With Tyrrell, by the way, Little-'un is comparatively affable, for an
alligator. Tyrrell climbs calmly into the basin, among its inmates,
to swill and mop it out at the weekly cleaning, herding crocodiles
and alligators into a corner by the flourish of a mop, in a manner
more than disrespectful--almost insulting. There is some mysterious
influence about that mop. Why should alligators shut their heads and
stand meekly aside at its potent waggle? I would never venture up the
Nile without Tyrrell's mop. With one wave of that mystic sceptre I
would assume immediate sovereignty over all the crocodiles in Africa,
and drive them into corners. There is no withstanding that mop. If
it will intimidate crocodiles, plainly it would be successful with
leopards, cobras, lions, and tigers. If I could borrow it I would even
try it on the beadle at the Bank of England, and if I could wave _him_
aside with it, I should know that thenceforth the world was at my feet;
and I'm afraid Tyrrell wouldn't get his mop back.
But I was speaking of Little-'un: his affability; and of Tyrrell: his
irreverent familiarity. When Tyrrell mops out the basin, he finds it
convenient to leave somewhat under a foot of water in the bottom for
cleaning purposes, and as this would be damp (as is water's nature) to
tread in, he calmly stands on Little-'un's back and proceeds placidly
with his mopping. To wave an alligator aside with a mop is an insult
altogether, but to stand on his back for the sake of dry shoes is
an outrage unutterable. Little-'un seems a very appropriate name as
it stands, but if ever a time should arrive when it must be changed,
I think, with every respect and honour to the departed statesman, I
should suggest John Bright. "Mr. Speaker," said an honourable member,
who spoke before he thought, but whose name I have forgotten, "Mr.
Speaker, the right honourable gentleman" (Mr. Bright) "accuses me of
making allegations. Why, sir, the right honourable gentleman is the
greatest alligator in this House!" Which is precisely what Little-'un
is now.
[Illustration: AT NURSE.]
Round at the back, in his private domains, Tyrrell keeps a crocodile
and alligator nursery. It is a metal box fixed against a wall and
holding about a gallon. Here are all the infants, eight inches to
a foot long, squirming, wriggling, and struggling, with a lively
activity foreign to the nature of the full-grown alligator. Tyrrell
will plunge his hand into the struggling mass and produce a handful for
your inspection. They are charming little pets and as ready to bite
as if they were twenty feet long. An alligator may be pardoned some
impatience in growing; if he is to be ten feet and a half long at nine
years of age, there is a deal of lee-way to make up. Most creatures
would be discouraged at being born only to a measurement in inches, and
refuse to grow at all.
[Illustration: "BITE? NO."]
[Illustration: A FINE BABY.]
There would appear to be a sort of general reluctance to make a
domestic pet of the crocodile; it is not fashionable now, and nobody
seems anxious to set the _mode_. To encourage anybody who is disposed
to distinguish himself, I may observe that a crocodile is cheapest
when young. This is doubly fortunate, because for a less sum you have
a longer run for your money--the last expression not being intended in
any uncomfortable sense. I believe the usual price of young crocodiles
and alligators, up to a certain size, is a guinea a linear foot; at
any rate, I know you could buy them at that rate of my old friend Mr.
Jamrach, and I have no doubt that the Zoological Society may be able,
from time to time, to spare a foot or two of alligator at the price.
If you buy a foot--or a yard, as the case may be (the _case_, of
course, will be a little longer, but that is unworthy trifling)--you
must be careful to keep it in a warm place, in water at the right
temperature, at night as well as day. Then when it grows to the
size of Little-'un, it will make an imposing embellishment for your
entrance-hall, and useful to receive subscription-collectors. And to
take them inside.
[Illustration: WAITING FOR A BITE.]
It is a bad thing to generalize in a world containing China. China
upsets everything. If you venture to put a date to the invention of
gunpowder, somebody is sure to remind you to except China; the same
with printing and everything else. There is nothing China hasn't
got or hasn't had. So that naturally, after America has many years
flaunted and gloried in the exclusive possession of the broad-nosed
alligator as distinguished from the sharp-snouted crocodile, China,
in the old familiar aggravating way, bobs up serenely with _her_
alligators--perfectly authentic and genuine, and here some of them are,
in the small basin. There's no getting ahead of China.
[Illustration: "WELL, OF ALL THE----"]
[Illustration: FOSSILIZED.]
But Temminck's Snapper is the wonder and gaping-stock of this house.
Bring the most impassive country cousin, let him sneer at the snakes,
lounge past the lizards, turn up his nose at the tigers, elevate it
more at the elephants, ridicule the rhinoceros, and disparage the
donkeys. Let him do all this, and then confront him with the Snapper.
He will be beaten. "Well, of all the----" He will probably refuse to
believe the thing alive, and it certainly looks more like a fine old
Paleozoic Fossil than anything else imaginable. This is due to the
operation of Misdirected Patience--a virtue so noticeable as to demand
capital letters. For the Snapper has been in this not very large tank
for ten years, and has not yet become convinced that there are no fish
in it. Wherefore he laboriously and patiently fishes without a moment's
cessation. Fishing, with him, means waiting immovably with open mouth
for a fish to come and be gobbled. He has waited ten years for a bite,
but that is nothing unusual, as you may try for yourself, if you buy a
rod and line. It is calculated, I believe, that a hundred years more
in his present attitude will be sufficient to fossilize him, when, no
doubt, he will be passed on to the Geological Society. He has never yet
found the need for an individual name; but I am thinking of suggesting
a suitable combination--I think it should be Job Walton.
[Illustration: UNCLE SNAPPER.]
[Illustration: "EH?"]
[Illustration: "WHAT?"]
[Illustration: "MONEY?"]
[Illustration: "NOT ANOTHER HALFPENNY."