"In Spring when woods are getting green,"
My wife begins the house to clean,
And I am driven from this scene,
Of scrub-land.
The mops and pails left on the stairs
I come across, quite unawares,
And break my shins and utter--prayers,
For tub-land.
In clouds of dust I choke and cough,
Such draughts! My hat I dare not doff,
I'd go (if I were not a toff)
To pub-land.
But--mum--I won't kick up a shine
Nor of delight give any sign,
But, quietly, I'm off to dine
In Club-land.
* * * * *
A SOAKER'S PARADISE.--Dropmore.
* * * * *
A MONSTER MEETING.--A giant and a dwarf.
* * * * *
POETICAL LICENCE.--A music-hall's.
* * * * *
TURF REFORM.--Mowing the lawn.
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Quiet Man_ (_as a particularly "steep" story of
adventure comes to a close_). "Er--will somebody pass the _salt_,
please?"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Adolphus_ (_grandly; he is giving his future
brother-in-law a little dinner down the river_). "Waitar--you
can--ah--leave us!"
_Old Waiter._ "Hem!--yessir--but--you'll pard'n me, sir--we've so many
gents--'don't wish to impute nothink, sir--but master--'fact is,
sir--(_evidently feels a delicacy about mentioning it_)--we're--you see,
sir--'_sponsible for the plate, sir_!!!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: GRAND BURNS' FESTIVAL--BROWN ENTERTAINS HIS FRIEND WI' A
HAGGIS!]
* * * * *