_Monday, April 2nd_.--The MINISTER OF MUNITIONS informed the House that,
owing to the demand for explosives, there is a shortage of acid for
artificial fertilisers. It is rumoured that Mr. SNOWDEN, Mr. OUTHWAITE and
Mr. PRINGLE, feeling that it is up to them to do something useful for their
country, have placed at Dr. ADDISON'S disposal a selection from the
speeches delivered by them during the War, containing an abundant supply of
the necessary commodity.
Mr. JOSEPH MARTIN has all the migratory instincts of his well-known family,
and flits from East St. Pancras to British Columbia and back again with
engaging irregularity. On his rare visits to Westminster he is always ready
to impart in a somewhat strident voice (another family characteristic) the
political wisdom that he has garnered from the New World and the Old. But
somehow the House fails to take him at his own valuation, and when he tried
to belittle the Imperial Conference, on the ground that the Dominion
Premier and his colleagues would be much better employed at home, I think
there was a general feeling that the physician would be none the worse for
a dose of his own prescription.
Cheers greeted little Mr. STEPHEN WALSH as he stepped to the Table to give
his first answer as Parliamentary Secretary to the Ministry of National
Service. There were more cheers (in which, had etiquette permitted, the
Press Gallery would have liked to join) when it was found that the new
Minister needed no megaphone, every word being audible all over the House.
And when finally he gave Mr. PRINGLE a much-needed corrective, by telling
him that if he wanted further information he must put a Question down, the
House cheered again. So far as a single incident enables one to judge,
another representative of Labour has "made good."
Viscount VALENTIA has gone to the Lords, and the Commons will henceforth
miss the elegant and well-groomed figure which lent distinction to a
Treasury Bench not in these days too careful of the Graces. Happily Oxford
City has found another distinguished man to succeed him. Mr. J.A.R.
MARRIOTT may indeed be said to have obtained a Parliamentary reputation
even before, strictly speaking, he was a Member. Usually the taking of the
oath is a private affair between the neophyte and the Clerk, and the House
hears nothing more than a confused murmur before the ceremony is concluded
by the new Member kissing the Book or--more often in these days--adopting
the Scottish fashion of holding up the right hand. Oxford's elect would
have none of this. Like the Highland chieftain, "she just stude in the
middle of ta fluir and swoor at lairge." Not since Mr. BRADLAUGH insisted
upon administering the oath to himself has the House been so much stirred;
even Members loitering in the Lobby could almost have heard the ringing
tones in which Mr. MARRIOTT proclaimed his allegiance to our Sovereign
Lord, KING GEORGE THE FIFTH.
_Tuesday, April 3rd_.--Mr. KING really displays a good deal of ingenuity in
his endeavours to get men out of the Army. His latest notion is that all
Commanding Officers at home should be ordered to give leave to those men
who have gardens so that they may return to cultivate them. There would, no
doubt, be a remarkable development of horticultural enthusiasm among our
home forces if the War Office were to smile upon the idea; but, though
fully alive to the value of food-production, the UNDER-SECRETARY was unable
to assent to this wide extension of "agricultural furlough."
A request by the Press Bureau that newspapers would submit for its approval
any articles dealing with disputes in the coal-trade gave umbrage to
several Members, who saw in it an attempt by the Government to fetter
public criticism. Mr. BRACE mildly explained that the object was only to
prevent the appearance of inaccurate statements likely to cause friction in
an inflammable trade. When Mr. KING still protested, Mr. BRACE again showed
that his velvet paw conceals a very serviceable weapon. "Surely the
Honourable Member does not believe that inaccurate statements can ever be
helpful." Then there was silence.
Mr. BONAR LAW stoutly denied that the National Service scheme was a
failure, but admitted that the Cabinet was looking into it with a view to
its improvement. Up to the present some 220,000 men have volunteered, but
as about half of these are already engaged on work of national importance
Mr. NEVILLE CHAMBERLAIN is still a long way short of his hoped-for
half-a-million ready, like the British Army, to go anywhere and do
anything.
A telegram from the British Ambassador at Washington, stating that
President WILSON'S War-speech had been very well received, and that
Congress was expected to take his advice, gave great satisfaction. As the
MINISTER FOR AGRICULTURE observed, "The outlook for early potatoes may be
doubtful, but our SPRING-RICE promises excellently."
Mr. PROTHERO has made up his alleged differences with the SECRETARY OF
STATE FOR WAR, and signalized the treaty of peace first by snuggling up to
Mr. MACPHERSON on the Treasury Bench, and next by handsomely supporting the
new Military Service Bill. In return the UNDER-SECRETARY FOR WAR introduced
a much-needed amendment by which men wholly engaged on food-production may
be exempted by the Board of Agriculture from the process of "re-combing"
now to be applied to the rest of the population.
_Wednesday, April 4th._--Mr. SNOWDEN disapproves of the selection of the
two Labour Members who are to form part of a deputation about to proceed to
Petrograd to convey to the Russian Government the congratulations of the
British people. Possibly the neckties of the proposed envoys are not of a
sufficiently sanguinary shade, or their brows are not lofty enough to
proclaim them true "leaders of thought." The suggestion that the Member for
Blackburn should himself be despatched to Petrograd (without a return
ticket) has been regretfully abandoned.
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[Illustration: _Jock (in captured trench)_. "COOM AWA' UP HERE, DONAL';
IT'S DRIER."]
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