The next day Serafima Alexandrovna, absorbed in her joyous cares for
Lelechka, had forgotten Fedosya’s words of the day before.
But when she returned to the nursery, after having ordered the dinner,
and she heard Lelechka suddenly cry “_Tiu-tiu_!” from under the table,
a feeling of fear suddenly took hold of her. Though she reproached
herself at once for this unfounded, superstitious dread, nevertheless
she could not enter wholeheartedly into the spirit of Lelechka’s
favourite game, and she tried to divert Lelechka’s attention to
something else.
Lelechka was a lovely and obedient child. She eagerly complied with her
mother’s new wishes. But as she had got into the habit of hiding from
her mother in some corner, and of crying out “_Tiu-tiu_!” so even that
day she returned more than once to the game.
Serafima Alexandrovna tried desperately to amuse Lelechka. This was not
so easy because restless, threatening thoughts obtruded themselves
constantly.
“Why does Lelechka keep on recalling the _tiu-tiu_? Why does she not
get tired of the same thing—of eternally closing her eyes, and of
hiding her face? Perhaps,” thought Serafima Alexandrovna, “she is not
as strongly drawn to the world as other children, who are attracted by
many things. If this is so, is it not a sign of organic weakness? Is it
not a germ of the unconscious non-desire to live?”
Serafima Alexandrovna was tormented by presentiments. She felt ashamed
of herself for ceasing to play hide and seek with Lelechka before
Fedosya. But this game had become agonizing to her, all the more
agonizing because she had a real desire to play it, and because
something drew her very strongly to hide herself from Lelechka and to
seek out the hiding child. Serafima Alexandrovna herself began the game
once or twice, though she played it with a heavy heart. She suffered as
though committing an evil deed with full consciousness.
It was a sad day for Serafima Alexandrovna.
V
Lelechka was about to fall asleep. No sooner had she climbed into her
little bed, protected by a network on all sides, than her eyes began to
close from fatigue. Her mother covered her with a blue blanket.
Lelechka drew her sweet little hands from under the blanket and
stretched them out to embrace her mother. Her mother bent down.
Lelechka, with a tender expression on her sleepy face, kissed her
mother and let her head fall on the pillow. As her hands hid themselves
under the blanket Lelechka whispered: “The hands _tiu-tiu_!”
The mother’s heart seemed to stop—Lelechka lay there so small, so
frail, so quiet. Lelechka smiled gently, closed her eyes and said
quietly: “The eyes _tiu-tiu_!”
Then even more quietly: “Lelechka _tiu-tiu!_”
With these words she fell asleep, her face pressing the pillow. She
seemed so small and so frail under the blanket that covered her. Her
mother looked at her with sad eyes.
Serafima Alexandrovna remained standing over Lelechka’s bed a long
while, and she kept looking at Lelechka with tenderness and fear.
“I’m a mother: is it possible that I shouldn’t be able to protect her?”
she thought, as she imagined the various ills that might befall
Lelechka.
She prayed long that night, but the prayer did not relieve her sadness.