I FLUSTER THE GREAT JUPITER OF MY LITTLE WORLD.
The successful issue of this little enterprise gave me great
satisfaction. There was, of course, nothing in it for me, nor did I want
anything, but it furnished me with an excellent standpoint from which to
address the Home Secretary should the occasion ever arise.
The occasion did arise some time after, and I utilized it in this way: A
friend of mine had come over from America to see me and to try if it
were not possible to obtain some reduction in the sentence. My postman
warder was away at the moment, so letter-carrier facilities were cut
off. I wanted very much indeed to communicate with my friend, and
applied to the Home Secretary explaining the position and asking him to
let me write two letters immediately. At the end of eight weeks an
answer came back that the Home Secretary had carefully considered the
application and could find no sufficient grounds for advising Her
Majesty to grant the prayer thereof. The next day I obtained a petition
sheet from the governor and wrote the following petition:
"To the Right Hon. Sir William V. Harcourt, Secretary of State for the
Home Department:
"The petition of, etc., humbly showeth: That two months ago I petitioned
the Home Secretary for permission to write two letters, explaining the
urgency of the occasion and pointing out that the request was by no
means unusual. Yesterday the answer arrived telling me, with as much
truth, I have no doubt, as kindness, the anxiety with which the right
honorable gentleman has been for eight weeks considering the petition.
"I hasten to express to the Home Secretary the regret I cannot but feel
at the thought of causing him so much concern, which I sincerely trust
has had no prejudicial effect upon his health. I regret this the more as
there was really no necessity for requiring eight whole weeks of his
time to the inevitable great neglect of the public business, for no man
who owns or who is known to be able to get a half sovereign ever has the
slightest difficulty in sending out as many clandestine letters as he
chooses. This, of course, is an infraction of the rules, and any
reasonable man would rather get along in a friendly spirit with the
prison authorities than be at war with them, but when trifling favors
which it requires but to stretch out the hand to take are refused,
rules, prison authorities and the Home Secretary himself are
contemptuously set aside and the forbidden favor taken.
"I trust that this knowledge will save the Home Secretary any repetition
of the anxiety he has suffered on this occasion, but while regretting my
want of success in petitions for myself I desire to thank the right
honorable gentleman for the kind attention he pays to my petitions for
others.
"The Home Secretary will perhaps remember his merciful consideration of
the case of Mr. Frederick Barton, whom he released some short time ago,
but it will perhaps be news to him to hear that it was I who invented
Mr. Barton's fortune and wrote the petition which furnished the grounds
for advising Her Most Gracious Majesty to extend her royal clemency to
the deserving young man. The result of my petition by no means surprised
me, for I was always confident that an English gentleman could never be
guilty of the solecism against English customs implied by keeping in
prison a young gentleman who could perform so meritorious an act as to
fall heir to many bags of gold and sixteen thousand acres of cotton land
in India.
"Mr. Barton had previously petitioned for mercy pointing out that he was
but 17 years old at the time of his arrest, and asking that his extreme
youth might plead for him. This petition the Home Secretary treated with
very proper contempt, but it was really delightful to contrast that
contempt with the respectful and instant attention shown to the
petition of the young heir.
"I have a difficulty in expressing the comfort with which I saw an
English Home Secretary, with all the power of the Empire in his hands to
protect him against imposition, releasing a criminal after reading a
sheet of foolscap covered with lies, which had been left at the Home
Office by a released convict within half an hour after passing through
the gates of Millbank. It is but the merest justice, however, to add
that poor Mr. Smith, the presenter of the petition, was as badly
humbugged as the Home Secretary himself. The glitter of gold was flashed
before his eyes as it was before the eyes of Sir William Vernon
Harcourt, and with equal effect.
"To me this effect was certain, as not the slightest doubt existed in my
mind that the moment it became a question of great sums of money all
distinctions would vanish and pickpocket and Home Secretary would
scramble on to the same foothold.
"The result, it is unnecessary to add, perfectly justified me. As I
watched the lucky Frederick set out to return to the stable he came from
it occurred to me that had he understood German, which he did not, nor
English either, for that matter, he might have whispered joyfully to
himself, in the words of another dealer in ways that are dark and tricks
which are vain:
"'Es ist gar hubsch von einem grossen Herrn,
So menschlich mit dem Teufel selbst zu sprechen.'
"Doubtless, however, the Home Secretary will feel, as I do myself,
that he acted in this matter in accordance with the commonest
dictates of duty, and I beg to assure him that, having every
facility for sending out as many letters as I please, I shall never
again cause him weeks of anxious consideration. Respectfully
submitted,
"AUSTIN BIDWELL."
Whatever Sir William Vernon Harcourt may have thought about the
petition, he said nothing, but I dare say he did not feel flattered. It
required no small daring to send it, but as I knew I had nothing to hope
from him I could look with perfect equanimity upon any consequences
likely to follow.
