(_BY A SINGER IN_ "_AIR_.")
["In consequence of the rumour that,... American stocks
declined heavily.... The rumour proved totally without
foundation."--_Any Money-article; any day._]
[Illustration]
There is little that goads us with fiercer despair
(Those who buy, you perpend, stock, debenture or share,
Such as speculate mainly; investors are rare--)
Than this growl ill-conditioned of pestilent Bear!
With a craftiness planned and a malice unfair,
Improvising a scare unsubstantial as air--
Now it's "war," now "disease," and the world must prepare
For the death of, say, GOULD, or a Chilian flare;
Or the "cutting of rates:" I am quite unaware
What it means, I declare, but it's "cutting," I swear,
To a person like me, not a flush millionaire
Who must "realise" scrip,--and the canker of care.
It would seem, we could e'er so conveniently spare
From a world too competitive, blarneyed with blare,
Both the Yankee of Wall-Street, his London _confrère_,
And all criers of "Lost!" when no losses are there;
All the wreckers, whose lair is secure past compare,
All who batten on bones with a maw debonair,
And the carcase of Poverty torture and tear
With historical fraud, and benevolent glare.
Who will join me in sport that is novel--who'll dare
In his prosperous pit to go baiting the "Bear,"
Who will lead him a dance, who his talons will pare,
And make summary work of this ursine affair?
* * * * *
"MUST IT COME TO THIS?"
SCENE--_The War Office. Present Mr. STANHOPE; to him enter
Inspector-General PUNCH.
_Mr. Stanhope_. Ah, Sir, glad to see you. Can I do anything for you?
_Inspector-General_. Well, not for me--but you may and must do
something for those I represent--the Volunteer Officers.
_Mr. Stan._ Oh, you have come about them, have you? Well, you saw what
I said about them in my Memorandum the other day?
_In.-Gen._ I noticed what you did _not_ say--you hoped during the
present year to see some practical proposals.
_Mr. Stan._ Well, what do you want more?
_In.-Gen._ The proposals themselves.
_Mr. Stan._ They will come in good time.
_In.-Gen._ No time in this matter will be good--except the present.
_Mr. Stan._ Oh, you leave it to me, you will see it will be all right.
_In.-Gen._ No--unless you attend to the matter at once--now--at this
moment.
_Mr. Stan._ How you do take me up! What a hurry you are in!
_In.-Gen._ Shilly-shallying to the rear--action to the front. Now,
then, produce your proposals.
_Mr. Stan._ (_reluctantly producing a paper from a pigeon-hole_).
Well, here they are--(_giving them_)--what do you think of them?
_In.-Gen._ (_after a hurried perusal_). Humph! At any rate let them
he published at once, that those interested may be able to come to
an immediate decision as to their utility. Do you hear, Sir? Adieu!
[_Exit._
(_And if the SECRETARY of STATE for WAR is a wise man, he
will act upon the hint thus offered him._)
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[Illustration: GRAND OLD ENERGY.
[It is stated that Mr. GLADSTONE feels very much the want of exercise
since his return to Parliamentary duties.]]
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