THE PRINCESS ANGELICA

(From "The Rose and the Ring")

When the Princess Angelica was born, her parents not only did not ask

the Fairy Blackstick to the christening party, but gave orders to their

porter absolutely to refuse her if she called. This porter's name was

Gruffanuff, and he had been selected for the post by their Royal

Highnesses because he was a very tall, fierce man, who could say "Not at

home" to a tradesman or an unwelcome visitor with a rudeness which

frightened most such persons away. He was the husband of that Countess

whose picture we have just seen, and as long as they were together they

quarrelled from morning till night. Now this fellow tried his rudeness

once too often, as you shall hear. For the Fairy Blackstick coming to

call upon the Prince and Princess, who were actually sitting at the open

drawing-room window, Gruffanuff not only denied them, but made the most

_odious, vulgar sign_ as he was going to slam the door in the Fairy's

face! "Git away, bold Blackstick!" said he. "I tell you, Master and

Missis ain't at home to you:" and he was, as we have said, _going_ to

slam the door.

But the Fairy, with her wand, prevented the door being shut; and

Gruffanuff came out again in a fury, swearing in the most abominable

way, and asking the Fairy "whether she thought he was a going to stay at

that there door all day?"

"You _are_ going to stay at that door all day and all night, and for

many a long year," the Fairy said, very majestically; and Gruffanuff,

coming out of the door, straddling before it with his great calves,

burst out laughing, and cried, "Ha, ha, ha! that _is_ a good 'un!

Ha--ah--what's this? Let me down--oh--o--h'm!" and then he was dumb!

For, as the Fairy waved her wand over him, he felt himself rising off

the ground and fluttering up against the door, and then, as if a screw

ran into his stomach, he felt a dreadful pain there, and was pinned to

the door; and then his arms flew up over his head; and his legs, after

writhing about wildly, twisted under his body; and he felt cold, cold

growing over him, as if he was turning into metal; and he said,

"Oh--o--h'm!" and could say no more, because he was dumb.

He _was_ turned into metal! He was from being _brazen_, _brass_! He was

neither more nor less than a knocker! And there he was, nailed to the

door in the blazing summer day, till he burned almost red hot; and there

he was nailed to the door all the bitter winter nights, till his brass

nose was dropping with icicles. And the postman came and rapped at him,

and the vulgarest boy with a letter came and hit him up against the

door. And the King and Queen (Princess and Prince they were then) coming

home from a walk that evening, the King said, "Hullo, my dear! you have

had a new knocker put on the door. Why, it's rather like our Porter in

the face! What has become of that bozzy vagabond?" And the housemaid

came and scrubbed his nose with sand-paper; and once, when the Princess

Angelica's little sister was born, he was tied up in an old kid glove;

and another night, some _larking_ young men tried to wrench him off, and

put him to the most excruciating agony with a turn-screw. And then the

Queen had a fancy to have the colour of the door altered, and the

painters dabbed him over the mouth and eyes, and nearly choked him, as

they painted him pea-green. I warrant he had leisure to repent of having

been rude to the Fairy Blackstick!

And for his wife, she did not miss him; and as he was always guzzling

beer at the public-house, and notoriously quarrelling with his wife, and

in debt to the tradesmen, it was supposed he had run away from all these

evils, and emigrated to Australia or America. And when the Prince and

Princess chose to become King and Queen, they left their old house, and

nobody thought of the Porter any more.

* * * * *

One day, when the Princess Angelica was quite a little girl, she was

walking in the garden of the palace, with Mrs. Gruffanuff, the

governess, holding a parasol over her head, to keep her sweet complexion

from the freckles, and Angelica was carrying a bun, to feed the swans

and ducks in the royal pond.

They had not reached the duck-pond, when there came toddling up to them

such a funny little girl. She had a great quantity of hair blowing about

her chubby little cheeks, and looked as if she had not been washed or

combed for ever so long. She wore a ragged bit of a cloak, and had only

one shoe on.

"You little wretch, who let you in here?" asked Gruffanuff.

"Dive me dat bun," said the little girl, "me vely hungry."

"Hungry! what is that?" asked Princess Angelica, and gave the child the

bun.

"Oh, Princess!" says Gruffanuff, "how good, how kind, how truly

angelical you are! See, your Majesties," she said to the King and Queen,

who now came up, along with their nephew, Prince Giglio, "how kind the

Princess is! She met this little dirty wretch in the garden--I can't

tell how she came in here, or why the guards did not shoot her dead at

the gate!--and the dear darling of a Princess has given her the whole of

her bun!"

"I didn't want it," said Angelica.

"But you are a darling little angel all the same," says the governess.

"Yes, I know I am," said Angelica. "Dirty little girl, don't you think I

am very pretty?" Indeed, she had on the finest of little dresses and

hats; and, as her hair was carefully curled, she really looked very

well.

"Oh, pooty, pooty!" says the little girl, capering about, laughing and

dancing, and munching her bun; and as she ate it she began to sing: "O

what fun to have a plum bun! how I wis it never was done!" At which, and

her funny accent Angelica, Giglio and the King and Queen began to laugh

very merrily.

"I can dance as well as sing," says the little girl. "I can dance, and I

can sing, and I can do all sorts of ting." And she ran to a flower-bed,

and, pulling a few polyanthuses, rhododendrons, and other flowers, made

herself a little wreath, and danced before the King and Queen so drolly

and prettily, that everybody was delighted.

"Who was your mother--who were your relations, little girl?" said the

Queen.

The little girl said, "Little lion was my brudder; great big lioness my

mudder; neber heard of any udder." And she capered away on her one shoe,

and everybody was exceedingly diverted.

So Angelica said to the Queen, "Mamma, my parrot flew away yesterday

out of its cage, and I don't care any more for any of my toys; and I

think this funny little dirty child will amuse me. I will take her home,

and give her some of my old frocks--"

"Oh, the generous darling!" says Gruffanuff.

"--Which I have worn ever so many times, and am quite tired of,"

Angelica went on; "and she shall be my little maid. Will you come home

with me, little dirty girl?"

The child clapped her hands and said, "Go home with you--yes! You pooty

Princess! Have a nice dinner, and wear a new dress!"

And they all laughed again, and took home the child to the palace;

where, when she was washed and combed, and had one of the Princess'

frocks given to her, she looked as handsome as Angelica, almost. Not

that Angelica ever thought so; for this little lady never imagined that

anybody in the world could be as pretty, as good, or as clever as

herself. In order that the little girl should not become too proud and

conceited, Mrs. Gruffanuff took her old ragged mantle and one shoe, and

put them into a glass box, with a card laid upon them, upon which was

written, "These were the old clothes in which little BETSINDA was found

when the great goodness and admirable kindness of her Royal Highness the

Princess Angelica, received this little outcast." And the date was

added, and the box locked up.

For a while little Betsinda was a great favourite with the Princess, and

she danced, and sang, and made her little rhymes to amuse her mistress.

But then the princess got a monkey, and afterward a little dog, and

afterward a doll, and did not care for Betsinda any more, who became

very very melancholy and quiet, and sang no more funny songs, because

nobody cared to hear her. And, as she grew older, she was made a little

lady's maid to the Princess; and though she had no wages, she worked and

mended and put Angelica's hair in papers, and was never cross when

scolded, and was always eager to please her mistress, and was always up

early and to bed late, and at hand when wanted, and in fact became a

perfect little maid. So the two girls grew up, and when the Princess

came out, Betsinda was never tired of waiting on her, and made her

dresses better than the best milliner, and was useful in a hundred ways.

