The Honourable GEORGE MOLESWORTH to LORD DARCEY.
London.
_Was every any thing so forgetful, to bring no other clothes here but
mourning?_
Really, my Lord, this favours a good deal of the matrimonial stile. Was
you, commenced Benedict, I should think you had received lessons from
the famous L----, who takes such pains with his pupils, that those whose
attendance is frequent, can, in, the space of three months after the
knot is tied, bring their wives to hear patiently the
words--_forgetful,--ridiculous,--absurd,--pish--poh_,--and a thousand
more of the same significant meaning.--I hear you, my Lord:--_it is
true_, I am in jest; and know you would scorn to say even a peevish
thing to a wife.
Why fret yourself to a skeleton about an absence of eight days?--How
could you suppose she would let you go into Oxfordshire?--Proper
decorums must be observed by that sex.--Are not those despicable who
neglect them?--What would you have said, had she taken Edmund with
her?--Don't storm:--on reflection you will find you had no greater right
to expect that indulgence.
I have this morning had a letter from Dick Risby, that unfortunate, but
worthy cousin of _mine_, just returned from the West-Indies to take on
him the command of a company in Lord ----'s regiment. What a Father
his!--to abandon _such_ a son.--Leave him to the wide world at
sixteen,--without a shilling, only to gratify the pride and avarice of
his serpent daughter,--who had art sufficient to get this noble youth
disinherited for her waddling brat, whose head was form'd large enough
to contain his mother's mischief and his own.--In vain we attempted to
set aside the will:--my brother would not leave England whilst there
remained the least hopes for poor Risby.
I always dreaded Dick's going abroad, well knowing what a designing
perfidious slut his sister was, from her very infancy.--Her parents drew
down a curse by their blind indulgence:--even her nurse was charg'd not
to contradict her; she was to have every thing for which she shewed the
least inclination.
Lord Eggom and myself being near of an age with our cousins, were
sometimes sent to play with them in their nursery; and, though boys of
tolerable spirit, that vixen girl has so worried us by her tyrannic and
impatient temper, that we have often petitioned, at our return home, to
be put to bed supperless.--If sweet-meats were to be divided, she would
cry to have the whole; the same in regard to cards,--shells,--money, or
whatever else was sent for our entertainment.--When she has pinched us
black and blue,--a complaint to her mother has been made by Dick, who
could not bear to see us so used, though he was obliged to take such
treatment himself, the only redress we should receive was--Poh! she is
but a baby.--I thought you had all known better than to take notice of
what _such_ a _child_ as Lucy does--Once, when this was said before her,
me flew at me, and cry'd, I will pinch again, if I please;--papa and
mamma says I shall,--and so does nurse; and I don't mind what any body
else says.--I waited only for my revenge, till the two former withdrew;
when sending the latter for a glass of water, I gave _Miss_ such a
glorious tacking, as I believe she has never tasted the like before or
since.--In the midst of the fray, I heard nurse running up, which made
me hasten what I owed on _my own_ account, to remind her of the
_favours_ she had conferred on Lord Eggom and her brother.--If such a
termagant in her infant state,--judge what she must be at a time of life
when her passions are in full vigour, and govern without controul!--I
have just shewn the method of rearing this diabolical plant, that you
may not wonder at its productions.--I shall see justice overtake her,
notwithstanding the long strides she is making to escape.
Dick will be in town with us most part of the winter:--I have wrote him
to that purpose, and mention'd your name. He will rejoice to see you:--I
have often heard him regret your acquaintance was of so short
standing.--Bridgman set out for York the day before I arrived; his
servants inform me he is not expected back this three weeks.
I like our lodgings vastly; but more so as the master and mistress of
the family are excessively clean and obliging; two things so material to
my repose, that I absolutely could not dispense patiently with
either.--This it was which made me felicitous about taking a house; I am
now so happily situated, I wish not to have one in town whilst I remain
a batchelor. Heaven knows how long that will be!--Your nonpareil has
given me a dislike to all my former slight prepossessions.
Lady Elizabeth Curtis!--I did once indeed think a little seriously of
her:--but _such_ a meer girl!--Perhaps the time she has spent in France,
Germany, and the Lord knows where, may have changed her from a little
bewitching, smiling, artless creature--to a _vain, designing,
haughty_,--I could call a coquet by a thousand names;--but Lady
Elizabeth _can_-not, _must_ not be a coquet.--Cupid, though, shall never
tye a bandage over my eyes.--The charms that must fix me are not to be
borrow'd;--I shall look for them in her affection to her relations;--in
a condescending behaviour to inferiors;--above all, when she offers up
her first duties.--If she shines here, I shall not follow her to the
card-table, or play-house:--every thing must be right in a heart where
duty, affection, and humility, has the precedence.
