Cecilia Volanges _to the_ Chevalier Danceny.
Without being either fickle or deceitful, it is sufficient, Sir, to
account for my conduct, to know there is a necessity for an alteration
in it: I have promised myself a sacrifice to God, until I can offer
him also the sacrifice of my sentiments for you, which the religious
state you are in renders doubly criminal.—I well know it will give
me a great deal of uneasiness, and I will not conceal from you that,
since the day before yesterday, I have continually wept when I thought
on you; but I hope God will grant me the necessary strength to forget
you, which I constantly beg of him night and morning. I even expect,
from your friendship and good breeding, that you will not endeavour to
interfere with me in the good resolutions that I have been inspired
with; and which I endeavour to cherish. I therefore request that you
will not write to me any more, as I assure you I shall give no answer;
and it would oblige me to acquaint my mamma of every thing that
happens, which would entirely deprive me the pleasure of seeing you.
I shall, notwithstanding, have all the attachment for you, that one
can have, consistently with innocence; and from my soul I wish you
all manner of happiness. I know very well you will love me no longer,
and, perhaps, you will soon love another better than me; but this will
be an additional penance for the fault I committed in giving you my
heart, which I ought to have reserved for God and my husband, when I
shall have one. I hope the divine mercy will pity my weakness, and not
afflict me with misfortunes that I shall not be able to bear.
Farewell, Sir! I can assure you, that if it was lawful for me to love
any one, I should never love any but you; but that is all I can say,
and perhaps more than I ought.
_Aug._ 31, 17—.