BICYCLE.--Thoroughly heavy, lumbering, out-of-date machine, recently
doctored up to look like new, for sale. Cost, second-hand, six years
ago, L4. Will take L12 for it. Bargain. Would suit a dyspeptic giant, or
a professional strong man in want of violent exercise.
SAFETY CYCLE.--Pneumatic tyres. A real beauty. Makers well known in
Bankruptcy Court. Owner giving up riding in consequence of the frame
being thoroughly unsafe, and the tyres constantly bursting. Would
exchange for one of Broadwood's grand pianos or a freehold house in the
country.
* * * * *
Illustration: THE ? OF THE DAY.--Should there be a speed (and dust)
limit?
* * * * *
THE QUEEN'S HIGHWAY.--_Infuriated Cyclist_ (_after a collision with a
fast-trotting dog-cart_). I shall summon you to-morrow! I've as much
right on the road as you, Jehu!
_Irate Driver._ And I shall summon _you_! This thoroughfare's mine as
well as yours, let me tell you, Scorcher!
_Pedestrian_ (_who has been nearly killed by the collision, and is lying
prostrate after being cannoned on to the path, very feebly_). And what
about me, gentlemen? Have I any right of way?
* * * * *
The constant strain of driving motor-cars is said to be responsible for
a form of nervous break-down which shows a decided tendency to increase.
One certainly comes across a number of cars afflicted in this way.
* * * * *
"PIKES AND BIKES"
(_By a "riding Poet"_)
In years gone by our sires would try
To abrogate the highway "pikes."
No tolls to-day, can bar the way,
But freeing of the road brought "bikes";
And there are many Northern Tykes,
Who would prefer the "pikes" to "bikes."
* * * * *
Illustration: _Old Lady_ (_describing a cycling accident_). "'E 'elped
me hup, an' brushed the dust orf on me, an' put five shillin' in my
'and, an' so I says, 'Well, sir, I'm sure you're _hactin'_ like a
gentleman,' I says, 'though I don't suppose you are one,' I says."
* * * * *
A motor-car, proceeding along the High Street the other evening, took
fright, it is supposed, at a constable on point-to-point duty, and
exploded, blowing the occupants in various directions over the adjoining
buildings. The policeman is to be congratulated upon averting what might
have been a serious accident.
* * * * *
A well-known motorist has been complaining of the campaign waged against
motor-cars by humorous artists, who never seem to tire of depicting
accidents. "One common and ludicrous error in many drawings," he said,
"is the placing of the driver on the wrong side of the car." But surely,
in an accident, that is just where he would find himself.
* * * * *
_Sympathetic Lady._ "I hope you had a good holiday, Miss Smith."
_Overworked Dressmaker._ "Oh yes, my lady. I took my machine with me,
you know!"
_S. L._ "What a pity; you should give up needle and thread when you're
out for a----"
_O. D._ "Oh, I don't mean my sewing machine! I refer to my bicycle!"
* * * * *
Illustration: