THE OLD MEETING-HOUSE AGAIN
Reuben and I, with Dapple, skimmed along the country roads, and my hope
and spirits kindled, though I scarcely knew why. We were early at the
meeting-house, and, to my joy, I gained my old seat, in which I had
woven my June day-dream around the fair unknown Quakeress whose face
was now that of a loved sister. What ages, seemingly, had elapsed since
that fateful day! What infinite advances in life's experiences I had
made since I last sat there! How near I had come to the experiences of
another life! The fact made me grave and thoughtful. And yet, if my
fear and not my hope were realized, what a burden was imposed upon me
with the life that disease had spared! Had I even Mrs. Yocomb's faith,
I knew it would be a weight under which I would often stagger and faint.
Before very long the great family rockaway unloaded its precious
freight at the horse-block, and Adah and Miss Warren entered, followed
by the little girls. In secret wonder I saw Adah pause before the same
long, straight-backed bench or pew, and Miss Warren take the place
where I had first seen my "embodiment of June." Mrs. Yocomb went
quietly to her place on the high seat.
"The spell continues to work, but with an important change," I thought.
In a few moments Mr. Yocomb marshalled in Mr. Hearn, and placed him in
the end of the pew next to Miss Warren on the men's side, so that they
might have the satisfaction of sitting together, as if at church. He
then looked around for me; but I shook my head, and would not go up
higher.
Soon all the simple, plainly apparelled folk who would attend that day
were in their places, and the old deep hush that I so well remembered
settled down upon us. The sweet low monotone of the summer wind was
playing still among the maples. I do believe that it was the same old
bumblebee that darted in, still unable to overcome its irate wonder at
a people who could be so quiet and serene. The sunlight flickered in
here and there, and shadowy leaves moved noiselessly up and down the
whitewashed wall. Only the occasional song of a bird was wanting to
reproduce the former hour, but at this later season the birds seem
content with calls and chirpings, and in the July heat they were almost
as silent as we were.
But how weak and fanciful my June day-dream now seemed. Then woman's
influence on my life was but a romantic sentiment. I had then conjured
up a pretty vista full of serene, quiet domestic joys, which were to be
a solace merely of my real life of toil and ambition. I had thought
myself launched on a shining tide that would bear me smoothly to a
quiet home anchorage; but almost the first word that Emily Warren spoke
broke the spell of my complacent, indolent dream, and I awoke to the
presence of an earnest, large-souled woman, who was my peer, and in
many respects my superior; whom, so far from being a mere household
pet, could be counsellor and friend, and a daily inspiration. Instead
of shrinking from the world with which I must grapple, she already
looked out upon its tangled and cruel problems with clear, intelligent,
courageous eyes; single-handed she had coped with it and won from it a
place and respect. And yet, with all her strength and fearlessness, she
had kept her woman's heart gentle and tender. Oh, who could have better
proof of this than I, who had seen her face bending over the little
unconscious Zillah, and who had heard her low sob when she feared I
might be dying.
The two maidens sat side by side, and I was not good enough to think of
anything better or purer than they. Adah, with her face composed to its
meeting-house quiet, but softened and made more beautiful by passing
shades of thought; still it seemed almost as young and childlike as
that of Zillah. Miss Warren's profile was less round and full, but it
was more finely chiselled, and was luminous with mind. The slightly
higher forehead, the more delicately arched eyebrow, the deeper setting
of her dark, changing eyes, that were placed wide apart beneath the
overhanging brow, the short, thin, tremulous upper lip, were all
indications of the quick, informing spirit which made her face like a
transparency through which her thoughts could often be guessed before
spoken; and since they were good, noble, genial thoughts, they enhanced
her beauty. And yet it had occurred to me more than once that if Miss
Warren were a depraved woman she could give to evil a deadly
fascination.
"Are her thoughts wandering like mine?" I mused. With kindling hope I
saw her face grow sad, and I even imagined that her pallor increased.
For a long time she looked quietly and fixedly before her, as did Adah,
and then she stole a shy, hesitating glance at Mr. Hearn by her side;
but the banker seemingly had found the silent meeting a trifle dull,
for his eyes were heavy, and all life and animation had faded out of
his full white face. Was it my imagination, or did she slightly shrink
from him? In an almost instantaneous flash she turned a little more and
glanced at me, and I was caught in the act of almost breathless
scrutiny. A sudden red flamed in her cheeks, but not a Friend of them
all was more motionless than she at once became.
