[Illustration: "I was that staggered, that I could 'ardly answer
him."]
Well, it isn't for one like me to say as how as good luck means wirtue
rewarded, cos I have, in my long xperiense, seen not a werry few cases
where it wasn't so--no, not by no manner of means.
But this I can most trewly say, that my slice of luck during this
larst munth is worthy of being called a reel staggerer! And this is
how it cum about:--
The Amerrycain Gent, at the Grand Hotel, wanted a change for about a
weak or two, and he naterally arsked me what he shood do. I made lots
of wise suggeshons, in course, such as Margate, and Grinnidge, and
Hern Bay, and other hily arristercratick places, but they none on 'em
woodn't do. So presently he calls out, "Did you ever go to Ireland?"
I was that staggered, that I coud ardly arnser him; but then I says,
"Yes, Sir--but it were sum time ago." Then he staggers me much more
wiolently, for he says, says he, "Why shoudn't you go with me then,
and be my Wally!" When I recovered my breth, I says, "I don't know
as our gentelmanly Manager here woud spare me." So he says, "I'll
soon see about that." So he rings the bell wiolently, and arsks
for him--and he cums--and, to my serprize, he doesn't make not no
objecshun at all, which was, in course, werry complementary to me,
and, strange to say, no more did Mrs. ROBERT, when I told her of it.
Well, I passes over all prelimmenerry derangements, till we finds
ourselves on board a lovly steemer, bound for Old Ireland, as we allus
calls her, tho' I don't spose as she's any older than the rest on us.
It was that ruff that I perposed waitin till the sea got smooth; but
my Master ony larft, and sed I shood be all rite if I follered his
adwice, as he was used to the sea, and rayther liked it a little
ruffish. So he got me a sheet of brown paper to put on my manly chest,
and gave me some champane, and one glass of Perettic Sline, I think he
called it, and, with their ade, I got over much better than I xpected.
We went as strate as we coud go to the Lakes of Killarny, and if that
isn't jest about as lovly a plaice as the hole world can show, why
then let sumbody show me another as is. If anyboddy arsked me if it
never rained there, truth wood make me say yes, it most suttenly does
sumtimes, but then so it does ewerywheres in ollidy time excep where
it's most speshally wanted.
My Guvner's fust harty larf was at dinner on the fust day, when he
told me to ring for sum pepper. TIM the Waiter arnsered the bell, and
I told him what was wanted, and I scarce xpecs to be bleeved when I
says, as he cums back and he says, says he, "If you plase, Sir, sure
the Pepper's engaged!" I thort the Guvner wood ha larfed hisself
hill, but he soon recovered, and said, "Thin niver mind TIM, we'll
do without it to-day, but let us have fust turn at it to-morrow."
"Suttenly, your honour," says TIM, and wanishes.
The next day, after driving us round the naybourhood, he came in
without being arsked, and goes to the fire and warms his hands, and
then says with a broad grin, "Sure it's a jolly lucky cupple as you
are, for the rains a bustin down like thunder!" When handing the
unpeeled Potatows to the Guvner he wood pint his finger at one and
say, "That's a rale buty, Sir!"
I spose as the Guvner was rayther libberal to TIM, when we left, as
all reel gennelmen allus is, for the tears acshally came into the
pore feller's eyes, and he blessed us both, and wished as a few more
genelman like _us_ woud sumtimes wisit poor old Ireland!
We stayed about a fortnight, but we didn't see another Waiter like
poor TIM, who was the werry fust humane being as hever called me a
gennelman, pore feller! but we had a werry nice time of it on the
hole, which I may p'raps elude to sum day, when things ain't quite so
brisk as they is just now, and I must say as my Guvner behaved like
the reel Gennelman as he is, when we cum for to settel up.