MY DEAR CHARLES,--Reference the German withdrawal. The matter is proceeding
in machine-like order, and one of the first great men to cross No-Man's
Land was myself in the noblest of cars. It was, I confess, a purely
temporary and fortuitous arrangement which put me in such a conveyance, but
I had the feeling that it was excellently fitted to my particular form of
greatness, and there were moments when I was so enamoured of it that I was
on the verge of getting into a hole with it and staying hid there till the
end of the War. Just the right hole was provided at every cross-roads, but
the driver wouldn't try them and went round by the fields.
Of the flattened villages and the severed fruit-trees you will have read as
much as I have seen. It's a gruesome business, but one charred village is
much like another, and the sight is, alas, a familiar one nowadays. For me
all else was forgotten in speechless admiration of the French people. Their
self-restraint and adaptability are beyond words. These hundreds of honest
people, just relieved from the domineering of the Master Swine and restored
to their own good France again, were neither hysterical nor exhausted. They
were just their happy selves, very pleased about it all, standing in their
doorways, strolling about the market-place, watching the march of events as
one might watch a play. Every house had its tricolor bravely flying; where
they'd got them from so soon I don't know, but no Frenchman ever yet
failed, under any circumstances, to produce exactly the right thing at
exactly the right moment. There was a nice old Adjoint at the Mairie who
wasn't for doing any business at all, with the English or anyone else,
until a certain formality had been observed. He had a bottle of old brandy
in his cellar, which somehow or other had escaped the German eye these last
two years. This, said Monsieur, had first to be disposed of before any
other business could conceivably be entertained ... I gathered he had
risked much, everything possibly, in keeping this bottle two years; but
nothing on earth would induce him to retain it two minutes longer.
Madame, the doctor's wife, approached me as a friend with a request. Would
I expedite a letter to her people, to announce her restoration to liberty?
I was at Madame's disposal. She handed me the letter. I observed that the
envelope was not closed down. Madame's look indicated that this was
intentional, and her expression indicated that this was the sort of thing
she was used to.
There was no weeping, no extreme emotion. There was a philosophical
detachment, a very prevalent humour, and, for the rest, signs of a quiet
waiting for "The Day." There is only one day for France, the day of the
arrival of Frenchmen on German soil. When the English arrive in Germany
there will be nothing doing, except some short and precise orders that we
must salute all civilians and pay double for what we buy; but when the
French arrive in Germany ... and Heaven send we are going to help them to
get well in!
There is a story current, turning on these events, of a young German
officer and an official correspondence. It just possibly may be true, since
even among such a rotten lot there might conceivably have been one
tolerable fellow. The Higher Command had been much intrigued as to a church
window, wanting to know (in writing) exactly why and how it had been
broken; or rather, as it was the German Higher Command, exactly why and how
it had been allowed to remain unbroken. You know how these affairs develop
in interest and excitement as the correspondence passes down and down, from
one formation to another, and what an air of urgency and bitterness they
wear when they reach the last man. In this case the young German subaltern,
who had no one else below him on whom to put the burden of explaining in
writing, took advantage of his position, and wrote upon a slip, which he
attached to the top of the others: "To Officer Commanding British Troops.
Passed to you, please, as this town is now in your area...."
Probably the tale isn't true, for if the officer was a German he must have
had German blood in him, and if he had German blood in him there couldn't
be room for anything else, certainly not for a sense of humour.
We stayed longer than we should have done; this was an occasion upon which
one could not insist on the limit of ten handshakes per person. I was
delayed also by the Institutrice, who wanted to borrow my uniform, so that
she might put it on and so be in a position to start right off at once,
paying back. She meant it too, and I should not be surprised to hear that
she's been caught doing it by this time. Her mother was there in great
form. Asked for her opinion of the dear departed, she said she had already
told it to themselves and saw no reason to alter it. "They make war only on
women and children; they are _lâches_." My N.C.O. got out his
pocket-dictionary to discover the exact meaning of the word. She told us he
needn't trouble; it meant two months' imprisonment. She had a face like a
russet apple--a very nice russet apple, too.
We didn't get away before dark, and we found it very hard to discover our
way about new country when large hunks of it were missing altogether. One
of the party would walk on to find the way, and later I would go forth to
find him. We could see the road stretching away in front of us for
kilometres; but between us and it there would be twenty yards of nil.
However, the car eventually learnt to stand on its back wheels, climb
hedges and make its way home across country, having confirmed its general
opinion of the Bosch, that he is only good at one thing, and that is
destroying other people's property. I am now back in comfort again, and
able to remember your suffering. I send herewith a slice of bully beef
(one) and potatoes (two), hoping that they will not be torpedoed, and
urging you to hang on, for we are now beginning to think of moving towards
Germany, if only to see, when we get there, exactly what the Frenchman has
been evolving in his mind all this time.
Yours ever,
HENRY.
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[Illustration: "WELL, SO YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE THE VOTE AT LAST."
"OH, ONLY WOMEN OVER THIRTY, YOU KNOW."]
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"General Ludendorff has received the Red Eagle of the First Class."--
_Central News_.
An appropriate reward for his rapid flight.
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[Illustration: _Customer_. "LOOK OUT! YOU'RE CONFOUNDEDLY CLUMSY!"
_New Assistant_. "WELL, YOU CAN'T BE PARTICKLER WHAT YOU DO NOWADAYS. I
NEVER WAS A BARBER AFORE, AND I 'ATE AND DESPISE THE JOB--SEE?"]
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