RALPH COMMENCES HIS PUBLIC CAREER BY ACCEPTING AN IOU, HE HARDLY KNOWS
WHY--HE FINDS HIS FUTURE CAPTAIN BASED ON A BOTTLE--HE IS NOT TAKEN BY
THE HAND.
So ignorant were those few, on whom devolved my fitting out, of what my
station required, that I had made for me three suits of uniform, all of
which had the lion upon the buttons instead of the anchor, and from
which the weekly account was absent. My transmission from school to
town was by the stage; at town I was told to call on a lawyer in the
King's Bench Walk, in the Temple, who furnished me with twenty pounds,
and a letter for my future captain, telling me I might draw upon him for
a yearly sum, which was more than double the amount I ought to have been
entrusted with; then coldly wishing me success, he recommended me to go
down that evening by the mail, and join my ship immediately, and wished
me a good morning.
I certainly was a little astonished at my sudden isolation in the midst
of a vast city. I felt that, from that moment, I must commence man. I
knew several persons in London, parents of my schoolfellows, but I was
too proud to parade my pride before them, for I felt, at the same time,
ashamed of wearing ostentatiously, whilst I gloried in, my uniform.
I dined at the inn where I alighted on coming to town, called for what I
wanted in a humble semi-tone, said "If you please, sir," to the waiter;
paid my bill without giving him a gratuity, for fear of giving him
offence; took my place in the mail, and got down without accident to
Chatham, and slept at the house where the coach stopped. On account of
my hybrid uniform, and my asserting myself of the navy, the people of
the establishment knew not what to make of me. I wished to deliver my
credentials immediately; but my considerate landlord advised me to take
time to think about it--and dinner. I followed his advice.
It is uncertain how long I should have remained in this uncertainty, had
not a brother midshipman, in the coffee-room, accosted me, and kindly
helped me out with my pint of port, which I thought I showed my
manliness in calling for. He did not roast me very unmercifully, but
what he spared in gibes he made up in drinking. I abstained with a
great deal of firmness from following his example: he warmly praised my
abstinence, I suppose with much sincerity, as it certainly appeared to
be a virtue which he was incapable of practising. About seven o'clock
my ready-made friend began to be more minute in his inquiries. I showed
him my introductory letter, and he told me directly at what hotel the
captain was established, and enforced upon me the necessity of
immediately waiting upon him; telling me I might think myself extremely
lucky in having had to entertain only one officer, when so many thirsty
and penniless ones were cruising about to sponge on the Johnny Raws.
For himself, he said he was a man of honour, quite a gentleman, and
insisted upon paying his share of the two bottles of port consumed, of
which I certainly had not drunk more than four glasses. Secretly
praising my man of honour for his disinterestedness, for I had asked him
to take a glass of wine, which he had read as a couple of bottles, I
ordered my bill, among the items of which stood conspicuously forth,
"Two bottles of old crusted port, fourteen shillings."
"Damned imposition!" said my hitherto anonymous friend. "Of all vices,
I abominate imposition the most. I shall pay for all this wine myself.
Here, wai-_terre_, pen and ink. Banking hours are over now; I have
nothing but a fifty pound bill about me. However, you shall have my
IOU. You see that I have made it out for one pound--you'll just hand me
the difference, six shillings. Your name, I think you said, was
Rattlin--Ralph Rattlin. A good name, a very good purser's name indeed.
There, Mr Rattlin, you have only to present that piece of paper when
you get on board to the head swab washer, and he'll give you either cash
for it, or slops."
I gave the gentleman who so much abhorred imposition six shillings in
return for his paper, which contained these words:
"I owe you twenty shillings. Josiah Cheeks, Major-General of the Horse
Marines, of his Majesty's ship, the _Merry Dun_, of Dover.--To Mr Ralph
Rattlin."
I carefully placed this precious document in my pocketbook, among my
one-pound notes, at that time the principal currency of the country; yet
could not help thinking that my friend cast an awfully hungry eye at the
pieces of paper. He had already commenced a very elaborate speech
prefatory to the request of a loan, when I cut him short, by telling him
that I had promised my god-mamma not to lend anyone a single penny until
I had been on board my ship six months, which was really the case. He
commended my sense of duty; and said it was of no manner of consequence,
as next morning he should be in possession of more than he should have
occasion for, and then a five or a ten-pound note would be at my
service. After vainly endeavouring to seduce me to the theatre, he made
a virtue of my obstinacy, and taking me by the arm, showed me to the
door of the hotel, where Captain Reud, of H.M.S. _Eos_ was located.
I was announced, and immediately ushered into a room where I saw a
sallow-visaged, compact, well-made little man, apparently not older than
two or three-and-twenty, sitting in the middle of the room, upon a black
quart bottle, the neck of which was on the floor, and the bottom forming
the uneasy and unstable seat. Without paying much attention to me,
every now and then he would give himself an impetus, and flinging out
his arms, spin round like a turnstile. It certainly was very amusing,
and, no doubt so thought his companion, a fine, manly, handsome-looking
fellow, of thirty-five or thirty-eight, by his long-continued and
vociferous applause. The little spinner was habited in a plain but
handsome uniform, with one gold epaulet on his right shoulder, whilst
the delighted approver had a coat splendid with broad white kerseymere
facings.