My conscience smote me. Though I watched for her happiness as truly as
my own, the old meeting-house should have been a sanctuary even from
the eyes of love. I knew from the expression of her face that she had
not liked it; nor did I blame her.
I was glad to have the silence of the meeting broken; for a venerable
man rose slowly from the high seat and reverently enunciated the words:
"'The Lord of Hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge.
"'He maketh wars to cease unto the end of the earth; He breaketh the
bow and cutteth the spear in sunder; He burneth the chariot in the fire.
"'Be still, and know that I am God.'
"The quiet, reverent bowing of the heart to His will is often the most
acceptable worship that we can offer," he began, and if he had stopped
there the effect would have been perfect; but he began to talk and to
ramble. With a sense of deep disappointment I dreaded lest the hour
should pass and that Mrs. Yocomb would not speak; but as the old
gentleman sat down, that rapt look was on her face that I remembered
seeing on the night of the storm. She rose, took off her deep Quaker
bonnet, and laid it quietly on the seat beside her; but one saw that
she was not thinking of it or of anything except the truth which filled
her mind.
Clasping her hands before her she looked steadfastly toward heaven for
a few moments, and then, in a low, sweet, penetrating monotone,
repeated the words:
"'Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world
giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it
be afraid.'"
She paused a moment, and I gazed in wonder at her serene, uplifted
face. She had spoken with such an utter absence of self-consciousness
or regard for externals as to give the strong impression that the words
had come again from heaven through her lips, and were endowed with a
new life and richer meaning; and now she seemed waiting for whatever
else might be given to her.
Could that inspired woman, who now looked as if she might have stood
unabashed on the Mount of Transfiguration, be my genial, untiring
nurse, and the cheery matron of the farmhouse, whose deft hands had
made the sweet, light bread we had eaten this morning? I had long loved
her; but now, as I realized as never before the grand compass of her
womanly nature, I began to reverence her. A swift glance at Miss Warren
revealed that the text had awakened an interest so deep as to suggest a
great and present need, for the maiden was leaning slightly toward the
speaker and waiting with parted lips.
"As I sat here," Mrs. Yocomb began, looking down upon us with a grave,
gentle aspect, "these words came to me as if spoken in my soul, and I
am constrained to repeat them unto you. I'm impressed with the truth
that peace is the chief need of the world--the chief need of every
human heart. Beyond success, beyond prosperity, beyond happiness, is
the need of peace--the deep, assured rest of the soul that is akin to
the eternal calmness of Him who spake these words.
"The world at large is full of turmoil and trouble. The sounds of its
wretched disquietude reach me even in this quiet place and at this
quiet hour. I seem to hear the fierce uproar of battle; for while we
are turning our thoughts up to the God of peace, misguided men are
dealing death-blows to their fellow men. I hear cries of rage, I hear
the groans of the dying. But sadder than these bloody fields of open
strife are the dark places of cruelty. I hear the clank of the
prisoner's chain, and the crack of the slave-driver's whip. I see
desperate and despairing faces revealing tortured souls to whom the
light of each day brings more bitter wrongs, viler indignities, until
they are ready to curse God for the burden of life. Sadder still, I
hear the dark whisperings of those who would destroy the innocent and
cast down the simple. I hear the satanic laugh of such as are false to
sacred trusts and holy obligations, who ruthlessly as swine are rending
hearts that have given all the pearls they had. From that sacred place,
home, come to me hot words of strife, drunken, brutal blows, and the
wailing of helpless women and children. Saddest of all earthly sounds,
I hear the wild revelry of those who are not the victims of evil in
others, but who, while madly seeking happiness, are blotting out all
hope of happiness, and who are committing that crime of crimes, the
destruction of their own immortal souls. Did I say the last was the
saddest of earthly sounds? There comes to me another, at which my heart
sinks; it is the sound of proud arrogant voices, who are explaining
that faith is a delusion, that prayer is wasted breath, that the God of
the Bible is a dream of old-time mystics, and that Christ died in vain.
