A WRETCHED FAILURE
The excitement that had sustained me was passing away, and I felt
myself growing miserably weak and depressed. The remainder of the meal
was a desperate battle, in which I think I succeeded fairly. I talked
that it might not be noticed that I was eating very little; joked with
Mr. Yocomb till the old gentleman was ruddy and tremulous with
laughter, and made Reuben happy by applauding one of Dapple's exploits,
the history of which was easily drawn from him.
I spoke often to both Adah and Zillah, and tried to be as frank and
unconscious in one case as the other. I even made the acquaintance of
Mr. Hearn's little girl--indeed, her father formally presented her to
me as his daughter Adela. I knew nothing of his domestic history, and
gained no clew as to the length of the widowhood which he now proposed
to end as speedily as possible.
I was amused by his not infrequent glances at Adah. He evidently had a
keen eye for beauty as for every other good thing of this world, and he
was not so desperately enamored but that he could stealthily and
critically compare the diverse charms of the two girls, and I imagined
I saw a slight accession to his complacency as his judgment gave its
verdict for the one toward whom he manifested proprietorship by a
manner that was courtly, deferential, but quite pronounced. A stranger
present could never have doubted their relationship.
A brief discussion arose as to taste, in which Mr. Hearn assumed the
ground that nothing could take the place of much observation and
comparison, by means of which effects in color could be accurately
learned and valued. In reply I said:
"Theories and facts do not always harmonize any more than colors. Miss
Adah's youth and rural life have not given her much opportunity for
observation and comparison, and yet few ladies on your Avenue have
truer eyes for harmony in color than she."
"Mr. Morton being the judge," said the banker, with a profound and
smiling bow. "Permit me to add that Miss Adah has at this moment only
to glance in a mirror to obtain an idea of perfect harmony in color,"
and his eyes lingered admiringly on her face.
I was worsted in this encounter, and I saw the old gleam of
mirthfulness in Miss Warren's eyes. How well I remembered when I first
saw that evanescent illumination--the quick flash of a bright, genial
spirit. "She delights in her lover's keen thrusts," was now my thought,
"and is pleased to think I'm no match for him. She should remember that
it's a poor time for a man to tilt when he can scarcely sit erect." But
Adah's pleasure was unalloyed. She had received two decided
compliments, and she found herself associated with me in the
new-comer's mind, and by my own actions.
"I frankly admit," I said, "that I'm a partial judge, and perhaps a
very incompetent one." Then I was stupid enough to add: "But newspaper
men are prone to have opinions. Mr. Yocomb was so sarcastic as to say
that there was nothing under heaven that an editor did not know."
"Oh, if you judge by her father's authority, you are on safe ground,
and I yield at once."
He had now gone too far, and I flushed angrily as we rose from the
table. I saw, too, that Mr. and Mrs. Yocomb did not like it either, and
that Adah was blushing painfully. It was one of those attempted
witticisms that must be simply ignored.
My anxiety now was to get back to my room as speedily as possible.
Again I had overrated myself. The excitement of the effort was gone,
and my heart was like lead. I, too, would no longer permit my eyes to
rest even a moment on one whose ever-present image was only too vivid
in spite of my constant effort to think of something else; for so
complete was my enthrallment that it was intolerable pain to see her
the object of another's man's preferred attentions. I knew it was all
right; I was not jealous in the ordinary sense of the word; I merely
found myself unable longer, in my weak condition, to endure in her
presence the consequences of my fatal blunder. Therefore I saw with
pleasure that I might in a few moments have a chance to slip back to my
refuge as quietly as I had left it. Mrs. Yocomb was summoned to the
kitchen; a farm laborer was inquiring for her husband, and he and
Reuben went out toward the barn. Adah would have lingered, but the two
children pulled her away to the swing.
Mr. Hearn and Miss Warren stood by me a moment or two as I sat on the
lounge in the hall, and then the former said: "Emily, this is just the
time for a twilight walk. Come, and show me the old garden;" and he
took her away, with an air of proprietorship at which I sickened, to
that place consecrated by my first conscious vision of the woman that I
hoped would be my fair Eve.
The moment they were off the porch I tottered to the stairway, and
managed to reach the turn of the landing, and there my strength failed,
and I held on to the railing for support, feeling ill and faint. A
light step came quickly through the hall and up the stairway.
"Why, Mr. Morton!" exclaimed Miss Warren, "you are not going up so
soon?"
"Yes, thank you," I managed to say cheerily. "Invalids must be prudent.
I'm only resting on the landing a little."
"I found it rather cool and damp, and so came back for a shawl," she
explained, and passed on up to her room, for she seemed a little
embarrassed at meeting me on the stairs. In her absence I made a
desperate effort to go on, but found that I would fall. I must wait
till she returned, and then crawl up the best I could.
"You see I'm prudence personified," I laughed, as she came back. "I'm
taking it so leisurely that I have even sat down about it."