The governor of the prison did not dare to violate the regulations by
refusing to send my petition, written as it was on an official form and
duly entered on the books of the establishment, but he sent for me in
hot haste. Assuming a threatening air, he demanded how I dared to play
such monkey tricks. Officially the governor was a hot member and
enforced an iron discipline both with wardens and the men, but
personally he was not a bad fellow, so I merely laughed and asked him if
he was a critic and reviser of petitions; therefore, a local Home
Secretary. He saw I was not to be intimidated, and almost begged of me
not to do so any more. As he was a pretty good fellow, and I had no wish
to cause him any embarrassment, I readily promised, provided I was
permitted now and then to write a special letter. This permission he
intimated would not be withheld, and there, so far as the governor was
concerned, the incident ended. But so unheard-of a document emanating
from a prisoner created a sensation among the officers, who all came to
know of the matter, and added several degrees to whatever respect they
were inclined to have for me.
As there is no attempt at humor in this book, and since I am on the
subject of petitions, I will give here a copy of one sent by a fellow
prisoner who was somewhat of a character and whose name was Niblo Clark.
To some of the prisoners the art of reading and writing is an all but
insoluble mystery. Every man is allowed a small slate, and many of the
prisoners spend an incredible amount of painful toil and mental
wrestling in preparing a petition, which, by the way, never does any
good. Poor Niblo for a whole year, through all the Summer's warmth and
Winter's frost, spent his spare hours producing this petition, and I
think my reader will agree with me that it is a masterpiece of its
kind.
PETITION.
Register No. Y 19. Name, Niblo Clark,
Present Age, 40. Confined in Chatham Prison.
Date of Petition, January 15, 1890.
CONVICTED. CRIME. SENTENCE. REMARKS.
When. Where.
1880. Old Bailey, Burglary. 15 Years. In Hospital.
London. Troublesome.
To the Right Honorable Henry Mathews, Her Majesty's Principal
Secretary of State for the Home Department:
The Petition of Niblo Clark Humbly Sheweth--
The Right Honorable Secretary the great benefit your humble
petitioner would derive by a speedy removal from this damp and
foggy inhospitable Climate to a milder one; the atmostphere here
his thoroughly prejudicial to your petitioners health and causes me
to be a great Sufferer i am Suffering from asthma accompanied with
bad attacks of Chronic bronchitis and have been now 3 long years
Confined to a bed of Sickness in a Sad and pitable Condition and
upon those Clear grounds and physical proofs your petitioner humbly
prays that it may please the Right Honorable Secretary to order my
removal to a warmer and milder Climate necessity also compels me to
complain of repeated acts of injustice and Cruely committed again
me, and which in some respects Might Justly undergo the imputation
of ferocity there are numbers and frivolous and false charges
conspired against me and every time i am discharged from here the
Governor takes them Seperate one each and trys to murder me: i have
been No less then Six weeks at one time on bread and Water
accompanied with a little penal Class and all the officers are
incouraged to practise all kinds of barbarious maltreatment against
me and other sick men--theres is one officer here place here for
the express purpose of tantelizing me and other his Name is Warder
Newcombe this officer sir has barbariously struck and assaulted
patients on there Sick bed and Several has complained of it to the
Governor--But i am Sorry to say its greatly fostered and incouraged
especially upon me it is quite useless to complain of anything to
the Governor.
Right Honourable Sir i humbly beg that you will listen to my woe
for what i Suffer in Chatham prison the one half you do not Know
From repeated attacks of this frightful disease i am getting worse
each day
So i humbly trust you will have me removed without the least delay
In making my request in poetry Sir i hope you wont think i am Joking
for the greatest favour you can bestowe upon me is to Send me back to
Woking
For in this damp and foggy Climate its impossible to ever get better
So i humbly trust in addition to this you will grant me a Special letter
Another little case i wish to State if you Sir will Kindly listen
has it would Cause a Vast amount of talk all round and about the prison
I mean if Niblo Clark Should be sent upon some public Works
it would cause more talk then the late dispute between the russians and
the turks
in foggy wheather with my disease it would be impossible to larst one
hour
and if you doubt the accuracy of what i say i refere to doctor Power
or any other naval doctor or one from the army garrison
they one and all would say the Same and likewise Doctor Harrison
Since my reception in this here prison i have been a most unfortunate man
and i will tell you the why and wherefore as well as i possibly Can
for every time i been in this hospital its the whole truth what i Say
for my medical treatment i assure Sir i have dearly had to pay
A regular marked man i have been for them all its well known to Captain
Harris
for the list of reports against me would reach from this place to paris
So i humbly beg Right Honourable Sir you will grant this humble petition
for i am sorry to State i have nothing to pay having lost both health
and remission
Such Cruel injustice to poor Sick men is far from being just and right
but to report Sick patients in hospital is the officers Chief delight
But perhaps kind Sir you might imagine that they only do this to a dodger
But its done to all--Austin Bidwell as well and likewise to poor Sir
Roger (Tichborne).
like Savage lions in this infirmary the Officers about are walking
to Catch and report a dying poor man for the frivolous Charge of talking
and when we go out from hospital our poor bodies they try to Slaughter
by taking these reports one at the time and Killing us on bread and water
I am suffering a Chest and throat disease a frightful Chronic disorder
and to go out from hospital is attempting Suicide to get heaps of bread
and Water
for it is such cruel treatment made me as i am and brought me to the
Verge of the grave
So in conclusion Right Honourable Sir a removal i humbly Crave
if this petition should not be sent prisoners abstain from further
writting who will explain his case more Clearly to the Visiting director
and i wish to have this petition Submitted to the director by your truly
humble servant Niblo Clark.