WAITING.
Joan did not sleep much on that eventful night. She lay down in her bed
after the uncomfortable sleep which she had snatched among the
wash-tubs, but it was more as a matter of form than for any good there
was in it. She was secretly very anxious about Harry. Though she had
taken upon her so cheerfully to affirm that he had gone to the “Red
Lion,” she had not any confidence in this suggestion. She lay staring at
the window as it slowly grew a glimmering square, in the cold blue of
the dawning, wondering what had become of him. She had no great
imagination, and therefore there did not rush upon her mind a crowd of
visionary dangers such as would have besieged her mother, but she lay
with her face turned up to the ceiling and her eyes wide open, asking
herself what he was likely to have done; what he would be doing now? He
might fall into bad company, she thought, with a distinct identification
of one house in the village which did not bear a very good reputation,
and of which, as it happened, Harry was entirely ignorant; or he might
go straight off to the office, which, on the whole, was the best thing
he could do. That was all very well for the future; but where was he
to-night? where was he _now?_
This was a question which Joan could not answer to herself. She thought
over a great many things during the unaccustomed vigil. Never before had
her mother’s anxieties and “fuss” appeared as they now did to Joan with
a certain amount of reason in them. Certainly father was getting beyond
bearing, she said to herself. He was worse the older he grew. She had
told him that she was the best servant he had in the house, though she
got no wages, and it was true. If she liked “to take a situation” she
could earn excellent wages, and get praise instead of abuse for what she
did. She was not a person to be put upon in any way, and yet there were
times when he “put upon” even her. The contemplation of all this did
not move her to any impulses of furious indignation, as Harry was moved,
but she thought, lying there in the grey dawn, that it would have to be
put a stop to somehow. As for taking a situation, that was out of the
question. Joan was a very homely woman, not much better educated than
the dairy-maid, and accustomed to none of the softnesses of life, but
yet she was Miss Joscelyn of the White House, and nothing could have
obliterated from her mind the consciousness of this dignity which gave
her nothing, and yet was everything to her. Possessing this rank, it was
impossible for her to “take a situation.” She did not mind what she did
in her father’s house, but to earn money would have been a degradation.
She regretted it even, for she knew very well that she was a capable
person, able to “put her hand” to many things; but it was as
indisputable as if she had been Princess Royal of an ancient kingdom.
Could she have done this, and taken her mother away, and supported her
by the work of her own hands, she would have been now wound up to do it;
but, as it was impossible, she cast about in her mind what else she
could do to mend matters. Father was too bad, there was no denying
that; he had gone a great deal too far, and it would not be possible to
put up with him much longer. She concocted several speeches to be made
to him, but none of them seemed to her sufficient. To be sure, on the
other hand, mother would make a fuss. She would not take anything
easily. To see her excitement and anxiety over the smallest matters was
enough to provoke even a patient temper. She could not take things as
they came; that was a kind of excuse, perhaps, for father’s violence.
Joan turned over all these things in her mind, as if her parents stood
before the bar and it was her business to judge them. A woman of thirty
cannot go on with those childish fictions of reverence which make
criticism a sin. Indeed, even a child, the youngest, unconsciously
criticises as soon as it is able to think, and we are all standing
before the most awful of tribunals unawares when we live our lives and
show forth our motives before our babies; and Joan had long ceased to be
a baby. She saw her father and mother all round, and estimated them
calmly. _He_ had not many qualities which were good, perhaps not any at
all; _she_ had a great many amiable and tender graces of character of
which her daughter was vaguely aware, but she was of a nature which is
very provoking to a calm and judicious spirit. Thus Joan saw them as
they were, with the clearest impartial vision. What a pity that two such
people had married to make each other unhappy! Joan had a sort of
impatient feeling that, if she had only been in the world then, she
certainly would have done something to prevent the union which had
brought her into the world. This was the amusing side of her judicial
impartiality. It went the length sometimes of a comical impatience that
she had not been there to keep matters straight between them.
All this glanced through her mind as she lay staring at the ceiling, or
at the blue square of the window gradually growing more visible. There
was no sleep for her that night. The first part of it she had found
uncomfortable enough, but sleep had been strong upon her. Now she was
comfortable, but had thoroughly shaken off sleep. She thought over all
the turmoil of the family, and its agitations. He had never done
anything so bad as this before. There had been storms in the house
without number, but he had always let the mother smooth things down. He
had never shut out any of “the boys,” which was what she called even
her brothers who were married and had boys of their own. And Harry was
the one most like his mother; most likely to make a fuss and take such
an accident in the worst way. Where had Harry gone? What was he doing?
Where could he go in the middle of the night?
