For three days did Jackson lie on his bed; I supplied him with water,
but he did not eat anything. He groaned heavily at times, and talked
much to himself, and I heard him ask forgiveness of God, and pardon for
his sins. I noted this down for an explanation. On the third day, he
said to me:
"Henniker, I am very ill. I have a fever coming on, from the wound you
have given me. I do not say that I did not deserve it, for I did, and I
know that I have treated you ill; and that you must hate me; but the
question is, do you wish me to die?"
"No," replied I, "I want you to live, and answer all my questions, and
you shall do so."
"I will do so," replied he. "I have done wrong, and I will make amends.
Do you understand me? I mean to say, that I have been very cruel to
you, and now I will do all you wish, and answer every question you may
put to me, as well as I can."
"That is what I want," replied I.
"I know it is, but my wound is festering, and must be washed and
dressed. The feathers make it worse. Will you do this for me?"
I thought a little, and recollected that he was still in my power, as he
could not obtain water. I replied, "Yes, I will."
"The cord hurts it, you must take it off."
I fetched the kid of water, and untied the cord, and took away the
feathers, which had matted together with the flow of blood, and then I
washed the wound carefully. Looking into the wound, my desire of
information induced me to say, "What are these little white cords which
are cut through?"
"They are the sinews and tendons," replied he, "by which we are enabled
to move our hands and fingers; now these are cut through, I shall not
have the use of my hand again."
"Stop a moment," said I, rising up, "I have just thought of something."
I ran down to the point where the chest lay, took a shirt from the rock,
and brought it back with me, and tearing it into strips, I bandaged the
wound.
"Where did you get that linen?" said Jackson. I told him.
"And you got the knife there, too," said he, with a sigh. I replied in
the affirmative.
As soon as I had finished, he told me he was much easier, and said:
"I thank you."
"What is, I thank you?" replied I.
"It means that I am grateful for what you have done."
"And what is grateful?" inquired I again. "You never said those words
to me before."
"Alas, no," replied he, "it had been better if I had. I mean that I
feel kindly towards you, for having bound up my wound, and would do any
thing for you if I had the power. It means, that if I had my eyesight,
as I had a week ago, and was master, as I then was, that I would not
kick nor beat you, but be kind to you. Do you understand me?"
"Yes," replied I, "I think I do; and if you tell me all I want to know,
I shall believe you."
"That I will as soon as I am well enough; but now I am too ill--you must
wait a day or two, till the fever has left me."
Satisfied with Jackson's promise, I tended him carefully, and washed and
dressed his wound for the two following days. He said that he felt
himself much better, and his language to me was so kind and
conciliatory, that I hardly knew what to make of it; but this is
certain, that it had a good effect upon me, and gradually the hatred and
ill-will that I bore to him wore off, and I found myself handling him
tenderly, and anxious not to give him more pain than was necessary, yet
without being aware that I was prompted by better feelings. It was on
the third morning that he said--
"I can talk to you now; what do you want to know?"
"I want to know the whole story of how we came to this island, who my
father and mother were, and why you said that you hated me and my name?"
"That," said Jackson, after a silence of a few minutes, "will take some
time. I could soon tell it you, if it were not for the last question,--
why I hated your name? But the history of your father is so mixed up
with mine, that I cannot well tell one without the other. I may as well
begin with my own history, and that will be telling you both."
"Then tell it me," replied I, "and do not tell me what is not true."
"No; I will tell you exactly what it was," replied Jackson; "you may as
well know it as not.--Your father and I were both born in England, which
you know is your country by birth, and you also know that the language
we talk is English."
"I did not know it. Tell me something about England before you say any
more."
I will not trouble the reader with Jackson's description of England, or
the many questions which I put to him. It was night-fall before he had
finished answering, and before I was satisfied with the information
imparted. I believe that he was very glad to hold his tongue, for he
complained of being tired, and I dressed his wound and wetted the
bandage with cold water for him before he went to sleep.
I can hardly describe to the reader the effect which this uninterrupted
flow of language had upon me; I was excited in a very strange way, and
for many nights after could not sleep for hours. I may say here, I did
not understand a great proportion of the meaning of the words used by
Jackson; but I gathered it from the context, as I could not always be
interrupting him.
