Those who think that people in high positions live a life of ease
and comfort received a rude shock last week. It is said that, while
visiting the Royal Enfield Works canteen, the Duke of CONNAUGHT drank
two glasses of Government ale.
***
Britons have no monopoly of pluck, it seems. Last week a Basuto
soldier attached to a labour battalion offered the LORD MAYOR'S
coachman a cigarette.
***
Two German bankers, formerly of London, have been arrested in New York
as dangerous aliens. Neither of them is a member of our Privy Council.
***
It is understood that the Spanish Government has addressed a note to
the Allies explaining that all possible precautions will have been
taken against the forthcoming escape of U23.
***
The PREMIER has received the magnificent gold casket containing the
freedom of the City of London conferred on him last April. A momentary
excitement was caused by the rumour that the Corporation had thrown
off all restraint and filled it with tea.
***
A Brigadier-General has been fined for shooting game on Sunday in
Hampshire. Sir DOUGLAS HAIG, we understand, has generously arranged
to close down the War on the first Wednesday in every month, in order
that the Higher Command may assist in supplying the hospitals with
game.
***
Seven lunatics have escaped from a South Wales Asylum. It is assumed
that they got away by disguising themselves as German prisoners.
***
It has been decided that Counsel may appear before the High Court
dressed as Special Constables. It seems almost certain that this news
was withheld from Sir JOHN SIMON until he had definitely consented to
join Sir DOUGLAS HAIG'S Staff.
***
Two million pounds of jam per week, "the greater part strawberry," are
being, it is stated, delivered to the Army. Only the fact that the
Army Service Corps' labels all happen to be "plum and apple" prevents
the stuff being distributed to our brave troops.
***
Attempts to destroy livestock destined for the Allies are being
investigated, says a New York paper. Only a few days ago, it will be
remembered, a certain Legation discovered that its seals had been
tampered with.
***
It is announced that the War Office has taken over "the greater part"
of the new London County Hall. Our casualties were insignificant.
***
We are sorry to say that Mr. CHARLES HAWTREY'S latest success, _The
Saving Grace_, is not dedicated to Sir ARTHUR YAPP.
***
There is no foundation for the report that the recent postponement of
the production of _Cash on Delivery_ at the Palace was due to the fact
that a new joke was alleged to have been let loose in Mr. Justice
DARLING'S court.
***
Extravagant funerals have been condemned by Sir JOHN PAGET at the
Law Society Appeal Tribunal, and undertakers are complaining that in
consequence many of their best customers have decided to postpone
their interment till better times.
***
"Cats should be brought inside the house during air-raids," says the
Feline Defence League. When left on the roof they are liable to be
mistaken for aerial torpedoes.
***
According to the _Cologne Gazette_ German soldiers on the Western
Front have formed "Wilhelm Clubs," the members of which are compelled
on oath to undertake the work of gaining information about the British
lines. We understand that the terms for life-membership are most
moderate.
***
A German prisoner named BOLDT has escaped from Leigh internment camp.
It is stated that he would have experienced no additional difficulty
in escaping if he had been called by any other name.
***
"We want no patched-up peace," says Mr. RAMSAY MACDONALD. But if the
assaults upon pacifist meetings continue we feel sure there will be
some patched-up peacemongers.
***
Twopenny dinners are the speciality at a Northern munition works'
canteen. We have long been used to twopenny meals, but of course much
more was charged for them.
***
There appears to be no truth in the report that a burglar has been
fined for infringing the Defence of the Realm Regulations by using an
unshaded lantern.
***
An application is to be made to the LORD CHANCELLOR for a County Court
for the Hendon district, though a contemporary remarks that it is
doubtful whether there is sufficient work to be done there. But surely
this is just the sort of case that could be met by a little judicious
advertising.
***
Parliament is to be asked to pass a vote of thanks to the Naval and
Military Forces of the Crown. And it is thought that the latter will
reciprocate by thanking Parliament for giving them such a jolly little
war.
***
Much concern has been caused by the announcement that bees are
entirely without winter stocks. We have pleasure in recording a
gallant but unavailing attempt to remedy the situation on the part
of two dear old ladies, who thought the paper said "socks."
* * * * *
[Illustration: _Sympathetic Passer-by._ "WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOUR
LITTLE BROTHER?"
_The Sister._ "PLEASE, MISS, 'E'S WORRYIN' ABOUT RUSSIA."]
* * * * *