A lively volume with many shreds of wit and humour, and occasional patches
of "righte merrie conceite," has just fallen into our hands, and has
afforded us some very pleasant reading. There is fun in the very title,
"Personal Narrative of a Journey overland from the Bank to Barnes, &c. with
some account of the Regions east of Kensington. By an Inside Passenger.
With a Model for a Magazine, being the product of the Author's sojourn at
the village of Barnes, during five rainy days." The author is a shrewd,
clever fellow, who loves a little raillery on the follies of the day, and
joins with our friend, Popanilla in deploring the present artificial state
of society; therefore, suppose we give a few _flying_ extracts from his
tour, premising that the good people of the little villages through which
he passed, are not aware of what good things he has said of them; for his
little book would suit every parlour window from Hyde Park Corner to
Barnes.
_Brentford._
The ancient and nearly deserted barony of Brentford still contains, in its
monuments and antiquities, vestiges of former splendour. The horse-trough
opposite the "Bell and Feathers" is to the antiquarian a most particularly
interesting _morceau_; the verdure of age has defaced it in part, but
enough still remains to prove that our ancestors had made no mean
proficiency in the rustic style of architecture. The reservoir, which
contains the sparkling element so grateful to that noble animal, is
modelled from the celebrated sarcophagus in the British Museum; and the
posts which support it are evidently Doric. On the outside of it are
several nearly obliterated specimens of carving, as well as drawings in
chalk.
Nearly parallel with the horse-trough, as you go down "Maud's Rents," is
that useful, and indeed indispensible, triumph of hydraulics, the pump.
The taste and science displayed in its execution do credit to the engineer;
and the soil in which it is imbedded, being argillaceous, partially
encrusted with strontian, reflects equal honour on his geological
attainments. This pump, which you approach by three steps, is
perpendicular, and of an elegant appearance; and forms the chief ornament
of the "Rents." The handle is of wrought iron, highly polished; the snout
copper, studded with hobnails. It is neatly coated with white paint, and
bears on its front the following inscription, which I have copied for the
gratification of the curious in antiquarian research.
This Pump was erected,
and Well sunk,
A.D. 1824,
from the proceeds of a Charity Sermon,
preached
in the Parish Church
of this Parish,
by his Grace the Bishop
of Bath and Wells.
* * *
Peter Broddupp,
Overseer,
Slingsby Stygle, and John Moles,
Churchwardens.
* * *
N.B. Whoever washes Fish at this Pump
will be prosecuted.
I cannot take leave of this interesting town without noticing the church.
It is surmounted by a neat steeple, cut in wood, in the pointed style of
architecture; on the top of which is a goodly key, to indicate the
wind,--which, the inhabitants remark, has blown due south for the last ten
years. The porch, which is a curious specimen of the Maeso-Gothic, is
rather hurt by the simplicity of the scrapers, which, being merely
segments of iron hoops, do not harmonize with the otherwise elaborate
approach.
_Tossbury._
The demesne of Tossbury (by Camden written Tossbery) was anciently a grant
in feoffment to the College of Physicians by King John. On the spot now
occupied by the burial grounds formerly stood their college; and here they
flourished until the population, originally abundant, diminished so
alarmingly, as to induce them to remove to Warwick Lane.
Mr. P. (the landlord of the inn,) ever ready to shew his guests what at
that village are esteemed great curiosities, was indefatigable in
explaining the various instances in which he has made science subservient
to utility. The staircase, as far as the great dining-room, he has, at
considerable expense, macadamized; which, provided it is kept well watered,
and scrapers attached to the chamber-doors, our worthy host assured us,
was infinitely preferable to marble. He begged us to be under no
apprehension as to the dampness of our beds, as they were warmed by a
steam-apparatus of his own contrivance. He always keeps a Leyden jar,
about the size of a boiler, ready charged, wherewith he kills geese,
turkeys, and even lamb; which, he affirms, is a much less shocking method
of neutralizing the vital spark than the vulgar butchery of twisting and
sticking. He has lost three of his fingers, through incautiously handling
a self-acting rat-trap of his own construction; and had his left eye blown
out, while investigating the exact interval between combustion and
explosion.
* * * * *
I found a difference of about half an hour between the dial of Putney
Church and my watch, which a young gentleman "intended for one of the
universities" accounted for from difference of latitude. He likewise
explained a phenomenon, which rather startled us, near Kew. We saw about
half-a-dozen cows galloping furiously towards the river's brink; flirting
their tails, and, indeed, conducting themselves with a vivacity perfectly
inconsistent with the acknowledged sobriety of that useful animal. He
calmed our apprehensions, by informing us they were intended for the East
Indies. Every other day they are fed with best rock-salt, instead of
green-meat; which, by chemical agency, renders them fat and fit to be
killed, and sent on ship-board at a moment's notice; the trouble and delay
of salting down being totally unnecessary. These cows, he assured us, had
just finished their thirst-inducing meal.
Near Hill's boat-shed is the patent Philanthropical Hay-tosser, a
stupendous machine, invented expressly to prevent the degradation and
slavery to which thousands of our fellow men are subjected during
hay-harvest. It must gratify every friend to the amelioration of his
species to learn, that the humane intention of the inventer is likely to
be realized, as there are already three thousand Irishmen out of employ.
Here we must halt with our tourist. The result of his lucubrations at
Barnes--a Model for a Magazine will be found very serviceable to all
prospectus writers, and furnish skeleton articles for a whole volume. We
have been amused with the pleasantries of the author, and in return we
thank him, and recommend his little book to our readers.
* * * * *