I did not on the following day ask him to resume his narrative relative
to my father and mother, as I perceived that he avoided it, and I
already had so far changed, as to have consideration for his feelings.
Another point had now taken possession of my mind, which was, whether it
were possible to learn to read those books which I had found in the
chest, and this was the first question that I put to Jackson when we
arose on that morning.
"How is it possible?" replied he. "Am I not blind--how can I teach
you?"
"Is there no way?" replied I, mournfully.
"Let me think.--Yes, perhaps there is a way--at all events we will try.
You know which book I told you was the Prayer-book?"
"Oh yes! The small, thin one."
"Yes--fetch it here. Now," said he, when I put it into his hand, "tell
me; is there a straight line down the middle of the page of the book, so
that the words and letters are on both sides of it?"
"Yes, there is," replied I; "in every page, as you call it, there is a
black line down the middle, and words and letters (I suppose they are)
on both sides."
"And among the letters there are some larger than others, especially at
the side nearest to the margin."
"I don't know what margin is."
"I mean here," replied he, pointing to the margin of the page.
"Yes, there are."
"Well then, I will open the book as near as I can guess at the Morning
Service, and you tell me if you can find any part of the writing which
appears to begin with a large round letter, like--what shall I say?--the
bottom of a pannikin."
"There is one on this leaf, quite round."
"Very well--now get me a small piece of stick, and make a point to it."
I did so, and Jackson swept away a small place on the floor of the
cabin.
"Now," said he, "there are many other prayers which begin with a round
O, as the letter is called; so I must first ascertain if this one is the
one I require. If it is, I know it by heart, and by that shall be able
to teach you all the letters of the alphabet."
"What's an alphabet?"
"The alphabet is the number of letters invented to enable us to read and
write. There are twenty-six of them. Now look, Frank; is the next
letter to O the shape of this?" and he drew with the pointed stick the
letter U on the ground.
"Yes, it is," replied I.
"And the next is like this," continued he, drawing the letter R, after
he had smoothed the ground and effaced the U.
"Yes," replied I.
"Well then, to make sure, I had better go on, OUR is one word, and then
there is a little space between; and next you come to an F."
"Yes," replied I, looking at what he had drawn, and comparing it with
the letter in the book.
"Then I believe that we are all right, but to make sure, we will go on
for a little longer."
Jackson then completed the word "Father," and "which art," that followed
it, and then he was satisfied.
"Now," said he, "out of that prayer I can teach you all the letters, and
if you pay attention, you will learn to read."
The whole morning was passed in my telling him the different letters,
and I very soon knew them all. During the day, the Lord's Prayer was
gone through, and as I learnt the words as well as the letters, I could
repeat it before night; I read it over to him twenty or thirty times,
spelling every word, letter by letter, until I was perfect. This was my
first lesson.
"Why is it called the Lord's Prayer?" said I.
"Because, when our Lord Jesus Christ was asked by his followers in what
way they ought to address God, he gave them this prayer to repeat, as
being the most proper that they could use."
"But who was Jesus Christ?"
"He was the Son of God, as I told you yesterday, and at the same time
equal with God."
"How could he be equal with God, if, as you said yesterday, God sent him
down to be killed?"
"It was with his own consent that he suffered death: but all this is a
mystery which you cannot understand at present."
"What's a mystery?"
"That which you cannot understand."
"Do you understand it yourself?"
"No, I do not; I only know that such is the fact; but it is above not
only mine, but all men's comprehension. But I tell you honestly, that
on these points, I am but a bad teacher; I have paid little attention to
them during my life, and as far as religion is concerned, I can only
give you the outlines, for I know no more."
"But I thought you said that people were to be punished or rewarded when
they died, according as they had lived a bad or good life; and that to
live a good life, people must be religious, and obey God's commands."
"I did tell you so, and I told you the truth; but I did not tell you
that I had led a bad life, as I have done, and that I have neglected to
pay obedience to God's word and command."