It is astonishing how fast ideas breed ideas, and how a word, the
meaning of which I did not understand when it was first used, became by
repetition clear and intelligible; not that I always put the right
construction on it; but if I did not find it answer when used at another
time to my former interpretation of it, I would then ask and obtain an
explanation. This did not, however, occur very often. As for this
first night, I was positively almost drunk with words, and remained
nearly the whole of it arranging and fixing the new ideas that I had
acquired. My feelings towards Jackson also were changed--that is, I no
longer felt hatred or ill-will against him. These were swallowed up in
the pleasure which he had afforded me, and I looked upon him as a
treasure beyond all price,--not but that many old feelings towards him
returned at intervals, for they were not so easily disposed of; but
still I would not for the world have lost him until I had obtained from
him all possible knowledge; and if his wound did not look well when I
removed the bandage, I was much more distressed than he was. Indeed,
there was every prospect of our ultimately being friends, from our
mutual dependence on each other. It was useless on his part, in his
present destitute condition, to nourish feelings of animosity against
one on whose good offices he was now so wholly dependent, or on my part,
against one who was creating for me, I may say, new worlds for
imagination and thought to dwell on. On the following morning. Jackson
narrated in substance (as near as I can recollect) as follows:--
"I was not intended for a sailor. I was taught at a good school, and
when I was ten years old, I was put into a house of business as a clerk,
where I remained at the desk all day long, copying into ledgers and
day-books, in fact, writing what was required of me. This house was
connected with the South American trade."
"Where is South America?" said I.
"You had better let me tell my story," replied Jackson, "and after I
have done, you can ask any questions you like; but if you stop me, it
will take a week to finish it; yesterday we lost the whole day."
"That's very true," replied I, "then I will do so."
"There were two other clerks in the counting-house--the head clerk,
whose name was Manvers, and your father, who was in the counting-house
but a few months before me. Our master, whose name was Evelyn, was very
particular with both your father and myself, scanning our work daily,
and finding fault when we deserved it. This occasioned a rivalry
between us, which made us both very active, and I received praise quite
as often as he did. On Sunday, Mr Evelyn used to ask your father and
me to spend the day. We went to church in the forenoon and dined with
him. He had a daughter a little younger than we were. She was your
mother. Both of us, as we grew up, were very attentive to her, and
anxious to be in her good graces. I cannot say which was preferred at
first, but I rather think that if anything, I was the favourite during
the first two years of our being acquainted with her. I was more lively
and a better companion than your father, who was inclined to be grave
and thoughtful. We had been about four years in the counting-house,
when my mother died--my father had been dead some time before I went
into it--and at her death I found my share of her property to amount to
about 2,500 pounds. But I was not yet twenty-one years of age. I could
not receive it for another year. Mr Evelyn, who had till then every
reason to be satisfied with my conduct, used to joke with me, and say
that as soon as I was of age, he would allow me, if I chose it, to put
the money in the business, and thus obtain a small share in it--and such
was my intention, and I looked forward to bright prospects and the hope
of one day being married to your mother; and I have no doubt but such
would have been the case, had I still conducted myself properly. But,
before I was of age, I made some very bad acquaintances, and soon ran
into expenses which I could not afford, and the worst was, that I
contracted a habit of sitting up late at night, and drinking to excess,
which I never have since got over, which proved my ruin then, and has
proved my ruin through life. This little fortune of mine not only gave
me consequence, but was the cause of my thinking very highly of myself.