Whilst the Princess was having her masters, Betsinda would sit and watch

them; and in this way she picked up a great deal of learning; for she

was always awake, though her mistress was not, and listened to the wise

professors when Angelica was yawning or thinking of the next ball. And

when the dancing-master came, Betsinda learned along with Angelica; and

when the music-master came, she watched him and practiced the Princess'

pieces when Angelica was away at balls and parties; and when the

drawing-master came, she took note of all he said and did; and the same

with French, Italian, and all other languages--she learned them from the

teacher who came to Angelica. When the Princess was going out of an

evening she would say, "My good Betsinda, you may as well finish what I

have begun." "Yes, Miss," Betsinda would say, and sit down very

cheerful, not to _finish_ what Angelica began, but to _do_ it.

And Angelica actually believed that she did these things herself, and

received all the flattery of the Court as if every word of it was true.

Thus she began to think that there was no young woman in all the world

equal to herself, and that no young man was good enough for her. As for

Betsinda as she heard none of these praises, she was not puffed up by

them, and being a most graceful, good-natured girl, she was only too

anxious to do everything which might give her mistress pleasure. Now you

begin to perceive that Angelica had faults of her own, and was by no

means such a wonder of wonders as people represented her Royal Highness

to be.

* * * * *

And now let us speak about Prince Giglio, the nephew of the reigning

monarch of Paflagonia. It has already been stated, in Chapter II, that

as long as he had a smart coat to wear, a good horse to ride, and money

in his pocket--or rather to take out of his pocket, for he was very

good-natured--my young Prince did not care for the loss of his crown and

sceptre, being a thoughtless youth, not much inclined to politics or any

kind of learning. So his tutor had a sinecure. Giglio would not learn

classics or mathematics, and the Lord Chancellor of Paflagonia,

SQUARETOSO, pulled a very long face because the Prince could not be got

to study the Paflagonian laws and constitution; but, on the other hand,

the King's gamekeepers and huntsmen found the Prince an apt pupil; the

dancing-master pronounced that he was a most elegant and assiduous

scholar; the First Lord of the Billiard Table gave the most flattering

reports of the Prince's skill: so did the Groom of the Tennis Court; and

as for the Captain of the Guard and Fencing-master, the _valiant_ and

_veteran_ COUNT KUTASOFF HEDZOFF, he avowed that since he ran the

General of Crim Tartary, the dreadful Grumbuskin, through the body, he

never had encountered so expert a swordsman as Prince Giglio.

I hope you do not imagine that there was any impropriety in the Prince

and Princess walking together in the palace garden, and because Giglio

kissed Angelica's hand in a polite manner. In the first place they are

cousins; next, the Queen is walking in the garden too (you cannot see

her, for she happens to be behind that tree), and her Majesty always

wished that Angelica and Giglio would marry: so did Giglio: so did

Angelica sometimes, for she thought her cousin very handsome, brave, and

good-natured; but then you know she was so clever and knew so many

things, and poor Giglio knew nothing, and had no conversation. When they

looked at the stars, what did Giglio know of the heavenly bodies? Once

when on a sweet night in a balcony where they were standing, Angelica

said, "There is the Bear"--"Where?" says Giglio. "Don't be afraid,

Angelica! if a dozen bears come, I will kill them rather than they shall

hurt you." "Oh, you silly creature!" says she; "you are very good, but

you are not very wise." When they looked at the flowers, Giglio was

utterly unacquainted with botany, and had never heard of Linnæus. When

the butterflies passed, Giglio knew nothing about them, being as

ignorant of entomology as I am of algebra. So you see, Angelica, though

she liked Giglio pretty well, despised him on account of his ignorance.

I think she probably valued _her own learning_ rather too much; but to

think too well of one's self is the fault of people of all ages and both

sexes. Finally, when nobody else was there, Angelica liked her cousin

well enough.

King Valoroso was very delicate in health, and withal so fond of good

dinners (which were prepared for him by his French cook, Marmitonio),

that it was supposed he could not live long. Now the idea of anything

happening to the King struck the artful Prime Minister and the designing

old lady-in-waiting with terror. For, thought Glumboso and the Countess,

"when Prince Giglio marries his cousin and comes to the throne, what a

pretty position we will be in, whom he dislikes, and who have always

been unkind to him. We shall lose our places in a trice; Gruffanuff will

have to give up all the jewels, laces, snuff-boxes, rings, and watches

which belong to the Queen, Giglio's mother; and Glumboso will be forced

to refund two hundred and seventeen thousand millions, nine hundred and

eighty-seven thousand, four hundred and thirty-nine pounds thirteen

shillings and sixpence halfpenny, money left to Prince Giglio by his

poor dear father." So the Lady of Honor and the Prime Minister hated

Giglio because they had done him a wrong; and these unprincipled people

invented a hundred cruel stories about poor Giglio, in order to

influence the King, Queen and Princess against him: how he was so

ignorant that he could not spell the commonest words, and actually wrote

Valoroso Valloroso, and spelt Angelica with two _l's_; how he drank a

great deal too much wine at dinner, and was always idling in the stable

with the grooms; how he owed ever so much money at the pastry-cook's and

the haberdasher's; how he used to go to sleep at church; how he was fond

of playing cards with the pages. So did the Queen like playing cards; so

did the King go to sleep at church, and eat and drink too much; and if

Giglio owed a trifle for tarts, who owed him two hundred and seventeen

thousand millions, nine hundred and eighty-seven thousand, four hundred

and thirty-nine pounds thirteen shillings and sixpence halfpenny, I

should like to know? Detractors and tale-bearers (in my humble opinion)

had much better look at _home_. All this backbiting and slandering had

effect upon Princess Angelica, who began to look coldly upon her cousin,

then to laugh at him and scorn him for being so stupid, and then to

sneer at him for having vulgar associates; and at Court balls, dinners,

and so forth, to treat him so unkindly that poor Giglio became quite

ill, took to his bed, and sent for the doctor.

His Majesty, King Valoroso, as we have seen, had his own reasons for

disliking his nephew; and as for those innocent readers who ask why?--I

beg (with the permission of their dear parents) to refer them to

Shakespeare's pages, where they will read why King John disliked Prince

Arthur. With the Queen, his royal but weak-minded aunt, when Giglio was

out of sight he was out of mind. While she had her whist and her

evening-parties, she cared for little else.

I dare say _two villains_, who shall be nameless, wished Doctor

Pildrafto, the Court physician, had killed Giglio right out, but he only

bled and physicked him so severely that the Prince was kept to his room

for several months, and grew as thin as a post.

Whilst he was lying sick in this way, there came to the Court of

Paflagonia a famous painter, whose name was Tomaso Lorenzo, and who was

Painter in Ordinary to the King of Crim Tartary, Paflagonia's neighbour.

Tomazo Lorenzo painted all the Court, who were delighted with his work;

for even Countess Gruffanuff looked young and Glumboso good-humoured in

his pictures. "He flatters very much," some people said. "Nay!" says

Princess Angelica, "I am above flattery, and I think he did not make my

picture handsome enough. I can't bear to hear a man of genius unjustly

cried down, and I hope my dear papa will make Lorenzo a knight of his

Order of the Cucumber."