When she had come back to this subject, Joan felt almost too restless to
stay in bed. If she had but thought of it at the time she would have
gone after him; she would have prevented him from going away. To think
she should have been so overcome by sleep as not to know when Harry had
disappeared, or to be aware that he was gone! She turned and twisted
about in the self-annoyance caused by this, and could not rest. If she
had not been so sleepy, she might have stopped Harry and averted the
catastrophe, for she felt vaguely that a catastrophe it was. And what
would become of his mother if anything had happened to him? “Tut,” said
Joan, to herself, “I am getting as bad as mother herself. There is a bit
of mother in me, though I did not think it. What should have happened to
him? He’s sound asleep now while I’m moidering myself about him. To be
sure he must have knocked somebody up and got a bed somewhere; but in
the morning he’ll go over to Will’s, or Tom’s, or even Uncle Henry’s.
Things are bad enough as they are. Father’s getting that bad that even
me, _I_ can’t put up with him; and mother’s life’s a trouble to
her:--and to other folks too,” she added involuntarily, with a quaint,
comic twist of her upper lip. But notwithstanding this strong sense in
her mind that her mother’s example was not one to follow, and that there
was in its pathos a faint touch of the ridiculous, she yet could not
succeed in divesting her own mind of uneasiness. As soon as there was
light enough to see by she got up, and roused the maids, who were
tolerably early risers, but yet were now and then subjected to the
ignominy of being called by Miss Joan. “You would sleep if it was the
day of judgment,” she cried, standing at the door of the room in which
two of them were hastily jumping up, rubbing their eyes. “Why didn’t you
get up and let me in last night?”
“Get oop and let ye in?” the women cried aghast.
“I pulled the door upon me when I thought I had left it on the jar,”
said Joan, with prompt and unblushing falsehood, “and then I knocked
till I thought I should have brought down the house; but not a soul of
you stirred--till my poor mother, that is so delicate, got out of her
warm bed and opened to me. I would have died of cold but for the copper
you lighted last night; and here you are at five o’clock in the morning
snoring like all the seven sleepers, and a big washing in hand. Do you
mean me to do it myself?”
“But Lord, Miss Joan, what were ye doin’ oot o’ t’ house at night?” said
the eldest of the maids.
“That’s none of your business,” said Joan, “and unless you want to see
me at the washingtub you had better hurry. What you want with all that
sleep, and all that meat, is more than I can tell. I’ll do a better
day’s work than the best of you upon half of it. Get up to your washing,
ye lazy hussies.” Joan clapped the door with a little noise behind her,
so as to obliterate this word, which her grandmother would have used
with the greatest openness, but which the progress of civilisation has
made less possible even in the free-speaking north; but it relieved her
mind to say it, though she took pains that it should not be heard. As
for the two women, they laughed with little sound, but much
demonstration, when the door was closed; one of them throwing herself
upon a chair in convulsions of suppressed mirth. “Auld Joan, t’auld
toad, has gotten a lad at last,” they said. The idea that she had been
shut out in the cold in this very unusual courtship was such a joke to
them as no wit could have equalled. “T’auld Joan!” who was always so
much wiser than everybody else, and repressed “lads” with the strong
hand. But notwithstanding the excellency of the joke, they made haste to
their washing, as Joan was not a person to be trifled with, and soon the
scene of her disturbed slumber was full of noise, and bustle, and steam,
and all the commotion of a big washing, which always carries with it
some features of a Saturnalia. As the big pairs of red arms played in
and out of the steam and froth, a continued tempest of talk accompanied
the operations; but there were lulls now and then, especially when any
new-comer appeared, when the event of the night was communicated in loud
whispers, with peals of accompanying laughter. “T’auld Joan’s gotten a
lad at last.” “What’s the joke?” she said, on one occasion, coming in
abruptly; but this merely threw the company, which was in full enjoyment
of the witticism, into wilder convulsions of laughter. Perhaps Joan
guessed what it was. “You can have your fun for me, as long as you do
your work,” she said. She was not troubled by uneasy suggestions of
_amour-propre_. The maid who did the indoor work did not get off so
easily. She made a kind of confession. “I heard t’ master aboot. I
durstn’t get oop, and him there; and, Miss Joan, I dunno if you
ken--Master Harry’s been oot aw night. His bed’s just as t’was.”
