(1) What the parrot said to the policeman.
(2) What the County Court judge said to the obdurate creditor who wanted
time to pay (can you guess the story?).
(3) What the parson said to the couple who wanted to be married without
banns.
Duke and Co. laughed politely.
Mrs. C., who had a reputation for archness to sustain, told them that
they mustn't believe all the dreadful stories they heard about her, and
even if she _did_ smoke, well what of it?
"Ah," murmured the Duke with sympathetic resentment of the world's
censure, "what of it?"
"There was a lady in Montana," said Hank courteously, "a charming lady
she was too, who smoked morning, noon and night, and nobody thought any
worse of her."
The lady basked in the approval. Of course, she only smoked very
occasionally, a teeny weeny cigarette.
"That woman," said Hank solemnly, "was never without a pipe or a
see-gar. Smoked Old Union plug--do you remember her, Duke?"
"Let me see," pondered the Duke, "the lady with the one eye or----"
"Oh, no," corrected Hank, "she died in delirium tremens--no, don't you
remember the woman that ran away with Bill Suggley to Denver, she got
tried for poisonin' him in '99."
"Oh, yes!" The Duke's face lit up, but Mrs. C. coughed dubiously.
Mr. Roderick Nape called. He was mysterious and shot quick glances
round the room and permitted himself to smile quietly.
They had the conventional opening. The Duke was very glad to see him,
and he was delighted to make the acquaintance of the Duke. What
extraordinary weather they had been having!
Indeed, agreed the Duke, it was extraordinary.
"You've been to America," said Mr. Roderick Nape suddenly and abruptly.
The Duke looked surprised.
"Yes," he admitted.
"West, of course," said the young Mr. Nape carelessly.
"However did you know?" said the astonished nobleman.
Young Mr. Nape shrugged his shoulders.
"One has the gift of observation and deduction--born with it," he said
disparagingly. He indicated with a wave of his hand two Mexican saddles
that hung on the wall.
"Where did _they_ come from?" he asked, with an indulgent smile.
"I bought 'em at a curiosity shop in Bond Street," said the Duke
innocently, "but you're right, we have lived in America."
"I thought so," said the young Mr. Nape, and pushed back his long black
hair.
"Of course," he went on, "one models one's system on certain lines, I
have already had two or three little cases not without interest. There
was the Episode of the Housemaid's brooch, and the Adventure of the
Black Dog----"
"What was that?" asked the Duke eagerly.
"A mere trifle," said the amateur detective with an airy wave of his
hand. "I'd noticed the dog hanging about our kitchen; as we have no
dogs I knew it was a stranger, as it stuck to the kitchen, knew it must
be hungry. Looked on its collar, discovered it belonged to a Colonel
B----, took it back and restored it to its owner, and told him within a
day or so, how long it was, since he had lost it."
Hank shook his head in speechless admiration.
"Any time you happen to be passing," said young Mr. Nape rising to go,
"call in and see my little laboratory; I've fixed it up in the
greenhouse; if you ever want a blood stain analysed I shall be there."
"Sitting in your dressing gown, I suppose," said the Duke with awe,
"playing your violin and smoking shag?"
Young Mr. Nape frowned.
"Somebody has been talking about me," he said severely.