ADVENTURES OF ABOU SHIMSHEK, THE ASTRONOMER OF ISPAHAN
"Up, on the Kinchinginga's lofty summit, where earth and heavens
meet, where myriads of crystalline, icy temples in their immaculate
and prismatic garbs here and there, and manywhere abound, temples,
in whose solid glacial niches saints perpetually hold communion with
Mahatma's Son.
"I said, I was upon the Kinchinginga's. Aye, for no other purpose
than on a mission sublime, to climb nearer to heaven in search of the
Creator's secrets profound and reveal them to the human race. Day after
day, thus, dauntless and resolute, I scaled craggy precipices. Through
mammoth caverns of desolate solitude I wended my way up to reach the
goal of my ambition, lured there by my faith.
"Night after night, thus, I gazed and scanned heaven's canopy, studded
with twinkling jewels. But alas! it seemed, farther and more remote
grew the space between me and the blue heaven, with no mortal kind to
cheer my solitude, except the wails of hungry jackals and the wild
groans of the Bengal tiger fierce, with myriads of phantom spirits,
darting here and there, in weird, fantastic forms; I could not tell
whether they were the creatures of some world unseen, or the ghosts of
Gothama and his saints keeping vigil over the faithful. But at last,
so dire and awful did grow my solitude that, overcome by fright and
fatigue, I retreated into a glacial cave beneath a lofty peak.
"I laid my head on a chilled stalagmite, the frozen floor to my
back, and my face and belly against what I thought to be the dome
of my cavern. But, by the sacred wart that grew on Gehangire's
nose, what reality! What a wonderful sight! A new world, revolving
through space--entirely different from ours as it had living souls and
vegetation in a far more advanced stage of development than ours,--was
revealed to my astonished eyes!
"The greatest efforts of men are brought to naught with the elements
controlled by Allah's command, or are so small in scale and scope as
to be beyond compare with His wondrous works. Through the greatest
telescope that man's ingenuity and skill can produce, astronomers
cannot agree whether the canals of Mars are single or double.
"Pshaw! Away with those numberless imposters who have deluded mankind
with their consummate lies! Some even claim to have traversed the
inter-etherial space by flying machines, whose construction was
revealed to them in a "sealed package" or found in boxes, buried in
tombs and mummies of days gone by! The marvelous medium through which
I saw this celestial panorama was nothing strange; the cavern into
which I so unconsciously was led was an observatory by nature made!
"Its dome was a mammoth telescope, composed of lenses of great
magnitude, various in size and shape. Lenses made of purest water,
distilled by the thundering clouds and filtered through heaven's
ether. Lenses congealed by the zephyrs that gently blow from Mount
Everest's snow-capped brow; lenses, annealed and polished through
centuries by the fiery orb that governs our earth, from its moorings
in wondrous space. Here, to my eye, was a telescope most complete. It
brought that strange planet so near as to make me inhale its very
atmosphere, touch its soil and waters with my outstretched arms. And
which, with your kind tolerance, I will briefly relate.
"The first element on this marvelous world, which my attention did
attract, was the wonderful hues of its firmament. There were no
"inter-luminous rays" of "rosy radiance" nor "amber isles" floating
over "golden seas" of sunsets, or similar trash, that our poets here
below have sung for ages gone, over and over again. But instead,
wonderfully colored panels of exquisite designs, the whole changing
as if by a dissolving slide, at every atmospheric vibration, into
still more beautiful patterns, a veritable Kaleidoscope!
"On consulting my astronomical calculations I found that this strange
phenomenon was caused by the peculiar inclination, and ascension of
this planet toward the sun! As I was scanning this sublime panorama,
with rapturous admiration, my attention was diverted to an expanse
of water. Its constantly foaming and sparkling nature induced me to
examine it more closely and, to my great surprise, upon analysis I
found it to be similar to delicious cream soda, with cakes of ice
floating on it, and the whole impregnated with phosphates--on account
of the immense guano deposits left by extinct birds, along its shores!
"But my surprise was still increased when, turning my eyes toward
land, I beheld numerous geysers and fountains, spouting up streams and
sprays of waters of various hues. I tasted them one by one and, to my
delight, I found some of them to be composed of seltzero-caffein, some
of bromo-cocain, some others containing an infusion of Cerebrine. But
one of the most peculiar fountains which I discovered was one that
had a zig-zag motion and luminous color.
"On partaking of a sip of it, I suddenly experienced a strange
sensation going through my body, exhilarating and rejuvenating my
whole system, eradicating all the dandruff from my scalp, purifying
my blood and dispelling at once that "tired feeling." I gave to this
fountain the name "Electrolinaris" on account of the large percentage
of "the electric fluid" it contained!
