Once upon a time in a kingdom by the sea, two knights stood talking
about the strategy of battle when their conversation was interrupted
by the sight of the beautiful Arissa as she walked upon the green.
"Forsooth, I think I'll ask her for a date," said Sir Wishful, one
of the knights. "Ditto," said Sir Percival, the other knight.
So Sir Wishful sauntered up to Arissa in his most elegant and
refined manner, and, twirling his mustache genteelly, said, "Arissa,
my dear, methinks I'd like to take you out to dinner."
Arissa sized up Sir Wishful a moment and then replied, "Sorry,
Wishy, you're not my type."
Sir Percival, seeing his rival stumble off in a confused,
embarrassed, humiliated, dazed--oh you get the idea. Anyway,
Sir Percival saw his opportunity and approached Arissa. "Arissa,"
he said, "how about a date anon?" Only a moment was needed for
the look of mild surprise to alter the beautiful maiden's features,
after which she laughed loudly in Sir Percival's face for a good
ten minutes.
Well, both Sir Wishful and Sir Percival retired to lick their wounds
and lament the fate of men in this whole romantic con game, and Sir
Wishful soon enough decided that he liked the taste of trout just
about as well as the taste of women's lips, so he grabbed his bait
and tackle and headed for the river. Sir Percival, on the other hand,
really thought Arissa might be worth another attempt, and he
rationalized with himself that perhaps she didn't quite understand
the question. "Or belikes the maiden is just shy," he thought.
So Sir Percival, seeing on another day the fair, delicate Arissa
using her footman's coat to clean the mud off her shoes, again
approached and asked: "Arissa, sweet one, won't you go out with
me sometime?"
Arissa generously gave Sir Percival a look that could have frozen
several pounds of choice lobster, and replied, "You must be kidding."
Sir Percival thought about this answer for a couple of days, and
still finding his inclination toward the gentle Arissa unchanged,
he thought to make a clarificatory attempt, just in case the maiden
did believe he had been kidding. Approaching her the next morning,
Sir Percival said, "Kind Arissa, I wasn't kidding the other day.
Ifay, I'd like to date you." Only the author's extreme commitment
to complete truth forces him to admit that a tiny trace of irritation
now flashed, but only for the briefest of moments, across the lovely
Arissa's brow. "Get lost, creep," she said, clearly and distinctly.
Well, needless to say, by now most of the other knights in the realm
were getting sufficient jollies out of Sir Percival's romantic
endeavors. Even Sir Wishful had joined in the laughter, ridicule,
and derision that seasoned Sir Percival's every meal with his friends.
This hilarity touched the young knight and caused him to spend several
days in contemplation of his past behavior. "Am I gaining or losing
ground with Arissa?" he asked himself. "Rather had she said, 'Get
lost' before she said, 'You must be kidding,' for as it stands, I
can't say I'm making much progress."
But "Steadfast" was probably Sir Percival's middle name (or his
uncle's middle name, anyway), so the knight decided to approach
Arissa yet again. After all, Arissa seemed to be pretty okay,
and Sir Percival wanted a date. In a few days, then, Arissa
heard a familiar question in a familiar voice: "Arissa, sweetheart,
let me ensconce you in my carriage and take you on a date." To
which Arissa replied, "Sorry Perce, I'm busy. I've got to
wash my hair."