DRY RIVER JUNCTION, TEXAS
October 31, 1924
To The Farmers Friend Tractor Company
Earthworm City, Illinois
Dear Sir: My new letter paper has come your letter has come please
send me the gear as quick as possible. I'm in a hurry more than at
any time before and unless I can get this mess straightened out I'll
be more of a blowed up sucker than anybody you ever seen, and in
order that you may see what a rush I am in and send the gear as quick
as possible, I will explain 2 very unfortunate events which has took
place since my last letter. The first was last night.
Being Thursday night and my regular night to call, I went around to
see Miss Mildred Rogers, who, as I have explained before, I had
expected to marry very soon, and who used to live down by the depot,
but is now located temporarily on Main Street just in front of
Ferguson's Drug Store. It is not as much fun as it used to be to
call at the Rogers's house. Formerly it was possible to sit in the
hammock on the front porch, and as the house set back from the street
and there was trees around and no street lights, a very pleasant
evening could be had.
But at present the front porch is located in a most unfortunate way
just two feet from the windows of Ferguson's Drug Store, which is all
lighted up--you know how drug store windows is--lots of big white
lights, and all kinds of jars full of colored water with more lights
shining through. And people squeezing past between the porch and the
drug store and going in to get ice cream sodas or stopping to crack
bum jokes about me, which I will not repeat. So you can see that it
would not be any fun for me and Mildred to sit in the hammock in the
evening, even if it was possible to sit in the hammock which it is
not, owing to the fact that the porch pillar to which the hammock is
fastened has become so weakened by the jacking up of the house that
it would take very little to pull it over and let the whole porch
roof down with a bang.
So we decided that we better sit in the parlor and we had no sooner
entered and I was not doing any harm in any way when old Mr. Rogers
came in and there was a very painful scene which I wont describe only
to say that he used such expressions as "Get to Hell out of here,"
and "I dont want my daughter keeping company with any moron," which
is a word he got out of the Dallas News.
So after he had hollered around and Mildred had cried, I left the
house in a dignified manner. Being a gentleman and always respectful
to old age, I did not talk back to him, the dirty crook. But you can
see why it is I am in a hurry for the gear.
The other unfortunate event was just this A.M., when old man Rogers
went out and hired twelve horses from all over town and also one
small flivver tractor to move his house up to where he wants it. He
tried to get a big tractor, but there is none in town or nearby
except mine which is broke down. But there is plenty of horses and
there is this little flivver tractor that would not be big enough to
pull the house all by itself.
So this morning they wheeled my poor old tractor out of the way, and
they hooked up to the house and there was about a hundred people from
the town and from round about that was helping with advice and
hollering and yelling and telling Mr. Rogers how to do it. And there
was I--the only practical and professional house-mover in the whole
city--and none of them asked my advice about anything and so it is
not my fault what happened.
When they was all ready, Mr. Rogers he stands up and hollers out,
"All ready,--Go!" And the six drivers yelled at the twelve horses,
and all the people standing around began to cheer and shout. And the
feller on the little flivver tractor started up the motor so quick it
made a big noise and scared the horses and all the horses began
jumping and heaving and they jerked the house sidewise, and some of
the timbers slipped, and the kitchen that I told you about,--it give
a little lurch and fell off the house. Just let go, and fell off.
So that scared them, and they unhooked the horses and the flivver
tractor and didnt try no more moving, and the house is still there
all except the kitchen which was busted up so bad that they finished
the job and knocked it to pieces and took it away in wheel barrows.
One good thing is that now the traffic can get in between the house
and the post office so they dont have to detour any more. But one
very unfortunate thing was that Mrs. Rogers happened to be in the
kitchen when it fell off being shaken up considerable but not
seriously injured so you can see that I got to have the tractor
running again so I can move the house and I hope you will send the
gear at once yours truly and oblige,