I now was more particular in my attentions to Miss Evelyn, and was
graciously received by her father; neither had I any reason to complain
of my treatment from the young lady. As for your father, he was quite
thrown into the back-ground. He had no property nor hope of any, except
what he might hereafter secure by his diligence and good conduct; and
the attention I received from Mr Evelyn, and also the head clerk, who
had an idea that I was to be a partner and consequently would become his
superior, made him very melancholy and unhappy, for I believe that then
he was quite as much in love with Miss Evelyn as I was myself; and I
must tell you, that my love for her was unbounded, and she well deserved
it. But all these happy prospects were overthrown by my own folly. As
soon as it was known that I had property left to me, I was surrounded by
many others who requested to be introduced to me, and my evenings were
passed in what I considered very good company, but which proved the very
reverse. By degrees I took to gambling, and after a time, lost more
money than I could afford to pay. This caused me to have recourse to a
Jew, who advanced me loans at a large interest to be repaid at my coming
of age. Trying to win back my money, I at last found myself indebted to
the Jew for the sum of nearly 1,000 pounds. The more that I became
involved, the more reckless I became. Mr Evelyn perceived that I kept
late hours, and looked haggard, as I well might; indeed, my position had
now become very awkward. Mr Evelyn knew well the sum that had been
left me, and how was I to account to him for the deficiency, if he
proposed that I should put it into the business? I should be ruined in
his opinion, and he never, I was convinced, would intrust the happiness
of his daughter to a young man who had been guilty of such
irregularities. At the same time, my love for her nearly amounted to
adoration. Never was there a more miserable being than I was for the
last six months previous to my coming of age; and to drown my misery I
plunged into every excess, and seldom, if ever, went to bed but in a
state of intoxication. Scheme after scheme did I propose to enable me
to conceal my fault; but I could hit upon nothing. The time approached;
I was within a few days of coming of age, when Mr Evelyn sent for me
and then spoke to me seriously, saying, that out of regard to the memory
of my father, with whom he had been very intimate, he was willing to
allow me to embark my little capital in the business, and that he hoped
that by my good conduct and application I might soon become a useful
partner. I stammered some reply, which surprised him; and he asked me
to be more explicit. I stated that I considered my capital too small to
be of much use in such a business as his, and that I preferred trying
some quick method of doubling it; that as soon as I had so done I would
accept his offer with gratitude. `As you please,' replied he coolly;
`but take care, that in risking all, you do not lose all. Of course,
you are your own master,' and so saying, he left me, apparently much
displeased and mortified. But circumstances occurred, which exposed the
whole affair. When in company with my evening companions, I stated my
intentions of trying my fortune in the East Indies, not seriously, but
talking at random. This came to the ears of the Jew of whom I had
borrowed the money; he thought that I intended to leave the kingdom,
without taking up my bonds, and immediately repaired to Mr Evelyn's
counting-house, to communicate with the head clerk, and ascertain if the
report was correct, stating also the sums I was indebted to him. The
head clerk informed Mr Evelyn, and on the day upon which I became
twenty-one years of age, he sent for me into his private room, and,
after some remonstrances, to which I replied very haughtily, it ended in
my being dismissed. The fact was, that Mr Evelyn had, since his last
interview with me, made inquiries, and finding out I had been living a
very riotous life, he had determined upon my leaving his service. As
soon as my first burst of indignation was over, I felt what I had lost;
my attachment to Miss Evelyn was stronger than ever, and I bitterly
deplored my folly; but after a time, as usual, I had recourse to the
bottle, and to drowning my cares in intemperance. I tried very hard to
obtain an interview with Miss Evelyn previous to my quitting the house,
but this Mr Evelyn would not permit, and a few days after, sent his
daughter away, to reside, for a time, with a relation in the country. I
embarked my capital in the wine-trade, and, could I have restrained
myself from drinking, should have been successful, and in a short time
might have doubled my property, as I stated to Mr Evelyn; but now I had
become an irreclaimable drunkard; and when that is the case, all hope is
over. My affairs soon became deranged, and, at the request of my
partner, they were wound up, and I found myself with my capital of 1,500
pounds reduced to 1,000 pounds. With this I resolved to try my fortune
in shipping; I procured a share in a brig, and sailed in her myself.
After a time, I was sufficiently expert to take the command of her, and
might have succeeded, had not my habit of drinking been so confirmed.
When at Ceylon, I fell sick, and was left behind. The brig was lost,
and as I had forgotten to insure my portion of her, I was ruined. I
struggled long, but in vain--intemperance was my curse, my bane, the
millstone at my neck, which dragged me down: I had education, talents,
and energy, and at one time, capital; but all were useless; and thus did
I sink down, from captain of a vessel to mate, from mate to second mate,
until I at last found myself a drunken sailor before the mast. Such is
my general history; to-morrow I will let you know how, and in what way,
your father and I met again, and what occurred, up to this present
time."
But I was too much bewildered and confused with what he had told me, to
allow him to proceed, as he proposed.
"No, no," replied I. "I now recollect all you have said, although I do
not understand. You must first answer my questions, as to the meaning
of words I never heard of before. I cannot understand what money is,
what gaming is, and a great many more things you have talked about, but
I recollect, and can repeat every word that you have said. To-morrow, I
will recall it all over, and you shall tell me what I cannot make out;
after that you can go on again."
"Very well," replied he, "I don't care how long it takes me to answer
your questions, for I am not very anxious to tell all about your father
and myself."