The Princess Angelica, although the courtiers vowed her Royal Highness

could draw so _beautifully_ that the idea of her taking lessons was

absurd, yet chose to have Lorenzo for a teacher, and it was wonderful,

_as long as she painted in his studio_, what beautiful pictures she

made! Some of the performances were engraved for the "Book of Beauty:"

others were sold for enormous sums at Charity Bazaars. She wrote the

_signatures_ under the drawing no doubt, but I think I know who did the

pictures--this artful painter, who had come with other designs on

Angelica than merely to teach her to draw.

One day Lorenzo showed the Princess a portrait of a young man in armour,

with fair hair and the loveliest blue eyes, and an expression at once

melancholy and interesting.

"Dear Signor Lorenzo, who is this?" asked the Princess. "I never saw any

one so handsome," says Countess Gruffanuff (the old humbug).

"That," said the Painter, "that, madam, is the portrait of my august

young master, his Royal Highness Bulbo, Crown Prince of Crim Tartary,

Duke of Acroceraunia, Marquis of Poluphloisboio, and Knight Grand Cross

of the Order of the Pumpkin. That is the Order of the Pumpkin glittering

on his manly breast and received by his Royal Highness from his august

father, his Majesty King PADELLA I., for his gallantry at the battle of

Rimbombamento, when he slew with his own princely hand the King of

Ograria and two hundred and eleven giants of the two hundred and eighteen

who formed the King's body-guard. The remainder were destroyed by the

brave Crim Tartar army after an obstinate combat, in which the Crim

Tartars suffered severely."

"What a Prince!" thought Angelica: "so brave--so calm-looking--so

young--what a hero!"

"He is as accomplished as he is brave," continued the Painter. "He knows

all languages perfectly: sings deliciously: plays every instrument:

composes operas which have been acted a thousand nights running at the

Imperial Theatre of Crim Tartary, and danced in a ballet there before

the King and Queen; in which he looked so beautiful, that his cousin,

the lovely daughter of the King of Circassia, died for love of him."

"Why did he not marry the poor Princess?" asked Angelica, with a sigh.

"Because they were _first-cousins_, madam, and the clergy forbids these

unions," said the Painter. "And, besides, the young Prince had given his

royal heart _elsewhere_."

"And to whom?" asked her Royal Highness.

"I am not at liberty to mention the Princess' name," answered the

Painter.

"But you may tell me the first letter of it," gasped out the Princess.

"That your Royal Highness is at liberty to guess," says Lorenzo.

"Does it begin with a Z?" asked Angelica.

The Painter said it wasn't a Z; then she tried a Y; then an X; then a W,

and went so backward through almost the whole alphabet.

When she came to D, and it wasn't D, she grew very much excited: when

she came to C, and it wasn't C, she was still more nervous; when she

came to B, _and it wasn't B_, "Oh, dearest Gruffanuff," she said, "lend

me your smelling-bottle!" and hiding her head in the Countess' shoulder,

she faintly whispered, "Ah, Signor, can it be A?"

"It was A; and though I may not, by my Royal Master's orders, tell your

Royal Highness the Princess' name, whom he fondly, madly, devotedly,

rapturously loves, I may show you her portrait," says the sly-boots;

and, leading the Princess up to a gilt frame, he drew a curtain which

was before it.

Oh goodness! the frame contained a LOOKING-GLASS! and Angelica saw her

own face!

* * * * *

The Court Painter of his Majesty the King of Crim Tartary returned to

that monarch's dominions, carrying away a number of sketches which he

had made in the Paflagonian capital (you know, of course, my dears, that

the name of that capital is Blombodinga); but the most charming of all

his pieces was a portrait of the Princess Angelica, which all the Crim

Tartar nobles came to see. With this work the King was so delighted,

that he decorated the Painter with his Order of the Pumpkin (sixth

class), and the artist became Sir Tomaso Lorenzo, K. P., thenceforth.

King Valoroso also sent Sir Tomaso his Order of the Cucumber, besides a

handsome order for money; for he painted the King, Queen, and principal

nobility while at Blombodinga, and became all the fashion, to the

perfect rage of all the artists in Paflagonia, where the King used to

point to the picture of Prince Bulbo, which Sir Tomaso had left behind

him, and say, "Which among you can paint a picture like that?"

It hung in the royal parlour over the royal side-board, and Princess

Angelica could always look at it as she sat making the tea. Each day it

seemed to grow handsomer and handsomer, and the Princess grew so fond

of looking at it, that she would often spill the tea over the cloth, at

which her father and mother would wink and wag their heads; and say to

each other, "Aha! we see how things are going."

In the meanwhile poor Giglio lay upstairs very sick in his chamber,

though he took all the doctor's horrible medicines like a good young

lad: as I hope _you_ do, my dears, when you are ill and mamma sends for

the medical man. And the only person who visited Giglio (beside his

friend the Captain of the Guard, who was almost always busy or on

parade) was little Betsinda the housemaid, who used to do his bedroom

and sitting-room out, bring him his gruel, and warm his bed.

When the little housemaid came to him in the morning and evening, Prince

Giglio used to say, "Betsinda, Betsinda, how is the Princess Angelica?"

And Betsinda used to answer, "The Princess is very well, thank you, my

lord." And Giglio would heave a sigh and think, "If Angelica were sick,

I am sure _I_ should not be very well."

Then Giglio would say, "Betsinda, has the Princess Angelica asked for me

to-day?" And Betsinda would answer, "No, my lord, not to-day"; or, "She

was very busy practicing the piano when I saw her"; or "She was writing

invitations for an evening-party, and did not speak to me"; or make some

excuse or other, not strictly consonant with truth: for Betsinda was

such a good-natured creature, that she strove to do everything to

prevent annoyance to Prince Giglio, and even brought him up

roast-chicken and jellies from the kitchen when the doctor allowed

them, and Giglio was getting better, saying "that the princess had made

the jelly, or the bread-sauce, with her own hands, on purpose for

Giglio."

When Giglio heard this he took heart, and began to mend immediately; and

gobbled up all the jelly, and picked the last bone of the

chicken--drum-sticks, merry thought, sides' bones, back, pope's nose,

and all--thanking his dear Angelica: and he felt so much better the next

day, that he dressed and went down-stairs--where whom should he meet but

Angelica going into the drawing-room? All the covers were off the

chairs, the chandeliers taken out of the bags, the damask curtains

uncovered, the work and things carried away, and the handsomest albums

on the tables. Angelica had her hair in papers. In a word it was evident

there was going to be a party.

"Heavens, Giglio!" cried Angelica; "_you_ here in such a dress! What a

figure you are!"

"Yes, dear Angelica, I am come down-stairs, and feel so well to-day,

thanks to the _fowl_ and the _jelly_."

"What do I know about fowls and jellies, that you allude to them in that

rude way?" says Angelica.

"Why, didn't--didn't you send them, Angelica dear?" says Giglio.

"I send them indeed! Angelica dear! No, Giglio dear," says she, mocking

him. "_I_ was engaged in getting the rooms ready for his Royal Highness

the Prince of Crim Tartary, who is coming to pay my papa's court a

visit."

"The--Prince--of--Crim--Tartary!" Giglio said, aghast.

"Yes, the Prince of Crim Tartary," said Angelica, mocking him. "I dare

say you never heard of such a country. What _did_ you ever hear of? You

don't know whether Crim Tartary is on the Red Sea, or on the Black Sea,

I dare say."

