his chair to the floor. "Rickety-rax! Give 'em the axe!"
A colleague at his right launched a squadron of paper darts into the
air as the guitarist twanged away at an off-key rendition of the _Air
Corps Song_. This musical interlude, however, came to an unhappy end
as the gentleman across the table, finishing the pierced heart with a
flourish, picked up an inkwell and emptied it into the bowels of the
instrument. There was a splintering crash as the donner received his
contribution, guitar and all, across the crown of his head. Undaunted,
the man rose from his seat and launched into a lamentable imitation of
Jolson doing a mammy song.
"We'll kill 'em!" the cry went up. "We'll give it to 'em in the teeth,
the dirty, yella, murderin' rats!"
"Gentlemen!" the Chair pleaded. "Gentlemen! Your enthusiasm and
patriotic spirit is commendable. But let's be constructive about this
thing. _Let's declare war!_"
Toffee and Marc, who had been watching this display with rising
emotion, got to their feet simultaneously.
"Now just a minute!" Toffee yelled. "Just a minute, you tramps!"
"Precisely," Marc said, steadying himself against the table. "Just a
minute."
But their protest was unheard in the din of the merry-making.
"I can see," Toffee said, lifting her hand, "that the time is due to
take measures."
"For once," Marc said, "I'm with you one hundred percent." He moved to
her side in a limp gesture of staunch support, blinking drowsily.
Toffee eyed the revelling law makers with a selective eye. Her gaze
fell to two rotund parties who, their arms clasped about each other's
shoulders, were dancing a polka in the aisle. As one of the bulbous
rears swiveled in her direction, she let go. It was a direct hit on the
target.
With a searing cry the erstwhile dancer unclasped his partner and
doubled over, his chops aquiver with an emotion too great for
expression.
His partner, at first taken aback, eyed this inexplicable development
with bleary gloom. Then he beamed with happy understanding.
"Leap frog!" he yelled joyously. "Hey, fellas! Leap frog!"
* * * * *
The rush for the aisle was instantaneous and enthusiastic. As the
playful congressmen lined up for the game, Toffee leaped to the top of
the table and assumed a firing stance. Taking careful aim as the first
gamester wheezed up the aisle and boosted himself aloft over the back
of his suffering brother, she executed a neat wing shot which dropped
her victim into place with a convulsion of shocked pain.
"Fish in a barrel," Toffee said gleefully.
"Good," Marc said, coming momentarily awake. "There! Get that gaffer on
the rise!"
And another congressman doubled in mid-air and came to earth with a
rasp on his lips.
"Stacking up nicely, eh?" Toffee said. "Makes a neat exhibit, all of
them in a row like that."
The sport continued apace. It wasn't long before the aisle was lined
from end to end with tortured congressmen who moaned and wailed like
lost souls taking hell's post grad course. Texas, naturally, made the
loudest noise.
"Here, now!" he blurted. "What's going on here? What do you fellows
think you're doing; you look like a lot of distressed cats who've found
cement in the sand box. It doesn't look at all nice. I'm surprised at
you, Maine, for being mixed up in this sort of thing. You, too, South
Dakota. Young woman, why are you standing on that table?"
"When I go to the circus," Toffee said, "I like to see everything. I
wouldn't want to miss this for the world."
"I thought I told you to go home. The Congress has finished with you."
"But have I finished with the Congress?" Toffee said. "That's what I
ask myself."
"Get out!" the Chair cried, definitely beginning to show cracks about
the outer surface. "Please go home. Please!"
"I'm afraid I can't," Toffee said. She nodded significantly toward
the convulsed members. "I'd hate to go and leave so much unfinished
business behind. Or should I say so much behind, unfinished business?"
"Do you mean to say that you are in some way responsible for that
repellent demonstration in the aisle?"
"I take the credit proudly," Toffee said. "Remember, I said I had a
secret weapon? However, I must say that Mr. Pillsworth, here, has given
me all sorts of moral support."
"Thank you," Marc said with composure. "Glad to be associated with any
enterprise of a worthwhile nature. I'm a real sucker for these toney
clambakes."
"Toney!" The Chair snorted in outrage. "I suppose you are able to undo
this disgraceful state of affairs?"
"Oh, quite," Toffee smiled. "In a twinkling. But I wonder if I really
want to."
"You must," the Chair said distractedly. "With all that moaning and
groaning going on down there I can't hear myself think."
"Heaven only knows why you should want to," Marc said, "with your
dwarfed powers of reasoning."
