aggressive; Irish
Members, long quiescent, waking up as of yore. To-night Prince ARTHUR,
stung to quick by remarks from JOHN DILLON, made rattling speech
defending his Irish policy; poured contumely and scorn on heads of
Irish Members.
"You," he said, with gesture of passionate scorn, "see no source of
regeneration for Ireland but in refusal of tenants to pay their rent."
Lord ELCHO and other young bloods on Ministerial Bench cheered; old
stagers looked grave.
"Ah, ah!" said CAMPBELL-BANNERMAN, looking on from the Front
Opposition Bench, "I spy the beard of the Irish Secretary under the
muffler of the Leader of the House."
"Dear me," said ESSLEMONT, who overheard the remark; "I don't remember
BALFOUR with a beard when he was at the Irish Office. You're not
mixing him up with GRANDOLPH?"
"Get thee to a nunnery, worthy draper," said CAMPBELL-BANNERMAN, "and
in that leisurely retirement read your SHAKSPEARE."
"A nunnery!" cried ESSLEMONT, more than ever bewildered; "why they
wouldn't let me in. I suppose you mean a monastery; but man and boy
for fifty years I've gone to Kirk, and nothing would--" By this time
CAMPBELL-BANNERMAN was out of hearing.
_Business done_.--One Vote in Committee of Supply.
_Tuesday_.--The MARKISS not in his place in Lords to-night. Looked in
at Arlington Street to inquire if absence was due to illness.
"Not at all, TOBY," said the MARKISS who, indeed, looked quite fit.
"There was nothing particular on the paper to-night, so I didn't go
down. It's necessary for Nephew ARTHUR to be regular in his attendance
on the Commons. But in the Lords it's different. A happy fortune
places the Leader there in a position that relieves him from strain
of unbroken attendance. With STRATHEDEN AND CAMPBELL looking after
foreign policy, and DENMAN taking charge of home affairs, my post is
really a sinecure. They talk about ending or mending of the House of
Lords; but as long as we are blessed with this remarkable combination
of legislative and administrative capacity we can laugh at the idle
threats."
It was DENMAN who took the floor to-night; moved Second Reading of
a Bill, the simple and comprehensive object of which was to repeal
Local Government Acts of England and Scotland. These passed only a
Session or two ago by continuous united effort of both Houses of
Parliament. DENMAN been closely watching them in operation. Finds
them disappointing, and so would have them repealed. House fully
constituted, with LORD CHANCELLOR on Woolsack, Mace on Table, and
quorum present; gravely listens, whilst tall, white-haired, sad-faced
man rambles on in plaintive voice, urging proposition which, if
carried out, would arrest machinery of Local Government throughout
the Kingdom, leaving all to be gone over again. No one smiles, much
less winks or wags the head. It is just as solemn and as orderly as
if it were the MARKISS himself submitting a Resolution or making
a statement. Only, when the plaintive voice ceases and the tall
figure is reseated on the Bench, nobody proposes to continue the
conversation. LORD CHANCELLOR rapidly gabbles shibboleth in which
"content" stumbles over "not content."
"Notcontentshaveit," says LORD CHANCELLOR, by way of last word;
leaves Woolsack; the few Peers slowly pass out. It seems the House has
adjourned, DENMAN's Motion being negatived without Division, and Local
Government in England and Scotland will proceed to-morrow as it has
gone on to-day.
_Business done_.--House of Commons, having agreed to meet at two
o'clock to-morrow instead of twelve, makes up for it by getting itself
Counted Out at eight o'clock.
_Wednesday_.--Came across LOCKWOOD this afternoon in remote part
of corridor, gesticulating whilst he recited some lines. Fancy he's
getting up that lecture on the "Lawyers in _Pickwick_," announced for
delivery in York on the 15th. Most interesting undertaking. As CHARLES
RUSSELL says, "_Coke-upon-Lyttleton_ will have to take a back shelf in
the Law libraries when _Lockwood-upon-Dickens_ is in circulation."
Wonder how he finds time for these excursions into the bye-paths
of literature? Hands full at the Bar; frequent attendant here; and
yet he has time to discover _Pickwick_! He tells me great secret of
capability for this kind of work is plain living and regular habits.
"A chop or steak at eight o'clock with a potato (boiled in its jacket)
and a tumbler of toast-and-water; that's my regular dinner; leaves me
clear-headed and free for a couple of hours' work at my briefs before
I go to bed. Except when kept down at House, rarely out of bed after
eleven. Up at five; cold bath; dry toast; hot milk; another grind
at my briefs; ride down to Court; at it all day, with intervals for
Abernethy biscuit when Court adjourns; and so the mill goes round."