I hear the moan of Mary at the sepulchre repeated from thousands of
hearts, 'They have taken away my Lord.' O God, forgive those who would
blot out the dearest hope which has ever sustained humanity. Can there
be peace in a world wherein we can never escape these sad, terrible,
discordant sounds? The words that I have repeated were spoken in just
such a world when the din of evil was at its worst, and to those who
must soon suffer all the wrong that the world could inflict."
After a brief pause of silent waiting she continued:
"But is the turmoil of the world a far-away sound, like the sullen roar
of angry waves beating on a shore that rises high and enduring,
securing us safety and rest? Beyond the deep disquietude of the world
at large is the deeper unrest of the human heart. No life can be so
secluded and sheltered but that anxieties, doubts, fears, and
foreboding will come with all their disturbing power. Often sorrows
more bitter than death are hidden by smiling faces, and in our quiet
country homes there are men and women carrying burdens that are
crushing out hope and life: mothers breaking their hearts over wayward
sons and daughters; wives desperate because the men who wooed them as
blushing maidens have forgotten their vows, and have become swinish
sots; men disheartened because the sweet-faced girls that they thought
would give them a home have become vile slatterns, busybodies,
shrill-tongued shrews, who banish the very thought of peace and rest,
who waste their substance and eat out their hearts with care. Oh, the
clouds of earth are not those which sweep across the sun, but those
which rise out of unhappy hearts and evil lives. These are the clouds
that gather over too many in a leaden pall, and it seems as if no light
could ever break through them. There are hearts to whom life seems to
promise one long, hopeless struggle to endure an incurable pain. Can
there be peace for such unhappy ones? To just such human hearts were
the words spoken, 'Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you.'"
Then came one of those little pauses that were quite as impressive as
the preceding words. Although my interest was almost breathless, I
involuntarily looked toward one whom I now associated with every
thought.
"O God!" I exclaimed mentally, "can that be the aspect of a maiden
happy in her love and hope?" Her face had become almost white, and
across the pallor of her cheeks tear followed tear, as from a full and
bitter fountain.
"Never, in all this evil world," the speaker resumed, "was there such
cruel, bitter mockery as these words would be if they were not true--if
He who spake them had no right to speak them. And what right would He
have to speak them if He were merely a man among men--a part of the
world which never has and never can give peace to the troubled soul?
How do we know these words are true? How do we know He had a right to
speak them? Thank God! I know, because He has kept His word to me.
Thank God! Millions know, because He has proved His power to them. The
scourged, persecuted, crucified disciples found that He was with them
always, even unto the end. Oh, my friends, it is this living, loving,
spiritual Presence that uplifts and sustains the sinking heart when the
whole great world could only stand helplessly by. 'Not as the world
giveth, give I unto you.' Yes, thank thee, Lord, 'not as the world.' In
spite of the world and the worst it can do, in spite of our evil and
the worst it can do, in spite of our sorrows, our fears, our pains and
losses, our bitter disappointments, thou canst give peace; thou hast
given peace. No storm can harm the soul that rests on the Rock of Ages,
and by and by He will say to the storm, 'Peace, be still,' and the
light of heaven will come. Then there shall be no more night. 'God
shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more
death, neither sorrow nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain;
for the former things are passed away.'"
The light and gladness of that blessed future seemed to have come into
her sweet, womanly face. I looked out of the window to hide tears of
which I was fool enough to be ashamed.
When she spoke again her voice was low and pitiful, and her face full
of the divinest sympathy. "Dear friends," she said, "it was not merely
peace that he promised, but his peace. 'My peace I give unto you.'
Remember, it was the man of sorrows who spoke; remember that he was
acquainted with grief; remember that years of toil and hardship were
behind him, and that Gethsemane and Calvary were before him; remember
that one would betray him, and that all would desert him. When he
spoke, the storm of the world's evil was breaking upon him more cruelly
and remorselessly than it ever has on any tempted soul. He suffered
more because more able to suffer. But beneath all was the sacred calm
of one who is right, and who means to do right to the end, cost what it
may. The peace that he promises is not immunity from pain or loss, or
the gratification of the heart's earthly desires. His natural and
earthly desires were not gratified; often ours cannot be. His peace
came from self-denial for the good of others, from the consciousness
that he was doing his Father's will, and from the assurance that good
would come out of the seeming evil. Suffer he must, because he was
human, and in a world of suffering; but he chose to suffer that we
might know that he understands us, and sympathizes with us when we
suffer. To each and to all he can say, I was tempted in all points like
unto thee. When we wander he goes out after us; when we fall he lifts
us up; when we faint he takes us in his arms and carries us on his
bosom. O great heart of love! thy patience never tires, never wearies.