“Mr. Harry’s gone over to his brother’s. He made up his mind only last
night,” said Joan, without a wince. When there are domestic strifes
going on, the women of the family, always the most anxious to keep
scandal silent, have to lie with a composure invincible. Joan was a
woman who was true as steel, and would not have told a falsehood on any
other occasion for a kingdom; but this kind of lie did not touch her
conscience at all. She did not think of it as a falsehood. She was
willing even to deliver over her own reputation to the discussion of her
servants sooner than let in the light upon the family quarrel. Whether
Betty believed her or not was a different matter; at all events here was
an explanation. All the little bustle of getting the work of the
household set a-going, through which she swept like a whirlwind, amused
her mind for the moment, but did not lessen the anxiety, which came back
like a flood after this was accomplished, and her own individual part of
the morning’s work done. When she got through her dairy occupations the
uneasiness overflowed. She took old Simon the cowman into a corner. He
was a very old servant of the house and had seen all the children born,
and was interested in every one of them and their concerns, and all that
had happened to them--of which events he was a walking chronicle. “The
year Master Will wan t’ race up at be’castle.” “The year Master Tom
broke’s bones in t’ shindy election-time.” These were his dates. He was
an old bachelor, and it was believed that he had not another thought but
the house and what went on within it. Joan took him aside into a corner
of the wealthy but not very tidy yard, which was his domain. “I want you
to do a message for me, Simon, something I wouldn’t ask another man
about the place to do.”
Simon gave her an acute, but slightly wondering, glance out of the old
blue eyes, which kept their youthful hue, though they had lost their
clearness, and which looked out of an old face, brightly tinted with
fine hues of crimson and orange. The old man was, an æsthetic person
would have said, a glorious bit of colour. The orange and the crimson
were almost pure tints in his old weather-beaten countenance, and his
eyes, though they were old, were of a kind of china-blue. He had a
quantity of somewhat ragged, yet venerable white hair, and stooped a
little, but trudged along with his stick as quickly as any younger man
about, and was perfectly hale and vigorous. He had all his wits about
him, though he was old. He looked at Joan keenly, yet with a dubious
gleam in his eyes. He had heard already--who had not?--that Joan, Joan
herself, the judge of everybody, had been out at the door courtin’, and
had been shut out. His glance meant a question; was it possible that she
meant to employ him as her messenger to the lover who was so mysterious
and incredible a personage, and about whom already “aw t’ house” had
been exercised to know who he could possibly be?
“I’ll do my best,” he said, taking off his hat with a rustic impulse to
scratch his head, a process which seems to have been considered good for
the brains since the world began.
“I’m a little anxious about Harry,” said Joan, “and so is
mother--mother far more than me; you know she will never take things
easy.”
Simon nodded his head a great many times in energetic assent; no doubt
he knew--who better? had not he been sent off for the doctor a hundred
times when there was not much need of the doctor, and seen the Mistress
wringing her hands over what seemed to the household in general very
small occasion a hundred times more? To be sure she took nothing easy.
That was very well known.
“Harry,” said Joan, “walked over last night, I think, to Will’s; but
it’s a long walk, and you know he’s used to towns now, not to country
ways.”
To this Simon responded with his usual nod, but shook his head all the
same, by way of protest against bringing up a Joscelyn in a town.
“It’s a pity? Well, it may be,” said Joan; “but it’s the fact, Simon.
Now I think most likely he stopped at the ‘Red Lion,’ not to wake us up
again or disturb my mother. She never sleeps but with one eye open, I
believe, and hears like a hare. You heard what happened to me last
night. The door blew to behind me when I was just out, looking what kind
of a night it was. Ne’er a one heard in the house but mother. That’s
just like her. Now Harry knows that, and he would think it would disturb
her if he came back.”
Simon listened to all this with a perfectly stolid countenance; but he
knew as well that his young mistress was romancing, and inventing as she
went on--as well as the most fine critic could have done. He listened
with his eye upon her, with a word now and then to show that his
interest was fully kept up; but he saw through her, and Joan was partly
aware of his scepticism.
“So we think--or I think,” said Joan, “that he may have stopped at the
‘Red Lion;’ and I want to know; but, Simon, I don’t want you to go like
a lion roaring and ask, has Mr. Harry Joscelyn slept a’ night here? I
want you to go warily and find out--find out, you understand?”
“Withoot askin’? ay, ay, Miss Joan, I ken what ye mean,” Simon said,
with many nods of his white head.
“Then bless us, man, go!” said Joan, whose anxiety had little
ebullitions from time to time, paroxysms which astounded her afterwards.
She put her hand on Simon’s arm and almost shook him in her passion;
then stopped and laughed at herself--“I have a deal of mother in me
after all,” she said. “There, go as fast as your old legs will carry
you, and bring me back word.”