"Are you not overtaxing yourself?" she asked gently. "I fear--"
"Oh, no, indeed--will sleep all the better for a change. Mr. Hearn is
waiting for you, and the twilight isn't. Don't worry; I'll surpass
Samson in a week."
She looked at me keenly, and hesitatingly passed down the dusky
stairway. Then I turned and tried to crawl on, eager to gain my room
without revealing my condition; but when I reached the topmost stair it
seemed that I could not go any further if my life depended on it. With
an irritable imprecation on my weakness, I sank down on the topmost
step.
"Mr. Morton," said a low voice, "why did you try to deceive me? You
have gone far beyond your strength."
"You here--you of all others," I broke out, in tones of exasperation.
"I meant that your first evening should be without a shadow, and have
failed, as I now fail in everything. Call Reuben."
"Let me help you?" she pleaded, in the same hurried voice.
"No," I replied harshly, and I leaned heavily against the wall. She
held out her hand to aid me, but I would not take it.
"I've no right even to look at you--I who have been doubly enjoined to
cherish such a 'scrupulous sense of honor.' I'd better have died a
thousand times. Call Reuben."
"How can I leave you so ill and unhappy!" and she made a gesture of
protest and distress whose strong effect was only intensified by the
obscurity. "I had hoped--you led me to think to-night--"
"That I was a weather-vane. Thank you."
Steps were heard entering the hall.
"Oh! oh!" she exclaimed, in bitter protest.
"Emily," called the banker's voice, "are you not very long?"
I seized her hand to detain her, and said, in a fierce whisper: "Never
so humiliate me as to let him know. Go at once; some one will find me."
"Your hand is like ice," she breathed.
I ignored her presence, leaned back, and closed my eyes.
She paused a single instant longer, and then, with a firm, decisive
bearing, turned and passed quietly down the stairway.
"What in the world has kept you?" Mr. Hearn asked, a trifle impatiently.
"Can you tell me where Reuben is?" she answered, in a clear, firm
voice, that she knew I must hear.
"What does thee want, Emily?" cried Reuben from the piazza.
"Mr. Morton wishes to see you," she replied, in the same tone that she
would have used had my name been Mrs. Yocomb's, and then she passed out
with her affianced.
Reuben almost ran over me as he came bounding up the stairs.
"Hold on, old fellow," I whispered, and I pulled him down beside me.
"Can you keep a secret? I'm played out--Reuben--to speak elegantly--and
I don't wish a soul to know it. I'm sitting very--comfortably on this
step--you see--that's the way it looks--but I'm stuck--hard
aground--you'll have to tow me off. But not a word, remember. Lift me
up--let me get my arm around your neck--there. Lucky I'm not
heavy--slow and easy now--that's it. Ah, thank the Lord! I'm in my
refuge again. I felt like a scotched snake that couldn't wriggle back
to its hole. Hand me that brandy there--like a good fellow. Now I won't
kelp you--any longer. If you care--for me--never speak of this."
"Please let me tell mother?"
"No, indeed."
"But doesn't Emily Warren know?"
"She knows I wanted to see you."
"Please let me do something or get thee something."
"No; just leave me to myself a little while, and I'll be all right. Go
at once, that's a good fellow."
"Oh, Richard, thee shouldn't have come down. Thee looks so pale and
sick that I'm afraid thee'll die yet; if thee does, thee'll break all
our hearts," and the warm-hearted boy burst out crying, and ran and
locked himself in his room.
I was not left alone very long, for Mrs. Yocomb soon entered, saying:
"I'm glad thee's so prudent, and has returned to thy room. Thee acted
very generously to-night, and I appreciate it. I had no idea thee could
be so strong and carry it out so well. Emily was greatly surprised, but
she enjoyed her first evening far more than she otherwise could have
done, for she's one of the most kind-hearted, sensitive girls I ever
knew. I do believe it would have killed her if thee hadn't got well.
But thee looks kind of weak and faint, as far as I can see. Let me
light the lamp for thee."
"No, Mrs. Yocomb, I like the dusk best. The light draws moths. They
will come, you know, the stupid things, though certain to be scorched.
One in the room at a time is enough. Don't worry--I'm a little
tired--that's all. Sleep is all I need."
"Is thee sure?" "Yes, indeed; don't trouble about me. You won't know me
in a few days."
"Thee was a brave, generous man to-night, Richard. I understood the
effort thee was making, and I think Emily did. A good conscience ought
to make thee sleep well."
I laughed very bitterly as I said, "My conscience is gutta-percha
to-night, through and through, but please say no more, or I'll have to
shock you again. I'll be in a better mood to-morrow."
"Well, good-night. Thee'll excuse a housekeeper on Seventh-day evening.
If thee wants anything, ring thy bell."
She came and stroked my brow gently for a moment, and then breathed
softly:
"God bless thee, Richard. May the Sabbath's peace quiet thy heart
to-morrow."