I GROW EGOTISTICAL, AND BEING PLEASED WITH MYSELF, GIVE GOOD ADVICE--A
VISIT; AND A STRANGE JUMBLE OF TIRADES, TEARS, TUTORS, TENDERNESS, AND A
TEA-KETTLE.
Let me now describe the child of nine years and a half old, that was
forced to undergo this terrible ordeal. We will suppose that, by the
aid of the dancing-master and the drill-sergeant, I have been cured of
my vulgar gait, and that my cockney accent has disappeared. Children of
the age above-mentioned soon assimilate their tone and conversation with
those around them. I was tall for my years, with a very light and
active frame, and a countenance, the complexion of which was of the most
unstained fairness. My hair light, glossy, and naturally, but not
universally, curling. To make it appear in ringlets all over my head,
would have been the effect of art; yet, without art it was wavy, and at
the temples, forehead, and the back of the head, always in full
circlets. My face presented a perfect oval, and my features were
classically regular. I had a good natural colour, the intensity of
which ebbed and flowed with every passing emotion. I was one of those
dangerous subjects whom anger always makes pale. My eyes were decidedly
blue, everything else that may be said to the contrary notwithstanding.
The whole expression of my countenance was very feminine, but not soft.
It was always the seat of some sentiment or passion, and in its womanly
refinement gave to me an appearance of constitutional delicacy and
effeminacy, that I certainly did not possess. I was decidedly a very
beautiful child, and a child that seemed formed to kindle and return a
mother's love, yet the maternal caress never blessed me; but I was
abandoned to the tender mercies of a number of he-beings, by many of
whom my vivacity was checked, my spirit humbled, and my flesh cruelly
lacerated.
I dwell thus particularly on my school-day life, in order, in the first
place, to prepare the reader for the singular events that follow; and in
the second (and which forms by far the most important consideration, as
I trust I am believed, and if _truth_ deserves credence, believed I am),
to caution parents from trusting to the specious representations of any
schoolmaster, to induce them to examine carefully and patiently into
every detail of the establishment, or they may become a party to a
series of cruelties, that may break the spirit, and, perhaps, shorten
the life of their children. Unfortunately, the most promising minds are
those that soonest yield to the effect of harsh discipline. The
phlegmatic, the dull, and the commonplace vegetate easily through this
state of probation. The blight that will destroy the rose, passes ever
harmlessly over the tough and earth-embracing weed.
I stayed at Mr Root's school for very nearly three years, and I shall
divide that memorable period into three distinct epochs--the desponding,
the devotional, and the mendacious. After I had been flogged into
uncertain health, I was confined, for at least six weeks, to my room,
and, when I was convalescent, it was hinted by the surgeon, in not
unintelligible terms, to Mr Root, that if I did not experience the
gentlest treatment, I might lose my life; which would have been very
immaterial to Mr Root, had it not been a mathematical certainty that he
would lose a good scholar at the same time. By-the-by, the meaning that
a schoolmaster attaches to the words "good scholar," is one for whom he
is paid well. Thus I was emphatically a good scholar; no doubt his very
best. I was taught everything--at least his bill said so. He provided
everything for me, and I stayed with him during the holidays. He,
therefore, ceased to confer upon me his cruel attentions; and abandoned
me to a neglect hardly less cruel. The boys were strictly enjoined to
leave me alone, and they obeyed. I found a solitude in the midst of
society.
A loneliness came over my young spirit. I was aweary, and I drooped
like the tired bird, that alights on the ship, "far, far at sea." As
that poor bird folds its wings, and sinks into peaceful oblivion, I
could have folded my arms and have lain down to die with pleasure. My
heart exhausted itself with an intense longing for a companion to love.
It wasted away all its substance in flinging out fibres to catch hold of
that with which it might beat in unison. As turn the tendrils of the
vine hither and thither to clasp something to adorn, and to repay
support by beauty, so I wore out my young energies in a fruitless search
for sympathy. I had nothing to love me, though I would have loved many
if I had dared. There were many sweet faces among my school-fellows, to
which I turned with a longing look, and a tearful eye. How menial I
have been to procure a notice, a glance of kindness! I had nothing to
give wherewith to bribe affection but services and labour, and those
were either refused, or perhaps accepted with scorn. I was the only
pariah among two hundred and fifty. There was a mystery and an obloquy
attached to me, and the master had, by his interdiction, completely put
me without the pale of society. I now said my lessons to the ushers
with indifference--if I acquitted myself ill, I was unpunished--if well,
unnoticed. My spirits began to give way fast, and I was beginning to
feel the pernicious patronage of the servants. They would call me off
the play-ground, on which I moped, send me on some message, or employ me
in some light service. All this was winked at by the master, and as for
the mistress, she never let me know that it occurred to her that I was
in existence. It was evident that Mr Root had no objection to all
this, for, in consideration of the money paid to him for my education,
he was graciously pleased to permit me to fill the office of his
kitchen-boy. But, before I became utterly degraded into the menial of
the menials, a fortunate occurrence happened that put an end to my
culinary servitude. To the utter surprise of Mr and Mrs Root, who
expected nothing of the kind, a lady came to see me. What passed
between the parties, before I was ushered into the parlour appropriated
to visitors, I know not; it was some time before I was brought in, as
preparatory ablutions were made, and my clothes changed. When I
entered, I found that it was "the lady." I remember that she was very
superbly dressed, and I thought, too, the most beautiful apparition that
I had ever beheld. The scene that took place was a little singular, and
I shall relate it at full.