I could observe that both parties were deeply immersed in the
many-coloured delirium of much drink. I looked first at one, then at
the other, undecided as to which of the two was my captain. However, I
could not augur ill of one who laughed so heartily, nor of the other,
who seemed so happy in making himself a teetotum. Taking advantage of a
pause in this singular exhibition, I delivered my credentials to the
former and more imposing-looking of the two, who immediately handed them
over to Captain Reud. I was graciously received, a few questions of
courtesy asked, and a glass of wine poured out for me.
My presence was soon totally disregarded, and my captain and his
first-lieutenant began conversing on all manner of subjects, in a jargon
to me entirely incomprehensible. The decanter flew across and across
the table with wonderful rapidity, and the flow of assertion increased
with the captain, and that of assentation with his lieutenant. At
length, the little man with the epaulet commenced a very prurient tale.
Mr Farmer cast a look full of meaning upon myself, when Captain Reud
addressed me thus, in a sharp, shrill tone, that I thought impossible to
a person who told such pleasant stories, and who could spin so prettily
upon a quart bottle. "Do you hear, younker, you'll ship your traps in a
wherry the first thing to-morrow morning, and get on board early enough
to be victualled that day. Tell the commanding officer to order the
ship's tailor to clap the curse of God upon you--(I started with horror
at the impiety)--to unship those poodles from your jacket, and rig you
out with the foul anchor."
"Yes, sir," said I; "but I hope the tailor won't be so wicked, because I
am sure I wish the gentleman no harm."
"Piously brought up," said the captain.
"We'll teach him to look aloft, any how," said the lieutenant, striving
to be original.
"A well-built young dog," said the former, looking at me, approvingly.
"Who is he, may I ask?" said the latter, in a most sonorous aside.
"Mum," said Captain Reud, putting his finger to his nose, and
endeavouring to look very mysterious, and full of important meaning;
"but when I get him in blue water--if he were the king's son--heh!
Farmer?"
"To be sure. Then he is the son of somebody, sir?"
"More likely the son of nobody--according to the law of the land,--
whoever launched him: but I'll never breathe a word, or give so much as
a hint that he is illegitimate. I scorn, like a British sailor, to do
that by a sidewind, Farmer, that I ought not to do openly; but there are
two sides to a blanket. A popish priest must not marry in England.
Norman Will was not a whit the worse because his mother never stood
outside the canonical rail. Pass your wine, Farmer; I despise a man, a
scoundrel, who deals in innuendos;--O it's despicable, damned
despicable. I don't like, however, to be trusted by halves--shall keep
a sharp look-out on the joker--with me, a secret is always perfectly
safe."
"O, then there is a secret, I see," said Mr Farmer. "You had better go
now, Mr Rattlin, and attend to the captain's orders to-morrow." The
word mister sounded sharply, yet not unpleasingly, to my ear: it was the
first time I had been so designated or so dignified. Here was another
evidence that I had, or ought to, cast from me the slough of boyhood,
and enact, boldly, the man. I therefore summoned up courage to say that
I did not perfectly understand the purport of the captain's order, and
solicited an explanation.
"Yes," said he; "the service has come to a pretty pass, when the
youngest officer of my ship asks me to explain my orders, instead of
obeying them."
"I had better give him a note to the commanding officer, for I may not
happen to be on board when he arrives."
A note was written, and given me.
"Good-night, Mr Rattlin," said the captain.
"Good-night, sir," said I, advancing very amiably to shake hands with my
little commander. My action took him more aback than a heavy squall
would have done the beautiful frigate he commanded. The prestige of
rank, and the pride of discipline struggled with his sense of the common
courtesies of life. He half held out his hand; he withdrew it--it was
again proffered and again withdrawn! He really looked confused. At
length, as if he had rallied up all his energies to act courageously, he
thrust them resolutely into his pockets; and then said, "There, younker,
that will do. Go and turn in."
"Turned out," I muttered, as I left the room. From this brief incident,
young as I was, I augured badly of Captain Reud. I at once felt that I
had broken some rule of etiquette, but I knew that he had sinned against
the dictates of mere humanity. There was a littleness in his conduct,
and an indecision in his manner, quite at variance with my untutored
notions of the gallant bearing of a British sailor.
As I lay in bed at my inn, my mind re-enacted all the scenes of the
previous day. I was certainly dissatisfied with every occurrence. I
was dissatisfied with the security of my friend Josiah Cheeks, the
Major-General of the Horse-Marines, of his Majesty's ship the _Merry
Dun_ of Dover. I was dissatisfied with my reception by Captain Reud, of
his Majesty's ship _Eos_, notwithstanding his skill at spinning upon a
bottle; nor was I altogether satisfied with the blustering,
half-protecting, half-overbearing conduct towards me, of his
first-lieutenant, Mr Farmer. But all these dissatisfactions united
were as nothing to the disgust I felt at the broad innuendoes so
liberally flung out concerning the mystery of my birth.