"Yes, I do; it's on the Red Sea," says Giglio; at which the Princess

burst out laughing at him, and said, "Oh, you ninny! You are so

ignorant, you are really not fit for society! You know nothing but about

horses and dogs, and are only fit to dine in a mess-room with my Royal

Father's heaviest dragoons. Don't look so surprised at me, sir; go and

put your best clothes on to receive the Prince, and let me get the

drawing-room ready."

Giglio said, "Oh, Angelica, I didn't think this of you. _This_ wasn't

your language to me when you gave me this ring, and I gave you mine in

the garden, and you gave me that--k--"

But what that k--was we never shall know, for Angelica in a rage cried,

"Get out, you saucy, rude creature! How dare you to remind me of your

rudeness! As for your little trumpery two-penny ring, there,

sir--there!" And she flung it out of the window.

"It was my mother's marriage-ring," cried Giglio.

"_I_ don't care whose marriage-ring it was," cries Angelica. "Marry the

person who picks it up if she's a woman; you shan't marry _me_. And give

me back _my_ ring. I have no patience with people who boast about the

things they give away. _I_ know who'll give me much finer things than

you ever gave me. A beggarly ring indeed, not worth five shillings!"

Now Angelica little knew that the ring which Giglio had given her was a

fairy ring; if a man wore it, it made all the women in love with him; if

a woman, all the gentlemen. The Queen, Giglio's mother, quite an

ordinary-looking person, was admired immensely whilst she wore this

ring, and her husband was frantic when she was ill. But when she called

her little Giglio to her, and put the ring on his finger, King Savio did

not seem to care for his wife so much any more, but transferred all his

love to little Giglio. So did everybody love him as long as he had the

ring; but then, as quite a child, he gave it to Angelica, people began

to love and admire _her_; and Giglio, as the saying is, played only

second fiddle.

"Yes," said Angelica, going on in her foolish ungrateful way, "_I_ know

who'll give me much finer things than your beggarly little pearl

nonsense."

"Very good, miss! You may take back your ring, too!" says Giglio, his

eyes flashing fire at her; and then, as if his eyes had been suddenly

opened, he cried out, "Ha! what does this mean? Is _this_ the woman I

have been in love with all my life? Have I been such a ninny as to throw

away my regard upon _you_? Why--actually--yes--you are--a little

crooked!"

"Oh, you wretch!" cries Angelica.

"And, upon my conscience, you--you squint a little."

"Eh!" cries Angelica.

"And your hair is red--and you are marked with the small-pox--and what?

you have three false teeth--and one leg shorter than the other!"

"You brute, you brute you!" Angelica screamed out: and as she seized the

ring with one hand, she dealt Giglio one, two, three smacks on the face,

and would have pulled the hair off his head had he not started laughing,

and crying,--

"Oh, dear me, Angelica! don't pull out _my_ hair, it hurts! You might

remove a great deal of _your own_, as I perceive, without scissors or

pulling at all. Oh, ho, ho! ha, ha, ha! he, he, he!"

And he nearly choked himself with laughing, and she with rage; when with

a low bow, and dressed in his Court habit, Count Gambabella, the first

lord-in-waiting, entered and said, "Royal Highness! Their Majesties

expect you in the Pink Throne-room, where they await the arrival of the

Prince of CRIM TARTARY."

Prince Bulbo's arrival had set all the court in a flutter; everybody was

ordered to put his or her best clothes on: the footmen had their gala

liveries; the Lord Chancellor his new wig; the Guards their last new

tunics; and Countess Gruffanuff, you may be sure, was glad of an

opportunity of decorating _her_ old person with her finest things. She

was walking through the court of the palace on her way to wait upon

their Majesties, when she spied something glittering on the pavement,

and bade the boy in buttons, who was holding up her train, to go and

pick up the article shining yonder. He was an ugly little wretch, in

some of the late groom-porter's old clothes cut down, and much too

tight for him; and yet, when he had taken up the ring (as it turned out

to be), and was carrying it to his mistress she thought he looked like a

little Cupid. He gave the ring to her; it was a trumpery little thing

enough, but too small for any of her old knuckles, so she put it into

her pocket.

"Oh, mum!" says the boy, looking at her, "how--how beyoutiful you do

look, mum, to-day, mum!"

"And you, too, Jacky," she was going to say; but, looking down at

him--no, he was no longer good-looking at all--but only the

carrotty-haired little Jacky of the morning. However, praise is welcome

from the ugliest of men or boys, and Gruffanuff, bidding the boy hold up

her train, walked on in high good-humour. The Guards saluted her with

peculiar respect. Captain Hedzoff, in the anteroom said, "My dear madam,

you look like an angel to-day." And so, bowing and smirking, Gruffanuff

went in and took her place behind her Royal Master and Mistress, who

were in the throne-room, awaiting the Prince of Crim Tartary. Princess

Angelica sat at their feet, and behind the King's chair stood Prince

Giglio, looking very savage.

The Prince of Crim Tartary made his appearance, attended by Baron

Sleibootz, his chamberlain, and followed by a black page, carrying the

most beautiful crown you ever saw! He was dressed in his travelling

costume, and his hair was a little in disorder. "I have ridden three

hundred miles since breakfast," said he, "so eager was I to behold the

Prin--the Court and august family of Paflagonia, and I could not wait

one minute before appearing in your Majesties' presences."

Giglio, from behind the throne, burst out into a roar of contemptuous

laughter; but all the Royal party, in fact, were so flurried, that they

did not hear this little outbreak. "Your R. H. is welcome in any dress,"

says the King. "Glumboso, a chair for his Royal Highness."

"Any dress his Royal Highness wears _is_ a Court-dress," says Princess

Angelica, smiling graciously.

"Ah! but you should see my other clothes," said the Prince. "I should

have had them on, but that stupid carrier has not brought them. Who's

that laughing?"

It was Giglio laughing. "I was laughing," he said, "because you said

just now that you were in such a hurry to see the Princess, that you

could not wait to change your dress; and now you say you come in those

clothes because you have no others."

"And who are you?" says Prince Bulbo, very fiercely.

"My father was King of this country, and I am his only son, Prince!"

replies Giglio, with equal haughtiness.

"Ha," said the King and Glumboso, looking very flurried; but the former,

collecting himself, said, "Dear Prince Bulbo, I forgot to introduce to

your Royal Highness my dear nephew, his Royal Highness Prince Giglio!

Know each other! Embrace each other! Giglio, give His Royal Highness

your hand!" And Giglio, giving his hand, squeezed poor Bulbo's until

the tears ran out of his eyes. Glumboso now brought a chair for the

Royal visitor, and placed it on the platform on which the King, Queen,

and Prince were seated; but the chair was on the edge of the platform,

and as Bulbo sat down, it toppled over, and he with it, rolling over and

over, and bellowing like a bull. Giglio roared still louder at this

disaster, but it was with laughter, so did all the Court when Prince

Bulbo got up; for though when he entered the room he appeared not very

ridiculous, as he stood up from his fall, for a moment, he looked so

exceedingly plain and foolish that nobody could help laughing at him.

When he had entered the room, he was observed to carry a rose in his

hand, which fell out of it as he tumbled.

"My rose! my rose!" cried Bulbo, and his chamberlain dashed forward and

picked it up, and gave it to the Prince, who put it in his waistcoat.

Then people wondered why they had laughed; there was nothing

particularly ridiculous in him. He was rather short, rather stout,

rather redhaired, but, in fine, for a prince not so bad.