As I have rigidly adhered to truth, I have been compelled to state what
I have to say in a form almost entirely narrative; and have not imitated
those great historians, who put long speeches into the mouths of their
kings and generals, very much suited to the occasions undoubtedly, and
deficient only in one point--that is, accuracy. I have told only of
facts and impressions, and not given speeches that it would have been
impossible for me to have remembered. Yet, in this interview there was
something so striking to my young imagination, that my memory preserved
many sentences, and all the substance of what took place. There was
wine and cake upon the table, and the lady looked a little flustered.
Mr Root was trying with a forty Chesterfieldean power to look amiable.
Mrs Root was very fidgety. As I appeared at the door timorously, the
lady said to me, without rising, but extending her delicate white hand,
"Come here to me, Ralph; do you not know me?"
I could get no further than the middle of the room, where I stood still,
and burst out into a passion of tears. Those sweet tones of tenderness,
the first I had heard for nine months, thrilled like fire through my
whole frame. It was a feeling so intense, that, had it not been agony,
it would have been bliss.
"Good God!" said she, deeply agitated; "my poor boy, why do you cry?"
"Because--because you are so kind," said I, rushing forward to her
extended arms; and, falling on my knees at her feet, I buried my face in
her lap, and felt all happiness amidst my sobbings. She bent over me,
and her tears trickled upon my neck. This did not last long. She
placed me upon my feet, and drawing me to her side, kissed my cheeks,
and my eyes, and my forehead. Her countenance soon became serene; and
turning to my master, she said, quietly, "This, sir, is very singular."
"Yes, ma'am, Master Rattlin _is_ very singular. All clever boys are.
He knows already his five declensions, and the four conjugations, active
and passive. Come, Master Rattlin, decline for the lady the adjective
felix--come, begin, nominative hic et haec et hoc felix."
"I don't know anything about it," said I, doggedly.
"I told you he was a _singular_ child," resumed the pedagogue, with a
most awkward attempt at a smile.
"The singularity to which I allude," said the lady, "is his finding
kindness so singular."
"Kind! bless you, my dear madam," said they both together; "you can't
conceive how much we love the little dear."
"It was but yesterday," said Mrs Root, "that I was telling the lady of
Mr Alderman Jenkins--we have the five Jenkinses, ma'am--that Master
Rattlin was the sweetest, genteelist, and beautifullest boy in the whole
school."
"It was but yesterday," said Mr Root, "that I was saying to Doctor
Duncan (our respected rector, madam), that Master Rattlin had evinced
such an uncommon talent, that we might, by-and-by, expect the greatest
things from him. Not yet ten months with me, madam. Already in
Phaedrus--the rule of three--and his French master gives the best
account of him. He certainly has not begun to speak it yet, though he
has made a vast progress in the French language. But it is Monsieur le
Gros's system to make his pupils thoroughly master of the language
before they attempt to converse in it. And his dancing, my dear madam--
Oh, it would do your heart good to see him dance. Such grace, such
elasticity, and such happiness in his manner!"
A pause--and then they exclaimed together, with a long-drawn sentimental
sigh, "And we both love him so."
"I am glad to hear so good an account of him," said the lady. "I hope,
Ralph, that you love Mr and Mrs Root, for they seem very kind to you."
"No, I don't."
Mr and Mrs Root lifted their hands imploringly to heaven. "Not love
me!" they both exclaimed together, with a tone of heartfelt surprise and
wounded sensibility, that would have gone far to have made the fortune
of a sentimental actor.
"Come here, sir, directly," said Mr Root. "Look me full in the face,
sir. You are a singular boy, yet I _did_ think you loved me. Don't be
frightened, Ralph, I would not give you _pain_ on any account; and you
know I never did. Now tell me, my dear boy," gradually softening from
the terrible to the tender, "tell me, my dear boy, why you fancy you do
not love me. You see, madam, that I encourage sincerity--and like, at
all times, the truth to be spoken out. Why don't you love me, Ralph
dear?" pinching my ear with a spiteful violence, that was meant for
gracious playfulness in the eyes of the lady, and an intelligible hint
for myself. I was silent.
