(_THE GERMAN KAISER, THE TSAR OF BULGARIA, AND THE SULTAN OF TURKEY._)
_The Tsar_. You must admit that Sofia is a most agreeable place. Where
else could you find such genuine and overwhelming enthusiasm for the
War and our alliance?
_The Kaiser_. I don't know. It didn't seem to me exactly violent;
but then, of course, you know your people better than I do, and it
may be--
_The Sultan_. Umph.
_The Tsar_. I know just what you are going to say, MEHMED. You feel,
as we do, that the voice of the People is the true guide for a ruler.
You feel that too, don't you, WILHELM?
_The Kaiser_. I have never hesitated to say so. It is on such
sentiments that the greatness of our Imperial House is based.
_The Sultan_. Umph.
_The Tsar_. There--I knew you would agree with us. You heard, WILHELM?
MEHMED agrees with us.
_The Kaiser_. That is, of course, immensely gratifying.
_The Tsar_. We will at once publish an announcement in all our
newspapers. It will declare that the three Sovereigns, after a
perfectly frank interchange of views, found no subject on which there
was even the shadow of a disagreement between them, and are resolved
in the closest alliance to continue the War against the aggressive
designs of the Entente Powers until a satisfactory peace is secured.
How does that suit you, WILHELM?
_The Kaiser_. Very well. Only you must put in that bit about my being
actuated by the highest and most disinterested motives.
_The Tsar_. That applies to all of us.
_The Sultan_. Umph.
_The Tsar_. Again he agrees. Isn't it wonderful? I've never met a more
accommodating ally. It's a real pleasure to work with him. Now then,
we're all quite sure, aren't we, that we really want to go on with the
War, and that we utterly reject all peace-talk?
_The Kaiser_. Utterly--but if they come and _sue_ to us for peace we
might graciously consider their offer.
_The Tsar_. That means nothing, of course, so there's no harm in
putting it in. At any rate it will please the POPE. We're quite sure,
then, that we want to go on with the War? Of course I'm heart and soul
for going on with it to the last gasp, but I cannot help pointing out
that at present Bulgaria has got all she wants, and my people are very
fond of peace.
_The Sultan_. Umph.
_The Tsar_. He knows that is so. He's very fond of peace himself. You
see he hasn't had much luck in the War, have you, MEHMED?
_The Sultan_. The English--
_The Tsar_. Quite true; the English are an accursed race.
_The Sultan_. The English have a lot of--
_The Kaiser_. A lot of vices? I should think they have.
_The Sultan (persisting)_. The English have a lot of men and guns.
_The Tsar_. Well done, old friend; you've got it off your chest at
last. I hope you're happy now. But, as to this peace of ours, can't
something be done? I always say it's a great thing to know when to
stop. So it might be as well to talk about peace, even if your talk
means nothing. In any case, I tell you frankly, I want peace.
_The Kaiser_. FERDINAND!
_The Tsar_. Oh, it's no use to glare at me like that. If it comes to
glaring I can do a bit in that line myself.
_The Sultan_. The Americans--
_The Kaiser_ \ _(together)_.
_The Tsar_ / Oh, curse the Americans!
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[Illustration: _Postlethwaite (keenly appreciative of hum of Gotha
overhead)._ "LISTEN, AGATHA! EXACTLY B FLAT." {_Strikes note to
establish accuracy of his ear._}]
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