So they sat and talked, the royal personages together, the Crim Tartar

officers with those of Paflagonia--Giglio very comfortable with

Gruffanuff behind the throne. He looked at her with such tender eyes,

that her heart was all in a flutter. "Oh, dear Prince," she said, "how

could you speak so haughtily in presence of their Majesties? I protest,

I thought I should have fainted."

"I should have caught you in my arms," said Giglio, looking raptures.

"Why were you so cruel to Prince Bulbo, dear Prince?" says Gruff.

"Because I hate him," says Giglio.

"You are jealous of him, and still love poor Angelica," cries

Gruffanuff, putting her handkerchief to her eyes.

"I did, but I love her no more!" Giglio cries. "I despise her! Were she

heiress to twenty thousand thrones, I would despise her and scorn her.

But why speak of thrones? I have lost mine, I am too weak to recover

it--I am alone, and have no friend."

"Oh, say not so, dear Prince!" says Gruffanuff.

"Beside," says he, "I am so happy here _behind the throne_, that I would

not change my place, no, not for the throne of the world!"

"What are you two people chattering about there?" says the Queen, who

was rather good-natured, though not overburdened with wisdom. "It is

time to dress for dinner. Giglio, show Prince Bulbo to his room. Prince,

if your clothes have not come, we shall be very happy to see you as you

are." But when Prince Bulbo got to his bed-room, his luggage was there

and unpacked; and the hair-dresser coming in, cut and curled him

entirely to his own satisfaction; and when the dinner-bell rang, the

royal company had not to wait above five-and-twenty minutes until Bulbo

appeared, during which time the King, who could not bear to wait, grew

as sulky as possible. As for Giglio, he never left Madam Gruffanuff all

this time, but stood with her in the embrasure of a window, paying her

compliments. At length the groom of the chambers announced his Royal

Highness the Prince of Crim Tartary! and the noble company went into the

royal dining-room. It was quite a small party; only the King and Queen,

the Princess, whom Bulbo took out, the two Princes, Countess Gruffanuff,

Glumboso the Prime Minister and Prince Bulbo's Chamberlain. You may be

sure they had a very good dinner--let every boy or girl think of what he

or she likes best, and fancy it on the table.[4]

[Footnote 4: Here a very pretty game may be played by all the children

saying what they like best for dinner.]

The Princess talked incessantly all dinner-time to the Prince of Crimea

who ate an immense deal too much, and never took his eyes off his plate,

except when Giglio, who was carving a goose, sent a quantity of stuffing

and onion-sauce into one of them. Giglio only burst out a-laughing as

the Crimean Prince wiped his shirt-front and face with his scented

pocket-handkerchief. He did not make Prince Bulbo any apology. When the

Prince looked at him, Giglio would not look that way. When Prince Bulbo

said, "Prince Giglio, may I have the honour of taking a glass of wine

with you?" Giglio _wouldn't_ answer. All his talk and his eyes were for

Countess Gruffanuff, who, you may be sure, was pleased with Giglio's

attentions--the vain old creature! When he was not complimenting her, he

was making fun of Prince Bulbo, so loud that Gruffanuff was always

tapping him with her fan and saying, "Oh, you satirical Prince! Oh, fie

the Prince will hear!" "Well, I don't mind," says Giglio, louder still.

The King and Queen luckily did not hear for her Majesty was a little

deaf, and the King thought so much about his own dinner, and, beside,

made such a dreadful noise, hob-gobbling in eating it, that he heard

nothing else. After dinner, his Majesty and the Queen went to sleep in

their arm-chairs.

This was the time when Giglio began his tricks with Prince Bulbo, plying

that young gentleman with port, sherry, madeira, champagne, marsala,

cherry-brandy, and pale ale, of all of which Master Bulbo drank without

stint. But in plying his guest, Giglio was obliged to drink himself, and

I am sorry to say, took more than was good for him, so that the young

men were very noisy, rude, and foolish when they joined the ladies after

dinner: and dearly did they pay for that imprudence, as now, my

darlings, you shall hear!

Bulbo went and sat by the piano, where Angelica was playing and singing,

and he sang out of tune, and he upset the coffee when the footman

brought it, and he laughed out of place, and talked absurdly, and fell

asleep and snored horridly. Booh, the nasty pig! But as he lay there

stretched on the pink satin sofa, Angelica still persisted in thinking

him the most beautiful of human beings. No doubt the magic rose which

Bulbo wore caused this infatuation on Angelica's part; but is she the

first young woman who has thought a silly fellow charming?

Giglio must go and sit by Gruffanuff, whose old face he, too, every

moment began to find more lovely. He paid the most outrageous

compliments to her:--There never was such a darling. Older than he

was?--Fiddle-de-dee! He would marry her--he would have nothing but her!

To marry the heir to the throne! Here was a chance! The artful hussy

actually got a sheet of paper and wrote upon it, "This is to give notice

that I, Giglio, only son of Savio, King of Paflagonia, hereby promise to

marry the charming and virtuous Barbara Griselda Countess Gruffanuff,

and widow of the late Jenkins Gruffanuff, Esq."

"What is it you are writing, you dear Gruffy?" says Giglio, who was

lolling on the sofa by the writing-table.

"Only an order for you to sign, dear Prince, for giving coals and

blankets to the poor, this cold weather. Look! the King and Queen are

both asleep, and your Royal Highness' order will do."

So Giglio, who was very good-natured as Gruffy well knew, signed the

order immediately: and, when she had it in her pocket, you may fancy

what airs she gave herself. She was ready to flounce out of the room

before the Queen herself, as now she was the wife of the _rightful_ King

of Paflagonia! She would not speak to Glumboso, whom she thought a

brute, for depriving her _dear husband_ of the crown! And when candles

came, and she had helped to undress the Queen and Princess, she went

into her own room, and actually practiced, on a sheet of paper,

"Griselda Paflagonia," "Barbara Regina," "Griselda Barbara, Paf. Reg.,"

and I don't know what signatures beside, against the day when she should

be Queen forsooth!

Little Betsinda came in to put Gruffanuff's hair in papers, and the

Countess was so pleased, that, for a wonder, she complimented Betsinda.

"Betsinda!" she said, "you dressed my hair very nicely to-day; I

promised you a little present. Here are five sh--no, here is a pretty

little ring that I picked--that I have had some time." And she gave

Betsinda the ring she had picked up in the court. It fitted Betsinda

exactly.

"It's like the ring the Princess used to wear," says the maid.

"No such thing," says Gruffanuff; "I have had it ever so long.

There--tuck me up quite comfortable: and now, as it's a very cold night"

(the snow was beating in at the window), "you may go and warm dear

Prince Giglio's bed, like a good girl, and then you may unrip my green

silk, and then you can just do me up a little cap for the morning, and

then you can mend that hole in my silk stocking, and then you can go to

bed, Betsinda. Mind, I shall want my cup of tea at five o'clock in the

morning."

"I suppose I had best warm both the young gentlemen's beds, ma'am?" says

Betsinda.

Gruffanuff for reply said, "Hau-au-ho!--Grau-haw-hoo! Hong-hrho!" In

fact, she was snoring sound asleep.

Her room, you know, is next to the King and Queen, and the Princess is

next to them. So pretty Betsinda went away for the coals to the kitchen,

and filled the Royal warming-pan.