Thou canst make good to us every earthly loss; thy touch can heal every
wound of the soul. Even though life be one long martyrdom, yet through
thy Presence it may be a blessed life, full of peace.
"Because our Lord was a man of sorrows, was he in love with sorrows? or
does he love to see storms gathering around his people? No. It was not
with _his_ sorrows, but with _our_ sorrows, that he was afflicted. He
so loved the world that he could not be glad when we were sad. It is
said that there is no record that Jesus ever smiled; but those little
children whom he took in his arms and blessed know that he smiled. I
doubt whether he ever saw a flower but that, no matter how weary from
the hot day's long journey, he smiled back upon it. The flowers are but
his smiles, and the world is full of them. Still he is naturally and
very justly associated with sorrow; for when on earth he sought out
those in trouble, and the distressed and the suffering soon learned to
fly to him. What was the result? Were the shadows deepened? Was the
suffering prolonged? Let the sisters of Bethany answer you; let the
widow of Nain answer you. Let the great host of the lame, blind,
diseased, and leprous answer. Look into the gentle, serene eyes of Mary
Magdalene, once so desperate and clouded by evil, and then know whether
he brings sorrow or joy to the world. Just as the sun follows the night
that it may bring the day, so the Sun of Righteousness seeks out all
that is dark in our lives that he may shine it away. Gladness, then,
should be the rule of our lives. Nothing to him is so pleasing as
gladness, if it comes from the heart of pilgrims truly homeward bound;
but if sorrow comes, oh, turn not to the world, for the best thing in
it can give no peace, no rest. Simply do right, and leave the results
with him who said, even under the shadow of his cross, 'My peace I give
unto you.' Accept this message, dear friends, and 'Let not your hearts
be troubled, and neither let them be afraid.'" And she sat down quietly
and closed her eyes.
There was here and there a low sob from the women, and the eyes of some
of the most rugged-featured men were moist. The hush that followed was
broken by deep and frequent sighs. Mr. Yocomb sat with his face lifted
heavenward, and I knew it was serene and thankful. The eyes of Reuben,
who was beside me, rested on his mother in simple, loving devotion. As
yet she was his religion. Adah was looking a little wonderingly but
sympathetically at Miss Warren, whose bowed head and fallen veil could
not hide her deep emotion. The banker, too, looked at her even more
wonderingly. At last the most venerable man on the high seat gave his
hand to another white-haired Friend beside him, and the congregation
began slowly and quietly to disperse.
"Come, Reuben," I said, in a whisper, "let us get away, quick."
He looked at me in surprise, but in a few moments the old meeting-house
was hidden behind us among the trees. Dapple's feet scarcely touched
the ground; but I sat silent, absorbed, and almost overwhelmed.
"Didn't--didn't thee like what mother said?" Reuben asked, after a
while, a little hurt.
I felt at once that he misunderstood my silence, and I put my arm
around his neck as I said, "Reuben, love and honor your mother the
longest day you live. She is one among a million. 'Liked!' It mattered
little whether I liked it or not; she made it seem God's own truth."
"And to think, Richard, that if it hadn't been for thee--"
"Hush, Reuben. To think rather that she waited on me for days and
nights together. Well, I could turn Catholic and worship one saint."
"I'm glad she's only mother," said the boy, with a low laugh; "and,
Richard, she likes me to have a good time as much as I do myself. She
always made me mind, but she's been jolly good to me. Oh, I love her;
don't thee worry about that."
"Well, whatever happens," I said, with a deep breath, "I thank God for
the day that brought me to her home."
"So do I," said the boy; "so do we all; but confound Emily Warren's
grandfather! I don't take to him. He thinks we're wonderfully simple
folks, just about good enough to board him and that black-eyed witch of
his. I do kind of like her a little bit, she's so saucy-like sometimes.
One day she commenced ordering me around, and I stood and stared at the
little miss in a way that she won't forget."
"She'll learn to coax by and by, and then you'll do anything for her,
Reuben."
"P'raps," he said, with a half smile on his ruddy face.