"The vegetation that grew on this marvelous planet, although
analogous to our terrestrial trees and herbs--having roots, trunks
and branches--was entirely of different order. These forms were
a combination of vegetable and animal kingdoms, because of their
construction and sensitiveness. I noticed, for example, trees
whose leaves changed color several times a day, some others which
emitted extraordinary sounds, while still others shrank and expanded
instantaneously.
"But their fruits were still more curious. Of course to satisfy
my natural curiosity, I picked and tasted many of them. They were
nothing but our manufactured confections. Still how delicious they
were! Here was a tree the folds of whose musical leaves shielded
delicious chocolates, there another tree whose branches dropped ripe
and luscious glace bon-bons of various flavors, while sugar-coated
violets and jasmines abounded promiscuously on perfuming bushes.
"During my inspection I came across a palm-like plant full of
innumerable shining objects which, on closer scrutiny, to my amazement
I found to be miniature incandescent radium lights of great brilliancy.
"As I proceeded with my investigations I saw another plant whose
branches were studded with brilliant scintillating globules. I
hastened to examine them and they were neither more nor less than
veritable crystals of diamonds. Now it is well known that the diamond
consists of pure carbon in crystalized form. This plant had simply the
power of absorbing pure carbon by its roots, and passing through its
wonderfully peculiar fibres exuded and condensed them on its branches
like gum-drops, where they were hardened by the action of its equally
strange atmosphere. I have on my person--as you will observe--a few
specimens which I picked at random.
"And now in reference to animals. Perhaps you will expect me to
describe to you strange megalotheruses of immense proportions, or
gigantic mammalian quadrupeds, mammoth flying dragons, serpents and
birds, but herein I must disappoint you. The truth is, although I
searched diligently for such paleozoic monsters, I came in contact
with none. Surprised as I was myself, it explained itself on my
discovering an amphitheatre-like enclosure wherein were stored, in
great numbers, the lifeless skeletons of unimaginable beasts which
had existed on this planet in centuries past. And as on our earth
the large animals are gradually becoming extinct on account of the
advance of civilization, with the exception of the Tammany Tiger,
the American Eagle and the British Lion, I came to the conclusion
that on this new sphere likewise, because of its far advanced stage
of civilization, they were already extinct.
"I could not, however, suppress my laughter on seeing in this
collection of monstrous wild beasts, two specimens of two-legged
mammalians or human beings. I speedily came to the conclusion that
they were either some of those blatant fools, who had ventured on
journeys to remote planets in their flying machines, or some of our
ultra-civilized English and American pioneers, gone on missions of
"grab" and "benevolent assimilation!"
"Anon, I come to the most interesting stage of my adventure, that of
seeing the most intelligent animals of this new planet, which it seemed
had full control over it, so that there remained no doubt in my mind
of their being the human race of this strange world. Consequently, I
watched them closely, and verily I found them to be far more advanced
in civilization and bodily construction than we, mankind. They were so
constructed that they had all the advantages which we are obliged to
supply ourselves by artificial means and devices. As I describe them,
you will, to a certain degree, form an idea of how they looked.
"They had only one eye on the top of their heads, a large globular
organ, however, having like the dragon fly a multiform lens. This
eye was shielded by an umbrella-shaped substance of a hard bony
nature. Thus protected they could see all round about them at the
same time, or whichever side they wanted, without inconveniencing
themselves by craning their necks.
"I thought it would have been a great blessing if we mortals here
possessed such optics. Think of the advantage while going about in a
crowded thoroughfare of a great city, to see where you are stepping,
to read the various newspaper bulletins, to watch the clock on the
spire, to recognize your friends in the surging throng and besides
all these to be able to dodge adroitly the numerous trolley cars and
automobiles at the same time!
"In place of the eyes, there were two large circles, covered by a
delicate membrane of great sensitiveness, which instead of sight was
used for speech, because they did not speak with their mouths and in
audible sounds, but with these two curious circles they carried on a
conversation in "silent eloquence," instantaneously transmitting their
thoughts to each other, a veritable telepathic medium, as it were!
"Their noses and mouths were likewise equally strange and entirely
different from ours in construction, although to all appearances they
had the same form and occupied similar places. For instance, they could
extend their nostrils at pleasure, shut air-tight or open at will, so
that at the mere suspicion of a bad odor they could instantly elongate
their proboscis to some point at which pure air and perfume abounded.
"The mouth was so constructed that they could expand and contract
it like a chameleon's, but about three or four yards, and in
such inconceivable velocity that its rapidity of action was beyond
calculation. Its usefulness was manifold, because they not only took
nutrition by it, but it was also a very formidable weapon of attack
and defense.