* * * * *
"Quiet!" the Chair snapped. "Young lady, I'm telling you to release
those men from whatever unattractive thing is ailing them. That's a
congressional order!"
"Okay," Toffee said. "But with one stipulation."
"And what is that, may I ask?"
"That you follow the example of You Know Where--and follow it to the
last bomb and factory."
"What! Are you actually suggesting that we demobilize the country?"
"I'm telling you now," Toffee said earnestly. "And I'm telling you to
do it immediately. Get religion, brother."
"I see," the Chair said quietly. His hand moved cautiously toward an
alarm button.
"I'm sorry," Toffee murmured, "but I haven't time to waste on any more
guards." She lifted her hand, made the necessary motion, and the Chair
departed his moorings with a leap that sent his glasses sailing off
into the air.
"Murder!" he screamed, and crashed back into his seat in a fit of acute
discomfort.
"Well," Marc sighed. "Fair's fair. These boys have been giving everyone
else that localized pain for years. Now they're just getting a shot of
their own medicine. By the way, what happened to that little man from
Intelligence?"
"He's in with the congressmen," Toffee said.
Dusting her hands lightly, she turned away just in time to see a door
swing open to permit the pompous entrance of several over-costumed and
over-decorated individuals who had obviously played the army and navy
game with the right set of loaded dice.
One, however, stood ahead of and apart from the others. He glittered
and shone with all the bogus brilliance of a dime store jewelry
counter. From the peak of his duck-tailed blonde hair to the tips of
his two-toned shoes--passing quickly over his rust-red jacket and
lemon yellow trousers--he was the absolute end and final gasp in
well-upholstered commercial entertainers. As he stood impressively
in the doorway his shirt front added the final touch of elegance by
lighting up with the classical quote: Kiss Me Quick!
"Good night!" Marc said. "President Flemm! And the heads of the War
Department!"
* * * * *
As Toffee gazed on this fine new catch, whole vistas of fresh
achievement spread themselves before her. "Hail! Hail!" she said. "Deck
the halls with poison ivy!"
The President, having had his little joke, had since fallen into
a mood for a bit of tribute from what he considered his official
flunkies--or straight men. As he waited for the Congress to rise in
his honor--without result--an expression of petulance swept over his
features. It wasn't as though they weren't aware of his presence; he
made himself known surely. Then why didn't the clods snap into it?
He stepped imperiously to the head of the aisle, from whence there
issued low sounds of displeasure and suddenly, with a start, found
himself faced with a shattering view of a whole row of upturned
bottoms.
"Here, now!" he exclaimed. "What sort of greeting is this? If you
men have some personal criticism to make against me there must be a
nicer way of expressing it!" He swung about to the Chair. "Just who is
responsible for this insulting...!"
The words jammed together in his throat at the sight of the Chair whose
sightless eyes peered down at him with every evidence of complete
loathing. He seemed to snarl. In fact, as the President watched, the
Chair actually did bare his fangs and snarl.
"Now, just a minute!" the President cried, taken aback. "Maybe we do
have our little differences now and again, but there's no need to
get obstreperous about it. Now stop slavering at the mouth in that
extraordinary way and tell those old fools in the aisle to turn around
right end up."
The Chair only snarled again.
"Oh, very well," the President said coolly. "If that's the attitude you
want to take...."
"I don't think you're really going to get anywhere with him," Toffee
put in mildly.
The President whirled about. "And who are you?"
"You might say I'm in charge here," Toffee said. "My friend and I. I
think you'll discover that the Congress is suffering from shock--in a
way." She nodded to the Chair. "With that one, it's something I said."
The big brass crowded in curiously from the rear and ogled Toffee with
enormous appreciation. "Oddly, you are just the group I've been waiting
to see. I've been wanting to tell you that the time has come for you to
demobilize the nation--unload all that high-powered ammunition before
it goes off and hurts someone."
The President merely stared at her for a moment. Then he shook his
head. "Wouldn't get a big enough laugh," he said.
"I take it you are replying in the negative?" Toffee asked.
"You got it, sis," the President said with his customary dignity.
"Besides, just where do you get off telling me the time? Who signed you
up for the act?"
"Allow me to present my credentials," Toffee said, and raised her hand.
"You'll get a kick out of this."
* * * * *
A moment later President Flemm, quite to his own surprise, added
acrobatic dancing to his list of talents. Toffee, aware that important
persons required her best efforts, added a shot to the President's
neck, having already administered to the more logical location.
