"I was round about there till the Armistice," Jones went on, "then I
drifted by stages to South Russia. All the Eastern countries live by
exchange. Practically the only trade they have is playing tennis with
each others' currency, and the headquarters of the industry in 1918
was South Russia. I thought I'd seen the limit of low finance when I'd
experienced the franc, lira, drachma, dinar, lev and piastre; but they
were all child's play to the rouble in 1918."
"I thought Russian money was all dud before that," I remarked.
"Not a bit of it," said Jones. "You see, it's not as if there were one
breed, so to speak, of rouble. There were KERENSKY roubles, and
Duma roubles, and NICHOLAS roubles, and every little town had a
rouble-works which was turning out local notes as hard as they, could
go. I missed a fortune there by inches."
"Tell me," I said, in response to his anecdotal eye.
"I had a job there which consisted of going backwards and forwards on
the railway between Otwiski and Triadropoldir in the Caucasus, a six
days' trip. The possibilities of the situation never struck me till
one day I, asked a shopman in Triadropoldir to give me my change in
Otwiski roubles--both towns had their own currency, of course. He gave
me five Otwiski roubles for one of his own town. I thought a bit about
that, and when I got back to Otwiski I tried the same thing, and found
I could get three Triadropoldir roubles there for one Otwiski."
"I see," I remarked, as the beauty of this arrangement dawned upon me.
"All I had to do therefore was to change my money in Otwiski for three
times as much Triadropoldir currency, and then go up the line to the
other place and change it back again, making fifteen hundred per
cent, on the round trip. Of course you couldn't always change the full
amount, but in a couple of months I had sixty thousand roubles--my
valise was crammed with them--and I was only waiting to get down to
the Field Cashier to change out and make my fortune."
"And did you?" I asked.
"No, I didn't. One morning the Reds arrived in Triadropoldir, and
my servant and I only just got away with the valise on one of those
inspection cars which you propel by pulling a handle backwards and
forwards. A section of Red Cavalry came after us, and we took it in
turns to work the handle."
"Your servant won't ever be short of a job," I commented. "He ought to
take to film-acting after that like a duck to water."
"We soon finished my servant's ammunition and they were closing in
on us fast. My hair had appreciably lifted my tin hat when I had a
brain-wave and threw out a double handful of rouble notes. It worked
like a charm; they all stopped to collect the money, and we had gone
quite a distance before they caught us up again, I threw out more
notes at intervals, and the last thousand roubles went just as we came
in sight of DENIKIN'S outposts fifteen miles down the line. We were
saved, but I had lost my fortune, for there was no chance of repeating
the operation."
I sighed. Then, without any regard for the conclusions of my
fellow-passengers, I silently raised both my hands above my head.
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Ordinary Man_ (_to well-fed friend_). "HULLO! HOW ARE
THINGS WITH YOU? MAKING LOTS OF MONEY, I SUPPOSE?"
_Yorkshireman_. "NO. WE DON'T _MAKE_ MONEY AT BRADFORD--WE JUST PICK
IT OOP."]
* * * * *
"She had her hair cut short, and claimed to be a member of a
tilted family."--_Provincial Paper_.
One with a bend sinister, we presume.
* * * * *
A leader of fashion at Ely
Whose clothes were a bit down-at-heely
Was quite overcome
When he found he'd the sum
That would buy him a Mallaby-Deeley.
* * * * *
"BLACK CATS' STRIKE THREAT."
_Heading in a Sunday Paper of a report of a demand made by
Viennese clerks for doubled salaries._
For "CATS'," read "COATS'." _O_ the diff! as WORDSWORTH said.
* * * * *
"Retriever Wanted; steady good worker: retrieve feather or
fur, land or water."--_Provincial Paper_.
The exile of Amerongen could do with one of this breed.
* * * * *
"The act of the donor suggests the lines:
"'How far doth that little candle throw its beams
On like a good deed in a naughty world.'"
_Daily Graphic_.
The author's name is not given, but we do not think he has improved
much on SHAKSPEARE.
* * * * *