The misfortune of our sex is this: when taken with a fine face, we
enquire no further than, Is she _polite?_--Is she _witty?_ Does she
_dance_ well?--sing well?--in short, _is_ she fit to appear in the _Beau
Monde_; whilst good sense and virtues which constitute real happiness,
are left out of the question.
How does beauty,--politeness--wit,--a fine voice,--a graceful movement,
charm!--But how often are we deceiv'd by them.--An instance of which I
have lately seen in our old friend Sir Harry. No man on earth can pity
that poor soul more than I do; yet I have laughed hours to think of his
mistake. _So mild--so gentle_--said he, George, a week before his
marriage, I should have said _execution_,--it is impossible to put her
out of humour.--If I am not the happiest man breathing, it must be my
own fault.
What was my astonishment when I call'd on him in my way to town, and
found this mild _gentle mate_ of his, aided by a houseful of her
relations, had not only deprived him of all right and authority in the
_Castle_, but almost of his very speech!
I dropt in about one, told the Baronet I came five miles out of my way
for the pleasure of saluting his bride, and to drink a bottle of claret
with him.--He was extremely glad to see me; and ventured to say so,
_before_ I was introduced to the _Ladies_:--but I saw by his sneaking
look, no such liberty must be taken in _their_ presence.--My reception
was gracious enough, considering all communication is cut off between
him and his former acquaintance.
Scarce was I seated, before the old Dowager asked me, if her daughter
had not made _great_ alterations in the little time she had been at the
Castle.
_Alterations_, Madam! I reply'd;--upon my honour, they are _so_ visible,
no person can avoid being struck with them.--How could your father and
mother, Sir Harry, bear to live in such an wood? looking and speaking
disdainfully.--He smiled obsequious--hemm'd--trembled, and was
silent.--I hope, continued she, not to see a tree remaining near this
house before the next summer.--We want much, Mr. Molesworth, turning to
me with quite a different look and voice, to have the pleasure-ground
laid out:--but really her Ladyship has had so much to set in order
_within doors_, that it has taken off her attention a good deal from
what is necessary to be done _without_.--However, Sir, you shall see our
design; so, my dear, speaking to her daughter, let Sir Harry fetch the
plan.
It is in my closet, returned her Ladyship, and I don't chuse to send
_him_ there;--but I'll ring for Sally.
I had like that moment to have vow'd a life of celibacy--I saw him
redden;--how could he avoid it, if one spark of manhood remain'd?
The indignation I felt threw such a mist before my eyes, that when the
plan was laid on the table, I could scarce distinguish temples from
clumps of shrubs, or Chinese seats from green slopes.--Yet this
_reptile_ of a husband could look over my shoulder, hear the opinion of
every one present, without _daring_ to give his own.
I was more out of patience at dinner.--Bless me, says her Ladyship, how
_aukward_ you are when I _bid_ you cut up any thing!--the mother and
daughter echoing, _Never_ was there _such_ a carver as _Sir
Harry!_--Well, I vow, cry'd the latter, it is a strange thing you will
not remember, so often as I have _told you_, to lay the meat handsome in
the dish.
Good God! thought I, can this man live out half his days?--And, faith,
if I had not drank five bumpers of Madeira, I could not have stood the
sight of his fearful countenance.
He perceived I was distress'd, and whisper'd me as I mounted my
horse,--You see how it is, Molesworth; breeding women _must_ not be
contradicted.--
_I do, I do_ see how it is, return'd I; and could not for my soul
forbear saying, I shall rejoice to hear of a _delivery_.
This is the day when the important affairs of the m----y are to be
settled; the papers will inform you; but can a man in love have any
relish for politics?--Pray, divest yourself of that plague, when you
attend the house.--I should drop to hear you say you espouse _this_ or
_that_ cause, for the love of _Miss Warley_, instead of your _country_.
_Next Friday!_--Well, I long to see you after a dreadful, dreadful
absence of _eight days_.--There is something confounded ridiculous in
all this stuff; nor can I scarce credit that man should pine, fret, and
make himself unhappy, because he is loosed from the apron-strings of his
Phillida for a few days.--I see you shrug;--but my fate is not dependent
on your prognostications.--Was it so, I know where I should be,--down
amongst the _dead_ men;--down amongst the _dead_ men.--
However, I would consent to be rank'd in the number of Cupid's slain,
could I be hit by just such a dart as pierc'd you.
Vulcan certainly has none ready made that will do, unless he sharpens
the points of those which have already recoiled.
But hold; I must descend from the clouds, to regale myself on a fine
turtle at the Duke of R----d's. What an _epicure!_ Talk of feasting my
palate, when my eyes are to meet delicacies of a far more inviting
nature!--There _was_ a time I should have been envy'd _such_ a
repast:--_that_ time is fled;--_you_ are no longer a monopolizer of
beauty;--can sing but of _one_,--talk but of _one_--dream but of
_one_,--and, what is still more extraordinary, love but _one_.--