President Flemm's fine tenor assailed the air with ear-splitting
clarity, as his companions edged away in terror. Clutching alternately
at his neck and his rear, the man leaped about like a fan dancer
deprived of her feathers before a meeting of young business executives.
The President gave the performance of a man who was torn in his very
soul.
"Think that'll get a laugh?" Toffee asked. And then, lest the
President desired companions, she quickly added the efforts of the War
Department. The effect was engaging in a primitive sort of way, though
there was a great deal of clanking and crashing of brass on brass.
"Any time you gentlemen decide to sit one out," Toffee said, "just let
me know. There are plenty of telephones handy with which to spread the
good news."
She and Marc retreated to the steps in front of the podium, picking up
an abandoned bottle on the way. Toffee settled back comfortably and
indulged in a long draft.
"Hey," Marc said, "you might leave a swallow for me. I'm the one who
needs the stimulant, you know."
Toffee handed him the bottle, and for a moment they sat silent
listening dreamily to the sounds of gnashing teeth and grunted curses
that filled the air about them. Marc looked over to where the President
and his cronies had fallen into a stupor of misery.
"Looks like the government has collapsed," he observed drowsily. "I
might say it has a pain in its brass."
Even as he spoke, the President lifted an enfeebled hand and beckoned
to them. "I think the President wishes a word with us."
"Isn't it thrilling," Toffee said, "meeting all these important people
on such intimate terms?" She tilted the bottle again. "Let's toddle
over and see what the old comic wants."
"This is excruciating!" the President panted as they approached.
"You've got to stop it; it's unbearable."
"Now you know how people felt about your jokes," Toffee said. "I take
it you're on the verge of capitulation?"
"Over the verge," the President grunted weakly. "Huh, fellas?"
* * * * *
Four sets of clenched teeth bobbed up and down behind him, accompanied
by the plaintive rattle of metal.
"Good show, men," Toffee said. "That's using the old heads. Follow me
to the telephones the best way you can and start the wires singing--my
tune, of course."
Half an hour later Toffee and Marc let themselves out of the room by
the back way and walked along the corridor toward the street.
"I'm hungry as an abandoned babe," Toffee said.
Marc regarded her from beneath drooping eyelids. "I don't know if I
can stay awake long enough to feed you," he said. Then he stopped and
nodded worriedly back the way they'd come. "Are you sure you ought to
leave them all groaning around in there like that?"
"Until after the fireworks tonight," Toffee said. "When it comes to
backing out on your word those boys could face to the rear and win
the Olympic races without straining a nerve. Besides, suffering has a
cleansing effect on the soul, they tell me, and that mob in there has
the grimiest set of souls I've ever seen. I informed the lot of them
that if they welched on this deal they'd stay that way the rest of
their lives and would have to be buried in round coffins. We can come
back and turn them loose later."
"I suppose you're right," Marc said. "Right now, I've got to have a pot
of coffee before I pass out."
By now they had reached the sidewalk and luckily spotted a cab. Waving
for the driver's attention, they hurried forward.
It was just as Marc reached for the door of the cab that he suddenly
stumbled. All at once his weariness became too great to be borne
further; it reached to his very bones and turned them to sawdust. As he
went down to his knees the blackness swam in around him. He reached out
a hand to steady himself, but there was nothing to cling to. He was
vaguely aware of falling....
* * * * *
"Well, now, how'd you like a dame like that!" the cab driver exclaimed,
climbing out of the car. "She takes a powder just because the guy gets
a snootful and passes out!" He looked down at Marc who, sprawled on
the sidewalk, was tuning up for a good solid snore. "I wonder where he
belongs?"
* * * * *
Wherever he belonged, Marc at that very moment was lounging in a state
of quiet bliss on one of the rising slopes in the valley of his mind.
He turned to regard Toffee whose costume had once again become the
transparent tunic, and to reflect that Paris would have to go a long
way to stitch up anything half as becoming. Toffee smiled back at him
and propped herself up lazily on one elbow.
"Well," she said. "It was something of a whirl, wasn't it? I mean it
leaves one a trifle dizzy."
"Whirl?" Marc asked. "How do you mean?" Recent events had slipped from
his mind in the interval between awareness and slumber.
"The bombs," Toffee said. "The politicians--" she held up her hand and
displayed the ring "--and this."
Memory jarred back into place. "Oh, my gosh!" Marc cried. "All those
congressmen! And the President! They're all back there...! And you're
here...! How'll you ever get them straightened out?"
