When the Kaiser is canned and I get back to the ol' job, eatin my 3 a
day, and holdin your hand in the movies at nite, I'm gonna try fer the
vaudeville. We have formed a quartet in our company, and we must be
pretty good fer up to the present nobody has fired anything at us but
remarks. Skinny tried to git in by telling us his voice was trained;
the top sarge sed he guessed it was trained all-rite, all-rite,
but he must of trained it selling strawberries. We have a little
Yiddish feller in it too, You know, Julie, the one who slips me his
bacon every mornin; when he ain't soldierin, he runs a little gents
furnishin store on 8th Avenoo; he's some warbler too, but persists in
allus wantin to sing "Keep the home fires Burnin." Well Julie, if he
has ten thou. insurance on that joint of his, as he sez he has, no
wonder he wants to "keep the home fires burnin." He's all business
this little Jewish guy. Skinny sez if he was shiprecked on a deserted
eyeland he would get up the next morning and try to sell a map of the
eyeland to the natives. He's a good business feller too. He rote a
song once, fer a big vaudeville actor, and the actor wrote Izzy to
send it along and if it was good he would send a check. Izzy wired
back to send the check, if it was good, he'd send the song.
Well Julie, I'd like to see your little blonde bean just about now.
Believe you me, Julie, me for the blondes every time. Skinny says that
brunettes is the most popular; well maybe he's right; ennyhow his girl
has been both, so I suppose he knows. I don't know whether you ever
saw this "dame" of Skinny's or not Julie. She lives on the upper east
side of New York and ways about 275 plus in her bathin suit; believe
you me, she ought to marry a traffic cop as he's the only guy I know
of that can handle a crowd. I'll bet 10 cents against Bryan's chance
of being Pres. Skinny can wear one of her stockins for a sweater. If
she ever wore a striped waist she'd look like the awning over a greek
candy store, she never knows when she needs a shine, fer, like Bill
the Twospot, she can't see de feat.
Believe you me, angel face she looks like a model fer a tent.
When Her and Skinny walks along Broadway the newsies yell, "Hully
Gee! Here goes the claronet and the bass drum, where's the rest of the
band?" I'm tellin Skinny I can't see anything attractive about her,
and he says "I know you can't see anything but she's got it in the
bank all-rite, all-rite."
Speaking about this William Jennins Bryan, I'm readin in the papers
about a bull chasin him half way across a field. Imagine Julie, a bull
doin that to Theo. Rusevelt, it wouldn't go ten feet before Theo would
turn round, grab it by the tale and throw it. When it comes to throwin
the bull Theo. has any Spainnard or Mex lashed to the mast howling for
mercy.