_Tuesday, October 16th_.--To Mr. Punch's blunt inquiry, "Why?" in last
week's cartoon different answers would, I suppose, be returned by
various Members. The CHANCELLOR OF THE EXCHEQUER would say that the
reassembling of Parliament was necessary in order that he might obtain
a further Vote of Credit from the representatives of the taxpayers.
Brigadier-General PAGE CROFT, inventor and C.-in-C. of the new
"National" party, who has already attached to himself a following not
inferior numerically to the little band which, under Lord RANDOLPH
CHURCHILL in the eighties, struck terror into the hearts of the Front
Benches, longs to prove that, under his brilliant leadership, Lord
DUNCANNON, Sir RICHARD COOPER and Major ROWLAND HUNT will emulate the
early prowess of Sir JOHN GORST, Sir HENRY DRUMMOND-WOLFF and Mr.
ARTHUR BALFOUR.
But a word to the gallant General: he will do little until he has
secured a corner-seat. By hook or by crook Mr. HOUSTON, "the Pirate
King," must be induced or compelled to surrender his coign of vantage
to the new generalissimo, who will then be able alternately to pour a
broadside into the Government or to enfilade the ex-Ministers who aid
and abet them.
Then there are those humanized notes of interrogation like Mr. KING,
Mr. HOGGE and Mr. PEMBERTON BILLING. They would like Parliament to
be in permanent session in order that the world might have the daily
benefit of their searching investigations. Mr. KING has not yet quite
run into his best form. He had only six Questions on the Paper, and
actually asked only five of them--a concession which so paralysed
the MINISTER OF RECONSTRUCTION, to whom the missing Question was
addressed, that, when asked where his department was located, he
had to confess that he did not know the precise number, but it was
somewhere in Queen Anne's Gate.
Eclipsed in Ireland by the more spectacular attractions of Sinn Fein,
the Nationalists' only hope of recovering their lost popularity is to
kick up the dust of St. Stephen's. Accordingly Mr. REDMOND gave notice
of yet another Vote of Censure on the Irish Executive, but whether
for its slackness or its brutality the terms of his motion do not
make quite clear. Perhaps he has not yet made up his own mind on
the subject.
I feel sure that Mr. MONTAGU has a sense of humour, and I admired
the way in which he concealed its existence when explaining the
Indian Government's release of Mrs. BESANT. As he read the VICEROY'S
reference to "the tranquillizing effect of Mr. MONTAGU'S approaching
visit" the House rippled with laughter; and when he proceeded to say
that Mrs. BESANT had undertaken to use her influence to secure "a
calm atmosphere for my visit," the ripple became a wave. But with the
stoicism of the unchanging East he read on unmoved.
Mr. KENNEDY JONES, taking up the _rôle_ of the newsboy in a recent
cartoon, invited the Government to give the Germans the monosyllabic
equivalent for a very warm time. Mr. BONAR LAW declined to commit
himself to the actual term, but announced the intention to set up a
new Air Ministry, and to "employ our machines over German towns so
far as military needs render us free to take such action."
To return to Mr. Punch's question, "Why?" I think the answer most
Members would make would be, "Because we wanted to see what the
Ladies' Gallery would look like without the grille." It must be
confessed that those who cherished visions of a dull assembly made
glorious by flashing eyes, white arms, and brilliant dresses were
disappointed.
"Stone walls do not a prison make,
Nor iron bars a cage,"
wrote LOVELACE. Well, the iron bars have gone, but the stone walls
remain, and make, if not a prison, something very like a _purdah_; and
the "angels alone that soar above" are almost as much cut off from the
inferior beings below them as they were before Sir ALFRED MOND came to
the rescue of Beauty in thrall. He is rather disappointed at getting
so little change out of his "fiver."
_Wednesday, October 17th_.--The latest recruit to what JOHN KNOX
would have called the "monstrous regiment of Ministers" is Mr. WARDLE,
lately Chairman of the Labour Party. He made a promising _début_. Mr.
HOGGE professed to be anxious as to the future of the North-Eastern
Railway, which, according to him, had lent all its "genii" to the
Admiralty. Mr. WARDLE, quick to note the classical accuracy of the
plural, assured him that he need be under no apprehensions--"there
are still some genii left."
Ireland is to have the extended franchise conferred by the
Representation of the People Bill, but not the accompanying
redistribution of seats. The Chairman suggested that Sir JOHN
LONSDALE, who wanted to do away with the anomaly, should move a
supplementary schedule embodying his own ideas of how Ireland should
be redistributed. Unfortunately--for one would have liked to see how
much was left for the other three provinces after he had designed an
Ulster commensurate with his notion of its relative importance--the
hon. Baronet demurred to this tempting proposal, and thought it was
a matter for the Government.
Some very pleasant badinage between Lord HUGH CECIL and the HOME
SECRETARY as to the relative merits of the words "dwell" and "reside"
for the purpose of defining a voter's qualification was followed by an
exhaustive and exhausting lecture by Major CHAPPLE on how to tabulate
the alternative votes in a three-cornered election. His object was to
demonstrate that under the Government scheme the man whom the majority
of the voters might desire would infallibly be rejected, while by
a plan of his own, which he had tried successfully on a couple of
wounded soldiers, the best man invariably won.
_Thursday, October 18th_.--The most obliging of men, Sir ALFRED MOND
nevertheless draws the line when he is asked to look a gift horse in
the mouth. His predecessor at the Office of Works having offered a
site for a statue of President LINCOLN, it is not for him to challenge
the artistic merit of the sculpture, which has been picturesquely
described as "a tramp with the colic." It is thought that the American
donors, after an exhaustive study of our outdoor monuments, have been
anxious to conform to British standards of taste.
The "Nationals" are beginning to move. Their General elicited from the
Government a promise to introduce a Vote of Thanks to His Majesty's
Forces; though it is possible that this would have been done without
his intervention. His lieutenants were less successful. Sir RICHARD
COOPER could not persuade Mr. BONAR LAW to publish the official report
on the loss of the _Hampshire_, and is now more than ever convinced
that K. OF K. is languishing in a German prison-camp; while the HOME
SECRETARY intimated that he required no instruction from Major ROWLAND
HUNT in the business of suppressing seditious literature.
After all, Ireland is to be redistributed. Unless the success of the
Convention renders the task superfluous, the Government will appoint a
Boundary Commission as an act of simple justice. Needless to say the
announcement was received with frenzied abuse by all the Nationalist
factions. Abstract justice, it seems, is the very last thing that
Ireland wants.
* * * * *
[Illustration: IMMEDIATELY AFTER THE RE-OPENING OF THE CAMPAIGN ON
OCTOBER 16TH A CERTAIN LIVELINESS WAS OBSERVED ON THE HIBERNIAN
FRONT.]
* * * * *
[Illustration: "TURN AGAIN."
_Instructor (to recruit, who on the command, "Left turn," has made a
mess of it)._ "NOW THEN, WHITTINGTON, 'AVE ANOTHER SHOT."]
* * * * *