Toffee laughed. "I won't. There's going to be a terrific run on the
Washington doctors for a while, that's all. Anyway, it'll do the old
tubs good, give them something to think about next time they start
getting gay with the public's time--and redheaded women."
"Anyway," Marc said. "At least it proves that a well-placed jolt in
the right place is a lot more powerful than any bomb. I was right in
the first place. When warfare gets personal it loses its attraction. I
suppose they'll be busy developing more and worse bombs as soon as the
shock wears off, but at least the people in the world will have another
chance to try and prevent them."
Toffee shrugged lightly. "It just goes to show that world politics are
really childishly simple when someone comes along with a firm hand."
"Are you going to keep the ring?" Marc asked.
Toffee shook her head. "I think I'll just dematerialize it; I never did
care about gems." She regarded him slowly from the corner of her eye.
"I have just one last use for it first."
"Yes?" Marc asked with a note of apprehension. "What's that?"
"Just this," Toffee said. She slid her arms around his neck and drew
him close. "One twitch of resistance and I'll double you up like a
pretzel."
Marc sighed helplessly. "When you put it that way, what can I do?" he
asked, and submitted unflinchingly to her kiss.
It was just as she drew away, just as she brushed her hand over his
shoulder, that the ring exploded.
Actually it was only a burst of vibrant green light, but it was so
intense that it blinded Marc, blocking Toffee and the valley from
sight. Marc squinted against the brilliance and waited for it to die.
But when it did there was only an infinite blackness where it had been.
"Toffee?" Marc called tentatively. "Toffee, where are you?"
"Goodbye, Marc," Toffee's voice said through the darkness. "Goodbye,
you old reprobate."
* * * * *
Marc moved a bit to one side and felt of the softness beneath him
before he opened his eyes. Then he opened them half fearfully,
wondering where he was. He looked about slowly, then suddenly sat
upright. He was home, in his own room, in his own bed.
But it was dark outside, and the lamp was on. He had passed out on a
street in Washington, if he remembered correctly. He was sure that was
right, but he couldn't think how he had gotten home. Then he held his
thoughts in abeyance and listened; there was the sound of a voice--a
man's voice--and it seemed to be coming from downstairs....
"_As each bomb bursts and casts out its power for destruction the
burden becomes just so much lighter in the hearts of men all over the
world. Tonight the bombs send out their light against the darkness, not
as instruments of death and hate, but as multi-beamed beacons pointing
the way to world peace. This is one of the greatest nights in human
history!_"
Marc leaped from the bed, drew on his robe which was lying across the
bed, and ran out into the hallway. He was nearly to the head of the
stairs when he stopped to listen again.
"_The mystery surrounding the House of Congress since early today when
the order for demobilization was issued from there by the President
remains unsolved. Guards have been placed by presidential order at all
entrances and exits, and no one, not even the President, has left the
inner chamber. The press and other officials have been strenuously
barred from entry, even at gun point in some instances. However a
number of physicians have received calls from within the chamber and
have been escorted into the room. A rumor persists that one of the
members--Congressman Wright of Maine--was stricken with the mumps
during today's session, placing the entire Congress in quarantine...._"
Marc hurried down the stairs and into the living room. He stopped short
at the sight of her.
"Julie...!" he cried.
* * * * *
She rose quickly from her chair and switched off the radio.
"I had it fixed," she said. "I was so ashamed." Then her face lighted
with joy. "Oh, darling, there's the most wonderful, wonderful news! The
President ordered...!"
"I know," Marc said. "I ... uh ... I heard it just now coming down the
stairs." He went to her and drew her into his arms, and for a moment
they were both still, just holding each other.
"Julie...?" Marc said, and she nodded. "When did you come back?"
"The same night I left, of course," Julie smiled. "I only got as far as
the station and I got to thinking that if anything happened ... and we
weren't together.... Anyway, I turned right around and came back. I
was nearly frantic when you weren't here. I just sat here and cried and
blamed myself."
"I see," Marc said. "And ... uh ... how did I get back?"
"The taxi driver brought you. He found your address in your wallet."
"All the way from Washington?"
"He said there was a young lady he wanted to see here anyway, and he
only charged half fare." She put her hand to his cheek. "Oh, I was so
relieved when I found out you'd only been on a bender. In fact I was
a little flattered that you were that desperate without me." She drew
closer. "Oh, darling, we both behaved so childishly. We deserved just
what we got--a good swift kick in the...."
But Marc kissed her quickly--and for a long time--until he was sure a
new topic for conversation had come into her mind....