"Don't you think," said BOB REID, "it's a little unprofessional of
LOCKWOOD going into this _Pickwick_ business? The cases were never,
that I know of, reported in the _Law Journal_. Good fellow LOCKWOOD,
but a little apt to stray outside the ropes. Now he's started
lecturing, there's no knowing how far he'll go. We may see him on the
stage bowling BEERBOHM TREE out as _Hamlet_, or even with his face
corked, dancing a breakdown at St. James's Hall. What does he want to
go a-lecturing for? Do you think he'll draw?"
"Draw!" I cried. "Why, he's always drawing; he's drawn for _Punch_."
That shut up Master BOB. When you want to hear disparaging remarks
about a man, nothing like going to his bosom friend. _Business
done_.--Irish.
[Illustration: "Monumental Suavity."]
_Thursday_.--Mr. G. in fine form to-night; delivered two speeches,
each in highest form of Parliamentary Debate. Infinite variety in
manner. Before dinner, Prince ARTHUR moved to take Morning Sittings
on Tuesdays and Fridays for rest of Session. That means virtual
appropriation on very threshold of Session of time belonging to
private Members. They furious; Mr. G. in benignest mood; shocked, he
must confess, at Prince ARTHUR's unparalleled greed; but not disposed
to turn a deaf ear to his importunity. "If you'd make it Easter, now,"
he said, with winning voice and manner, "limit the scope of resolution
to that date, I'm not sure that I should feel disposed to say you
nay."
Prince ARTHUR jumped at proposal. Sufficient unto Easter are the
Morning Sittings thereof. If he wanted more he could ask again.
Meanwhile he was in possession of what he wanted.
House looked on in amazement at this little scene. Opposition expected
Mr. G. would have thundered forth denunciations of Prince ARTHUR's
audacity. Here he was making terms with the enemy; doing it all, too,
with imposingly judicial manner that was irresistible. Before House
quite knew where it was, everything was settled.
"'Now I'm furnished, Now I'm furnished, for my flight'--of oratory."
It was BLUNDELL MAPLE chanting this line, sung in another place
by _Hecate_. Flight didn't amount to more than asking question as
to whether audiences at unlicensed places of entertainment (in
neighbourhood of Tottenham Court Road or elsewhere) open for Radical
or Liberal entertainments, are duly protected from fire? Members went
off to dinner, pondering on this conundrum. Came back to find Mr. G.
on his legs again, denouncing proposition to vote £20,000 for survey
of railway from Mombasa to Nyanza. A splendid piece of invective;
almost literally shrivelled up poor JOKIM, at whom some of the
scorching flame was pointed with outstretched forefinger. For more
than half an hour, at period of night when most gentlemen of his
years are snugly tucked up in bed, Mr. G. held the audience entranced,
thunderous cheers rolling forth in rapid succession from Liberal
ranks, now and then answered by low growl from Ministerialists.
[Illustration: The Man who Owns a Mountain.]
"What a man it is!" cried KENRICK, looking on with monumental suavity;
"almost sorry he left us. Sometimes, at his best, he equals our JOE."
_Business done_.--A couple of Votes in Supply.
_Friday_.--BRYCE at last got access to mountains in Scotland.
Been wandering round foot of them through many Sessions, and several
Parliaments. Always something happened to prevent his reaching the
top. Don't believe he'd have got there to-night, only for FARQUHARSON.
When F. came forward to second Motion, incidentally observing, "I'm
the proprietor of a mountain myself," we felt something must be done,
and BRYCE's Motion was agreed to.
FARQUHARSON, for rest of evening, object of respectful regard. Some
inquiry as to where he kept his mountain. Did he bring it to Town
with him when he came up for the Session? And, when at home, was he in
habit of leaving it out all night?
"Don't happen to have it about you, I suppose?" WILFRID LAWSON asked,
eyeing his trousers' pockets.
FARQUHARSON very reticent on subject. Rumour, just before House
adjourned, that his mountain is one of those situated in the Moon--but
this only envy.
_Business done_.--Access secured to FARQUHARSON's mountain and others
in Scotland.
* * * * *
STRANGE CHARGE AGAINST A GREAT POET.--Lord TENNYSON's _Robin Hood_
is to be produced at DALY's, New York, and simultaneously, to secure
copyright, by one performance only, at the Lyceum. We never thought
TENNYSON a plagiarist before this, but here is proof positive he's at
it now,--Lord TENNYSON's _robbing Hood_!!
* * * * *
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