Now she was a very kind, merry, civil pretty girl; but there must have

been something very captivating about her this evening, for all the

women in the servants'-hall began to scold and abuse her. The

housekeeper said she was a pert, stuck-up thing: the upper-housemaid

asked, how dare she wear such ringlets and ribbons, it was quite

improper! The cook (for there was a woman-cook as well as a man-cook)

said to the kitchen-maid, that _she_ never could see anything in that

creetur: but as for the men, every one of them, Coachman, John, Buttons,

the page, and Monsieur the Prince of Crim Tartary's valet, started up

and said--

"My eyes! }

"O mussy! } what a pretty girl

"O jemmany!} Betsinda is!"

"O ciel! }

"Hands off; none of your impertinence, you vulgar, low people!" says

Betsinda, walking off with her pan of coals. She heard the young

gentlemen playing at billiards as she went upstairs: first to Prince

Giglio's bed, which she warmed, and then to Prince Bulbo's room.

He came in just as she had done; and as soon as he saw her, "O! O! O! O!

O! O! what a beyou--oo--ootiful creature you are! You angel--you

Peri--you rosebud, let me be thy Bulbul--thy Bulbo, too! Fly to the

desert, fly with me! I never saw a young gazelle to glad me with its

dark blue eyes that had eyes like thine. Thou nymph of beauty, take,

take this young heart. A truer never did itself sustain within a

soldier's waistcoat. Be mine! Be mine! Be Princess of Crim Tartary! My

Royal Father will approve our union: and as for that carrotty-haired

Angelica, I do not care a fig for her any more."

"Go away, your Royal Highness, and go to bed, please," said Betsinda,

with the warming-pan.

But Bulbo said, "No, never, till thou swearest to be mine, thou lovely,

blushing chambermaid divine! Here, at thy feet the royal Bulbo lies, the

trembling captive of Betsinda's eyes."

And he went on making himself so _absurd and ridiculous_, that Betsinda,

who was full of fun, gave him a touch with the warming-pan, which, I

promise you, made him cry "O-o-o-o!" in a very different manner.

Prince Bulbo made such a noise that Prince Giglio, who heard him from

the next room, came in to see what was the matter. As soon as he saw

what was taking place, Giglio, in a fury, rushed on Bulbo, kicked him in

the rudest manner up to the ceiling, and went on kicking him till his

hair was quite out of curl.

Poor Betsinda did not know whether to laugh or to cry; the kicking must

certainly have hurt the Prince, but then he looked so droll! When Giglio

had done knocking him up and down to the ground, and whilst he went into

a corner rubbing himself, what do you think Giglio does? He goes down on

his own knees to Betsinda, takes her hand, begs her to accept his heart,

and offers to marry her that moment. Fancy Betsinda's condition, who had

been in love with the Prince ever since she first saw him in the palace

garden, when she was quite a little child.

"Oh, divine Betsinda!" says the Prince, "how have I lived fifteen years

in thy company without seeing thy perfections? What woman in all Europe,

Asia, Africa, and America--nay, in Australia, only it is not yet

discovered--can presume to be thy equal? Angelica? Pisch! Gruffanuff?

Phoo! The Queen? Ha, ha! Thou art my queen. Thou art the real Angelica,

because thou art really angelic."

"Oh, Prince! I am but a poor chambermaid," says Betsinda, looking,

however, very much pleased.

"Didst thou not tend me in my sickness, when all forsook me?" continues

Giglio. "Did not thy gentle hand smooth my pillow, and bring me jelly

and roast-chicken?"

"Yes, dear Prince, I did," says Betsinda, "and I sewed your Royal

Highness's shirt-buttons on too, if you please, your Royal Highness,"

cries this artless maiden.

When poor Prince Bulbo, who was now madly in love with Betsinda, heard

this declaration, when he saw the unmistakable glances which she flung

upon Giglio, Bulbo began to cry bitterly, and tore quantities of his

hair out of his head, till it all covered the room like so much tow.

Betsinda had left the warming-pan on the floor while the Princes were

going on with the conversation, and as they began now to quarrel and be

very fierce with one another, she thought proper to run away.

"You great big blubbering booby, tearing your hair in the corner there!

of course you will give me satisfaction for insulting Betsinda. _You_

dare to kneel down at Princess Giglio's knees, and kiss her hand!"

"She's not Princess Giglio," roars out Bulbo. "She shall be Princess

Bulbo, no other shall be Princess Bulbo."

"You are engaged to my cousin!" bellows out Giglio.

"I hate your cousin," says Bulbo.

"You shall give me satisfaction for insulting her!" cries Giglio in a

fury.

"I'll have your life."

"I'll run you through."

"I'll cut your throat."

"I'll blow your brains out."

"I'll knock your head off."

"I'll send a friend to you in the morning."

"I'll send a bullet into you in the afternoon."

"We'll meet again," says Giglio, shaking his fist in Bulbo's face; and

seizing up the warming-pan, he kissed it, because, forsooth, Betsinda

had carried it, and rushed down-stairs. What should he see on the

landing but his Majesty talking to Betsinda, whom he called by all sorts

of fond names. His Majesty had heard the row in the building, so he

stated, and smelling something burning, had come out to see what the

matter was.

"It's the young gentlemen smoking perhaps, sir," says Betsinda.

"Charming chambermaid," says the King (like all the rest of them),

"never mind the young men! Turn thy eyes on a middle-aged autocrat, who

has been considered not ill-looking in his time."

"Oh, sir! what will her Majesty say?" cries Betsinda.

"Her Majesty!" laughs the monarch. "Her Majesty be hanged! Am I not

Autocrat of Paflagonia? Have I not blocks, ropes, axes, hangmen--ha?

Runs not a river by my palace wall? Have I not sacks to sew up wives

withal? Say but the word, that thou wilt be mine own,--your mistress

straightway in a sack is sewn, and thou the sharer of my heart and

throne."

When Giglio heard these atrocious sentiments he forgot the respect

usually paid to Royalty, lifted up the warming-pan, and knocked down the

King as flat as a pancake; after which, Master Giglio took to his heels

and ran away, and Betsinda went off screaming, and the Queen,

Gruffanuff, and the Princess, all came out of their rooms. Fancy their

feelings on beholding husband, father, sovereign, in this posture.

As soon as the coals began to burn him, the King came to himself and

stood up. "Ho! my Captain of the Guards!" his Majesty exclaimed,

stamping his royal foot with rage. O piteous spectacle! the King's nose

was bent quite crooked by the blow of Prince Giglio! His Majesty ground

his teeth with rage. "Hedzoff," he said, taking a death-warrant out of

his dressing-gown pocket,--"Hedzoff, good Hedzoff, seize upon the

Prince. Thou'lt find him in his chamber two pair up. But now he dared,

with sacrilegious hand, to strike the sacred night-cap of a

king--Hedzoff, and floor me with a warming-pan! Away, no more demur, the

villain dies! See it be done, or else--h'm!--h'm--h'm! mind thine own

eyes!" And followed by the ladies, and lifting up the tails of his

dressing-gown, the King entered his own apartment.

Captain Hedzoff was very much affected, having a sincere love for

Giglio. "Poor, poor Giglio!" he said, the tears rolling over his manly

face, and dripping down his moustaches. "My noble young Prince, is it my

hand must lead thee to death?"

"Lead him to fiddlestick, Hedzoff," said a female voice. It was

Gruffanuff, who had come out in her dressing-gown when she heard the

noise. "The King said you were to hang the Prince. Well, hang the

Prince."

"I don't understand you," said Hedzoff, who was not a very clever man.

"You Gaby! he didn't say _which_ Prince," said Gruffanuff.

"No; he didn't say which, certainly," says Hedzoff.