"Come, Ralph, speak your mind freely. No one will do you any harm for
it, I am sure. Why don't you love Mr Root?" said the lady.
I was ashamed to speak of my floggings, and I looked upon his late
abandonment and negligence as kindness. I knew not what to say, yet I
knew I hated him most cordially. I stammered, and at last I brought out
this unfortunate sentence, "Because he has got such an ugly, nasty
voice."
Mr and Mrs Root burst out into a long and, for the time, apparently
uncontrollable laughter. When it had somewhat subsided, the
schoolmaster exclaimed, "There, madam, didn't I tell you he was a
singular lad? Come here, you little wag, I must give you a kiss for
your drollery." And the monster hauled me to him, and when his face was
close to mine, I saw a wolfish glare in his eyes, that made me fear that
he was going to bite my nose off. The lady did not at all participate
in the joviality; and, as it is difficult to keep up mirth entirely upon
one's own resources, we were beginning to be a gloomy party. What I had
unconsciously said regarding my master's voice, was wormwood to him. He
had long been the butt of all his acquaintance respecting it, and what
followed was the making that unbearable which was before too bitter.
Many questions were put by the visitor, and the answers appeared to grow
more and more unsatisfactory as they were elicited. The lady was
beginning to look unhappy, when a sudden brightness came over her lovely
countenance, and, with the most polished and kindly tone, she asked to
see Mr Root's own children. Mr Root looked silly, and Mrs Root
distressed. The vapid and worn-out joke that their family was so large,
that it boasted of the number of two hundred and fifty, fell spiritless
to the ground; and disappointment, and even a slight shade of
despondence, came over the lady's features.
"Where were you, Ralph, when I came?" said she; "I waited for you long."
"I was being washed, and putting on my second best."
"But why washed at this time of day--and why put on your second best?"
"Because I had dirtied my hands, and my other clothes, carrying up the
tea-kettle to Mr Matthews's room."
Mr and Mrs Root again held up their hands in astonishment.
"And who is Mr Matthews?" continued the lady.
"Second Latin master, and ill abed in the garret."
"From whence did you take the tea-kettle?"
"From the kitchen."
"And who gave it you?"
"Molly, one of the maids."
At this disclosure Mr Root fell into the greatest of all possible
rages, and, as we like a figure of speech called a climax, we must say,
that Mrs Root fell into a much greater. They would turn the hussey out
of the house that instant; they would do that, they would do this, and
they would do the other. At length, the lady, with calm severity,
requested them to do nothing at all.
"There has been," said she, "some mistake here. There is nothing very
wrong, or disgraceful in Ralph attending to the wants of his sick
master, though he does lie in the garret. I would rather see in his
disposition a sympathy for suffering encouraged. God knows, there is in
this world too much of the latter, and too little of the former. Yet I
certainly think that there could have been a less degrading method
pointed out to him of showing attention. But we will let this pass, as
I know it will never happen again. You see, Mr and Mrs Root, that
this poor child is rather delicate in appearance; he is much grown
certainly; much more than I expected, or wished--but he seems both shy
and dejected. I was in hopes that you had been yourselves blessed with
a family. A mother can trust to a mother. Though you are not parents,
you have known a parent's love. I have no doubt that you are fond of
children--(`Very,' both in a breath)--from the profession you have
chosen. I am the godmother of this boy. Alas! I am afraid no nearer
relation will ever appear to claim him. He has no mother, Mrs Root,
without you will be to him as one; and I conjure you, sir, to let the
fatherless find in the preceptor, a father. Let him only meet for a
year or two with kindness, and I will cheerfully trust to Providence for
the rest. Though I detest the quackery of getting up a scene, I wish to
be as impressive as I can, as I am sorry to say, more than a year will
unavoidably pass before I can see this poor youth again. Let me, at
that time, I conjure you, see him in health and cheerfulness. Will you
permit me now to say farewell? as I wish to say a few words of adieu to
my godson, and should I cry over him for his mother's sake, you know
that a lady does not like to be seen with red eyes."
The delicacy of this sickly attempt at pleasantry was quite lost upon
the scholastic pair. They understood her literally; and Mrs Root
began, "My eye-water--" However, leave was taken, and I was left with
the lady. She took me on her lap, and a hearty hug we had together.
She then rang for Molly. She spoke to the girl kindly, asked no
questions of her that might lead her to betray her employers, but,
giving her half a guinea not to lose sight of me in the multitude, and,
to prove her gratitude, never to suffer me again to enter the kitchen,
she promised to double the gratuity when she again saw me, if she
attended to her request. The girl, evidently affected as much by her
manner as her gift, curtseyed and withdrew. While she remained at the
school she complied with my godmother's request most punctually.