"Then you will be punished when you die, will you not?"
"Alas! I fear so, child," replied Jackson, putting his hands up to his
forehead and hiding his face. "But there is still time," continued he,
after a pause; and "O God of mercy!" exclaimed he, "how shall I escape?"
I was about to continue the conversation, but Jackson requested that I
would leave him alone for a time. I went out and sat on the rock,
watching the stars.
"And those," he says, "were all made by God."
"And God made everything," thought I, "and God lives up beyond those
stars." I thought for a long while, and was much perplexed. I had
never heard anything of God till the night before, and what Jackson had
told me was just enough to make me more anxious and curious; but he
evidently did not like to talk on the subject. I tried, after a time,
if I could repeat the Lord's Prayer, and I found that I could, so I
knelt down on the rock, and looking up to a bright star, as if I would
imagine it was God, I repeated the Lord's Prayer to it, and then I rose
up and went to bed.
This was the first time that I had ever prayed.
I had learnt so much from Jackson, latterly, that I could hardly retain
what I had learnt; at all events, I had a very confused recollection in
my brain, and my thoughts turned from one subject to another, till there
was, for a time, a perfect chaos; by degrees things unravelled
themselves, and my ideas became more clear; but still I laboured under
that half-comprehension of things which, in my position, was
unavoidable.
But now my mind was occupied with one leading object and wish, which was
to learn to read. I thought no more of Jackson's history and the
account he might give me of my father and mother, and was as willing as
he was that it should be deferred for a time. What I required now was
to be able to read the books, and to this object my whole mind and
attention were given. Three or four hours in the earlier portion of the
day, and the same time in the latter, were dedicated to this pursuit,
and my attention never tired or flagged. In the course of, I think,
about six weeks, I could read, without hesitation, almost any portion of
the Bible or Prayer-book. I required no more teaching from Jackson, who
now became an attentive hearer, as I read to him every morning and
evening a portion of the Gospel or Liturgy. But I cannot say that I
understood many portions which I read, and the questions which I put to
Jackson puzzled him not a little, and very often he acknowledged that he
could not answer them. As I afterwards discovered, this arose from his
own imperfect knowledge of the nature of the Christian religion, which,
according to his statement to me, might be considered to have been
comprised in the following sentence: "If you do good on earth, you will
go to heaven and be happy; if you do ill, you will go to hell and be
tormented. Christ came down from heaven to teach us what to do, and how
to follow his example; and all that we read in the Bible we must
believe." This may be considered as the creed imparted to me at that
time. I believe that Jackson, like many others, knew no better, and
candidly told me what he himself had been taught to believe.
But the season for the return of the birds arrived, and our stock of
provender was getting low. I was therefore soon obliged to leave my
books, and work hard for Jackson and myself. As soon as the young birds
were old enough, I set to my task. And now I found how valuable were
the knives which I had obtained from the seaman's chest; indeed, in many
points I could work much faster. By tying the neck and sleeves of a
duck frock, I made a bag, which enabled me to carry the birds more
conveniently, and in greater quantities at a time; and with the knives I
could skin and prepare a bird in one quarter of the time. With my
fishing-lines also, I could hang up more to dry at one time, so that,
though without assistance, I had more birds cured in the same time than
when Jackson and I were both employed in the labour. The whole affair,
however, occupied me from morning to evening for more than three weeks,
by which time the major portion of my provender was piled up at the back
of the cabin. I did not, however, lose what I had gained in reading, as
Jackson would not let me go away in the morning, or retire to my bed in
the evening, without my reading to him a portion of the Bible: indeed he
appeared to be quite uncomfortable if I did not do so.
At last, the work was ended, and then I felt a strong desire return to
hear that portion of Jackson's history connected with my father and
mother, and I told him so. He did not appear to be, pleased with my
communication, or at all willing to proceed; but as I pressed him hard
and showed some symptoms of resolution and rebellion, he reluctantly
resumed his narrative.