"Well, then, take Bulbo, and hang _him_!"

When Captain Hedzoff heard this, he began to dance about for joy.

"Obedience is a soldier's honour," says he. "Prince Bulbo's head will do

capitally;" and he went to arrest the Prince the very first thing, next

morning.

He knocked at the door. "Who's there?" says Bulbo. "Captain Hedzoff?

Step in, pray, my good Captain; I'm delighted to see you; I have been

expecting you."

"Have you?" says Hedzoff.

"Sleibootz, my Chamberlain, will act for me," says the Prince.

"I beg your Royal Highness' pardon, but you will have to act for

yourself, and it's a pity to wake Baron Sleibootz."

The Prince Bulbo still seemed to take the matter very coolly. "Of

course, Captain," says he, "you are come about that affair with Prince

Giglio?"

"Precisely," says Hedzoff, "that affair of Prince Giglio."

"Is it to be pistols, or swords, Captain?" asks Bulbo. "I'm a pretty

good hand with both, and I'll do for Prince Giglio as sure as my name is

my Royal Highness Prince Bulbo."

"There's some mistake, my lord," says the Captain. "The business is done

with _axes_ among us."

"Axes? That's sharp work," says Bulbo. "Call my Chamberlain, he'll be my

second, and in ten minutes I flatter myself you'll see Master Giglio's

head off his impertinent shoulders. I'm hungry for his blood.

Hoo-oo-aw!" and he looked as savage as an ogre.

"I beg your pardon, sir, but by this warrant I am to take you prisoner,

and hand you over to--to the executioner."

"Pooh, pooh, my good man!--Stop, I say,--ho!--hulloa!" was all that this

luckless Prince was enabled to say: for Hedzoff's guards seizing him

tied a handkerchief over his mouth and face, and carried him to the

place of execution.

The King, who happened to be talking to Glumboso, saw him pass, and took

a pinch of snuff, and said, "So much for Giglio. Now let's go to

breakfast."

The Captain of the Guard handed over his prisoner to the Sheriff, with

the fatal order,

"AT SIGHT CUT OFF THE BEARER'S HEAD.

"VALOROSO XXIV."

"It's a mistake," says Bulbo, who did not seem to understand the

business in the least.

"Poo--poo--pooh," says the Sheriff. "Fetch Jack Ketch instantly. Jack

Ketch!"

And poor Bulbo was led to the scaffold, where an executioner with a

block and a tremendous axe was always ready in case he should be wanted.

But we must now revert to Giglio and Betsinda.

Gruffanuff, who had seen what had happened with the King, and knew that

Giglio must come to grief, got up very early the next morning, and went

to devise some plans for rescuing her darling husband, as the silly old

thing insisted on calling him. She found him walking up and down the

garden, thinking of a rhyme for Betsinda (_tinder_ and _winda_ were all

he could find), and indeed having forgotten all about the past evening,

except that Betsinda was the most lovely of beings.

"Well, dear Giglio?" says Gruff.

"Well, dear Gruffy?" says Giglio, only _he_ was quite satirical.

"I have been thinking, darling, what you must do in this scrape. You

must fly the country for awhile."

"What scrape?--fly the country? Never without her I love, Countess,"

says Giglio.

"No, she will accompany you, dear Prince," she says in her most coaxing

accents. "First, we must get the jewels belonging to our royal parents,

and those of her and his present Majesty. Here is the key, duck; they

are all yours, you know, by right, for you are the rightful King of

Paflagonia, and your wife will be the rightful Queen of Paflagonia."

"Will she?" says Giglio.

"Yes, and having got the jewels, go to Glumboso's apartment, where,

under his bed, you will find sacks containing money to the amount of

£217,000,000,987,439 13_s._ 6-1/2_d._, all belonging to you, for he took

it out of your royal father's room on the day of his death. With this we

will fly."

"_We_ will fly?" says Giglio.

"Yes, you and your bride--your affianced love--your Gruffy!" says the

Countess, with a languishing leer.

"_You_ my bride!" says Giglio. "You, you hideous old woman!"

"Oh, you--you wretch! didn't you give me this paper promising marriage?"

cries Gruff.

"Get away, you old goose! I love Betsinda, and Betsinda only!" And in a

fit of terror he ran from her as quickly as he could.

"He! he! he!" shrieks out Gruff: "a promise is a promise, if there are

laws in Paflagonia! And as for that monster, that wretch, that fiend,

that ugly little vixen--as for that upstart, that ingrate, that beast

Betsinda, Master Giglio will have no little difficulty in discovering

her whereabouts. He may look very long before finding _her_, I warrant.

He little knows that Miss Betsinda is----"

Is--what? Now, you shall hear. Poor Betsinda got up at five in winter

morning to bring her cruel mistress her tea; and instead of finding her

in a good-humour, found Gruffy as cross as two sticks. The Countess

boxed Betsinda's ears half a dozen times whilst she was dressing; but as

poor little Betsinda was used to this kind of treatment, she did not

feel any special alarm. "And now," says she, "when her Majesty rings her

bell twice, I'll trouble you, miss, to attend."

So when the Queen's bell rang twice, Betsinda came to her Majesty and

made a pretty little courtesy. The Queen, the Princess, and Gruffanuff

were all three in the room. As soon as they saw her they began.

"You wretch!" says the Queen.

"You little vulgar thing!" says the Princess.

"You beast!" says Gruffanuff.

"Get out of my sight!" says the Queen.

"Go away with you, do!" says the Princess.

"Quit the premises!" says Gruffanuff.

Alas! and woe is me! very lamentable events had occurred to Betsinda

that morning, and all in consequence of that fatal warming-pan business

of the previous night. The King had offered to marry her; of course her

Majesty the Queen was jealous: Bulbo had fallen in love with her; of

course Angelica was furious; Giglio was in love with her, and oh, what a

fury Gruffy was in!

"Give her the rags she wore when she came into the house, and turn her

out of it!" cries the Queen.

"Mind she does not go with _my_ shoes on, which I lent her so kindly,"

says the Princess; and indeed the Princess' shoes were a great deal too

big for Betsinda.

"Come with me, you filthy hussy!" and taking up the Queen's poker the

cruel Gruffanuff drove Betsinda into her room.

The Countess went to the glass box in which she had kept Betsinda's old

cloak, and shoes this ever so long, and said, "Take those rags, you

little beggar creature, and strip off everything belonging to honest

people, and go about your business." And she actually tore off the poor

little delicate thing's back almost all her things, and told her to be

off out of the house.

Poor Betsinda huddled the cloak round her back, on which were

embroidered the letters PRIN ... ROSAL ... and then came a great rent.

As for the shoe, what was she to do with one poor little tootsey sandal?

The string was still to it, so she hung it round her neck.

"Won't you give me a pair of shoes to go out in the snow, mum, if you

please, mum?" cried the poor child.

"No, you wicked beast!" says Gruffanuff, driving her along with the

poker--driving her down the cold stairs--driving her through the cold

hall--flinging her out into the cold street, so that the knocker itself

shed tears to see her!

But a kind Fairy made the soft snow warm for her little feet, and she

wrapped herself up in the ermine of her mantle, and was gone!

"And now let us think about breakfast," says the greedy Queen.

"What dress shall I put on, mamma? the pink or the pea-green?" says

Angelica. "Which do you think the dear Prince will like best?"

"Mrs. V.!" sings out the King from his dressing-room, "let us have

sausages for breakfast! Remember we have Prince Bulbo staying with us!"

