P.S. Tomorrow night, Skinny wants me to go to the Opera with him.
I'm not goin--cause I always sleep better at home. I'd rather here a
soubrette dolled up in a costume that would barely pass the bord of
sensers sing a song like "Mother don't bother with the rolls, father's
coming with a bun."
[Illustration: Skinny got one lamp at her, and immediately forgot what
he joined the army for]
Dere Julie:
These cockney birds sure chirp some language. Believe you me, a guy
had orto carry an interpreter around with him. Me and Skinny went
out to a swell English camp today to take a peep at English trainin
methods; outside we sees a tipical Tommy Atkins settin down fixin
sumpin wrong with his kicks; as we heaved along side of him, he yells
out to us, "I say, ol' top, have ye any lices?" Skinny, thinkin he
ment did we have seam squirrels commenced to bawl him out in jig time,
telling him there was no such things in the good ol' U.S.A. when he
came back with, "Oh, I say ol' top, I didn't mean the lousy lices,
I meant shoe lices." What they say over here about these cooties
wouldn't look well in print, and makes me think they are harder to get
rid of than a flivver.
If there's one thing in life that Skinny loves its sumpin good to eat.
Honestly, Julie, I believe he thinks of eating when he's asleep. We
goes into a feedin place yesterday in White Chapel to satisfy what
the poets call, an inner longing. I was so hungry my stomak tho't my
throat was cut, Skinny slips the female "biscuit shooter" a tip and
sez, "Now suggest a good dinner for me;" and she whispered in his
listener "Go to some other restaurant." Serves Skinny right about
losing the tip for he's such a tight wad that when the company sings
"Old Hundred" at chapel Skinny sings the "Ninety and Nine" just to
save a cent. Honest Julie, I don't believe he would give two bits
to see the statue of Liberty do the hoo-chama-cooch. Speaking of
the hoochy-koochy reminds me that we saw the Ol' Curiosity shop that
Charlie Dickens wrote about, and desiring to become acquainted with
how much Skinny knowed about books, plays, and etcetery, I asked
him did he ever see Oliver Twist? He says "no but I've seen Fatima
wiggle." He would miss a point if he sat down on a tack, and it would
take a vaccum cleaner to sweep the cob-webs from his noodle; someday
I'm gonna hang a peece of crape on his nose, for I think his brain is
dead.
That's why I think he always has a cold in his head, as you know Julie
that disease always strikes in the weakest spot.
Yours until one of the Kaiser's sons is wounded,