Simon liked to be taken into the confidence of his masters. He was of
the old fashion, not much unlike a slave or serf bound to the soil, not
perhaps a desirable kind of human being, but very useful to the masters
of him, and a much more picturesque figure than a modern servant. He
arraigned the family before his tribunal, and judged them much as Joan
did, knowing the weaknesses of each. He was of the kind of valet to whom
his master is never a hero; he saw them as do children, exactly as they
were, and knew all their fretfulness and pettiness as well as their
larger faults. But this did not interfere with his faithfulness and
devotion. He did not believe in them as perfect, nor in anything as
perfect. He was such a cynic as imperfect gods must always make. The
objects of his devotion were poor creatures enough, as he was well
aware, but this rather made him certain that all men were poor creatures
than that his “owners” were exceptionally petty. He gave them the first
place in his universe all the same, and served them, and considered
their interest before his own. Perhaps, however, this is rash to say. He
had no special interests of his own; he was an old bachelor, without
relations to whom he had attached himself. He had attached himself to
“the family” instead of these ties, and though he did not contemplate
the family in any ideal light, yet it had all the soul he possessed, and
its interests were his first object. He nodded his head a great many
times after Joan left him, as he prepared to go to the village. “I
understand,” he said to himself. But it was very doubtful whether he did
understand; he did not connect Joan’s supposed escapade with this
curious mission; notwithstanding, as he was wily by nature, he set off
with all the intention of accomplishing what he had to do with wile. He
took a basket on his arm in which he packed the butter which was sold in
the village. Joan making the discovery to her dismay, yet not without a
smile, of more and more of her mother in her, could scarcely endure all
his preparations, and had nearly rushed out of her dairy and pushed him
out with her own hands; but she recollected in time that it was useless
to interfere with Simon, who never did anything except in his own way.
All this was long before the hour at which ordinary mortals have their
breakfast, before even Mrs. Joscelyn, trembling and pale, had ventured
to get up. The morning had been a long one for the poor lady; she had
not slept any more than her daughter; she had lain still, not daring to
move after all the house was astir, feeling as if she were fixed to her
uneasy bed by a stake. She writhed upon it faintly, but could not pull
it up, and lay still with her ears open to every sound till her husband,
usually early enough, but whose disturbed night had made him late this
morning of all mornings, got up and took himself away. Then it was for
the first time that poor Mrs. Joscelyn really felt a little of the
warmth of that sympathy for which she had longed all her life. Joscelyn
had scarcely stamped off with his big tread downstairs, when an equally
firm, if not so loud, step came up, and after a moment Joan appeared at
her mother’s bedside with a cup of tea in her hand.
“Here is something to comfort you a bit, mother,” she said. Mrs.
Joscelyn like most nervous women believed that there was a kind of
salvation in tea.
“Oh! have you any news of my Harry, Joan? that will comfort me more
than anything else,” she cried.
“Now, mother,” said Joan, “why will you make a fuss? Could I send over
to the ‘Red Lion’ first thing in the morning to ask, is Harry lodging in
your house? as if we were frightened of him. We’ve no reason to be
frightened of him that I know. Am I to go and give him a bad character
because father’s behaved bad, and Harry’s taken offence. We mustn’t be
unreasonable. You wouldn’t like to raise an ill name on the poor boy.”
“Oh, no, no--anything but that,” Mrs. Joscelyn said. She was silenced by
this plea; but her heart was still torn with anxiety. She looked
wistfully in her daughter’s face with her lips trembling. “Do you think
there is nothing that can be done without exposing him, Joan?”
“Well, mother, I’ll see. We don’t want to expose anybody. I’ve told a
heap of fibs myself,” said Joan, with a broad smile, “and all the women
think they’ve caught me. I know what they’re thinking, they’re wondering
who I had to chatter with at the door. They’ll maybe on the whole,” she
added, laughing, “think all the better of me if they think I am
courtin’--so I will let them think what they like, and we must expose
nobody. Father’s a trial, but as long as we can we must just keep him to
ourselves.”
“Ah, Joan,” said Mrs. Joscelyn, wringing her thin hands, “you can laugh,
but I feel a great deal more like crying. I can think upon nothing but
my poor boy.”
“Well, mother,” said Joan, “crying is not my line. I’ll not pretend to
more; but it’s just as well there is one of us that can laugh, or what
would become of us both I don’t know. Take your tea; it will be quite
cold; and lie still and get a rest. The very first news I have I will
bring you, and you’re far better out of the way if you’ll take my
advice.”
“I wish I was out of the way altogether. I wish I were in my grave. When
I was young I could bear it, but now my heart’s failed me. Oh, I just
wish that once for all I was out of the way!”
“You make too much fuss, mother,” said Joan. “I am always telling you.
If you could take things easy it would be far better. Out of the way!
and what would Liddy do, poor little pet, when she comes home?”
“Ah, Liddy!” The mother breathed out this name with a softened
expression; here was still a last hope that had not been torn from her.
Joan for her part went out of the room briskly, but stood and gazed out
of the window on the landing, which looked towards the village, holding
her hands very tightly clasped, and looking for the return of the
messenger whom she would not acknowledge to have sent. “Ah, Liddy,” she
said to herself, “she’ll be just such another as mother herself, and
what will I do between them? but I wish old Simon would come back with
some news of that boy.”