And they all went to get ready.

Nine o'clock came, and they were all in the breakfast room, and no

Prince Bulbo as yet. The urn was hissing and humming: the muffins were

smoking--such a heap of muffins! the eggs were done; there was a pot of

raspberry jam, and coffee, and a beautiful chicken and tongue on the

side-table. Marmatonio the cook brought in the sausages. Oh, how nice

they smelt!

"Where is Bulbo?" said the King.

"John, where is his Royal Highness?"

John said he had a took up his Roilighnessesses shaving-water, and his

clothes and things, and he wasn't in his room, which he sposed his

Royliness was just stepped hout.

"Stepped out before breakfast in the snow! Impossible!" says the King

sticking his fork into a sausage. "My dear, take one. Angelica, won't

you have a saveloy?" The Princess took one, being very fond of them; and

at this moment Glumboso entered with Captain Hedzoff, both looking very

much disturbed. "I am afraid your Majesty----" cries Glumboso. "No

business before breakfast, Glum!" says the King. "Breakfast first,

business next. Mrs. V., some more sugar!"

"Sire, I am afraid if we wait till after breakfast it will be too late,"

says Glumboso. "He--he--he'll be hanged half-past nine."

"Don't talk about hanging and spoil my breakfast, you unkind, vulgar man

you," cries the Princess. "John, some mustard. Pray who is it to be

hanged?"

"Sire, it is the Prince," whispers Glumboso to the King.

"Talk about business after breakfast, I tell you!" says His Majesty

quite sulky.

"We shall have a war, sire, depend on it," says the Minister. "His

father, King Padella...."

"His father, King _who_?" says the King. "King Padella is not Giglio's

father. My brother, King Savio, was Giglio's father."

"It's Prince Bulbo they are hanging, Sire, not Prince Giglio," says the

Prime Minister.

"You told me to hang the Prince, and I took the ugly one," says Hedzoff.

"I didn't, of course, think your Majesty intended to murder your own

flesh and blood!"

The King for reply flung the plate of sausages at Hedzoff's head. The

Princess cried out, "Hee-karee-ka-ree!" and fell down in a

fainting-fit.

"Turn the cock of the urn upon her Royal Highness," said the King, and

the boiling water gradually revived her. His Majesty looked at his

watch, compared it by the clock in the parlor, and by that of the church

in the square opposite; then he wound it up; then he looked at it again.

"The great question is," says he, "am I fast or am I slow? If I'm slow,

we may as well go on with breakfast. If I'm fast, why, there is just the

possibility of saving Prince Bulbo. It's a doosid awkward mistake, and

upon my word, Hedzoff, I have the greatest mind to have you hanged too."

"Sire, I did but my duty: a soldier has but his orders. I didn't expect,

after forty-seven years of faithful service, that my sovereign would

think of putting me to a felon's death!"

"A hundred thousand plagues upon you! Can't you see that while you are

talking my Bulbo is being hung?" screamed the Princess.

"By Jove! she's always right, that girl, and I'm so absent," says the

King, looking at his watch again. "Ha! Hark, there goes the drums! What

a doosid awkward thing, though!"

"O Papa, you goose! Write the reprieve, and let me run with it," cries

the Princess--and she got a sheet of paper, and pen and ink, and laid

them before the King.

"Confound it! Where are my spectacles?" the Monarch exclaimed.

"Angelica! Go up into my bedroom, look under my pillow, not your

mamma's; there you'll see my keys. Bring them down to me, and--Well,

well! what impetuous things these girls are!" Angelica was gone and had

run up panting to the bedroom and found the keys, and was back again

before the King had finished a muffin. "Now, love," says he, "you must

go all the way back for my desk, in which my spectacles are. If you

_would_ but have heard me out.... Be hanged to her! There she is off

again. Angelica! ANGELICA!" When his Majesty called in his _loud voice_,

she knew she must obey and come back.

"My dear, when you go out of a room, how often have I told you, _shut

the door_! That's a darling. That's all." At last the keys and the desk

and the spectacles were got, and the King mended his pen, and signed his

name to a reprieve, and Angelica ran with it as swift as the wind.

"You'd better stay, my love, and finish the muffins. There's no use

going. Be sure it's too late. Hand me over that raspberry jam, please,"

said the Monarch. "Bong! Bawong! There goes the half-hour. I knew it

was."

Angelica ran, and ran, and ran, and ran. She ran up Fore street, and

down High street and through the Marketplace and down to the left, and

over the bridge and up the blind alley, and back again, and around by

the Castle, and so along by the haberdasher's on the right, opposite the

lamp-post, and around the square, and she came--she came to the

_Execution place_, where she saw Bulbo laying his head on the block!!!!

The executioneer raised his axe, but at that moment the Princess came

panting up and cried Reprieve. "Reprieve!" screamed the Princess.

"Reprieve!" shouted all the people. Up the scaffold stairs she sprang,

with the agility of a lighter of lamps; and flinging herself in Bulbo's

arms regardless of all ceremony, she cried out, "O my Prince! my lord!

my love! my Bulbo! Thine Angelica has been in time to save thy precious

existence, sweet rosebud; to prevent thy being nipped in thy young

bloom! Had aught befallen thee, Angelica too had died, and welcomed

death that joined her to her Bulbo."

"H'm! there's no accounting for taste," said Bulbo, looking so very much

puzzled and uncomfortable, that the Princess, in tones of tenderest

strain, asked the cause of his disquiet.

"I tell you what it is, Angelica," said he: "since I came here

yesterday, there has been such a row, and disturbance, and quarrelling,

and fighting, and chopping of heads off, and the deuce to pay, that I am

inclined to go back to Crim Tartary."

"But with me as thy bride, my Bulbo! Though wherever thou art is Crim

Tartary to me, my bold, my beautiful, my Bulbo!"

"Well, well, I suppose we must be married," says Bulbo. "Doctor, you

came to read the funeral service--read the marriage service, will you?

What must be, must. That will satisfy Angelica, and then in the name of

peace and quietness, do let us go back to breakfast."

Bulbo had carried a rose in his mouth all the time of the dismal

ceremony. It was a fairy rose, and he was told by his mother that he

ought never to part with it. So he had kept it between his teeth, even

when he laid his poor head upon the block, hoping vaguely that some

chance would turn up in his favour. As he began to speak to Angelica, he

forgot about the rose, and of course it dropped out of his mouth. The

romantic Princess instantly stooped and seized it. "Sweet Rose!" she

exclaimed, "that bloomed upon my Bulbo's lip, never, never will I part

from thee!" and she placed it in her bosom. And you know Bulbo

_couldn't_ ask her to give the rose back again. And they went to

breakfast; and as they walked it seemed to Bulbo that Angelica became

more exquisitely lovely every moment.

He was frantic until they were married; and now, strange to say, it was

Angelica who didn't care about him! He knelt down, he kissed her hand,

he prayed and begged; he cried with admiration; while she for her part

said she really thought they might wait; it seemed to her that he was

not handsome any more--no, not at all, quite the reverse; and not

clever, no very stupid; and not well-bred, like Giglio; no, on the

contrary, dreadfully vul----

What, I cannot say, for King Valoroso roared out "_Pooh_, stuff!" in a

terrible voice. "We will have no more of this shilly-shallying! Call the

Archbishop and let the Prince and Princess be married off-hand!"

So, married they were, and I am sure for my part I trust they will be

happy.