“_Our language is needlessly complicated. Why, for instance, have two
such words as 'woman' and 'discord,' when one would serve?_”
--La Rabide.
[Illustration: 9127]
RESENTLY the men retired to smoke, and for an hour or two I had to tear
myself from the smiles of Miss Trevor-Hudson.
The smoking-room opened into the billiard-room, and some played pool
while the rest of us sat about the fire and discussed agriculture, the
preservation of pheasants, and, principally, horses, hounds, and foxes.
A short fragment will show you the standard of eloquence to which we
attained. It is founded, I admit, more on imagination than memory, but
is sufficiently accurate for the purpose of illustration. As to who the
different speakers were you can please your fancy.
_First Sportsman._ “Are your turnips large?”
_Second Sportsman_. “Not so devilish bad. Did you go to the meet on
Tuesday?”
_First Sportsman_. “Yes, and I noticed Charley Tootle there.”
_Third Sportsman_. “Ridin' his bay horse or his black?”
_First Sportsman._ “The bay.”
_Fourth Sportsman_. “Oats make better feeding.”
_Second Sportsman_. “My man prefers straw.”
_First Sportsman_. “Did you fish this summer?”
_Third Sportsman._ “No; I shot buffaloes instead.”
_First Sportsman_. “Where--Kamchatka or Japan?”
_Third Sportsman_. “Japan. Kamchatka's getting overshot.”
_Fifth Sportsman._ “Do you supply your pheasants with warm water?”
_Second Sportsman._ “I am having it laid on.”
_Fifth Sportsman_. “What system do you use?”
_Second Sportsman_. “Two-inch pipes attached by a rotatory tap to the
conservatory cistern.”
_Fifth Sportsman_. “Sounds a devilish good notion.”
_First Sportsman_. “Now, let me tell you my experience of those
self-lengthening stirrups.”
_Fifth Sportsman._ “Do you supply your pheasants with warm water?”
_Second Sportsman._ “I am having it laid on.”
_Fifth Sportsman_. “What system do you use?”
_Second Sportsman_. “Two-inch pipes attached by a rotatory tap to the
conservatory cistern.”
_Fifth Sportsman_. “Sounds a devilish good notion.”
_First Sportsman_. “Now, let me tell you my experience of those self-
lengthening stirrups.”
And so on till the booming of a gong summoned us to dress for dinner.
“Well,” said Dick, as we went to our rooms, “you looked as though your
mind was being improved.”
“It is trying to become adjusted,” I replied.
On our way we passed along the gallery overlooking the hall, and
suddenly I was struck by the contrast between this house and its
inhabitants: on the one hand the splendid proportions and dignity of
this great hall, dark under the oak beams of the roof, fire-light and
lamp-light falling below upon polished floor and carpets of the East;
the library lined with what was best in English literature, the walls
with the worthiest in English art; on the other, my heavy-eyed host full
of port and prejudices, and as meshed about by unimaginative limitations
as any strawberry-bed. Possibly I am too foreign, and only see the
surface, but then how is one to suspect a gold-mine beneath a vegetable
garden?
At dinner I found myself seated between Lady Thane and Miss Rosalie
Horley. Lady Thane, wife to the nobleman with the long mustache, had an
attractive face, but took herself seriously. In man this is dangerous,
in woman fatal. I turned to my other neighbor and partially obtained my
consolation there. She was young, highly colored, hearty, and ingenuous,
and proved so appreciative a listener as nearly to suffocate herself
with an oyster-paté when I told her how I had burgled Fisher. The
remainder of my consolation I obtained from the prospect, directly
opposite, of Miss Trevor-Hudson. She was sitting next to Teddy Lumme,
and if it had not been for his express declaration to the contrary I
should have said he was far from insusceptible to her charms. Yet, since
I knew his real sentiments, I did not hesitate to distract her glance
when possible.
After dinner a great bustling among the ladies, a great putting on of
overcoats and lighting of cigars among the men, and then we all embarked
in an immense omnibus and clattered off to the ball. This dance was
being held in the county town some miles away, so that for more than
half an hour I sat between Dick and Teddy on a seat behind the driver's,
my cigar between my teeth, a very excellent dinner beneath my overcoat,
and my heart as light as a sparrow's. On either side the rays of our
lamps danced like fire-flies along the woods and hedge-rows, but my
fancy seemed to run still faster than these meteor companions, and
already I pictured myself claiming six dances from Miss Trevor-Hudson.
But now other lights began to appear, twinkling through trees before us,
and presently we were clattering up the high street of the market-town.
