_Professor Guzzleton_ (_to Fair Chatterbox_). Are you aware that our
host has a French cook?
_Fair Chatterbox._ So I hear!
_Professor Guzzleton._ And that that French cook is the best in London?
_Fair Chatterbox._ So I believe!
_Professor Guzzleton._ Then don't you think we had better defer all
further conversation till we meet again in the drawing-room?
* * * * *
"My uncle, the admiral," said Mrs. Ramsbotham, "is very old fashioned,
and always goes to sleep every day after dinner with his banana on his
head."
* * * * *
[Illustration: SYMPATHETIC
_Toast-master_ (_to chairman of public dinner_). "Would you like to
propose your toast now, my lord, or should we let 'em enjoy themselves a
bit longer?"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: INFELICITOUS MISQUOTATIONS.--_Hostess._ "You've eaten
hardly anything, Mr. Simpkins!"
_Mr. S._ "My dear lady, I've dined '_wisely, but not too well_!'"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: TRIUMPHS OF THE FUNNY MAN
_Hired Waiter_ (_handing the liqueurs_). "_Please_, sir, _don't_ make me
laugh--I shall spill 'em all!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: OVERHEARD AT A CITY RESTAURANT
"I said Welsh _radish_, not _horse rabbit_!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: IRRESISTIBLE
_Our Robert_ (_on duty in the provinces, offering dish to neglected
spinster_). "Little duck!"
[_In such a tone of voice, that, at the risk of the sage and----she
accepts!_]
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Host._ "I say, my boy, shall we join ladies in
drawing-room?"
_Guest._ "I sh'inksho."
_Host._ "Can you say, 'The scenery's truly rural 'bout here?'"
_Guest._ "Sc-scenery tooralooral."
_Host._ "All right, come along!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: HE KNEW THE CUISINE.--_Hungry Diner_ (_scanning the
menu_). "Look here, waiter, I'm starving. I think I'll have a little of
everything!"
_Waiter._ "Yessir. (_Bawls off._) 'Ash one!"]
* * * * *
[Illustration: SONGS AND THEIR SINGERS]
* * * * *
[Illustration: SONGS AND THEIR SINGERS]
* * * * *
[Illustration: SONGS AND THEIR SINGERS]
* * * * *
[Illustration: SONGS AND THEIR SINGERS]
* * * * *
[Illustration: SONGS AND THEIR SINGERS]
* * * * *
[Illustration: SONGS AND THEIR SINGERS]
* * * * *
[Illustration: SONGS AND THEIR SINGERS]
* * * * *