"They wore absolutely no clothing, consequently were annoyed by no
tailor-made suits, no bloomers, no furbelows, but nature itself had
provided with all that was desirable. Their skins were covered from
the neck to the shoulder with white swansdown, and from the shoulders
to the waist with a fine silky fur, resembling in color and texture
the best quality of seal-skins, while from the waist sprouted all
around the loveliest crop of hanging ostrich feathers. There was no
difference in male and female attire. As women nowadays are speaking
of equal rights, and are adopting masculine tendencies, I believe we
are on the right line of advancement to reach the same destination.
"Their manner of locomotion was another surprise to me as I watched
them darting deftly here and there. Upon examination of their lower
extremities, I found it to be simply locomotion by electricity. Under
their feet were several wheels of natural formation and whichever
direction they wanted to go, they set the locomotive current to any
degree of celerity. Think of it! Each person having his own automatic
rapid transit!
"As I became intensely interested in those strange beings, I felt
curious to know and study their social manners and discover whether
they experienced any emotions, sorrows or mirth. Consequently I
changed my observations to these particulars. In searching through
the gardens and flowery bowers that abounded in a certain locality,
it was not necessary for me to wait very long. My eyes rested upon
a comical spectacle, which left no doubt in my mind that it was a
case of amorous depredation. It was simply, as I judged, an act of
stealing kisses. Oh, the rascal! Here was a maiden sweet and fair,
overcome perhaps by fatigue, lying on the velvety grass of cobalt blue,
her head resting on a natural eiderdown-topped toadstool, and there,
a precocious youth, perched on a branch of a tree above, his elastic
mouth in close contact to that of the maiden, busily gathering, like
the hummingbird, the nectars of osculatory bliss, while his globular
eye kept watch round about for any unceremonious or hostile intruder!
"In vain I tried to imitate. Ah! I still feel the thrill. In fact,
I would not object to have a mouth so formed, even in this vain world
of ours. I believe there are flowers here also, ever in bloom, like
the fairy maiden above.
"In reference to the pleasures and enjoyments of these marvelous
beings, I was somewhat nonplussed to find that there were no theatres
or places of amusement. The fact was that in every respect they were
very, very practical.
"When they wanted to laugh, they simply went to certain valleys
in their locality where, on inhaling its atmosphere, they became
almost hysterical in their ecstasy of joy, giggling, ha-haing and
continuing in such hilarious laughter without stop until they were
thoroughly satisfied.
"I became curious to know the nature of this atmospheric element
which produced such merriment, and on careful analysis found the air
to be strongly impregnated with pure nitrous oxide or "laughing gas,"
an inferior quality of which was formerly used by our dentists.
"Likewise, when they felt a desire to cry, they went to another
neighborhood, where certain bushes abounded, bearing on their drooping
branches a profusion of "Job's Tears," the sight of which so affected
the visitors that they were at once transformed into veritable
Niobes--all tears. They wept, sighed and wailed until their longing
had subsided.
"Their solution of the habitation problem was, I think, that which
wise men on this earth have been trying to solve from the beginning
of creation. This Utopian planet contained no dwellings built by
mankind, consequently there were no taxes, no new land theories, no
internal revenue or protection embargoes. The planet itself produced
everything without the aid of its people and they enjoyed the fruit
of the soil equally.
"Whenever these creatures desired to rest, they retired to certain
localities, where millions of velvety couches grew like toadstools,
on which they reclined, while the vegetation around, with its narcotic
perfumes, lulled them quietly to sleep.
"The duration of their day, which was a continual twilight of
variegated designs, was according to my chronometer fifty hours long,
and they divided it into two equal parts, twenty-five hours of which
they slept in balmy dreamlands, while the other twenty-five they
indulged in all kinds of recreations and no work at all! Ah! as the
working hours of our laboring classes are decreasing day by day by
the glorious medium of Unionism, I am happy to predict that we are on
the right path of some day reaching that millennium of doing nothing,
so that we shall at last have twelve hours of sleep, and twelve hours
of recreation!
"When I saw all these wonderful things, I confess, I forgot my mission
sublime, and determined then and there to transport myself to that
celestial sphere. Consequently I approached one of them and appealed
for admission to that land of rest and perpetual bliss. Scarcely had I
spoken, when I felt the atmosphere about me become suffocating; there
was thunder and lightning and a sepulchral voice was heard to say:
"'No earthly domination here.'
"This dread injunction rendered me insensible and when consciousness
returned I found myself at the foot of the Kinchinginga's, amidst
the ruins of that wonderful telescope by nature made!"