Other carriages were already congregated about the assembly rooms at the
Checkered Boar, a crowd of spectators had gathered before the door
to stare at visions of lace and jewelry, the strains of the band came
through an open window, and altogether there was an air of revelry that
I suppose only visited the little borough once a year. Inside the doors,
waiters with shining heads and ruddy faces waved us on up and down
stairs and along passages, where, at intervals, we met other guests as
resplendent as ourselves, till at last we reached the ballroom itself.
This was a long, low room with a shining floor, an old-fashioned
wall-paper decorated with a pattern of pink roses, and a great blaze of
candles to light it up. It was evident that many generations of squires
must have danced beneath those candles and between the rose-covered
walls, and this suggestion of old-worldness had a singularly pleasant
flavor.
In a recess about the middle of the room the orchestra were tuning
up for another waltz; at one end the more important families were
assembling; at the other, the lesser. Need I say that we joined the
former group?
In English country dances it usually is the custom to have programmes on
which you write the names of your partners for the evening. I now looked
round to secure one particular partner, but she was not to be seen.
The waltz had begun; I scanned the dancers. There was Shafthead tearing
round with Miss Horley, his athletic figure moving well, his good
features lit by a smile he could assume most agreeably when on his
best behavior. There was the stout Sir Henry revolving with the more
deliberate pomp of sixty summers. But where were the bright eyes?
Suddenly I spied the skirt of a light-blue dress through the opening
of a doorway. I rushed for it, and there, out in the passage, was the
misogamist Lumme evidently entreating Miss Trevor-Hudson for more dances
than she was willing to surrender. For her sake this must be stopped.
“I have come to make a modest request,” I said. “Will you give me a
dance--or possibly two?”
With the sweetest air she took her programme from the disconcerted, and
I do not think very amiable, Teddy, and handed it to me.
“I have taken three, seven, and fourteen,” I said, giving it back to
her.
“Fourteen is mine,” cried Teddy.
“Not now, I said, smiling.
“I had booked it,” said he.
“Your name was not there,” I replied. “And now, Miss Hudson, if you are
not dancing this dance will you finish it with me?”
She took my arm, and the baffled despiser of women was left in the
passage.
This may sound hard treatment to be dealt out to a friend, and, indeed,
I fear that though outwardly calm, and even polite to exaggeration, my
indignation had somewhat run away with me. Had I any excuse? Yes; two
eyes that, as I have said, were bright as the dew, and a smile not to be
resisted.
She danced divinely, she let me clasp her hand tenderly yet firmly, and
she smiled at me when she was dancing with others. I noticed once or
twice when we danced together that Lumme also smiled at her, but I was
convinced she did not reply to this. In fact, his whole conduct seemed
to me merely presumptuous and impertinent. How mine seemed to him I
cannot tell you.
[Illustration: 0133]
He had secured the advantage of engaging several dances before I had
time to interfere, and also possessed one other--a scarlet evening-coat,
the uniform of the hunt. But I glanced in the mirror, and said to myself
that I did not grudge him this adornment, while as for my fewer number
of dances, I found my partner quite willing to allow me others to which
I was not legally entitled. In this way I obtained number thirteen, to
the detriment of Mr. Tonks, and was just prepared to embark upon number
fourteen when Lumme approached us with an air I did not approve of.
“This is my dance,” he said, in a manner inexcusable in the presence of
a lady.
“Pardon,” I replied. “It is mine.”
Miss Hudson looked from one to the other of us with a delightfully
perplexed expression, but, I fear, with a little wickedness in her brown
eye.
“What am I to do?” she said, with a shrug of her shoulders.
“It is my dance,” repeated Teddy, glaring fixedly at me.
I shrugged my shoulders, smiled, and offered her my arm to lead her
away.
“I am sorry, Mr. Lumme,” said the cause of this strife, sweetly, “but I
am afraid Mr. D'Haricot's name is on my programme.”
Teddy made a tragic bow that would have done credit to a dyspeptic frog,
and I danced off with my prize. At the end of the waltz he came up to me
with a carefully concocted sneer.
“You know how to sneak dances, moshyour,” he observed. “Do you do
everything else as well?”
I kept my temper and replied, suavely, “Yes, I shoot tolerably with the
pistol, and can use the foils.”
“Like your cab-horses?” sneered Teddy, taking no notice, however, of the
implied invitation to console himself if aggrieved. “I'm keen to see how
long you stick on top of those beasts.”
“Good, my friend,” I replied, “I take that as a challenge to ride a
race. We shall see to-morrow who first catches the fox!”
[Illustration: 8000]